Be Different Be Yourself

As I await the arrival of the Bomb Cyclone, aka Winter, I have been reading the stories of “others” in America, the Cross Dresser from Wyoming who was a straight married white male who just liked wearing women’s clothing. The Electrician in Georgia who decided to vote for the first time in his life and with that for Democrats. He is the stereotype and archetype of what defines the Aggrieved White Male I write about, but thanks to a Teacher and the introduction to Ralph Waldo Emerson gave him a perspective that his life is more than a single variable in an equation, it is in fact a part of a larger one in which he has to solve through his own over time. Math never is easy.

I also listened to a three part Serial podcast in conjunction with the New York Times, We Were Three, about a family and how Covid affected their lives, lives already damaged and broken which Covid finally smashed it to pieces.

I have not yet finished a book, Dirtbag, Massachusetts by Issac Fitzgerald, but it is a well written memoir of a man coming to terms with a live of poverty lived among one of privilege and how that despite the odds changed the outcome of that proverbial equation by changing a variable, and for him that was going to an elite boarding school.

We speak of investments with regards to financial security yet we do not apply the same standards towards our own citizens and residents in this country. We are still the up by the bootstrap bullshit nonsense peddled in books by Horatio Alger or Ayn Rand. Yet many of those fans of said books are usually white men and who have been fortunate enough to have been recipients of the very tattered and well used social safety net we do have, this includes charity foundations that receive a significant tax deduction for every grant they provide in the way of tuition, trips and gifts; the use of food stamps, public transportation, medical care through Medicaid or again donation based charity. There are ways to appeal tax liens, ways to garner tax deductions and use disability funds to support individuals through housing vouchers and SSI. They are all crap but to the standard bearer who believes that all failures are personal and that is more than generous to get you back on your feet. We of course almost always ignore the obvious ones such as roads, water, sewer and electricity and lastly access to public education that somehow the Government is a problem not a solution and yet every time something goes wrong we turn to them in a time of emergency. Okay so which is it?

As I read the story about the Wyoming man who wore Women’s clothes I thought so why not? I wear men’s clothes almost exclusively, what is the difference? Well there was a point that even that was suspect. I recall my own Gay loving Fag Hag Mother wondering when I cut my hair short if I was a Lesbian. It takes a little more than a shearing of hair to make one Gay. The same applies to clothing. But we also push that boundary and at times those struggling with identity feel compelled to push that and with that are often given the Sophie’s Choice, that cannot be easy. A 24 year old Trans Activist died of suicide this week as you really cannot let anyone live and let live in this country.

The story of the Georgia Voter should not be one. In earnest he voted as he felt was right, I believe that is the point of voting, you vote for the individual you believe will do the right thing and serve in Congress or in their branch of office with the best of intentions. There are always differences but with the idea that compromise and collaboration will serve their constituents and community. And this brings the story behind the newly elected NY House Representative-elect, George Santos, which is unraveling faster than a yarn ball at a knit off. The man has simply just made up his entire resume and life story, and as I said to someone he is probably not Gay either as it too seems to be a posture and why? If you were married once to a woman now a man where is the paper trail? And given the GOP position on Gay rights it seems again odd. Is he a member of the Log Cabin Republicans? This man seems to be man of tall tales and only has relationships that are transactional. Meanwhile an actual NYC elected official who is Gay, has had his home vandalized and been threatened because he supports Drag Queen Story hour. This does not serve anyone but this is the state of American politics do what you do to be elected and even a regular man living in Georgia knew that much and did the right thing. Why is that so impossible?

And odd how that seems to be the story. If you watch the HBO Max show, We’re Here you see how the simple act of a Drag Show being done in a town seems to bring out the real sides of those who live across the yard, street or down the block. For the first time I was concerned when they went to Essex County New Jersey and found a supposed ally who truly sent mixed messages and was hostile towards the concept. I did not believe his intent either and I suspect neither did Shangela who was assigned to him. But as they say, to paraphrase- the show in that case went on. Where it went after I have no idea as the girls leave town and with that I suspect nothing changed much other than the few who wanted and believed it would. But that man was not an ally nor actually I think engaged in the least. All participants have friends and family supporting them in this, many with mixed feeling but they go forward out of love and support. That is an ally. This man had no friends, no anyone and his dismissal of Shangela at one point saying I thought either “Nigger” or “Faggot” as I missed it or it was bleeped and Shangela responding, “Don’t call me that or use that word” was something that again clicked not all was how it appears.

But politics is like life, it has long been a game of chance and one often of hope. Today I blame the lack of local actual news and coverage of communities and the way social media has supposedly taken on that role. And with that both Newsmakers and Politicians rely upon it for messaging and decision making. (Elon Musk seems to) With that, I often point to the left and right of the aisle and ask what they are doing to actually create and build policy and programs that are functioning and active or does that take time from your Social Media presence? I was listening to a DJ speak of her Instagram habit and how that it took over her life. She would watch endless cat videos while her own cats were sitting next to her demanding play and attention. Yes folks you have a problem. Addiction is not just booze and pills. I quit following Keith McNally as frankly it is because he has a problem with speech he posts endlessly on Instagram and while there is the James Cordon moment, mostly it is tragic that he feels this is how he must communicate in which to be heard. Maybe be silent, maybe just listen.

I have a problem being in my Apartment. The problems in 946 not withstanding they made me self conscious and with that afraid, and as I read the story about the man killing his Condo Board Members after years of endless complaints over noise and with that his own descent into mental health problems that led up to the shooting. Again I saw her face, her manner and his face and his threat to me and him being in law enforcement was not lost. I am afraid. Now with the Bomb Cyclone heading my way and the weather is frightful I would love to stay home and nurture myself. Nope I have Alvin Ailey tickets and with that I am barreling out tomorrow in frigid weather to see them. I am angry that I feel that this again is like the shows during the heat wave, why are you allowing this? It should be canceled for the safety of everyone trying to get there and get home, but no the show must go on? Why? And that brings me to the issue of Covid. We have never really nor will for a long time recover from what Covid did. It has shortened life spans and not just due to Covid but from drug overdoses. And we can add the increase in gun violence and domestic violence. More children were harmed during the pandemic due largely to both these issues. Guns in the home and parents at the end of their tether. Yeah I see it and it is not good what is coming down the path.

And that is the Condo Shooting, the fight at the Bodega, a Party or wherever whenever. The push of social media, the divisiveness is not always politics it is about injured feelings, a sense of restoration of one’s dignity and yes money. I cannot explain why a swarm of girls who met on social media would descend into madness and stab a homeless man in Toronto over a bottle of liquor and then yet again I can. It is why I only Sub twice a week. I would be happy to do at least 4 days but frankly it is too worrisome. It is the same feeling I have living in my Apartment, literally waiting for another shoe to drop. And with that as I read/listen to the stories of the Cross Dresser, the GA Voter, I found them worthy; however, I was truly disturbed by the Covid Story of the Family whose entire life together was one full of violence and destruction. The deaths of the Father and Brother should have been a relief to this woman who spent her entire life trying to get away from them and their hold on her and yet in their deaths she cannot escape. Why a podcast was made I am not sure, I learned nothing and with that heard a story about a family that was fucked up. That was in denial and was insane. She is free and should be moving on and perhaps finding proper help and healing but nope her story is now out there to be heard and shared and the mantra, “there by the grace of God go I.” Sorry folks I had to deal with my own dysfunctional family and I have never felt compelled to write a memoir and drag that around as my calling card. I think I have a much more complex equation that comprises my life and with that it is why I decided to switch to fiction to write what is basically not but is easier as then the story becomes the story, I do not. But this is the new America where we all want to be the star of our story and have everyone know it. Wow, just wow. What a sad life to live to live online but then it easier as you don’t have to deal with real people and their real problems.

HAVE A VERY MERRY/HAPPY FILL IN THE BLANK

My Own Personal Idaho

This last year effective now 416 days ago, changed me, I believe, for the better as it made me more honest- to myself. I have spent the better part of 61 years yielding, compromising, capitulating, cajoling, and subjugating myself to employers, to a spouse, to lovers, to co-workers, to students, to strangers, to friends, business/service providers, and customers. This last year finally has led me to the conclusion to stop, just stop. And with this comes the issue of vaccinations. I cannot idly sit by and ignore the idiocy, fear, or sheer recalcitrance to pursue a vaccine protocol that one feels comfortable with. That personal inventory was not an easy one to do and it is ongoing but it is coming to the point where I am actually comfortable expressing my unwillingness to compromise and following through with it. This is for me, much like Atheism, which for years I veiled in the term, Agnostic, or the phrase: Spiritual, not religious. I embrace that belief with a true understanding of who I am but with tolerance, if not acceptance of those who do not share my view. The same goes with a political party, to a point. I can understand many Republicans who have conservative views and certainly respect that they have vested their time in that it defines them. And with that I can walk away without argument as that serves no purpose. I am certainly not a Democrat who embraces the Joe Manchin’s but adore Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders who seemingly have in their own way clearly influenced Joe Biden, who I have since come to adore. See you can change your feelings about people if you choose to. Everything in life is a choice to some point and one should take advantage of this as that is critical element of free will – choice.

When it comes to certain aspects of living you have to defer that to the laws and standards accepted by the community. We have had laws that forbade mixed marriage, Gay marriage and did not allow Black individuals or Women the Right to Vote. And with that came change and slowly some accepted it, others simply chose not and have that right, but to actively take away someone’s rights from voting to health decisions seems based again on fear. Rights are not a pie, you don’t lose your piece because someone else has a piece also. We have done a poor job explaining that to many be that in school, church or in any other source one receives their world view and knowledge. And we are seeing that among the ill-educated, the poor, and those whom have elected to join a tribe that feels otherwise are threats to all of us regardless. Do you really need to be Black or a Woman to imagine not being able to Vote or that those who protested, were killed, abused, forced fed, and arrested did so for the good of others, not just themselves? So on that note why is it so hard to realize that vaccinations are for the good of all and also for you?

We have vaccines for decades that have brought many serious illnesses to their knees and we have had many lives spared as a result. We have made lab rats out of Scientists children and we have fucked up and done it to people without their consent. But if I hear one more Tuskegee bullshit reference than I will ask them to explain the Henrietta Lacks story too as to why you don’t get treatment for cancer either.

This is from the CDC:

Studies have revealed similar findings on the disproportionate burden of COVID-19 deaths among some racial and ethnic minority groups. A study of selected states and cities with data on COVID-19 deaths by race and ethnicity showed that 34% of deaths were among non-Hispanic Black people, though this group accounts for only 12% of the total U.S. population.

In Chicago, residents in highly segregated neighborhoods with higher social vulnerability, such as higher levels of poverty and lower levels of education, income, and employment, are disproportionately exposed to social and health risks. This intersection of factors was found to be associated with high death rates from COVID-19.  Similarly, in a nationwide analysis, counties with higher population percentages of non-Hispanic Black people experienced higher COVID-19 confirmed case and death rates than counties with higher population percentages of non-Hispanic White people. 

Together, the evidence from the provisional death data from NCHS and recent studies clearly illustrate the disproportionate burden of COVID-19 deaths among racial and ethnic minority groups, particularly Hispanic or Latino, non-Hispanic Black, and non-Hispanic American Indian or Alaska Native people. To prevent deaths from COVID-19, we need to work together to address inequities in the social determinants of health that increase the risk of death from COVID-19 for racial and ethnic minority groups.

The breakdown is again disproportionately by age with over 60 taking the hardest hit and that seems to be due to residency in larger group homes that have little to no regulation or supervision with regards to care and quality of care. Then we have families with larger multi-age groups that thrive in the communities of color, which in normal times is actually a good thing, but in a virus that travels and thrives in congested settings (meatpacking plants, warehouses), and with families who are also poor, living without adequate medical care and tight quarters, these are the petri dishes for a virus to thrive. Again as one over 60 with the resources to live alone, it saved my fucking life. And I took care of myself and did so alone. I did my own grocery shopping, went on public transport, and walked a lot outdoors sans mask. I knew how viruses transmit and I was sure once I had been exposed outdoors by the Covid denier with a good distance between us I got how this thing bred. I figured out the numbers by looking at other viruses and reading as much as I could as to how long it lasted, I have never once believed it lives in the body 14 days but I do get that it could; however, I have yet to read confirmation of it. I do think and many studies show it is within 72 hours of exposure you begin to show symptoms BUT and this is the big BUT you may not and in that equivalent window, you may transmit to as many as three others. Again read about virus transmission regarding Whooping Cough, Flu, and Measles to understand this. But in the early days, it was everything we touched, everywhere and anywhere the virus lurked and the paranoia and fear with the daily admonishments from varying Governors that seemed even more confused as their health directors were hearing from one modeling over another on what to do and none of it right. So in other words we were fucked and afraid. Then we went nuts, some went deeper into the fear factor and in turn, embraced conspiracy theories and nutty ideas and others just were afraid. Some went out and pursued their lives without recourse and some contracted Covid and some did not. Chris Christie was right, Covid is random from whom it affects to how it affects them. And that is why the lockdowns, curfews, and limits came to be as a method to at least stave off the mass hospitalizations that overwhelmed SOME NOT ALL hospitals. But the media failed to mention that and for those who worked in some, they turned a blind eye to protocols and behaviors needed to send a message to a community that needed a sound voice and a reasoned one. Even the medical field failed us. This is not surprising given how fucked up our Medical Industrial Complex is and why again we have many who are going all Nancy Reagan on us and JUST SAYING NO.

And with that, I am asking those in my frame of reference, the Doormen, the Barista’s, the Bartenders, and others whom I do come into close contact with if they are getting vaccinated. If they answer NO, I say, “Well I am sorry that you feel that way, I cannot stress enough that I am pro vaxx and with that, I will have to take my business elsewhere as I cannot risk myself or watch others be placed at risk with the knowledge you may do harm.”

I want to point out that these “essential frontline workers” were duly applauded for taking risks and taking hazard pay or arguing for better pay which everyone agreed. They were going out every day doing shit labor for largely white people staying trapped in their hamster cages. We all agreed that these same people should be first in line for vaccines and again rewarded for their efforts for largely keeping us up and running. Today with vaccine aplenty there are few to no reasons, now 416 days in to say no to vaccinations. I have done my best to accommodate and appreciate you and now you refuse. Remember when businesses would close as a worker had tested POS and they had to deep clean, an absurd act of Covid theater that did nothing to prevent or stop transmission. The money would have been better spent on enhancing ventilation and air circulation and paying for PPE masks that were safer for workers to wear on the job. So the workers who now refuse to come back to work for fear of return to the offices they left are afraid of what or who? Well if not Covid, perhaps a mass shooter? If you are not vaccinated then we know who and yet we don’t know why? Again racial lines seem to dominate and of course, politics but with appropriate access to information by reliable and trusted sources does work as this anti-vaxx crowd can attest. And we can continue to put restrictions in place demanding more Covid testing daily as a requisite to work or attend a facility in lieu of a vaccine card. But this bullshit must stop, the pandering and pearl-clutching must as well.

I would love to move out of my building into a no doorman one for many reasons, but frankly again that puts me in the hands of others whom I have neither knowledge nor control over. From the Verizon men to the movers and others who assist in such transition I cannot ask them and then stop the process as that serves no purpose. So I am waiting it out for at least a year to see where we go from now. As for our Doormen the two that are not vaxxers; however, they do wear masks and I can keep that contact to a minimum if I CHOOSE to. I CHOOSE TO. They are well aware of my opinion and I cannot offend them inadvertently or with intent at this point so we are done with the niceties and the friendly banter. But again this is a Kushner building so it explains that much as anyone who handles food, works in an “essential” service business, and doesn’t get vaccinated is ironic as they were the ones on the front lines while we all hid in our homes. They should have been the first to be vaccinated and outreached with the medical care providers. Funny I read today that Police are a strong anti-vaxx cohort and to that I say, well that should solve some of the Police Violence or in fact make it worse as they always say there were AFRAID when they shot, tasered, beat, or chokehold the individual, so now they can add they tried to Covid me! Because again it is the Black and Hispanic community least likely to vaccinate, so this only fuels more racial tropes. This will not end well regardless.

My decision to not compromise will likely not change my life much, I have no friends nor co-workers, no companions, and no prospects for them at this point. If I go back to work as a Substitute Teacher I learned early on that the less said the better and so I have nothing to worry about there. That was the one good thing I got out of Nashville the ability to not give a shit and now with Covid, with BLM protests and the Insurrection, it seems that this is a good plan in which to continue. Today I stopped by a bar I used to go to inquire if the Bartender is vaccinating or planning to and he said, no. A woman who goes there informed me that it was his decision to make and I agree it is also my decision to choose where I go and with whom and that the last year with all the pandemic I heard the phrase BE SAFE so now that the opportunity has arisen to do just that I am making sure I am just that SAFE. It is why as a Teacher I expected families to vaccinate their children to not put me at risk nor others in the school and why I did what I could to be healthy and safe during the pandemic and hereafter for the benefit of not just myself and others. So to suddenly change my behavior would do what for whom? Not me clearly as I don’t understand it and as I need to find common ground, this is the largest ground we cover and we don’t agree so I don’t see compromise as even remotely possible. This serves no one. We don’t have to agree on a lot of things but on health and safety, there is no way to disagree. She was another idiot that having a conversation with was 100% compromise on my part, she knew little about Covid, the ability to transmit it (believing children did not contract it), was getting her second Moderna after talking to a Doctor but felt it was okay that others did not. And as I said, well there is a big world out there, and Covid, Trump, and Politics are not the only subjects on the table, there are books and movies and tv shows. With that, she said, “I haven’t seen a movie in ages.” And that is when I responded, “See you just told me we have nothing then further to discuss so I will take my leave.” I will never set foot in there again and it is not a loss. No business that wants my business will allow staff to be not vaccinated and serve the public. We were to accommodate them and go out of our way to be safe, but now they get a pass. To that, I say what I said the one Barista who called me negative – FUCK OFF.

Clearly they don’t need my money nor my business. That is My Own Private Idaho, what is yours?

Take 2 Call Me in the Morning

The pandemic has been very very good to the Medical Industrial Complex. This is contrary to the public messaging that had Governor’s daily scolds as a way of reminding us Covid is killing the world and that once you get Covid, hospitals will be overrun and you will not get care because they cannot help you. The news put story after story showing crowded waiting rooms, hallways filled with patients and the daily count rising as if at any moment Covid will come through the door and kill you like a home invader.

Meanwhile smaller hospitals on the brink of closing for lack of funding did just that, close. Hospitals outside major cities were overrun while others were not. Tents were erected, special boats sailed in, larger public arenas were commissioned to be overflow sites and then within weeks they packed their tents, sailed away and the arenas closed awaiting a new use as a massive injection site. The Javitz Center was open and closed in a week for such use, much like a badly reviewed Broadway play as there were simply not enough vaccines available in which to run such a massive scale operation that was to run 24/7. They should have tried slot machines.

Much of the political jockeying and manipulation was based in truth as Hospitals that are run by major corporations were ill prepared for this virus. They had insufficient PPE and of course space and equipment needed to handle a major uptick in admissions. The lack of information, consistent data and of course actual understanding of Covid and how to treat it led to many Medical Personnel overworked, utterly confused and abandoned as they tried to piece together everything from their own PPE to how to treat a virus that seemed to manifest itself as a different disease with each admitted case. Sounds like AIDS in the nascent days but then again media and news on that plague was centered slightly differently.

But to put it in perspective this was Hudson County the largest densest county in NJ where I live. And this was the info at the worst at three hospitals:

These CarePoint Health hospitals have admitted one of the highest rates of COVID-19 cases, approximately one out of every 82 positive cases in the country, according to CarePoint Health. Out of the more than 95,000 positive cases in New Jersey, the three hospitals had nearly 1,200 admissions through April 18.*** this works out to .12 of cases.. not 12.. 0.12. That is not as overwhelming as one was led to believe during the height of pandemonium.

And the same said for staff related Covid illness. As they found in one with 1,100 staff only 14-15 tested positive. Meaning again 0.1 percent. And yes the health care workforce were unprepared and lost workers and some to suicide which also crossed into the other fields of care. But this mental health issue is not one they faced alone. And the total of Covid deaths by healthcare workers was 3,000 in 2020. By December 26, 2020 the total deaths recorded by the CDC from Covid was 22,574. Total deaths 81,394. So that was 0.27 percent of deaths from Covid. And we can agree that the secondary totals that included death from Covid related causes increases that count and we will never have fully accurate numbers. That again parallels AIDS as many died from the secondary illnesses that were the result of contracting HIV. Again putting this in perspective: The Institute of Medicine report estimated 98,000 Americans were dying annually due to medical errors. Estimates of annual patient deaths due to medical errors have since risen steadily to 440,000 lives, which make medical errors the country’s third-leading cause of death.

So we applauded these workers as heroes. As many went out nightly to honk horns, bang pots and clap for the front line workers, the back of the house was cutting staff, closing doors and cashing checks. The bailout was a money maker and many wealthy hospitals found themselves cashing in on that as if the slots had finally pulled a winner.

This from The Washington Post discusses how many facilities turned this nightmare into gold thanks to the Cares Act bailout. The idea was intended to offset all costs of treating infected patients, including purchasing ventilators, masks, gowns and other personal protective equipment. Congress further authorized hospitals to use the money to compensate for a drop in revenue when they shut down elective surgeries and non-emergency treatments to prepare for the anticipated deluge of covid-19 patients. The money, referred to as the Provider Relief Fund, helped many poorer hospitals avert cash crunches, layoffs and bond rating downgrades. And many hospitals did close as they had already received negative ratings by Moody’s prior to Covid; however, the idea was that in fact, this lifeline was to prevent it. And what resulted was even with the targeted aid, recipients included well-endowed academic medical centers and major urban hospitals. Only $14 billion took profitability into consideration, HHS documents show. HHS restricted those payments to hospitals with 3 percent or lower profit margins.

Wealthy hospitals also benefited because HHS used a broad definition of lost revenue. If a hospital earned less than in the year before, or simply less revenue than it had budgeted for, it could chalk up that difference to the pandemic and apply the relief funds to it. The implications garnered little attention at the time as they were overshadowed by the concerns about how HHS was doling out the money rather than how it could be used.

And then we have today and testing issues that still have to be addressed as with contact tracing. Those two issues are again in the new stimulus package but it has not prevented hospitals for well doing what they do best – overcharging. And this article from The New York Times found that many hospitals are charging excessive fees for the basic Covid test even within themselves. Say you are getting one from your Physician or their own Urgent Care within the building but the ER facility will process said test and the costs then double down. Or in this case in New York, Lenox Hill, one of the city’s oldest and best known hospitals, repeatedly billed patients more than $3,000 for the routine nasal swab test, about 30 times the test’s typical cost.

And this is not uncommon as the Times has found out. They has been asking readers to submit bills so that we can understand the costs of coronavirus testing and treatment. So far, more than 600 patients have participated. Their bills have revealed high charges and illegal fees, as well as patients who face substantial medical debt for coronavirus treatment. State-run testing sites in New York do not charge patients or collect health insurance information for the coronavirus nasal swab tests. A study published last year found that a swab test at a hospital can run from $20 to $850. Some independent laboratories have charged more, billing $2,315.

And while it appears that may be the case across the country, it is not one consistently applied across the country. Emergency room fees are common in the American system but rare in the world of coronavirus testing. At The Times’s request, the data firm Castlight Health analyzed insurance claims for 1.5 million coronavirus tests.

It found that less than 4 percent of coronavirus tests are billed through emergency departments. The vast majority of those tests are associated with large claims that have many charges, suggesting the nasal swab was incidental to a more complex visit.

And this brings me to of course my favorite target of this the biggest hero of the time, Andrew Cuomo. As more comes out about this asshole I cannot say enough about how America drank that down like a milkshake from Shake Shack. Sorry he was no better than Trump and with that, we have a crisis that transcended just the White House. Some Governor’s really stepped up and the numbers and losses prove that by just doing the work, the work gets done. We have a crisis right now, Covid is with us. There are variants in place and the sheer lack of vaccines along with testing and tracing will mean this will continue. Yesterday I watched several drunk morons board the PATH, they were unmasked and they gradually found one and then a young girl had lost hers so the idiot boy with her removed his shirt. That is when I departed the car for another one. A woman followed me as another man also was naked faced. These people are assholes and idiots. Again ignorance is not bliss it’s ignorance. I have already shared my thoughts on the non-vaxxers as my exchange with Barista Brian on Friday seemingly played out in a skit on Saturday Night Live. I found it funny, but then why should I?

Welcome to “Will You Take It?” 💉 pic.twitter.com/mecvqzMK8C

— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) April 4, 2021

Panic at the Disco

The idea of going back on into circulation doesn’t bother me as I have never left it; however, that was because no one else was out there with me.  I have ridden PATH trains, taken Ferries and walked all over NYC and Jersey City many times. I have gone to the market, my local coffee shops and any of the open shops to fill pantries and fill my coffers. True I have had to rely on online to shop for extraneous items as I am now on my third attempt at redecorating my apartment, being confined does that.  Or I am that bored.  I have baked way too much, not worked out enough and am splitting my seams waiting to get back to a routine that includes the gym and yoga.  That said I will go in with my own mask, gloves and clean everything before and after I touch the lot, strip down the clothes and wash those and follow the same protocol I have been doing since mid March.  I rarely did food take out or delivery and that has not changed as I was a once a week kind of person but oddly now with more restaurants opening they still have that option available so on that note it seems like a great time to take advantage as the last thing I want to do is be crammed in with people shoving food and drink in their faces and the droplets and air filled with toxic spit.   I feel for the servers as nothing is going to stop that train as it crashes into the station. And for now the same goes with hair and nail salons, my spa however is a private facility and that I will go to to sweat out some of the calories I have shoved into my face of late.

I am not shocked to see the herd mentality kick in as this shut in shit can only go on so long but why was simply because they had not a fucking clue and this continues with the phase plan and the idea that this somehow will stop the spread. No it won’t it simply curtailed it for a moment the rising numbers in States that opened earlier prove that.  My favorite explanation by a dipsht Okie as the Trump Dump last night was this, ““If it is God’s will that I get coronavirus that is the will of the Almighty. I will not live in fear,” said Robert Montanelli, a resident of Broken Arrow, a Tulsa suburb

Continue reading the main storBy late morning in Tulsa on Saturday, a steadily growing line of rallygoers had assembled. Some had traveled significant distances, but many other attendees were Tulsa locals or came from nearby states, like Kansas and Missouri, or elsewhere in deep-red Oklahoma. The crowd was overwhelmingly white, and most people ranged in age from their 40s to their 60s, though a sizable number of attendees also brought their children.

“It’s all fake,” said Mike Alcorn, 40, who works in maintenance and lives in Wichita, Kan. “They’re just making the numbers up. I haven’t seen anybody die, not from coronavirus. I don’t even know anybody who’s got it.”

And few actually do, or if they do it is all second hand information and those that have had personal experience as one of my Barista’s have it is because he has long tentacles into the community and in turn is a drama queen at some level so the of the two he knows, one is dead.  I have heard of four in my building but again that is about the level of how Covid has affected others.  Heard of, know of, read of or don’t know anyone.   And that is what we see now. The media does a great job of finding and eliminating sources who fit the bill of the profile they are trying to create.  When it was all seniors and meat packers one would think it was everywhere and in fact it was as again that is the true death numbers, those elderly, those poor and living or working in confined spaces.  But the numbers we are given will never be accurate so I have given up believing any of them and it appears no one else does either, hence the race to the restaurants day one, phase one. Or is that two? Who came up with this bullshit plan? I see Igor Fauci’s dirty unwashed hands all over this.

But to give this endless number parade a perspective, we have to look that two factors really contribute to the numbers -ageism and racism – as those two components really figure into some of the major death counts. And by looking at the numbers it appears that is true.  As it stands  the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reports that 8 out of 10 of the people who have died of covid-19 in the United States so far were 65 and older.“The COVID-19 emergency gives us the opportunity to examine health inequalities in the U.S.,” they write. “It gives us a chance to look again at the way Americans view and treat older people. And it lets us look at how pitting generations against one another only leads to disaster.

And the racial component is another. Across the United States, we are seeing alarming statistics about the disproportionate toll of COVID-19 on Latino and black people. In New York City, the New York Times tells us, coronavirus is twice as deadly for these minorities as for their white counterparts. In both Chicago and Louisiana, black patients account for 70% of coronavirus deaths, even though they make up roughly a third of the population.

At Massachusetts General Hospital, where we practice, an estimated 35% to 40% of patients admitted to the hospital with the coronavirus are Latino — that’s a 400% increase over the percentage of patients admitted before the outbreak who were Latino.

All medical care is done via the  Crisis Standards of Care guidelines, which are utilitarian and aim to benefit the greatest number of people while treating “individual cases fairly.” It, however, defers to a system that penalizes on the basis of comorbidities, and will undoubtedly and unfairly penalize the populations that are already more vulnerable to those conditions, aka, largely faces of color who have extraneous health problems; Racial disparities already existed in medical care and Covid just exacerbated it.

And there is the belief that being young is somehow a natural preventative. Well as Covid is killing off the old and faces of color where do you think the wheel will land next when it stops spinning? I will let you guess on that one.  As for the children with the mysterious illness well that was yesterday and apparently that too is over? Or is it? Hell if I know you Google that one.

My friend in Tennessee went to Florida on vacation and that is the state of mind and being when it comes to the young.  I, however, think the second wave is this happening right now. And as we reopen the cases will spike again but they have already let the horse out of the barn and it is too late to close the door, so minor punishments like no sports, crowded auditoriums or the like will be the most significant loss in the months to come as they have nothing else to deprive us from.

We are over 40 Million strong unemployed and the reality of jobs and coming back to fully functioning offices is a distant future as that we were dumping folks fast and furious. So once the plates have been cleared and the check paid,  start planning now for a serious recession.  As the unemployment office is still trying to catch up and add to that the immense fraud and theft going on (I spoke to a woman whose entire UI check was taken from the bank when she went to withdraw it). And she is a waitress and unsure about phase two opening and what that will mean. So eat up there folks!  I note that almost all the buildings in the area are having massive move outs, some in but most are vacancies and more will follow. Most of those moves are because there were few buildings allowing it and fewer movers available, that will be the biggest log jam ahead as the eviction moratoriums are up, the use of damage deposit for rent has been used already so next up is out and back home or to cheaper alternatives.

The New York Times did find that for many, particularly Millennials (my favorite group!) are the ones most likely leaving but with plans to return (please don’t, thanks);  but despite this little adjustments are being made to rents which is not surprising as Landlords have a huge tax and mortgage issue coming due in the months ahead and the belief that this is all just temporary. Sure what.ever.

Then the bills and costs of Covid are starting to arrive in the mail despite the Government’s promise to cover the costs for uninsured fully and the difference of those insured and their deductible.  And of course costs for the test which seem to vary widely are also covered but the point of the test is that it only tells you are negative now but you are not immune.  Even the antibody tests are not conclusive so don’t throw out those masks quite yet.  Ask this guy about his bill, or these billings.  And more and more stories about bills and costs are coughing up all over the place.

So enjoy today’s Father’s Day brunch and realize that the person shoveling in Eggs Benedict next to you coughing and laughing has nothing wrong with him at all, its just allergies, right?

Bad Bad Boy

I have written repeatedly that much of the responses by the varying agents of Government veer towards martial law to parental scolding.  There seems to be a catch up game that is now down to a dick off between men to prove who can be more strict and draconian as they under the guise of keeping us safe restrict our civil rights and personal freedom.

The idiot Governor who oddly is not Chris Christie in New Jersey this week shut down all state parks, this after almost all the localities had shut theirs down. So in order to exercise and get air which stimulates good health, reduces stress and in some cases provides respite or even escape from an intense home situation becomes a near impossibility. Instead we take to the streets packed with runners, dog walkers, regular pedestrians, essential workers doing their work, people with baby carriages and children and of course many elderly, compromised and of course sick but undiagnosed. This is working out well.

Then we have of course the endless daily prattle of Cuomo which at first I found useful until it somewhere became histrionic and the endless discussion of his brother which is NONE.OF.MY.BUSINESS.  For the record Chris Cuomo is pretty much standard for the virus unless again you fall into that risk related category.   The CDC released their findings and this again explains why the Black Community is the hardest hit as they have the most significant health related issues due of course to access and availability to decent nutrition, health care and wages that permit this.  Of course the irony is that the former Governor also named Chris would be patient much like Boris Johnson, overweight, likely high blood pressure and a bloviator.  And this applies to the current Governor who just underwent cancer surgery.

Now we can understand why these Daddies are so mad as they fucked this up.  So they are coming down hard on their bad children by punishing all their children for their mistakes.  The New York Times did an excellent time frame history of the errors made by Cuomo and DiBlasio and in turn the tri-state Governor who basically follow lock step into line with the two big Daddies in the national dick off.   And why oddly a Republican Governor DeWine stepped up in the early days and shut it down for no reason YET and why in turn Ohio is in better shape with regards to Covid outbreak. Funny how Trump rarely mentions that in his propaganda talks as well he is not catering to Trump and yet he is a career politician and right wing kook, go figure.

Now as we are into the second month of lockdown as here in Jersey City it began on the 11th of March with each nearby city, Newark and Hoboken, coming in with even more demands (as in Hoboken all residents must have gloves and masks and tickets are being issued) and Newark declaring certain neighborhoods hot zones and in turn only allowing one resident at a time leave (how that is being enforced is unclear but then again Newark so go figure but they are cracking the whip with a ton of citations for gatherings).  We still have a cluster fucks of idiots who just refuse to play nice and in turn justifying why our Daddies are putting us all on restriction.

This is another example of the idiocy of the American idiot which Green Day clearly needs to put back on the stage.  And there are many many more stories like these and they continue across race and class. Again the first case in Connecticut was a wealthy woman’s home party for 60 that guests flew to Africa infected.  So while we see the larger at risk populations suffer again much of this seems again on people who rarely read real news, seem to have a belief that they are somehow exempt and in turn just are utterly oblivious to facts.  A quick perusal of Facebook always confirms that when you read on the local Government page (which is how now our Government issues orders not news or sending out a town crier but on Facebook which explains well Russia) and the many comments that veer on just fucking stupid to plain dumb.  My favorite exchange was with a woman who informed me that going to a national park was dangerous and I can stay home and go in my yard.  Yes lady I live in a house with a yard sure I do.  I see why New Jersey has a reputation as I can watch the Housewives and see just where that came from.  And none of these people use state parks or see any of the supposed infractions on behavior that are being claimed by the big Daddy. And yes I have seen people play Basketball and Tennis and again do we know their relationship, their health and other factors that would lead me to ASSUME that they are spreading a virus.  But then again we are not testing anyone unless they meet the PERFECT criteria of the illness in order to get tested so again we are doing a whole lot of nothing with the idea if we put everyone on lockdown that should do it. It is only part of the solution and none of it all at the same time.

I again put this in perspective, guns are dangerous but they are being sold at record rates. Cigarettes cause death and still are being sold. And my personal favorite, booze.  I consider it essential but we know that drinking and driving cause death and we have DUI laws and when caught regardless of the nature of the stop or the individual driving we use junk science and bullshit to convict and in turn destroy lives we still have people doing it.  Hey then lets stop people from driving EVER.  That will stop it!

Then we have the ever moving goal posts of time lines, apex meeting, deaths forecasted and the like. And again as Americans are idiots they don’t get even simple math and are aware of how much of this virus is fatal, again largely in the at risk community, it still falls below .04.  But screaming on the television everyday about the deaths and burying people in parks and putting bodies in refrigerator trucks only fuels the endless moral panic to get people to sit inside their homes and well panic.

Here is an excellent article in the Christian Science Monitor about the models that are used often ones that contradict one another and why they diverge with data. But this salient point stuck out:

“No matter what the numbers are, if they are accompanied by pictures of people dying and of graves and trucks carrying the dead … [people] read the numbers through these narratives, through these stories,” says John Ioannidis, a professor of epidemiology at Stanford University. Such packaging in the media compounds an already stressful environment, he adds, noting that stress affects susceptibility to viral and respiratory infections. “In such a situation, with panic and horror being disseminated, I think we could be doing a lot of harm.”

Now again I READ.  I read only legitimate news sources, not social media not agenda oriented blogs or other sites that have no real fact checking, news gathering and investigative reporting.  ProPublica has been outstanding, of course there is BBC News both radio and on Cable that gives a global perspective and occasionally I do review the local news but they too are hamstrung on budgets and well this will be the death of local news in a sad irony as we see fewer and fewer sources even alt press that at times could step in and actually cover the local end of the story and in turn provide facts. No people rely on miscommunication and misinformation as that is what makes them feel better and confirms their beliefs and thought.. note I said thought as in singular.  We are a myopic, narcissistic nation and this virus exposed that in ways that Trump only dreamed of.

And the media once again plays into that with salacious headlines that was in the Washington Post:  He’s Delivering Groceries to You. And He’s Risking his life.   Well no he is not delivering groceries to me and if he was I would ask why would he do such as that is a CHOICE.  Be unemployed with the 10 million others.  Again he has a series of problems that seem to veer on attaining regular employment before the virus but okay nothing says hey this works for me a compromised person!    I go to the grocery store myself and wait in line, appropriately attired and am as cautious as I can be. I have always since relocating here had the heavy stuff delivered as it is easier but now I simply elect to have some delivered now to expedite my shopping as being in the store does make me uncomfortable because of the behavior of my fellow shoppers, the hoarding, the hysteria and the overall attitude of fear and paranoia. Who wants to be around that? I find it more distressing that the idea of contracting a flu virus.  Again Covid is a flu virus that has severe health issues for many of which I am one..

But again the medical system was ill prepared and many of these heroes are now being laid off how bizarre as I thought this was the Titanic and this is all hands on deck. Guess not as hospitals are now losing money and this is a for profit business.  And lets ask if those hospital(s) designed for this are actually performing at what it was intended to do.  And I have no doubt that many of the treatments and long term affects of how many patients were or were not handled during this crisis will come to light once over and it won’t be pretty.

I try in this blog to provide yes my opinion but it also gives links to real articles from diverse sources and to give as much information as possible. I have never passed myself as anything more than a well informed bitch of serious measure.  I am no fan of people but I am just a contrarian not a full misanthrope but this social isolation and in turn physical distancing (two very different notions) is akin to being in prison. I am not allowed out of my home from the hours of 8 pm to 5 am and when I am I must be attired in a Westworld get up and look at everyone with suspicion and dread.  I am told by my Apartment that any of my orders should be essential and that is whose business and again did the check not clear?  How dare they tell me what to order or not.  I am keeping the economy going by ordering things from retail stores as they will be in deep shit when this is over so if getting those sheets or towels or whatever else I fucking want, need aside, is NONE.OF.YOUR.BUSINESS.  They have shut down the courtyard, the gym and the shared facilities which I also pay extra for. Will they be refunding me for that?  Funny two apartments nearby have opened theirs with directives to maintain distance and not if exhibiting any health issues and to follow a protocol of cleaning any area they touch themselves before and after to ensure safety.  I spoke to the residents and they were happy to accommodate it as they felt it kept them sane and in turn they wanted to do something for not just themselves but their community.  Ah yes that is novel as in new not Corvid but I live here and the residents here cannot even toss out their garbage correctly so I see why ours is closed.  I cannot wait to leave but I have another year and frankly the idea of moving in just a few months is not appealing so I take the stairs and yes I use the gym at 4 am where I am going in the dark to now.  I clean it all before using and after and walk back up in the pre dawn and I stay sane if they want to evict me please do.

Yesterday I was told by Wells Fargo at the only open branch and by open they only have drive through open to not use the drive though it is not safe. So let me see standing right in the middle of the lane, very visible is not safe but I cannot come in despite my costume of state order – masks and gloves – but I can go to branches nowhere near where I live or come in a car.  I cannot access my funds or money near my home but I am to go in a ride share/taxi or public transport to a branch to get cash which puts me at risk in many more ways because the bank doesn’t have the necessary shields and protections for staff. So the young Teller told me he would break my cash into ones and fives (the tipping thing) and to NEVER come back unless I have a car.  I see so when I cross the street should I not as cars and everything see me too but who gives a shit, right?  Again this is paranoid behavior. So I filed a Consumer Protection complaint and contacted Wells with this and when over I am done with that crooked bank.  The Manager called and said that all I had to do was call in advance. Really to get cash out of my account I am to call? Sorry I don’t work like that and if I just want cash broken up then why not say we are limiting walk ins and please wait like the store or set up a pedestrian only walk up lane.. again I am not the problem you are.  I am just the first to complain.

Shame we did not take that to mean that being socially and morally responsible was a mantra versus the current one which is my business is yours and here is a droplet from my sweat as I run by you and  don’t give a shit about you.  Okay then. Or having respect for those who simply want to do the best they can with what they have.  No we don’t want that, we want paranoia and fear so that living simply is not living it is just surviving and we don’t play well with that game as we have seen on the show that reality tv wrought and brought us one of the winners as a President. Clearly we lost.