Truth Hurts. Get over it

The forum of public discourse follows two paths: Outrage and indignation, followed by preoccupation and denial about the world and its events.

Looking over Social Media the landscape is a familiar terrain of political shouting, my personal favorite as that the Memphis Police Video (highly edited btw) and the Paul Pelosi assault were released on the same day. In those we see Police Officers beat a man to death barking senseless orders and then the long wait for medical care. The second we see an elderly white man in sleeping garments, the other a younger white man with a hammer holding the older mans wrist. He is asked what is going on here and asked to put the hammer down and with that he refuses managing to beat Mr. Pelosi into unconsciousness. The parallels on that are not lost. Club, hammer, or fists damage to the brain and body takes a matter of moments. The parallels are not lost that it was Police in both cases that chose how to respond, with the black man it was kill him. KILL HIM. With the White Man it was tackle him. …………………. like a football game. Paul Pelosi was cared for in moments and is recovering. Tyre is dead. Okay.

Then I read about this story in LA. An amputated man was chased and shot by Police. What? He was “running” away on his stumps. What the flying fuck? Oh and how he got that way? Police incident years prior. I have no words on this but again, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?

Meanwhile there are still shootings, at a private home in Los Angeles and that follows the two others in Monterey Park and Half Moon Bay, both committed by Asian Men in their 60-70’s. The motives on the Half Moon Bay as that suspect is alive seems to be about bullying and well the secondary cause is about his work environment. Low pay, substandard housing, segregation by employees with the Chinese and Latin workers unable to simply communicate due to language barriers and of course a world of hurt being Immigrant labor that often ties that bind are ties that shame. The other is less clear as again it was a man who is dead and cannot explain his actions. Death by suicide not by Cop. Asian Hate? Racism? Well that was discussed in debate over the Memphis killing but in a way Race plays a part as it always does.

We are a divided nation by Race, by Gender, by Religion, by Culture, by Sexuality and by the big kahuna – Politics. So with that every encounter and exchange beyond Hello has the potential to be a highly charged one. I finally after years of loving random encounters have simply stopped even trying. Colin Quinn’s show, Small Talk, which I have discussed in another post explains that loss is affecting our overall American persona and in turn the culture of what defines America, you know the melting pot. Well we have melted like the M&M’s and when a candy and a fictional personification of a candy has people up in arms, I can see why assaults, mass shootings and other acts of violence, and of course George Santos, goes ignored or passed over in the daily trending list of which we then move on to discuss the more salient issues of the day, such as the Real Housewives.

The other day before I left for my gig at the local “best” High School, I chatted with our Concierge and her friend a Nanny for two learning disabled children. Both boys are on the Autism spectrum, each at different levels and their Mother is abjectly against sending her kids to Jersey City Schools. I get it. I really do. That said busing them an hour each way to a nearby district is not the solution nor really something anyone with children should be doing, regardless. I think you should be able to go to your neighborhood school and it should offer the same programs and opportunities for learning as the other. They don’t. Again, when a supposed acclaimed school threw out, yes threw out, their Library Books to have a room that is just charging stations that should tell you all you need to know. They are no different than many of the schools other than the dress code, but it is like the others, with a large turn and burn of staff, the entire PE department is new, missing Math Teachers and some clearly new or on the way out Temp teachers. How I know this, you can tell by the room. There are no pens, pencils, nothing in the desks to show ownership or actual engagement and connection to the school. I can tell by the Students behaviors how they are not managing this and they are focused solely on testing as a tool of learning and measurement of learning. It is an abomination and it defines learning. And in turn promotes segregation.

So as I was leaving we were discussing how truth seems to be a problem with most people and again it has gotten worse, the pandemic, the politics and the Ostrich affect as I call it, meaning head in the sand, denying knowledge or actually seeking it out, relying on social media as their primary source. Now these two women are true examples of that, as they rely on conspiracy theories and other misinformation to fuel their beliefs but they are not bad women, just poorly informed so I try to at least offer the counterpoint or just go along. It is exhausting and troublesome for me as frankly I am over that. It goes against my mantra: NO MORE COMPROMISES but again I do live in the building and this is one battle not worth taking on; however, once out I am out. And this convo was about the use of the word “Trans” in which to explain or define an individual. On this one, I agree, anyone who has transitioned into a new sexual identity or gender they are now “Trans” as the “T” part of LGBQT. But even that now has become some type of navigation akin to the Titanic when it comes to having a conversation; there were fewer land mines in the movie All Quiet on the Western Front. And like the discussion on race, critical race theory and the like that has become another hot bed and this murder in Memphis only fuels that debate regarding Systemic Racism (for another post) it includes many Gay folks, as Andrew Sullivan calls them – the Alphabet people. I believe that was “appropriated” from Dave Chapelle, so it goes always back there. Or not. Anyway I being the “Teacher” like to point out that we use Trans equally as a word in flux as it is both a noun and adjective. Trans comes from the word Transsexual, as defined by the Oxford Dictionary.

adjective

1. denoting or relating to a transgender person, especially one who has undergone gender reassignment.”transsexual women”

noun

1. a transgender person, especially one who has undergone gender reassignment.”a male-to-female transsexual”

Now with that in mind, when introduced to someone who presents themselves as a Man or as a Woman I will go by their introduction and make a grand assumption here that they are in fact either one or the other. Meet “Jo” which can be Joe as in Joseph or Jo as in Joanne. Either/or I am fine with, I don’t care about their pronoun as I have no reason to refer to them by one, they are standing right there and I will call them by their name.

1. a word that can function by itself as a noun phrase and that refers either to the participants in the discourse (e.g., I, you ) or to someone or something mentioned elsewhere in the discourse (e.g., she, it, this ).
   • a third-person pronoun by which an individual wishes to be referred to in order to indicate their gender identity.noun: preferred pronoun; plural noun: preferred pronouns“he then publicly announced in September that he is changing his pronouns to “they/them””

So why you need to introduce yourself with your pronoun means you actually think I am going to go speak about you to someone else who knows you and knows whom I am speaking about. Say the conversation goes like this: “Hey Allison, did you get a load of him/her/she/he/they/them?” And Allison goes “Who the fuck are you talking about?” If Allison does know whom I am speaking I doubt unless she/her/they/them feels compelled to go right over there and spill the tea on the gossip/dish/remark I just said, is going to inform you that I did not actually call you by name but by the wrong pronoun BEFORE I then trashed talked you. So in other words what the fuck and why does it matter unless you work together and perhaps just use one’s proper name in those situations. I find pronouns to be utterly rude and again as a person who is often just called no name or “Sub” I get it. I really do. My favorite is after I say my name, they promptly mispronounce it or go “What?” with a screwed up face. I have given up explaining and say call me by my initials. This further marginalizes me and makes me feel even more invisible. It never ends and the reason I came to New York was to be a melted M&M in a large pot and yet I don’t feel that way at all. I feel very much alone and very exhausted and at times relieved as a Libra often does. But in all honesty my Mother used to say, “The less said the less mended.” I get it. I really do. I don’t want to say anything to anyone, nothing. If you cannot keep it to the pleasantries then it is better to say nothing.

And that is when I do go to the best school, as I will be in the next hour, I want to say as little as possible to anyone and everyone. When I used to Teach I loved to talk to the kids and it was always a mixed bag but now again since the pandemic it has become a bag of mixed nuts and none I want to eat. I used to believe in Seattle that it was possible and with that I had made a shitty job work for me and then after awhile I finally realized what a shitty job it was and I just wanted to leave. My health following my Assault enabled me to have the excuse I needed to get what I needed and I picked Nashville. I went there for Vanderbilt and I will say the work I had done there was outstanding and there was a second reason that also contributed to why I picked Tennessee. I figured I could make it work and it would work for me. I was wrong on both counts, neither were good for each other; however, I did get what I came for and that was enough and I left. I came to Jersey City with fewer expectations and then a pandemic changed all of that and for me it was for the better. It stopped me having to feel compelled or forced to have random encounters, to worry about only myself and my well being and I went inward and realized that I had spent the better part of my life compromising with people who did not give one flying fuck about me but expected my cooperation and capitulation as a requisite for staying employed, staying in a relationship, volunteering, just doing some job, for being, yes, just being myself which was not tolerated it was to be managed. I feel that it is largely related to gender and yes it is my personality but I am out of my way nice, and always polite, but my honesty has been given more negative euphemisms than I have had hot dinners. The names and monikers include: “Unfiltered” “Loud” “Negative” “Rough around the edges” “Funny.” Those are among the top 10, few have offered constructive advice, suggestions or ideas on how to be less of those. And all of them are with the impression that I am clueless and have no ability to self moderate or control, but rather inform me of how I am perceived. Again, this is not helpful, it is bullying, it is intimidating and yes harassment. Just ask my neighbor “Karen” (another moniker in which we define bitch white controlling women) about her abuse of me those several minutes over my being a loud neighbor. All of which was about two incidents, one a year ago being up early and working out and the other coming home late one night where I admit I was in both cases. The other times she seemed to not mention but again, inferred, exaggerated and explained that I stomp around, do construction and endlessly move furniture and clean. I do all of that, and what would you like me to do with that info you raging bitch? But I also knew this was about her, her unhappiness and her own rage. I see her now in the building and the look of fear and embarassment is there; however, I will never hear that raging cunt or her threatening Cop husband of her apologize and I in turn do so for my disruption which was not deserving of threats, harassment or bullying. White people don’t do that and that defines privilege and entitlement. So name call away you pieces of shit it doesn’t change my view of the truth, you are an asshole. Nothing more nothing less.

And with that, there are two takeways I get when I hear abusive names being levied : 1. You are infringing on me and I cannot figure out how to compromise and get along so you fix it. 2. You are informing that it is clear that you believe I am unable to compromise or understand that my personality and behavior is an affront so shut up or get out.

It explains much of what we see today, do it my way or don’t and then leave, the exit door is there. It is how I learned to quit so many jobs, move so many places and never establish close relationships with others. I hated myself and hated conflict so I ran. Does it make sense to see how a Black person stopped by Police does the same. Fight or Flight, neither ends well but you have a chance if you get the fuck out.

So whoever is in charge sees the world through their glasses and the culture and policies that propelled them there seem to be working for them, so why not you, why do you challenge them? Think about this when you watch the Memphis videos, compliance or death, for the Black man. The white man in San Francisco gets 49’d.. aka tackled but taken alive. He nearly murdered a man and was a greater threat, had a weapon in hand, but no shots were fired, no tasers used no clubs, just a body slam AFTER he nearly killed a man. How many of the white male shooters were arrested after a traffic stop was done as the vehicle was already flagged as a potential suspect. Hmm, Idaho anyone?

When Men are loud, unfiltered, aggressive, rough around the edges or funny, they are applauded and made President. Well there you go folks. Had Obama had any of those qualities he would still be a Community Organizer, if that.

So as I go up to the best school will today be like the other day when a Teacher walked into the Lounge to use the rest room, as he leaves turns of the light to the room while I was sitting there and then leave the faucet running, which as I got up to turn the light on, turned that off too. Or the Teacher interrupting me reading my NYT Sunday Magazine and asking me what I was reading, and dismissing each article I mentioned that was leading me to read three simultaneously as “that is everywhere” regarding the story of Kofta India. It is? Or the one on Elon Musk as he is mentally ill. Really how so? Nope, what she wanted to talk about her best school and me to affirm to her that it is. Bad news it is not. But after about a few minutes of circle jerking I finally said, “I am sorry but I have had this same conversation numerous times and it goes nowhere. I respect your job and what you do, we disagree on my job but I know you respect my job for what it is and with that I would like to get back to finishing at least one of these articles before class starts.” She was taken aback and I put my pods back in my ear and went back to reading. For the record I do that in class while Students are there it is my only coping skill I have found works. I did sit in the hall the other day which I had not done at that school before, but had in many here and in Nashville. I have news for that Teacher the schools across America are segregated, shitty and pathetic – that is EVERYWHERE.

So where do we go from here – NOWHERE. Nothing will change we will hate one another, reprimand one another and bully one another just like we did as kids. Nothing changes and it stays the same. The sequel to Everything Everywhere All At Once.

Race Manners

I have always believed that the Golden Rule is the best marker for defining how one should behave: Treat others how you wish to be treated. I spent my entire life modeling how I would like to be acknowleged, greeted, treated, and respected; regardless of one’s position or place in my life I try to recognize you through eye contact, warm greeting and passing and of course trying to engage in a conversation that may at times be challenging, meaning one of subject and of course intellect. I am a narcissist and an intellectual snob, I get that about me and through my snark I use that to gauge just how one lacks in both intelligence and humor and with that it also has marginalized me to those who don’t “get it” and those who do.

But the one thing the pandemic enabled me to understand was that most people are in fact equally narcissistic but they are equally arrogant and idiotic with it. I knew that living in Nashville and Seattle the towns that would be repelled to believe how similar they are, one with the Freeze the other with its Hospitality they mirror the same passive aggressive insincerity and duplicity with only the ability to have a more extensive vocabulary in which to lob ad hominem attacks. Neither/nor, either/or they both have the same defensive posturing, the same level of group think and cluster fuck mentality be it blue or red when it comes to politics. Seattle finally got a dose of heat that I had lived with for three years when in 2019 there were close to 100 days when we were well over 100 degrees. Walking outside was as if you walked into a sauna an the last three days here in Jersey were so reminiscent of it I felt oppressed in an entirely different way that was less about the weather but more about living in the ‘vile. If you asked me which I hated more that would be Nashville despite the fact that in Seattle I think I eeked out about a total of 48 years living there entirely out of 60 but needless to say Nashville was by far more horrifying as I could live in my bubble and avoid Seattle as I knew it that well. It was only when the city had to know who I was in 2012 my invisible cloak that I wore destroyed any concept of living a life without fear and I moved. Nashville was never capable of restoring it as it is a place where damaged beings flock to also seek solace, that energy is not a good thing when it comes to healing and restoration.

And here during a pandemic and civil unrest I have never felt once unsafe or unsure about where I am. I am in the right place at the right time and where I should be. And yes missteps were mad and largely due to lack of options I continue on my quest to secure that I do find a forever home in this area and spend my days seeking that which fulfills me. And we should all find ways to do that from this point on in our lives.

And with that I turn to the measure of all things etiquette and manners regarding social stratification in America – The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills/New York and fill in the city of your choice. I do not watch Dallas but they had a racial reckoning last season with comments made by cast members that were decidedly racist in tone and that in turn led to some departures, the same goes for the cast members of another Bravo show, Vanderpump Rules, which is about the sexual mores and mental health issues of a former Housewife’s bars employees. None of them are actual professional servers (nor are any of the Housewives housewives) but work there while awaiting their 15 minutes or longer in a city where the lure of celebrity or fame or even a tangential connection to one is sufficient to bring the great uneducated and ignorant to the city boundaries. Saw that in Nashville but add a religious element to it and you have another layer to this five layer muck of a dip.

The casts of the wives have found themselves making a new Black friend and Beverly Hills added a couple of seasons ago, Garcelle Beauvias who has turned out to be the most interesting and amusing of the crew, from her unabashed honesty to her amazing facial expressions, one cannot get enough of this amazing woman whose own children are mixed race, but what has been only mentioned in passing, she is not American born but an Immigrant who came here as a child; she is just the kind of person we need right now. And with that they added a child of Asian Immigrants, Crystal also to the cast and let’s just say she is not doing anything to alleviate “Asian Hate.” I can truly say that while she is also married in a Inter-racial marriage with said children, she does her best to summon her Tiger Mother when in reality she is as generic as the others in being a snob and basic bitch, her ethnicity is not lending a narrative to the story in the least. And on the New York series a woman who worked for Fox, Eboni K. Williams Never heard of her and could say that I would be fine with that. This is the best “friend of color” they could find? She is sure that she is there to teach and preach and with that she comes across as a difficult person to deal with when every word, act and deed in each encounter is one that has to be heavily guarded does not make a housewife show what it is – a drunken display of bad behavior. The trip to Harlem was perhaps the most boring evening ever in a locale that is anything but. What should have been done was a walking tour of the amazing legacy places that exist, a trip to a Black Church (although with Covid that was not possible but a sole visit might have) and of course lunch as one of the more famous restaurants and again that may be Red Rooster as it has the cache and fame that would allow the women to open up their notions of the area and of the role of food in the Black culture by ironically a Swedish-African Immigrant. Hey you do what you do. Even Ramona tried to leave her own home after dealing with Eboni. Which followed the dinner where Ramona had gone to the trouble of finding her own “Black Friend” who turned out to be an interesting woman and cancer survivor, who shares many of the same philosophies as do I when it comes to people – Fuck what they think – is pretty cross racial. But I do love Ramona looking up what a micro aggression is and that the Countess goes, “Well that could pretty much be anything said without meaning to.” And yes Heather who was in an earlier episode that could have been classified as a disaster, was very much an example of a walking micro-aggression, with her comment to Eboni about “speaking well”, her endless patronizing and explaining her history with Black folks in her former jobs. Next up I was waiting for her to says “Gurrl I Iove pig feet and collard greens.” Her bizarre behavior culminated with a written speech on Watch What Happens Live over a mistaken comment regarding Eboni and her constant lecturing and scolding these idiot women over each act of idiocy. And to Eboni I have to ask, “Girl, did you not watch this show before, they are offensive to each other every episode, they have no concept of dignity and respect?”

Eboni talks AT the women and we all know regardless of the color of the speaker and the audience you have to realize that unless you engage, exchange and accept the differences you will not get people to open up their hearts and minds. The reality is that some may never and you can just walk away, neither enemy nor friends, but just an encounter that you had and you walked away from. Period. Just sashay away. We are really trying too hard to understand and speak the language that will endear us to people whom we have little in common, little understanding and more importantly concern over for decades. We patronize and condescend to those whose lives are not essential to our own, it is sort of like the Hero nonsense that went on in the early days of the pandemic with the clapping but in reality none of us ever set foot in a hospital, hope not to and if we do pray that we come out alive. If you had been to a facility and treated by many who did and some who did not, you might hold off on the clapping.

I read this excellent piece in the Times and she is now the “manners” expert in the vein of Dear Abby for racial issues in the current times. Again, she is Black and she cannot answer the questions for the others in the group of our color flag in America. We can often discuss the differences and similarities as Women can understand some of the marginalization and dismissal and of course faces of color can connect on the endless stereotypes and in turn pressures that have lead them to have to live up to or run away from as one tries to fit into a world that is very much White and Male and Christian. This is our American foundation of denial as we were always a country of mass diversity and the reality is we simply enslaved, oppressed/subjugated, or killed those who did not meet those three factors. There is your CRT folks right there.

But the points in the essay are solid and with that you have to be open to listen and in turn do your own critical analysis and decide whose view you embrace, understand and respect. All voices have some elements of “their truth” and with that you can agree to disagree it is just how you act upon that which distinguishes you from BLM protestors who were not violent (again those who elect to do so are using that to cover their own criminal behavior which has nothing to do with the larger movement) and the January 6th Insurrectionist who largely behaved violently and in turn those who went and did not are utterly irrelevant to the bigger picture which was.

So when watches the Real Housewives to learn CRT or White Fragility or how to be Anti-Racist I am going to say that you really on the wrong network. It would be like watching the Cosby Show to learn how Black Families live? Blackish isn’t either, or Off the Boat regarding Asian families or any number of fiction or “reality” shows. Actually The Good Fight does the best job of being awkward and funny and real when it comes to politics and race and the theater that we navigate in which to work, live and thrive. But the best way is to live. The world is for the living and go make your own “Black/Brown/Asian/Gay/Indigenous friend.” Good luck with that and when stuck you can write to the Times they got this!

Race Manners: Which Black People Should I Believe?

June 28, 2021

• The New York Times Opinon

By Jenée Desmond-Harris

Ms. Desmond-Harris is a contributing Opinion writer. Race Manners is a monthly advice column that helps readers resolve personal dilemmas involving race, culture and identity.

One of the most common pieces of advice I’ve heard given to aspiring white allies is to seek out more Black opinions. This advice is often coupled with a further admonition to suspend one’s own judgment and simply defer to Black people on matters of race and racism. However, Black Americans are a diverse group with a wide range of opinions on matters related to race and racism. As a result I have seen this advice result in paralysis of judgment and also the elevation of some bad ideas that come from the “right” people. If we asked Kimberlé Crenshaw, Adolph Reed, John McWhorter, Angela Davis and Tim Scott all to weigh in on “defund the police,” we’d get five different answers. What advice do you have for prospective and aspiring white allies about evaluating media from diverse sources and ultimately drawing their own conclusions?

I couldn’t have asked for a more appropriate question to answer in the first installment of an advice column about race. That’s because it gives me an opportunity to remind readers that while I’m lucky enough to have this platform, I’m just one person, I don’t know everything, and many people will definitely disagree with me. As I did in the first iteration of Race Manners, which I wrote at The Root several years ago (thank you to my friends at The Root for supporting me in bringing the concept and the column’s name to The Times), I’ll often speak to experts to inform my responses. But I can’t issue get-out-of-racism-free passes or get-out-of-being-scolded-by-Black-people-on-Twitter passes or guaranteed-to-be-on-the-right-side-of-history passes. I wish I had that kind of power, but I don’t.

That brings me to your dilemma. I know it would be an absolute dream to be able to say, “This is my conclusion on the issue of defunding the police, and it puts me in sync with all Black people, who by the way agree that I’m a great person.”

I say “dream” because it’s not a realistic goal. As you know, there’s no committee that gets a consensus from the over 41 million Black people in this country and issues proclamations about the right way for white people to think about racism.

For what it’s worth, the fact that you care at all — that you value what Black people have to say and that you take seriously the idea of listening — puts you ahead of plenty of Americans who wholly disregard what Black people experience or simply want the worst for us. So, in my opinion, you’re on the right track.

And I have empathy for you because I’ve been there — wanting to do the right thing when it comes to marginalized groups to which I don’t belong, while encountering conflicting takes about what the right thing is. Is it helpful to transgender people or cringeworthy for cis people to put pronouns in our bios and email signatures? Are straight people a supportive or annoying presence at Pride? Am I honoring or alienating people if I use “Latinx” instead of “Latino”? Is “fat” a straightforward descriptor that I should use to support people who have reclaimed it, or is the pain the word still causes for some reason enough to avoid it?

I’ve had to accept that there won’t be a single clear answer and that I have to take responsibility for wherever I land on these questions. To get to a similar place, here’s what I think you should do: When you’re thinking about this, start by replacing “Black people want racism to stop playing such a big role in their lives, and I want to make sure I’m listening to the right ones so that I can feel like a good ally” with “I want racism to stop playing such a big role in all of our lives, and I’ll support things that I believe will make that happen.” You’ve heard the expression about how we need co-conspirators, not allies, right? Even if you’re not personally a victim of racism, you can — and should — still think of yourself as someone who has skin in the game.

Should you weigh the perspectives of people who are personally affected by racist policies? Of course. But you don’t have to weigh them all equally. Gather information and learn, yes, but as you’re digesting all those tweets and articles and interviews, ask yourself questions like these: Do I generally consider this person or media outlet to be smart and trustworthy? Do I see eye to eye with this person or media outlet on issues about which I feel more clear and confident? Does what I’m hearing line up with my values?

So, if you generally love Senator Scott’s worldview and believe he’s a brilliant thinker on issues that feel more straightforward to you — climate change, voting rights, abortion — then maybe he’s your guy and you should give his opinion a lot of weight. If it feels as if you’re operating from a completely different set of values, then perhaps you don’t need to take your cues from what the senator thinks about defunding the police any more than you care about what he thinks about tax policy. If your impression of a particular writer is that he or she has a history of being a blowhard who’s writing outside his or her expertise, feel free to take that person’s point of view with a grain of salt. While all Black people obviously have experience with racism, that’s not the same thing as having studied, say, school integration, and having studied school integration won’t make someone an expert on microaggressions. So go to the people with expertise.

Also, remember that the public conversations you’re hearing are often shaped by power dynamics in the media. So there’s a lot of money to be made and fame to be had for Black people who are willing to be anti-Black scolds, giving voice to the racist views of the white people who offer them platforms. Keep in mind that the people who work in media have incentives as well as personal agendas that can inform which Black people they choose to elevate.

Rather than treating all opinions as equally worthy and getting stuck, you can take a look at the available data. Your instinct to trust a group to advocate for themselves is right, so you should consider what most members of that group say they want. For example, a large majority of Black people are in favor of reparations, so it might make sense to defer to them. The question of police reform is a little trickier. Outside of the wide consensus that it’s needed, there are varying views on how to get there, and the idea of defunding the police is an emerging policy proposal, not a divide based on decades of political difference. So that’s where you need to do your research and decide what you think is effective policy to reach a shared goal of a less racist country.

You should approach this question and others that relate to race and racism with the same rigor that you apply to everything else. Give these issues the same intellectual energy. Take the same responsibility. What if all the people from all backgrounds had sat at home last summer, refusing to protest police abuse of Black people, until Adolph Reed and Kimberlé Crenshaw issued a joint statement about what should happen? There would have been no protests. There’s a fine line between being curious about and respectful of what others think and being lazy and cowardly, and you don’t want to be on the wrong side of it.

I know what you’re thinking: But what if I settle on a position and then a Black person says I’m wrong? That might be uncomfortable, yes. But if your goal is to be a force against racism, not to get applause from every Black person on earth, it will also be just fine.

In your comment you label some ideas “bad.” That suggests that you do actually have a framework for deciding what’s right and what’s wrong. Use it!