The forum of public discourse follows two paths: Outrage and indignation, followed by preoccupation and denial about the world and its events.
Looking over Social Media the landscape is a familiar terrain of political shouting, my personal favorite as that the Memphis Police Video (highly edited btw) and the Paul Pelosi assault were released on the same day. In those we see Police Officers beat a man to death barking senseless orders and then the long wait for medical care. The second we see an elderly white man in sleeping garments, the other a younger white man with a hammer holding the older mans wrist. He is asked what is going on here and asked to put the hammer down and with that he refuses managing to beat Mr. Pelosi into unconsciousness. The parallels on that are not lost. Club, hammer, or fists damage to the brain and body takes a matter of moments. The parallels are not lost that it was Police in both cases that chose how to respond, with the black man it was kill him. KILL HIM. With the White Man it was tackle him. …………………. like a football game. Paul Pelosi was cared for in moments and is recovering. Tyre is dead. Okay.
Then I read about this story in LA. An amputated man was chased and shot by Police. What? He was “running” away on his stumps. What the flying fuck? Oh and how he got that way? Police incident years prior. I have no words on this but again, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?
Meanwhile there are still shootings, at a private home in Los Angeles and that follows the two others in Monterey Park and Half Moon Bay, both committed by Asian Men in their 60-70’s. The motives on the Half Moon Bay as that suspect is alive seems to be about bullying and well the secondary cause is about his work environment. Low pay, substandard housing, segregation by employees with the Chinese and Latin workers unable to simply communicate due to language barriers and of course a world of hurt being Immigrant labor that often ties that bind are ties that shame. The other is less clear as again it was a man who is dead and cannot explain his actions. Death by suicide not by Cop. Asian Hate? Racism? Well that was discussed in debate over the Memphis killing but in a way Race plays a part as it always does.
We are a divided nation by Race, by Gender, by Religion, by Culture, by Sexuality and by the big kahuna – Politics. So with that every encounter and exchange beyond Hello has the potential to be a highly charged one. I finally after years of loving random encounters have simply stopped even trying. Colin Quinn’s show, Small Talk, which I have discussed in another post explains that loss is affecting our overall American persona and in turn the culture of what defines America, you know the melting pot. Well we have melted like the M&M’s and when a candy and a fictional personification of a candy has people up in arms, I can see why assaults, mass shootings and other acts of violence, and of course George Santos, goes ignored or passed over in the daily trending list of which we then move on to discuss the more salient issues of the day, such as the Real Housewives.
The other day before I left for my gig at the local “best” High School, I chatted with our Concierge and her friend a Nanny for two learning disabled children. Both boys are on the Autism spectrum, each at different levels and their Mother is abjectly against sending her kids to Jersey City Schools. I get it. I really do. That said busing them an hour each way to a nearby district is not the solution nor really something anyone with children should be doing, regardless. I think you should be able to go to your neighborhood school and it should offer the same programs and opportunities for learning as the other. They don’t. Again, when a supposed acclaimed school threw out, yes threw out, their Library Books to have a room that is just charging stations that should tell you all you need to know. They are no different than many of the schools other than the dress code, but it is like the others, with a large turn and burn of staff, the entire PE department is new, missing Math Teachers and some clearly new or on the way out Temp teachers. How I know this, you can tell by the room. There are no pens, pencils, nothing in the desks to show ownership or actual engagement and connection to the school. I can tell by the Students behaviors how they are not managing this and they are focused solely on testing as a tool of learning and measurement of learning. It is an abomination and it defines learning. And in turn promotes segregation.
So as I was leaving we were discussing how truth seems to be a problem with most people and again it has gotten worse, the pandemic, the politics and the Ostrich affect as I call it, meaning head in the sand, denying knowledge or actually seeking it out, relying on social media as their primary source. Now these two women are true examples of that, as they rely on conspiracy theories and other misinformation to fuel their beliefs but they are not bad women, just poorly informed so I try to at least offer the counterpoint or just go along. It is exhausting and troublesome for me as frankly I am over that. It goes against my mantra: NO MORE COMPROMISES but again I do live in the building and this is one battle not worth taking on; however, once out I am out. And this convo was about the use of the word “Trans” in which to explain or define an individual. On this one, I agree, anyone who has transitioned into a new sexual identity or gender they are now “Trans” as the “T” part of LGBQT. But even that now has become some type of navigation akin to the Titanic when it comes to having a conversation; there were fewer land mines in the movie All Quiet on the Western Front. And like the discussion on race, critical race theory and the like that has become another hot bed and this murder in Memphis only fuels that debate regarding Systemic Racism (for another post) it includes many Gay folks, as Andrew Sullivan calls them – the Alphabet people. I believe that was “appropriated” from Dave Chapelle, so it goes always back there. Or not. Anyway I being the “Teacher” like to point out that we use Trans equally as a word in flux as it is both a noun and adjective. Trans comes from the word Transsexual, as defined by the Oxford Dictionary.
adjective
- denoting or relating to a transgender person, especially one who has undergone gender reassignment.”transsexual women”
noun
- a transgender person, especially one who has undergone gender reassignment.”a male-to-female transsexual”
Now with that in mind, when introduced to someone who presents themselves as a Man or as a Woman I will go by their introduction and make a grand assumption here that they are in fact either one or the other. Meet “Jo” which can be Joe as in Joseph or Jo as in Joanne. Either/or I am fine with, I don’t care about their pronoun as I have no reason to refer to them by one, they are standing right there and I will call them by their name.
- a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and that refers either to the participants in the discourse (e.g., I, you ) or to someone or something mentioned elsewhere in the discourse (e.g., she, it, this ).
- a third-person pronoun by which an individual wishes to be referred to in order to indicate their gender identity.noun: preferred pronoun; plural noun: preferred pronouns“he then publicly announced in September that he is changing his pronouns to “they/them””
So why you need to introduce yourself with your pronoun means you actually think I am going to go speak about you to someone else who knows you and knows whom I am speaking about. Say the conversation goes like this: “Hey Allison, did you get a load of him/her/she/he/they/them?” And Allison goes “Who the fuck are you talking about?” If Allison does know whom I am speaking I doubt unless she/her/they/them feels compelled to go right over there and spill the tea on the gossip/dish/remark I just said, is going to inform you that I did not actually call you by name but by the wrong pronoun BEFORE I then trashed talked you. So in other words what the fuck and why does it matter unless you work together and perhaps just use one’s proper name in those situations. I find pronouns to be utterly rude and again as a person who is often just called no name or “Sub” I get it. I really do. My favorite is after I say my name, they promptly mispronounce it or go “What?” with a screwed up face. I have given up explaining and say call me by my initials. This further marginalizes me and makes me feel even more invisible. It never ends and the reason I came to New York was to be a melted M&M in a large pot and yet I don’t feel that way at all. I feel very much alone and very exhausted and at times relieved as a Libra often does. But in all honesty my Mother used to say, “The less said the less mended.” I get it. I really do. I don’t want to say anything to anyone, nothing. If you cannot keep it to the pleasantries then it is better to say nothing.
And that is when I do go to the best school, as I will be in the next hour, I want to say as little as possible to anyone and everyone. When I used to Teach I loved to talk to the kids and it was always a mixed bag but now again since the pandemic it has become a bag of mixed nuts and none I want to eat. I used to believe in Seattle that it was possible and with that I had made a shitty job work for me and then after awhile I finally realized what a shitty job it was and I just wanted to leave. My health following my Assault enabled me to have the excuse I needed to get what I needed and I picked Nashville. I went there for Vanderbilt and I will say the work I had done there was outstanding and there was a second reason that also contributed to why I picked Tennessee. I figured I could make it work and it would work for me. I was wrong on both counts, neither were good for each other; however, I did get what I came for and that was enough and I left. I came to Jersey City with fewer expectations and then a pandemic changed all of that and for me it was for the better. It stopped me having to feel compelled or forced to have random encounters, to worry about only myself and my well being and I went inward and realized that I had spent the better part of my life compromising with people who did not give one flying fuck about me but expected my cooperation and capitulation as a requisite for staying employed, staying in a relationship, volunteering, just doing some job, for being, yes, just being myself which was not tolerated it was to be managed. I feel that it is largely related to gender and yes it is my personality but I am out of my way nice, and always polite, but my honesty has been given more negative euphemisms than I have had hot dinners. The names and monikers include: “Unfiltered” “Loud” “Negative” “Rough around the edges” “Funny.” Those are among the top 10, few have offered constructive advice, suggestions or ideas on how to be less of those. And all of them are with the impression that I am clueless and have no ability to self moderate or control, but rather inform me of how I am perceived. Again, this is not helpful, it is bullying, it is intimidating and yes harassment. Just ask my neighbor “Karen” (another moniker in which we define bitch white controlling women) about her abuse of me those several minutes over my being a loud neighbor. All of which was about two incidents, one a year ago being up early and working out and the other coming home late one night where I admit I was in both cases. The other times she seemed to not mention but again, inferred, exaggerated and explained that I stomp around, do construction and endlessly move furniture and clean. I do all of that, and what would you like me to do with that info you raging bitch? But I also knew this was about her, her unhappiness and her own rage. I see her now in the building and the look of fear and embarassment is there; however, I will never hear that raging cunt or her threatening Cop husband of her apologize and I in turn do so for my disruption which was not deserving of threats, harassment or bullying. White people don’t do that and that defines privilege and entitlement. So name call away you pieces of shit it doesn’t change my view of the truth, you are an asshole. Nothing more nothing less.
And with that, there are two takeways I get when I hear abusive names being levied : 1. You are infringing on me and I cannot figure out how to compromise and get along so you fix it. 2. You are informing that it is clear that you believe I am unable to compromise or understand that my personality and behavior is an affront so shut up or get out.
It explains much of what we see today, do it my way or don’t and then leave, the exit door is there. It is how I learned to quit so many jobs, move so many places and never establish close relationships with others. I hated myself and hated conflict so I ran. Does it make sense to see how a Black person stopped by Police does the same. Fight or Flight, neither ends well but you have a chance if you get the fuck out.
So whoever is in charge sees the world through their glasses and the culture and policies that propelled them there seem to be working for them, so why not you, why do you challenge them? Think about this when you watch the Memphis videos, compliance or death, for the Black man. The white man in San Francisco gets 49’d.. aka tackled but taken alive. He nearly murdered a man and was a greater threat, had a weapon in hand, but no shots were fired, no tasers used no clubs, just a body slam AFTER he nearly killed a man. How many of the white male shooters were arrested after a traffic stop was done as the vehicle was already flagged as a potential suspect. Hmm, Idaho anyone?
When Men are loud, unfiltered, aggressive, rough around the edges or funny, they are applauded and made President. Well there you go folks. Had Obama had any of those qualities he would still be a Community Organizer, if that.
So as I go up to the best school will today be like the other day when a Teacher walked into the Lounge to use the rest room, as he leaves turns of the light to the room while I was sitting there and then leave the faucet running, which as I got up to turn the light on, turned that off too. Or the Teacher interrupting me reading my NYT Sunday Magazine and asking me what I was reading, and dismissing each article I mentioned that was leading me to read three simultaneously as “that is everywhere” regarding the story of Kofta India. It is? Or the one on Elon Musk as he is mentally ill. Really how so? Nope, what she wanted to talk about her best school and me to affirm to her that it is. Bad news it is not. But after about a few minutes of circle jerking I finally said, “I am sorry but I have had this same conversation numerous times and it goes nowhere. I respect your job and what you do, we disagree on my job but I know you respect my job for what it is and with that I would like to get back to finishing at least one of these articles before class starts.” She was taken aback and I put my pods back in my ear and went back to reading. For the record I do that in class while Students are there it is my only coping skill I have found works. I did sit in the hall the other day which I had not done at that school before, but had in many here and in Nashville. I have news for that Teacher the schools across America are segregated, shitty and pathetic – that is EVERYWHERE.
So where do we go from here – NOWHERE. Nothing will change we will hate one another, reprimand one another and bully one another just like we did as kids. Nothing changes and it stays the same. The sequel to Everything Everywhere All At Once.
Off the Rack Publishing 