The Covid Diary

I contracted Covid I am certain given the time frame of 72 hours before showing symptoms and signs of Covid on Labor Day while touring the African American Museum in D.C. I was maskless, in close contact with others for over 3 hours. Against my own belief and advice I went with the idea that people do not expose themselves and particularly others in the Black Community given how Covid decimated it over the last three years. In fact the most diligent wearers of masks in DC were or are the largest portion of its residents, who are Black. And with that it also means that for many they are asymptomatic, have less access to health care, testing and information on how to ensure they safe and healthy as that I am afraid is the truth when it comes to poorer communities in America when it comes to POC. So I own my arrogance and my desire to believe the better in people when I went in unprotected. It also proves that masks work as despite being vaccinated and boosted (I was pending the second upon my return as I was awaiting the updated bivalent version) I have remained masked throughout the pandemic, riding public transportation, doing my own shopping and handling all my own business, including having a computer tech in my apartment, a delivery of a bed and television and been and out of numerous public spaces since day one. I have personally ventilated spaces in my home throughout and when in classrooms done the same despite an Administrator who attempted to prevent said attempts and have managed again to be in public schools last year and remain Covid free. MASKS matter.

So today is day 5 in the protocol. I began to feel unwell Thursday the day after coming home, but I took it as travel exhaustion. By Friday morning the cough emerged and it was serious enough to notice. There was no fever nor other symptoms but that cough was the sign. I took at home test and yes it was POS. With that I walked immediately across the street to Prompt MD for an assay test. They were amazing and by 8:30 a.m. Saturday the lab texted me the results. POS. By 9 a.m. I called the Prompt MD office, who answered immediately and called in my prescription for Paxiloid to the CVS down the street. By 9:30 CVS called to confirm and said it was ready. And all this time I was still participating in a virtual Yoga class. I was sick but not enough to prevent me from doing some movement and alignment which I believe genuinely helped me manage my health and prevented serious further problems that often result from being inclined too long. You do need to open the back and chest, move shoulders and arms and especially hips and with that if you follow the poses carefully you can enable your body to adjust and work towards healing in a positive manner. I kept up with Yoga everyday until yesterday when I took a break and just rested.

I monitored my temp daily and have found from day one on Paxi it dropped from 99 to to 97 fairly quickly and it stayed there until today where it sits at 96.5. It still is “high” for me but this shows that I am working on improving. With that I have two more days of doses, today and tomorrow and am considering that tomorrow, Wednesday, will be the official day 5 of leaving isolation. There is a risk of bounce back Covid which at that point beginning on Thursday I am going to switch to my Chinese herb Ying Chao regardless for two days to stave off that excess virus. I will begin self testing on Thursday to see where I sit with officially having Covid. If by day 10 I still test positive I will be back to Prompt MD to have another assay test. But each day is a new day and I work towards that.

As for my overall health with regards to Covid, I had always had issues with Bronchial problems and often when I contracted flu it was so serious that one Doctor thought I was a chronic smoker. Uh no. So hence my demand for the drug. The cough is akin to what I have always suspected, Whooping, and the parallels to that disease are not lost down to the current 1:4 spread. The nausea and yes folks shitting yourself could have been Covid but the drugs also lead to that side effect and yes I did shit myself just once and was grateful it was only once with just making it to the bathroom with no time to spare. But Covid does give peaks and valleys and with that valley came a peak so laundry was immediately done, towels and sheets stripped and laundered as well and the ability to fully clean the bathroom and kitchen sufficiently enough to make me feel comfortable and clean was accomplished. I managed to even one night make a proper hot meal. Irony you do have the metal taste in your mouth but that is where suddenly pumpkin spice becomes the most delicious drink ever and with that flavor in food is essential to counter it.

With standard Advil and Robitussin as the medicine of choice I also realized how we often do not clean our toothbrushes, the bottles of medicine, especially those we touch our mouths to directly that can maintain germs. So with that all of those too were inspected and cleaned. Water Bottles washed after being emptied and regardless wash them again in a 24 hour period. I am a clean freak but the virus is air borne but again you are responsible for your own well being and how you see patterns of your own care is a matter of import. I have no friends nor family to assist so with that I have to accommodate and adjust accordingly as there is only so much that can be delivered and even then that is not perfect (I know I wanted a bluberry matcha tea with my salad and that never came the one thing with immense health and flavor was forgotten) so you still have to be ready to walk to get your own prescription as I did and in turn pick up any over the counter meds as needed. But what do you do? MASK UP. In fact anyone who was attempting to board the elevator with me was warned to put on a mask or wait as I had Covid. The responses were overwhelmingly grateful and appreciative. Folks own your shit and know your body. If you feel sick say something and then get help in doing something to stop the spread and care for others as literally the afterthought.

I will from this point on mask up. I have a booster scheduled in three weeks and with that I have this week and next to work on my recovery and health. And anywhere and everywhere I go I will MASK UP, no excuses no explanations. They work and I have the sole proof I need – myself. So for those who are fortunate to have had Covid and go “it was not that bad” I say you were lucky and that is the luck of the draw, some people did not get such a great hand and they don’t need to hear about how you gambled with your health by holding your high card.

Give No Fucks

I decided to have that made into business cards and simply pass them out anytime I have an encounter that crosses the line into aggression. I am exhausted trying to please, pretend, ignore or avoid the endless stupidity, rudeness and lack of tolerance by others. This was always a part of society but the pandemic put the accelerator on full when it comes to the issue of public versus private. We can assume that when we are in public settings there are protocols and expectations but those are often not mutually agreed upon, have differences between cultures and can be hard to maintain when again you are not all in agreement about said behaviors and expectations. A good example is walking down the street, it used to be said to walk to the right and watch at corners for crossing lights, traffic etc. The birth of the magical 3×5 card has made that a complete non-existent rule and is why now I see on corners literally pasted on lights, notes on how to cross. Are you fucking kidding me? This is taught in grade school, reinforced by parents and well over time etched into one’s brain. Now I frequently cross against lights but that look both ways guide plays into that and that I boogie regardless, I do not leisurely cross a street, ever.

But today we also have a narc or cancel culture that has crossed the line to obsessiveness. Watching or caring about others behaviors seem to some to be a full time job and I wonder how you are “living in the moment” when you are monitoring everyone else’s behavior. This is why even before the pandemic I rarely subbed in Elementary Schools, the need to tattle to be the hall monitor among the little people is deeply annoying. I know that in fact is a way of reinforcing and cementing what they have learned about expectations and rules but to an Adult who is not in the business of teaching those it is annoying. I was telling the Barista at the coffee shop about how I see children, like annoying co-workers whom I have to tolerate on a daily basis. They just happen to change out like the great resignation where you barely know them and then they quit but a new crew of equally annoying ones are just outside waiting to come in. Kids are annoying and germ carrying and despite all the bullshit about schools being safe, they are not in so many ways when it comes to transmitting disease. Funny how now schools are the lifeblood of the community when a few years ago they were responsible for ignoring bullying and of course violence that became school shootings. Have not heard one single word about that last one? No cause then it cancels the message that schools are safe. Are they? The perpetual conundrum, it is like living in the South where they say one thing, promptly ignore that and do an completely different thing. No it is not hypocrisy to them, it is a way of life. I never got used to it and never will. If anything I am a straight shooter, no pun intended.

Then we have the new Covid protocols and rules which seem to change on a daily basis, thanks to the ineffectual messaging of the CDC. The one thing certain regardless of the Administration in charge, this is one agency determined to remain utterly useless. And yet I hear so many citations and quotes you would think it is Moses come down from the Mount every time Fauci speaks. I have been quite clear in my distaste and distrust of this man since the days of AIDS and he has done little to change my mind. But to white people he seems to be their deity. There are others, you just have to turn off the TV and read some.

So far I have not been wrong yet about Covid. Again this comes from being in schools, teaching seventh-grade science enough you learn a thing or two. Virus have different R Factors and different times of airborne lifespan. In the early days the CDC was certain it was only droplets that led to the spread and that they could travel six feet. I went to a production of Assassins (an oddly prescient musical by Stephen Sondheim that addresses gun violence and the need to be infamous over preserving Democracy…hmmm) and there I could literally see the spit, droplets coming from the mouths of the cast. They flew about a foot. Try spitting let me know. But right there in a small theater for over one hour and half that would have been a close call for superspreader event for all the cast and those sitting in the front row. Again liquid turns into gas that becomes what? Airborne. But the issue is how long does it survive in air? And finally a study was made, it breaks up in about 5 minutes. There is something to know! I was row two and I recalled the Teacher who transmitted Covid, maskless to her students all in the front row during story time. And then the virus (via the now newly infected students) moved literally down row by row. And that again is easy, that happened over the course of the day, through the biggest event of children in a school day – lunch. A table of four children in a cafeteria, one student is pos, the other three will follow. And with this new variant that is a given. 1:4. Old covid 1:3.5 and kids shed faster thanks to smaller nasal passages. And then they go home and share away. One mother in the Washington Post told the story of her son and how he brought home a special treat from school. The entire family of 4 had covid and he was the only one not vaccinated but he like his family were lucky. Note that schools are safe. Sure they are… not.

But regardless of where I sit now in theater I wear a KN95 mask which has a 2.5 hour staying time for infection contraction if NO ONE is wearing masks and the theater require those so I assume they are all garbage and go from there. That is all I need to know and the type of mask and the length of time in presence of an infected person is 15 mins for no mask up to 25 hours in KN95. So if you are running to the store and you are masked even in cloth and the room is varied in type or lack of mask, you have 30 minutes to complete your task. Again type and time matter. That has never changed. In the beginning I went everywhere in a cloth mask with a 30 minute clock to finish the job. And I kept moving. I have changed that now with the theater but the mask has changed. I wear KN95 in schools and I keep windows open as that ventilation issue has not changed either. And now in the gym with others I avoid it but windows if possible or a K95 but frankly working out at three am is fine by me. That has NOT CHANGED.

I am fortunate I don’t live with anyone and my largest risk is where – in the schools. Mask wearing inconsistent, vaccines inconsistent, ventilation inconsistent and the number of bodies roving in and out, constant. And with that being in the public settings. I don’t congregate and find a bar or restaurant where it is me and few others. and yes they exist. I had a Champagne at the Wolfgang Puck’s the other day and it was me and a man seated on the far other end of the bar. That is the way I like it. How long was I there? Less than 30 minutes that much I am certain.

As for New York handling the Covid surge? As they always did, oblivious. Now the spread is rising in the wealthier areas as they believed that rule that they made up that they were impervious to the disease and the vaccine protected them. Sure, whatever. The Cognitive Dissonance exhibited by many New Yorkers, largely the wealthy and white is astounding. They have a sense of entitlement that belies a privilege that enables them to live in one of the world’s expensive cities and regardless of their own net worth they exude an arrogance that Southerner’s would be proud to call their own. They are just missing that level of ignorance that the South has cornered. You cannot live in a major urban city and be that bereft of some intellect but New Yorker’s are not exempt from that at all. That is why the city is often attributed to being the rudest. And yet Southern Hospitality is not all that either but few have lived in both and with that I have this thing called perspective and with that I call it as I see it. So the cards on are on the way and it will save time in trying to have a conversation that leaves me lacking. I recall that from my days in Nashville and I have no desire to repeat them here. For what it is worth I am glad to be living here versus anywhere else.

Falling for Covid

The fall TV season is fast approaching, so for those binge watching the latest shows streaming, such as White Lotus or FB Island, two shows on HBO Max I would like to see merge for the second season, it is time to return back to the soap that began last year as a mid season replacement – The Covid Chronicles.

We have a new character this year, Delta Variant, and she is the town slut. She is willing to take everyone for a ride. And like all sluts she has a serious STD and its dawning all over the place. So as a result, there is a the race to vaccinate the new essential workers, Government employees, School Teachers and anyone else being mandated to have a vaccine prior to returning to the workplace or the classroom has now been levied. As the FDA has given approval for one of the current vaccinations available, Pfizer. We can assume Moderna and J&J will follow and perhaps even Astra Zeneca around the same time we are deciding when and if to have booster shots to build efficacy. But get a shot folks as Delta is the HPV/Herpes and HIV of her time.

Well as with all things Covid we have about a consistent a policy as we do contact tracing which explains why we are fucked and people let’s say in, Florida, are really fucked.

First up is DiSantis resistance to anything science or fact based. With that Florida’s death numbers are higher than we know as we are failing to collect said data thanks to the CDC’s overall incompetence.

Then we have the lack of overall information regarding the outbreaks, the how, the when, the who and why and what happened. You know the basic foundation to reporting. This would come from robust contact tracing and of course a centralized lab methodology logging variant samples into a collective resource for local health offices to check the RNA of the sample with those taken from local cases to better trace and track the virus. And better testing in which to do so is also needed. Yes we have at home tests but how good are they? Traveling? Well that test you are required to take, it is not logged or checked either. Or where are the quicker lab tests. None of this happened first time around why bother now?

So as we enter the fall season and are settling down ready for lockdown number two, less official but no less essential the kids back in school and are getting infected by those Teachers not willing to vaccinate (again note that is the Northwest a liberal bastion) or those who refuse to follow any protocol to protect herself, get tested even when symptoms are there, or despite them, then risk her co-workers, and more importantly her students like this moron who in some type of oxymoron state did, I can see the fall becoming quite the pandemic of its own.

To use the expression right back where we started from seems rather appropriate. Some things change some things not but this is Covid Country and every day is another day in which incompetence rules, Dr Fauci is for some reason still making Guest Appearances and yet we are where we are a mere 535 days ago (calculated from our official lockdown of March 13 2020).

And our town crier is back with a new message, same as the old message but still as urgent.

Show Me the Data!

Aug. 27, 2021 The New York Times Opinion

By Zeynep Tufekci

Who should get vaccine booster shots and when? Can vaccinated people with a breakthrough infection transmit the virus as easily as unvaccinated people? How many people with breakthrough infections die or get seriously ill, broken down by age and underlying health conditions?

Confused? It’s not you. It’s the fog of pandemic, in which inadequate data hinders a clear understanding of how to fight a stealthy enemy.

To overcome the fog of war, the Prussian general and military theorist Carl von Clausewitz called for “a sensitive and discriminating judgment” as well as “skilled intelligence to scent out the truth.” He knew that since decisions will have to be made with whatever information is available in the face of an immediate threat, it’s crucial to acquire as much systematic evidence as possible, as soon as possible.

In the current crisis, that has often been difficult.

These days, some experts grapple for answers on Twitter. They might be trying to figure out the effect of a vaccine booster shot by reverse engineering a bar chart in a screenshot from Israel’s Ministry of Health, or arguing with one another about confounding factors or statistical paradoxes.

Why this stumbling in the fog? It may seem like we’re drowning in data: Dashboards and charts are everywhere. However, not all data is equal in its power to illuminate, and worse, sometimes it can even be misleading.

Few things have been as lacking in clarity as the risks for children. Testing in schools is haphazard, follow-up reporting is poor and data on hospitalization of children appears to be unreliable, even if those cases are rare. The Food and Drug Administration has asked that vaccine trials for children aged 5 to 11 be expanded, which is wise, but why weren’t they bigger to begin with?

While the pandemic has produced many fine examples of research and meticulous data collection, we are still lacking in detailed and systematic data on cases, contact tracing, breakthrough infections and vaccine efficacy over time, as well as randomized trials of interventions like boosters. This has left us playing catch-up with emerging threats like the Delta variant and has left policymakers struggling to make timely decisions in a manner that inspires confidence.

To see the dangers of insufficient data and the powers of appropriate data, consider the case of dexamethasone, an inexpensive generic corticosteroid drug.

In the early days of the pandemic, doctors were warned against using it to treat Covid patients. The limited literature from SARS and MERS — illnesses related to Covid — suggested that steroids, which suppress the immune system, would harm rather than help Covid patients.

That assessment changed on June 16, 2020, when the results of a large-scale randomized clinical trial from Britain, one of all too few such efforts during the pandemic, demonstrated that dexamethasone was able to reduce deaths by one-fifth among patients needing supplemental oxygen and an astonishing one-third among those on ventilators.

The study also explained the earlier findings: Given too early, before patients needed supplemental oxygen, steroids could harm patients. But comprehensive data from the randomized trial showed that when given later, as the disease progressed in severity, dexamethasone was immensely helpful.

Dexamethasone has since become a workhorse of Covid treatment, saving perhaps millions of lives at little cost or fanfare. Without that trial, though, it might never have been noticed because of a problem called confounding: when causal effects of different elements can’t be considered separately. If doctors give multiple drugs to patients at the same time, who knows which drug works and which one does not? Or, if they choose which drug to give to whom, those more ill may be getting effective drugs, but the severity of their illness could end up masking the positive effect of the drug. Trials allow us to sort through all of this.

Randomized trials are not the only source of useful data. For example, it would have been difficult to quickly determine how transmissible the Delta variant is — a crucial question — without the data collected from close and systematic observation.

If a variant is spreading quickly somewhere, it might be more transmissible, or it could have simply arrived in that area early and gotten a head start. Or it might have just hit a few superspreader events. We’ve had variants appear, generating alarming headlines, that were later shown to be no more threatening than previous ones.

When I first wrote about the Delta variant in May, it was data from Britain’s Public Health Agency that convinced me it was a real menace, worse even than Alpha, whose increased transmissibility had been systematically discerned earlier by the agency. The British had carefully gathered precise information on who had been infected, how and when, to show that people with Delta were infecting about two-thirds more of their close contacts than those infected with the already highly transmissible Alpha, an alarming number that provided a warning of how viciously it could spread throughout the world.

More crucial data about Delta came from Singapore in June showing chains of transmission that included people who had received Pfizer or Moderna vaccines, demonstrating that breakthrough infections were not just happening, but could lead to further transmission. This finding was possible only because of high-quality contact tracing. The C.D.C. didn’t reach this conclusion until the end of July, citing an outbreak in Provincetown, Mass., that included many vaccinated people — though even then, there was no contact tracing to show if the vaccinated were transmitting to a substantial degree or merely getting infected.

Without sufficient and timely high-quality data, many scientists have had to try to decipher whatever data is available.

For example, much of the debate over whether vaccine efficacy is waning and boosters are needed has centered on Israel’s experience because it started vaccinating earlier than many other countries and is now administering boosters. Many charts and graphics from its Health Ministry about vaccine efficacy and booster effects have been floating around recently, leading to a lot of discussion among scientists and consternation on social media, as well as substantial media coverage.

Unfortunately, no raw data, let alone a research paper, was released until weeks after some figures started appearing. That led to scientists squinting at screenshots, trying to reverse engineer graphs. Needless to say, this is less than ideal, not the least because the vaccine and booster data from Israel suffers from confounding. After early reports and charts caused a lot of concern by suggesting the Pfizer vaccine’s efficacy may have fallen by as much as 40 percent, an actual preliminary report released weeks later showed that figure was too confounded to be reliable.

In another example, a recent Israeli chart appears to show that a booster shot provides a great deal of protection even a single day after it has been administered — which is essentially impossible. Many things could be going on, including behavior change among those first in line for the booster.

Such confounding can lead to misleading interpretations. It’s not that scientists doubt that efficacy can wane over time; the question is one of timing, degree and cause. If vaccination occurred at higher rates, earlier, in Israeli urban areas, and if Delta also had hit urban areas first, a rise in cases might be because of the earlier appearance of the Delta variant in some places, waning protection from vaccination, or a combination of both. If the government responds with boosters, as it is doing, and cases start dropping, is it because of the booster, Delta’s natural course, or both?

The best way to answer such questions would have been to systematically collect extensive data and have randomized trials on efficacy and boosters as soon as vaccinations began.

Unfortunately, that has not happened often enough.

In December, Michael Mina of Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health and I called for a trial to assess the viability of dose-sparing strategies like delaying second shots to make vaccines available to more people earlier. Britain, Canada and other countries delayed second shots during the Alpha surge, though there was no trial, so it was harder to pursue such strategies globally even as so many people lost their lives.

To assess the need and effectiveness of boosters, especially for the elderly, a trial could have begun in May or June, when the protective effect of early vaccinations might have begun to wane. By now, we’d have real data rather than a news release from the U.S. Health and Human Services Department announcing that boosters will be available to all vaccinated Americans as early as September, while at the same time saying that is subject to evaluation by the Food and Drug Administration and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. If there’s data proving the need for boosters, where is it? If not, why did federal officials issue the news release?

All of this is not to say that boosters are useless, or that we should always wait for perfect data before acting, particularly in offering boosters to high-risk groups like the immunocompromised or the elderly. However, announcing that a third Moderna or Pfizer dose will be offered soon even to young, healthy Americans when millions around the world have yet to receive a single dose requires more than a news release. And ordinary people should not be reduced to trying to decipher such issues by following debates between individual scientists online.

Plus, while extensive data still shows that the vaccines remain remarkably effective against severe disease and hospitalization despite the spread of Delta, social media focuses wildly on vaccinated people with nasty breakthroughs, like those laid up in bed for a week. Even before Delta, we knew some breakthroughs were possible. It’s a lack of systematic data that makes these anecdotes harder to interpret and prevents scientists from knowing whether such infections have become more common and dangerous.

Misinformation, which has caused so much damage, thrives under conditions of confusion and uncertainty, particularly when the relevant authorities lose credibility and aren’t seen as timely. To this end, systematic and extensive data collection is an investment as necessary as ones for vaccines and therapeutics.

It’s not surprising that some of the best data has come from Britain. Britain has a national health care system that makes bigger trials and systematic data collection easier. This epidemiological rigor also speaks to the vision of British scientists who started planning early. It’s sadly not a coincidence that the United States, with our fractured, privatized, bureaucratic and bloated health care systems, is so lagging.

Clearly, the Trump administration’s negligence and incompetence have put us in a difficult spot, and this is not a problem a new administration can solve in a few months. However, it is one that continues to hinder our pandemic response. For example, compounding the C.D.C.’s failure to track all breakthrough infections, many states that send data to the agency can’t determine how many of their hospitalized Covid patients had been vaccinated, Politico has found, making it hard to assess how dangerous breakthrough infections can be.

As encouraging as it was to hear that the C.D.C. was starting a Center for Forecasting and Outbreak Analytics, the bedrock of such efforts is having high-quality data.

In the absence of a more systematic effort, we may even need ad hoc efforts like the remarkable Covid Tracking project, begun by The Atlantic last year when the administration failed to produce data on hospitalizations and cases. The project assembled hundreds of volunteers to make calls around the country and aggregated the data itself.

To cut through this fog of pandemic more effectively, we need to invest in a national infrastructure to coordinate and encourage systematic data collection “to scent out the truth,” as Clausewitz advised.

The Void

I used to be a voracious blogger often writing numerous posts a day and since my switch to Word Press I feel less inclined if not annoyed by writing to a void. That is what blogging has become, writing to an empty space that rarely allows anything but the opportunity to vent or rant about an issue of the day. Like all forms of Social Media that is the reality of this landscape, a place to simply be that tree that falls without a sound made or does it? Again, we are engaged in a conversation of one and that is a reflection of larger society.

This week I watched the final press conference, well no, not watched, listened to Andrew Cuomo, the soon to be former Governor of New York, explain away and somehow justify or try to his behavior towards women on his staff and in his presence, aura or vision, as just those whom he was trying to make feel welcome, special and seen. Yes touching a man on the stomach is something I do as a sign of recognition, grabbing them on the arm when I really want to make a point and of course rubbing hands along backs, shoulders and asses are again just friendly gestures. I mean really did I shove my tongue down their throats? No. So, see just misunderstood communication really.

I have been in a form of isolation long before quarantine and when that began I thrived as it enabled me to be left alone without guilt or shame. I did not worry about anyone but myself and wandered freely among a largely deserted city where the dueling banjos of Mayor and Governor spent their days making declarations and scolding those who refused to follow orders. My Governor just followed their lead and admonished us calling us knuckleheads when he had to take away a privilege or a right just to make sure we were doing our part to STOP THE SPREAD. I guess the Governor did not want to totally stop the spread just of Covid but some spreading was on his agenda as he daily took to the airwaves as the idiots stuck inside swooned as the Big Daddy Governor shared his personal fears all while harassing women, intimidating staff, having them write his book for him while fudging Covid death numbers and basically bullying anyone who had the audacity to ask a legit question or wonder why their were priority tests being made as his Brother recovered then covered the Governor as just another member of the press or was he? Again progeny and family are not lost on this crew of douches but the early days of Covid between Trump’s crazy and the false patriarchy of the New York crew I see why some truly wanted to believe that anyone gave a damn, a shit or at all.

As I write this again knowing that few read or do give a damn a shit or at all, I wonder why we bother writing and doing all this bullshit that endlessly is supposed to build a platform, find an audience, get a career or income when we all do the same thing just differently. I am seriously thinking of closing this blog out and going back to blogger as Word Press just doesn’t do much for me professionally or personally and the idea that it matters as I work on a book seems pointless. I read the Facebook groups and have read more pathetic posts and query’s never ones from actual published writers who went through the conventional routes, found an agent then a publisher then went to press and on tour. NOT ONE. The ones peddling classes and workshops supposedly have but that seems to be their single source of income, selling classes to those who can learn this once and find out that again you have to have money and a reliable source of others who can assist you all with hands out and more checks to be written. Seriously, who the fuck on all the social media platforms can say they found real work, real agents, real sources of help? No one. Unless you seeking a White Supremacist group they seem to have zero problems. Try Reddit? Try Instagram? Tik Tok and on and on and again what is the point? Who and why are there social influencers? Are people that stupid that some moron on YouTube is actually providing something of value?

We are not a happy lot. Covid exposed that and with that came the woke crowd who suddenly discovered that for years Black Americans were being murdered by Police. Then came White Supremacists who attempted to destroy Democracy with a President in office, encouraging if not attempting it himself through varying efforts at the state and federal level to remain in said gig. Wow, just wow, and we have now arguments over masks and vaccines and here we are over 517 days since this began “officially” and we have learned not one fucking thing. So yes we are living in a void of our own making. The same people screaming of personal liberty and freedom are the same people wanting to stop women from having personal freedom of their own body and choice and condemn others who also have the freedom to change their bodily identity. Go figure.

I have never understood the quarantine thing and had testing been up and running the way vaccines are we could have tested large portions of individuals and isolated only those at risk or who were testing positive at the time. We could have made times to commute differ and accommodated a shift in thinking about how we work, where and more importantly the importance of ventilation and air circulation in all buildings. We have done none of that on any level and the CDC continues to be a useless tool of communication and contradiction. They know so little now much as they did then we are on our own with a vaccine that may or may not work and may be at least a marginal preventative drug that enables the body to contract Covid but not suffer its most detrimental affects. What.ever. Who the fuck knows as they change that daily too. For the love of all things holy Dr. Fauci please retire, we don’t need another hero. See what happened to Cuomo, and as for pretty boy Gavin Newsom, he is facing recall. Even some crazed up Governors are starting to shout for vaccines, well not the dueling white evils of Abbot and DiSantis of Texas and Florida, respectively, as they are like the Deliverance hillbilly’s, determined to establish power and control through humiliation and degradation. No wonder Mississippi Governor is in hiding. Again, they were elected and yet we don’t question those, why is that?

Remember the histrionics about Sweden and their herd immunity project? How’s that going? As for their vaccine rates, well does 23 bucks interest you?

And the endless hot vaxx summer seems to be well just hot. Record heat wave across the country and it seemingly has no end date. Schools are going back in the South already and of course they are fighting mask mandates, critical race theory in education and well just fighting as the violence and rage of the South is a tradition passed on through legacy and policy. Bring your son or daughter to work and bring your gun too!

When all else fails music and the house of music, the Church is there to comfort you or at least enable you to continue to live a lie. Praise Be! It is damned if you damned if you don’t and many just don’t. Again the idea that vaccine resisters are all Q’Anon’ers and Trumpsters are not so, the Black and Brown community are not exactly akin to a Trump superspreader event, some of it is fear of Government, poor education, poor healthcare and well just being poor which makes it challenging to navigate and communicate with regards to the safety of vaccines and of course overall public health and well being. When you ignore and marginalize a community for decades, imprison and kill the males in said community and in turn find ways to further segregate them from decent jobs and homes do you really think they are going to jump on a needle in the arm and go, “Thanks big white daddy for my free shot!” No hablo espanol!

I live in a Kusher owned and managed building here in Jersey City, it is is overpriced dump. The trash collector has been broken of and on for weeks and they have a blower in the lobby to mask the smell. They never notified residents but locked the trash chute and garbage stacked high in the refuse room. Ya think they would have stepped up collection in lieu of that and with the heat wave at least told us that this was happening. No they just send out the renewals of leases with a rent increase. For what? The cost of the building you are building down the street with a 1000 units? So you are competing with you? The amenity prices went up with no explanation and no upgrades so again why? Why not send a letter explaining the overall costs have gone up and that any offers or incentives during the pandemic to new tenants or to us to find new tenants failed and is costing the building more to operate and in turn they would extend leases for 90 days to allow more flexibility to find a new residence or offer said incentives to current tenants to remain in place for a year. Nope. Instead we get an email Friday at 5 pm asking us to pull all entry floor mats, shoes, umbrella and anything left in a common area inside our unit as of Monday they were doing a walk through and confiscating any items left with the ability to get a return the next day with a warning. Okay, Monday came and went so on Tuesday I put my floor mat out with my drying shoe rack next to it and on Tuesday night the floor mat was gone, the shoes and rack untouched. The confusion reigned with no further communication but we were told we can leave our unit number at the front desk and it would be returned but we are never to put it out again. More confusion as some knew and asked others did not. I did not bother as frankly the mat was an old teak bath mat and I just threw it out there my good one is in storage and I don’t care. The reason they delayed it was because they did not think anyone had read it over the weekend. Okay, then why say Monday and why send it on a Friday at 5pm. This is a standard procedure with my building they sent my lease renewal at Friday at 5 and when I asked for an extension with a rental incentive of staying at the same rent for only six months they agreed, sent it the next day at 5 pm with no actual change in rent in fact a rise in it.. Not what I agreed to and again I sent it back with a nasty note and the request that all communication be done between 9 am and Noon as I am not available at anytime thereafter and cannot return said communication until the following day effective at 9 am. They got back to me at 11 am with the corrected documents and I returned them at 9 am the next day. Game on.

This is why I am done with compromise and bullshit of disrespect. The reality is like vaccinations, like Trump and company, we have a failure to communicate. We have a Governor like Cuomo under the guise of extending women and gay rights is also a serial pervert and predator and despite being the father of three girls has bullied, intimidated and harassed women to make him feel like he is not just having a big dick but is one. It doesn’t explain, however, why many of his enablers remained on staff or even after leaving his domain continued to support his floundering efforts to disgrace and demean accusers. Wow this is Deliverance 2021. We don’t need to just win, we need to humiliate as it makes the win sweeter I guess.

Well off to write another void.

Not Enough, Too Much

The last couple of weeks I have read quite a few articles about the return to the office and of course the new option of going without masks. This is finally the big conundrum which has been the ongoing debate of what defines personal responsibility that was removed from us during the onset days of the pandemic. We were scolded, sent to our rooms, we were daily reminded and entered a lottery everyday unwittingly to let us know how lucky we were regarding contracting Covid. I have long debated and discussed some of the numbers and how they were misrepresented and of course the overall failures to test and trace the positive cases which would have resolved some of the earlier confusion and of course the larger picture of economic collapse had that been handled in the same way vaccines have been. Try to imagine had the varying Government reps worked together in getting testing out and organizing a better type of quarantine, isolation and of course enacted a cohesive manner of what defined personal responsibility to message Americans on how to combat the virus. That would have required the truth about it being airborne, working more collectively between parties and states and of course communicating across all lines about what we will have to accept as we work through finding a vaccine, treatments and the like during this period. That sure did not happen and here we are back to “normal” or not depending on your level of comfort.

The maskless thing I was never troubled by, I never wore it outside unless I came into close proximity of others and for a while I got so used to it it was not an issue. Today I never wear it outside EVER. Again the vaccine allows that comfort and knowing it is in fact airborne does not change my behavior at all, I am never close enough to anyone to worry about it. I still laugh at the six foot projectile that supposedly defined how Covid transmitted. No its droplets that linger in air when you exhale. And that has never been answered on how long they do with regards to interior air circulation, the presumptive is three hours. Seems reasonable so as you sit in a poorly ventilated bar or restaurant know that it takes under 30 minutes to contract that single droplet and good luck with that if you are a member of the great unvaxxed.

As a woman I have heard it all in my six decades of living. I have taken the mantra “No Compromises” as the one that will carry me forward now in the third act of life. I have spent enough time realizing that I have never actually compromised ever. I have capitulated meaning I have moved forward so far into the other direction that it was past coming to a mutual agreement, I simply just agreed and went from that point on. In the last few years when it came to Teaching I started to actually ask, “Is that what I said, specifically or is that what you heard.” If there is anything I have learned is that like eyewitness testimony which can be flawed by many factors, there is this thing I call “selective hearing” where you hear what you want and believe that is what was said. Now you can of course today record conversations and film encounters to counter any argument but there are always legal issues and the whole, let me hit record here, which puts people at unease. How many times have I heard the expression, “I have the receipts” meaning you have kept all the texts to ensure that all sides of the argument is clearly explained. We can thank the Real Housewives for that. And again women are always doing this, trying to explain, clarifying and denying, excusing, justifying and asking for forgiveness over every exchange and interaction where the win-win was always a win-lose. It is exhausting.

The Washington Post the last two weeks have done articles on varying micro-aggressions that faces of color experience and how that exhausts and demeans them even when they are not intended to do so. Again, people do not always mean to bring harm but the reality is that they do, even inadvertantly. And we often do not know how to ask them if that was the intent, nor ask them if they HEARD themselves when they say or ask someone about a subject that may be to say the least inflammatory at best, racist or any other “ist” at worst.

There are two types of this Macro and Micro and as a woman I share this with my friends of color. I have long said that my white privilege is about my sexuality and nothing more. And now that the window to that is closed (along with my checkbook as most relationships now are transactional so let’s keep that to a minimum) I find that I am fairly invisible unless not. And that hinges on the seer not the seen. People choose to ignore in the same way they choose to pay attention, ride public transportation and you get it.

Microaggressions v. Macroaggressions

Macroaggression occurs on a systemic level. For instance, unequal pay practices or conditions for a certain group of people. In contrast, microaggressions are intentional or unintentional verbal or nonverbal behaviors that occur in everyday interactions. They are often unacknowledged, and casually degrade, demean, or put down someone who is part of a group (for instance, a gender, race, or ethnic group). According to this research, 64% of women are exposed to this form of discrimination, with non-white women experiencing it more than anyone else.

Microaggressions can be around race or gender. Gender microaggressions include sexual objectification, the use of sexist language, making assumptions based on gender, the use of sexist humor, slights, insults, or using a derogatory analogy. Some of these subtle and not-so-subtle actions or comments may not seem like a big deal and one incident in isolation may not be. But, in reality, these types of incidents inhibit women from doing their best work, being optimally productive and undermine their success. Women and people of color (POC) cite these types of disrespectful, sometimes toxic behaviors as one of the factors that influence their decisions to leave a job. A steady diet of microaggression disconnects and wears people down. When they cite these types of behaviors as factors that lead to a reluctant decision to leave a job that they otherwise like, they describe it as “death by a thousand cuts”.

I have heard in my lifetime – you are funny, you have a strange sense of humor, curtail that; you are sexy, you are not sexy enough; you are pretty, not pretty enough; for someone smart you are dumb; you are fat, you are thin; you don’t smile enough, you never stop smiling; you talk too much, you talk not enough; you are too loud, too quiet; you said this, you should have said this; just be yourself, but not too much; you be you and who is that; why aren’t you married? Why don’t you have children- usually veiled in a question, such as: “Where is your husband? or “How many children do you have?” Of course the presumption is that if both are negative then you are a member of the LGBQT community who back in the day you didn’t actually need to have a letter in which to be a member so now we are “allies”. I have had more names thrown at me to remind myself that sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt. Well they do. How about Bitch? How about Negative, Strident, Domineering, Hostile. Yeah I get it I really do.

Like the pandemic the lightbulb is switched on and it will not go off and that means it will not change folks. This is here for the rest of time. Or at least my time. As a woman who just handled a 30 year old working at a wine store hitting on me and not getting it in the least when even using the phrase “no means no” regarding sex it became exhausting. Then to hear that I should appreciate a 30 year old wanting to fuck that 60 year old pussy was hilarious. I started having sex at age 18. I stopped at age 53 after nearly being killed by a 24 year old penis. So 35 years of fucking has told me that it is okay that once something tries to kill you stop and clearly fucking did so I did too. If for whatever reason I was going to resume riding the gear shaft I would want it to be with a partner with some baggage as that is how you connect after the fucking is done. I doubt I would have anything more to say to the 30 year old after the orgasm other than, “What do you want on your sammie and the shower is there.” Then after making said sammie, cleaning the cum stained sheets and towels and myself to come out and find him shamefully exiting with the promise to call again. That has not changed one iota. I will sit by my phone to wait for the text. Or not.

So as the masks come off a new set is ready to replace them. Reading this article in the Post and this in the Guardian has again set that trigger warning to high. Note the comments in the Post as they are hostile and abusive to women who feel they get it and commiserate as it shows once again baby, we have not come a long way.

Mask On Mask Off

In the inevitable words of Mr. Miyagi

Now replace wax with MASK you get the picture, or you don’t.

The reason was inevitable as the simultaneous release of the CDC acknowledging airborne transmission of the virus with the former head of the FDA saying that masks for vaccinated people would soon be forthcoming, then by Monday, the talking point doll, Dr. Fauci came out with that promise, it soon followed.

Now of course here the Three Stooges have parted ways, with the Connecticut Governor going his own way and opening up the State entirely with few to no restrictions, given that 70% of his State has vaccinated it was not an issue. That New York and New Jersey are being reticent and not removing mask mandates until they consult with THEIR health experts I had to bust out laughing. Cuomo in the beginning had dismissed health care policy experts and kept parks opened with masks as necessary if in a congested place. Murphy in New Jersey closed them and had a mask mandate, curfew and the rest to somehow convince us his health expert knew best. They knew nothing more nor less than the CDC but the politics at the time conveyed a demand to show the idiocy of the Trump Show which frankly was not hard to do. Cuomo kept the airports opened and little was done for WEEKS well into the onset and the fourth stooge, DiBlasio did little to counter that belief. And then well the shit hit the fan and numbers don’t lie or they do, as we know that the death counts related to Nursing Homes were higher and of course the overall death counts were as well. The same I suspect with Covid POS cases and of course the truth about Covid itself is now in debate and that too will undergo an investigation with little recourse or change in the overall truth – we got fucked big time.

The anti maskers, the anti vaxx folks are not the same cohort. They may have some overlap in the Venn Diagram of Life but there are some who are simply who will do both, some one, some another. As they say it is complicated. There are of course experts who are appalled at the new mask order and the article states: In the informal survey, 80 percent said they thought Americans would need to wear masks in public indoor places for at least another year. Just 5 percent said people would no longer need to wear masks indoors by this summer.

And like all things the “what if” “and/or” is the big divider. And with that it again falls to the big issue of import – personal responsibility. I have bought my Broadway ticket for Company with the great Broadway Diva, Patti LuPone. At this point only Hamilton is requiring all cast, company and staff to vaccinate. With that they are not requiring the audience to do so. So you pack in a crowd of people not requiring vaccinations or masks you have a problem, but not maybe, sorta, kinda for the others who are vaxxed. J&J is only 75% effective and we of Pfzier and Moderna have 95% and we can ultimately decide the efficacy risk and go forth unmasked or not. I will happily wear a mask, provide a vaccination card and in turn respect that others will do the same but we know you cannot. And hence the mask, as I am not going to put myself at risk nor the great Ms. LuPone either. Neither/nor is the mandate in this situation as it is the holidays and I want to enjoy them and hope she and her cast do as well. I don’t know Ms. LuPone vaxx status and I should not need to as that is her choice and she is someone I suspect will choose wisely. I wish I could say that about others but the reality is that is not the case.

The last group who are not vaccinated are the resisters due to well, laziness. The lack of being aggressive in finding who/what/where/how and why. When I read this article yesterday in the Times, I busted out laughing.

And the excuses seemed legitimate but also vested in reality with the un-vaxxed. They all share a common trait, and it seems ignorance. Wow just wow, I had to explain to the varying door staff here how to get it and all of it seemed to challenging. The one thing they did manage was calling the one phone line and that is where regardless of internet availability that single phone line was the key. That said it was only open 9-5 and that was a factor and which again explains some of the delays, as why in the fuck if you are trying to get folks vaccinated you don’t have a 24 hour line or one that is open 8-8 to at least cover a larger swath, you have what you have confusion that then evolves into hesitancy and then into resistance. Now in the case of the two anti-vaxx assholes here they have no excuse as the mobile trailer was literally at the corner for days or just up the street two days a week. The Pharmacy next door has Moderna so again what is their explanation? Oh yeah control and ignorance. Fuck them. I am done with them. And again with any business that has not enabled if not ENCOURAGED them to vaxx up. This again is not about a lack of options but a lack of willingness. If it was required they would and if they don’t want to, well I got several million folks who want to work in a safe environment and if you are in a bar and restaurant today and the customers are unmasked with no proof of vaccine required, GET ONE. You are fucked as you are in a closed in, poorly ventilated environment. Good luck with that.

To be a warrior you need to know first your own strength and you then need to know your enemies strengths as well. But more importantly know their weaknesses. Sun Tzu knew that lesson, another great Asian warrior. Covid is a killer opponent and we can win but we can not in alone, we need an Army. Be in it or not, and you know Soldiers without the right weapons die. So which are you?

The Masked Ball

This was one of Verdi’s most famous operas was A Masked Ball, which based on the real-life assassination of King Gustavus III of Sweden, in 1792, and the opera was prepared for its premiere in Naples. And due to the salacious nature of the piece the Napoli censors frowned on the depiction of a king being assassinated in his own court. They also took a dim view of Verdi’s major addition to the story: In the opera, the assassin is an aggrieved husband who finds his wife alone with the king, and in a compromising position.

The censors banned the opera, pending some drastic changes. They said the king had to become a mere duke. The story had to be reset to take place hundreds of years earlier. And the woman this duke fell for couldn’t be his best friend’s wife. Instead, she would be the friend’s unmarried sister. Fed up with the Neopolitan demands, Verdi decided to move the opera’s debut to Rome, but the Roman censors also frowned on the piece.

So, to get the opera to the stage, Verdi and his librettist decided to keep their story but change the setting. The opera’s hero became an English count, serving as a colonial governor, and the whole story was moved across the Atlantic to Boston. Apparently, when set in the new world, illicit love and murder were perfectly acceptable — and the censors’ ban was promptly lifted. And that gave way to the phrase, Banned in Boston, a twist; Beginning in the late 1800’s with a crusading committee known as the Watch and Ward Society, Boston became known as a place where it paid to watch one’s moral “P’s and Q’s.” The Society railed against what they regarded as offensive literature and entertainment — ranging from Voltaire to Walt Whitman — and the phrase “Banned in Boston” became so familiar that savvy publishers began using it as a marketing tool.

Not much has changed in society. I was speaking to my Eye Tech today as I was getting fitted for new glasses and I shared with her my new mantra, No Compromises. As I had realized that after a lifetime of trying to fit into the demands, expectations and requirements of being a woman, I was done. I had never experienced White Privilege (she was Black) as that seems to be extended to men and I was done with listening or giving a shit about white men. It was why in the beginning of the pandemic I found Women Scientists, not White Scientists to seek out and get information about the virus. And with that I knew early on that the way it was spread was by air and that the infamous aerosols was a type of air that was more solid in nature but it was not the exclusively manner in which it was transmitted. And with that I was off and running. So I would walk for hours and in that time I was always unmasked. When I came near others, I put it on more for them than me but I did become incredibly aware of anyone without a mask, any behavior that would contribute to the infamous droplet spread such as spitting, coughing or sneezing. I called that time the Covid dance as you learn to do a form of the electric slide without losing stride.

Now that I am vaccinated I continue the same practice mostly to avoid the “STARE” and side eye. Once again I am back to wearing statement shirts that have specific messaging in place to inform others that I am vaxxed and my thoughts on anti-vaxxers much like I did about Religion and other subjects that I wore when I was on my way out of Nashville. History does repeat, clearly. But I want to resume normal behavior when I am out and about, including dressing normally, wearing cosmetics and just feeling sane after a year of work out clothes, hair unkempt, face and smile (that I spent a small fortune on) out and about. But then it was and always has been my choice. Again I am old and that already provides a cloak of invisibility so I don’t need to add on another layer; However, as you will read, many women feel differently and some me with regards to the mask and plan on continuing to do so as it is their cloak of invisibility. I get it, I really do. As I said I can wear the shirts and only a few will comment, and those are always positive as the type of individual who would read it and be aggressive can’t read and see an older white lady and they do their Covid slide. Who knew that it would be a win-win.

The people who want to keep masking: ‘It’s like an invisibility cloak’

More than a year into the pandemic, some people prefer to keep wearing their face mask – even outdoors in public

By Julie Carrie Wong The Guardian Mon 10 May 2021

She’s been fully vaccinated for three weeks, but Francesca, a 46-year-old professor, does not plan to abandon the face mask that she’s come to view as a kind of “invisibility cloak” just yet.

“Maybe it’s because I’m a New Yorker or maybe it’s because I always feel like I have to present my best self to the world, but it has been such a relief to feel anonymous,” she said. “It’s like having a force field around me that says ‘don’t see me’.”

Francesca is not alone. After more than a year of the coronavirus pandemic, some people – especially some women – are reluctant to give up the pieces of cloth that serve as a potent symbol of our changed reality.

Whether and when to wear a face mask has been one of the most fraught and divisive debates of the pandemic, from the early days of (bad) expert advice against masking, to the anti-masker protests of summer 2020, and the current, oddly angry public debates about when people should stop wearing masks outside.

US officials in recent weeks have said that fully vaccinated Americans can go outdoors without a face mask, except in big crowds. But while Tucker Carlson on Fox News frames continued mask-wearing as child abuse, Emma Green in the Atlantic portrays liberals who remain very concerned about Covid as anti-science, and various pundits toss around accusations of “irrationality” or pandemic “addiction”, some people told the Guardian that they simply prefer wearing their face masks in public. It has nothing to do with being pro-science or anti-science, liberal or conservative, they said. Instead, it’s about the fact that there are more things that can hurt them than viruses, including the aggressive or unwelcome attention of other people – or even any attention at all.

“It’s a common consensus among my co-workers that we prefer not having customers see our faces,” said Becca Marshalla, 25, who works at a bookstore outside Chicago. “Oftentimes when a customer is being rude or saying off-color political things, I’m not allowed to grimace or ‘make a face’ because that will set them off. With a mask, I don’t have to smile at them or worry about keeping a neutral face.”

“I have had customers get very upset when I don’t smile at them,” she added. “I deal with anti-maskers constantly at work. They have threatened to hurt me, tried to get me fired, thrown things at me and yelled ‘fuck you’ in my face. If wearing a mask in the park separates me from them, I’m cool with that.”

Aimee, a 44-year-old screenwriter who lives in Los Angeles, said that wearing a mask in public even after she’s been vaccinated gives her a kind of “emotional freedom”. “I don’t want to feel the pressure of smiling at people to make sure everyone knows I’m ‘friendly’ and ‘likable’,” she said. “It’s almost like taking away the male gaze. There’s freedom in taking that power back.”Advertisement

Bob Hall, a 75-year-old retired researcher in New Jersey with a self-described “naturally grim countenance [that] tends to be off-putting to others”, concurred. “In the United States there is an obligation to appear happy, and I get told to smile and ‘be happy’ a lot, which is very annoying,” he said. “The mask frees me from this.”

For Elizabeth, a 46-year-old tutor living near Atlanta, Georgia, the mask has accomplished for her social anxiety what years of therapy and medication have not: allowing her to feel comfortable while out in the world.

“I’m short and fat and if I don’t moisturize compulsively, my face is constantly flaking,” she said. “It’s easy to feel like I’m surrounded by mocking, disapproving eyes … Nothing has shielded me from the feeling of vulnerability like a mask has.”

Who has the right to exist in public without question is one of the constant, defining struggles of any society. For years, countries have debated and even banned Muslim women from wearing the niqab, a full-face veil, and women who wear the hijab, a head scarf, face high rates of discrimination. Some Muslim women told researcher Anna Piela that the pandemic allowed them to feel more comfortable adopting the niqab, which they had wanted to do before.

Early in the pandemic, many Asian Americans and Asian immigrants were among the first to adopt face masks, a decision that may have protected their health while simultaneously making them targets for racism. A year later, with coronavirus cases down but concerns about anti-Asian hate crimes much higher, some are looking to masks as a form of disguise.

“The night of the Atlanta murders, I was messaging with another Asian American friend and she mentioned making sure to wear sunglasses and a mask before she went out, just so that no one could see her eyes or nose and guess she’s Asian,” said Jane C Hu, a 34-year-old science journalist living in Seattle. “I definitely feel a sense of protection when no one can see my face.”

Jinghua, a 34-year-old non-binary writer living in Melbourne, Australia, said that masking had provided relief from being wrongly perceived “as a woman or a little boy” in public.

“I appreciated that I felt a bit more anonymous in a mask and more gender ambiguous,” they said. “After lockdown ended, it was confronting to go out and be exposed to all that offhand racism, sexism and misgendering from strangers again … Sometimes when I’m just going out to grab takeaway, I’ve enjoyed keeping the mask on even though it’s not really necessary here now.”

The sense of privacy that masks can provide in public is somewhat offset by the scrutiny some remote workers now feel when they’re at home, but working.

Hartley Miller, a 33-year-old tech worker in San Francisco, said that the past year of constant, camera-on Zoom calls has seriously exacerbated her body dysmorphia, a mental health condition that involves obsessive thinking about a perceived flaw in one’s appearance.

“I just stare at that little box with my face in it and pick apart my appearance,” she said, noting that her distress is affecting her job performance. “My double chin seems six times larger, my eye bags are too deep of a purple, etc … Even when there’s a heatwave and my apartment is close to 90 degrees, I’ll wear a turtleneck that I can pull up. I pack on thick makeup that makes my skin peel.”

Going out in public with a black surgical mask that covers her chin and sunglasses that cover her eye bags provides Miller with an escape from that sense of scrutiny.

“I 10,000% plan on wearing it for the foreseeable future,” she said. “After a full work day of worrying and not being able to focus on my actual job, it just feels nice to blend in. Simply put, I’m sick of being perceived.

Shamu the Blaming Whale

In current social media society the shame, blame and dogpile was quite common especially in the early days of Twitter. But it was done on message boards, blogs and other mediums designed to denigrate and humiliate a poster to the point they board-acided and that poster was declared a superior winner in what was a precursor to today’s callout cancel culture that takes it to new heights, doxxing people, outing their real names, addresses and places of business with the point I assume to have people really commit suicide and well that too has happened. So game on I guess!

Frankly I don’t give a flying fuck what someone says online I don’t know you, you are not my boss, my neighbor or anyone who pays my bills and provides my income. And even if you are I assume the anonymity is a reason alone to let bygones to be bygones. What you say behind my back is one thing, it is another when it is too my face and then for me it’s GAME ON. The endless scolding, shaming and passive aggressive messaging with regards to Covid has taken on new heights of late. Last week I was accused of possibly giving a woman Covid while being masked and sitting outside and then publicly announcing that when I admittedly tried to scare her as she was determined to have some type of conflict/encounter and I rose to the occasion. Why? I am exhausted by cunts like her, these are the ubiquitous “Karen’s” that just pick targets and then fire on all cylinders without any recourse or thought as to what their actions cause. Then we have the male versions, who are the ubiquitous injured white male who sees a threat to their manhood with mask requirements or those who see one without and in turn take it upon themselves to be the martyr or victim in which to right said wrong. Again, are you my Daddy? Why are you so inured with a stranger and what is it with shit that is not in your carry-on that you seem to give such a flying fuck about?

Today the New York Times had an editorial about Covid shaming and blaming and how that is perhaps contributing to further spread if not leading to those to be obstinate and not follow protocols. I will say that again the conflicting and ever changing goal posts do not help and the businesses in California are experiencing first hand the endless curfews, lockdowns and regulations that seemingly to have zero to no consistency and even less or more enforcement that too varies. That has been a major issue from day one which I have long said is again a clear indicator that no one knows shit and that Covid is less about the disease and more about the medical system and its utter ineptitude in treating patients. The hope for the vaccine and its endless promise is a year or longer away from fully being realized but we can continue to pretend and believe the bullshit with the hope that it may all be great and we will have huge cooperation and inoculation rates with massive efficacy. Right.what.ever.

I read this in the Times under the Here to Help column and this is pretty much what I have been doing from day one and nothing in my world view has led me to change my habits or behavior. Again I cannot change anyone’s but I can mine and I have this concept of self love and self respect and more important personal responsibility. So I wake up at 4 hit the gym, open the windows, turn on the fans and wash down my equipment before and after, wash my hands and wear a mask if anyone comes in while there. I try to go to be alone as I cannot expect that from others and I fear them more than Covid and given what I have seen this is why I am up at four. If others followed the same protocol or respected mine I might and the one or two women that do at times come in do, so I have no issue, but we are all not the same and that is why I don’t go to Yoga classes, eat in restaurants or hang out with anyone anywhere without doors/windows open or are outdoors. Sorry that is what is my “normal” for now. But what is tragic is that as we all race to get tested to travel or socialize it means nothing without isolation and quarantining prior to departure and again on arrival. This article in the Washington Post explains why testing is not answer unless done on a massive scale with the same protocol, all which should have happened back in February. We have come a long way to nowhere in the last several months and it appears to be months away for even that to be a possibility.

But this is America, God Damn it and I want it my way, all the time, with a side of chips. We don’t give a flying fuck about anyone let alone ourselves. If we did we would not be in this situation right now.

Martyr or Victim

We are at the stage now in the pandemic and the post-election process to find ourselves on two sides of one argument. The belief that Covid is a serious contagious illness and that being proactive and personally responsible for behavior and actions can reduce the likelihood of contracting the virus and that Trump lost the election and his pouting and antics have done little to resolve, remedy or alleviate the fears about said disease before or since the election. Covid is the cause and the disease. of it all right now in America, the immense divisiveness and the fear and rage that are all the results not of Trump but of Covid ironically masked as political beliefs. I read one more article about how red states and blue states managed the virus I will cough in someone’s face, they all handled it badly and the virus doesn’t give a shit about your politics, your lungs however it can’t wait to attach itself to. Be it red or blue there are many questions about Covid that demand straight answers and true facts and that we will never get. But if you live in Florida that is coming faster than later as they are already finding out that their Governor, Trump diSantis, did in fact lie. Gosh no!

Because Trump downplayed the virus including his own contraction of it and its continued spread throughout the White House and in Congress, he was the archetype and originator of the bullshit peddled and in turn misled many Americans about the severity of Covid and the ultimate reality of how limited our fragile medical care system was prepared to handle any crisis of any kind. As a result, it became a game of chess between States to see which could in fact provide leadership and information to their constituents with the media donning one Governor over another as the bestest ever leading that asshole Cuomo to actually write a book in the middle of the pandemic about how well he handled it. Sure timing is everything and that was some kind of timing as round two, the second wave or the never ending one is back with a vengeance. So the daily scolds, the reprimands and the shouting of lottery numbers have returned to scare folks all under the guise of inspiration and encouraging cooperation. That is working out well… not really.

Despite the promise of vaccines there are still major hurdles to overcome and once again little Igor put his foot in the deep recesses of his mouth criticizing Britain’s approval of one and then only to retract that the next day. Kinda like many of those he did before, from masks to manner of contagion (he was one who said the virus lives on packages) that has done little to endear him to other than screaming liberals who are begging for some leadership that does not come from an elected official. Well good luck with that. And when January comes don’t expect that to change as the obsession with Trump will continue and th media will slavishly devote hours to his post-Presidency and outrageous tweets and posts that will rage on until he dies. And to think Covid is bad. And Fauci like a weed will be there with the new Administration once again warning and waxing on the dangers of Covid while the Bride has perhaps moved into a new lab by then but her scarf collection was pretty fab.

Even the CDC that were slow to the starting block are now free to actually do their job and today insisted that masks indoors when not at home are critical. Wow thanks. Didn’t the Karate Kid have to deal with that? Mask on, Mask Off. Oh wax, whatever same thing. But the reality is that we don’t even get what we are to do with masks when to wear them, how to and what type. This article in the Washington Post explains the Ps and Qs of mask wear, which again explains that they are not perfect but they are part of our new pandemic chic.

That said when you are walking outside it is perfectly good habit but there is little indication that you alone walking on a city street are likely to get infected nor infect others unless you get close, start talking to them and spreading droplets so in other words keep to yourself, mind yourself and in turn those who are not following the protocol means you keep moving on. Actually trying to engage in conversation over this with a scofflaw is putting you at risk and wasting time. When I see someone on public transport spare the face covering I GET OFF and not in fun way. And yesterday the mask debate began with me earlier in the day at the High Line where I asked if I could sit on a bench, drink coffee and have some food and they said yes but once up and walking mask on and try regardless to keep physically distant when both seated and standing. Makes sense and is what I have been doing all this time so I found a sunny spot, sat down with my coffee and my paper and began to read as the walkers kept passing me by until one didn’t. The male version of Karen stops directly in front of me and asks, “Did you forget a mask today?” Okay the patronizing and condescension aside, the park does not allow you in without one, so how did I get there? Then standing less than six feet from the unmasked woman is another odd choice and I responded, “I am drinking coffee is that alright with you?” “Oh I did not see that.” And I said, “well had you you would have seen my mask right alongside it and I will now put it on as it has a special message for you, it says, KINDLY FUCK OFF.” He and his companion with whom he was walking stood there and were of course shocked for a moment as I don’t fit the profile of a white woman with privilege who is not accommodating and apologetic was a new one clearly and he finally responded, “Well I hope you have a better day.” I go, “I will once you fuck off.” Would he have said this if I was a face of color or a man? No. As a woman I am the last bastion of safety for these people to scold, reprimand and verbally abuse. And as I walked out of the park I saw three people a few feet down from where I was unmasked and eating and I wondered if he spoke to them the same way? No, but again safety in numbers perhaps.White men are insatiably hungry for the attention and respect of white women to validate their dick size and place in society it is why the put on the adornments of flack jackets and MAGA hats and accessorize with M-16 as a surrogate symbol of their cock to remind you how much power and authority they have. The problem is that no one ever assumed power that way that was sane.

Covid fear is the new agita and that has enabled many to scream out as if the Zombie Apocalypse is upon them. The woman who verbally abused and targeted me last week was sure I had Covid, carried on and informed the staff of this then came out to wear I was sitting to somehow generate conflict and then furthered her angst by complaining more in the full coffee shop and writing the ultimate in the last word, the YELP review. As a quick review of her few reviews one included and owner berating her for her behavior in her store and informing her to never come back. To YELP she is the bread and butter of their existence and further explains why I have never used the service as there is no point. Can you not do anything anymore independently?

This is now where we are – victim or martyr with many actually pushing boundaries to somehow contract Covid as a right of passage, a symbol of toughness and those who on their dying breaths still tell hospital folks that they did not believe. Okay Santa I get but a fucking virus that is affecting the globe? Are you that ignorant? Yes as many folks don’t read actual news or listen to it, they rely on Facebook or some site that has little journalistic cred but hey whatever the great unwashed are doing I am too, I am special, unique and different, just like everyone else!

As we enter the big kahuna of holiday seasons I suspect this behavior will worsen. I was chatting with the PATH train conductor yesterday about the current situation and we both loved the early days of the pandemic, the streets were clear, the trains empty and people out were behaving well, as in cautious and proactive. Today not so much. He shared with me two tales of recent outbursts, where one man in shorts and flip flops, tan and young wearing a MAGA hat boarded without a mask, was asked to put one on and he refused informing him that the Governor is not the leader of America and cannot order such compliance. (Something tells me, however, when the issue of states rights comes up he is all there in a biscuit) And then proceeded to berate the passengers, many who exited the train as he ran between cars as then the Port Authority had arrived and he was attempting to well avoid them finally requiring them to tackle him to get him out of there. Wow I missed that? Then another man who walks between cars and Lysol sprays anyone not wearing a mask. Well how thoughtful. Sort of like a Priest and the washing of the feet. I wonder if he will molest you later or is that extra?

Martyr or Victim and then when you choose not what do you have? We are society that loves victims and we use their stories and statements in court to further generate sympathy and in turn generate a longer sentence and harder punishment on one who inflicts us pain. And we see Covid that way only that means it comes from a human, a family member, a co-worker or on a package apparently or by someone minding their own business sitting in a park drinking coffee not talking/spreading the virus, or from cats/dogs/tigers or whatever the media has today informed us that is danger danger Paul Revere Covid is coming. It is a virus. Close contact, under ventilated areas or confined areas, failing to follow protocols for safety when handling viruses (yes labs are the ones and hospitals for not actually doing just that) and working with patients and people who work with patients. We are clueless, directionless and we are all just in this alone despite the statements otherwise. I chose to thrive and anyone who comes in six feet of me fear my wrath more than Covid, as I bite.

Q&A Covid Time

I think this is worth reading to understand how those “in the know” handle Covid. Inconsistent on some issues and on others quite so.  That said you can see that even “experts” are not truly cohesive on their reasoning or behaviors, just like everyone else.  Comforting on some level and some not, only showing me that they know as much as we know which is not much.

Fauci, 5 other health specialists deal with covid-19 risks in their everyday lives

By Marlene Cimons
The Washington Post
July 3, 2020

As Americans learn to live with the coronavirus, many are struggling with decisions about which practices are safe or risky for them. The Washington Post asked six public health/infectious diseases specialists about their own behavior choices.

Q: When and where do you wear a mask?

Anthony S. Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases: It dominates everything I do. The only time I don’t wear one is when I am alone, when I am home with my wife, or when I am speaking in public — provided there is 6 feet between me and the people to whom I am speaking, as was the case when I answered questions at the recent Congressional hearings.

Elizabeth Connick, chief of the infectious diseases division and professor of medicine and immunobiology at the University of Arizona: I walk in the morning and never wear a mask walking around in my neighborhood. Even if you see somebody, you can keep your distance. But I do wear it otherwise. I don’t wear one inside my own office, but I do wear one in the general office area. I wasn’t wearing one before, but now everyone is masking because we have more covid spread [in Arizona].

Paul A. Volberding, professor of medicine and emeritus professor of epidemiology and biostatistics at the University of California at San Francisco: I wear a mask most of the time, although not inside the house or sitting outside on my second-floor deck. I think people are crazy not to be wearing masks. The evidence that they are effective is pretty strong. I’ve noticed in recent weeks that the number of people wearing them seems to be decreasing, which concerns me. There is no shame in wearing a mask.

Linda Bell, South Carolina’s state epidemiologist: I wear one in public whenever possible, in stores, office settings, if I encounter groups of people that I can’t distance myself from and during press conferences when I’m not speaking.

Barry Bloom, Jacobson research professor and former dean of the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health: Every time I leave the house, inside and outside, and certainly when I shop.

David Satcher, former U.S. surgeon general, former director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and, most recently, founder of the Satcher Health Leadership Institute at the Morehouse School of Medicine: All the time. Even when I’m in the office, I keep it on, since people are always coming in and out. The only time I don’t is when I am home.

Q: Besides family, do you allow anyone else inside your home, such as cleaners or service people for repairs?

Fauci: The only person who comes into the house besides (my wife) Christine and me is the woman who cleans the house once every two weeks. She wears a mask and gloves at all times while in the house.

Connick: I pay someone to clean house. She was very afraid at first, and didn’t come for six weeks, but I paid her anyway. Then she decided she was comfortable and came back. I’m not here when she cleans, and she’s gone when I come home. So I am not breathing her air. I do have a pest control guy come. He’s quick, and I stay far away from him.

Volberding: We have cleaners who come once a week. They text me when they are nearly here, and (my wife) Molly and I close ourselves into a room on the top floor study and don’t interact with them at all. They text when they are leaving. They are good about disinfecting. As for the room we stay in, it’s my chore to keep it clean.

Bell: I allow repair workers in the home and don’t make them wear a mask while they’re working, but I do when I have contact with them, and I keep my distance.

Bloom: Yes, but only people I know, and we keep our distance and often wear masks.

Satcher: Yes, probably more than I should. My daughter is upset at the number of people I let in who don’t wear masks, although I wear one.

Q: Do you shop in grocery stores, or order online? Do you wash the items off or disinfect the outside of packages once you get home?

Fauci: I do physically go to the grocery store, but I wear a mask and keep my distance. I usually go at odd times. I spend half the day alone in my office, and I’m part-time at the White House. In the late afternoon or evening, when I’m finished with the White House, I go shopping for groceries, or to drugstores. I don’t disinfect the bags. In general, I will take the materials out of the bags, then wash my hands with soap and water, and then use Purell, and let everything sit for a day.

Connick: I wear a mask when I shop, and stay away from people while in the store. I try to minimize my trips. As infections become more widespread, I think I will be more conscientious about making only one visit a week. I don’t wash the packages. I did that for about a week, then decided there would be more cases if the virus was transmitted that way. I don’t think there is a lot of virus hanging around on those packages. But I do wash my hands.

Volberding: We have wonderful stores in our neighborhood that really enforce everything. They don’t let you get close to anyone else and everyone wears a mask. I don’t disinfect or wash anything. I don’t think the evidence for surface contamination is real. I don’t wear gloves in the store, but I wash my hands before I go and when I come back.

Bell: I shop in grocery stores and order online. I don’t disinfect packages that I bring into my home.
Bloom: I shop at grocery stores, and also have them shipped. I don’t wash them, but usually let them sit for a day before I use them. The bug dies pretty quickly.

Satcher: I shop in grocery stores and I wear a mask. I do the handwashing thing. I’m compulsive about that. I don’t wash or disinfect the packages, but I do wash my hands after touching them.

Q: Would you dine inside a restaurant? Outside? Do you get takeout?

Fauci: We don’t do anything inside. I don’t eat in restaurants. We do get takeout.

Connick: No, no restaurants. I avoid any closed space with a lot of people, particularly when it’s people whose risk I don’t know. I think the biggest risk is being in a closed space and breathing the same air that other people are breathing, and also not wearing masks. I wouldn’t go even if they were wearing masks. I might consider dining outside, although I would rather not. I think being outside is much safer. Takeout, yes. I would die if I didn’t do takeout.

Volberding: I wouldn’t feel comfortable yet with indoor seating, but I’d feel comfortable outside, with distances between the tables. We haven’t gone yet. We’ve gotten takeout a couple of times. We are cooking a ton, and love it.

Bell: I would not dine in a restaurant, but I would dine outside if the restaurant had a safe set up. I do get takeout.

Bloom: I would not dine inside now. I would dine outside. I’m a big believer in outside, that it’s safer outside.

Satcher: I have not dined inside a restaurant in a long time, and I used to do it a lot. I have not dined outside, but I would if I could be six feet away from other people. I do sometimes get takeout.

Q: Do you take any precautions with your mail or packages?

Fauci: I used to, but now I just bring the mail in, wash my hands, then let it lie around for a day or two before I open it.

Connick: I’m just not that interested in my mail. It’s in a locked box across the street from my driveway, and I only pick it up once a week. If there is any virus on those letters, it gets cooked off. I don’t think a virus is living on my mail, and I’m really not worried about it. I don’t worry about packages. I open them.

Volberding: I don’t take any precautions with my mail. As for packages, there is no contact with the delivery person. I don’t leave them outside — they’d be stolen if I did.

Bell: No.

Bloom: I let them sit for a day. That’s probably irrational, but I do it that way.

Satcher: I’m so compulsive about mail that I’m reading it before I get it into my house. But I do wash my hands afterwards.

Q: Do you go to friends’ homes for dinner, or have friends to your house, or see them in other ways?

Fauci: On the rare occasion when we have people over, we have them out on the deck, six feet apart, and we never have more than two people, and they are people who themselves are locked in. We wear masks, unless we are eating. We don’t share anything. There are no common bowls. Each person has his or her own receptacle. Some people even bring their own glasses. We always do takeout and I tell the takeout people that I want the food in four separate plastic containers, so no one has to touch anyone else’s food. Everyone’s food is self-contained. Also, we always stay outside. We don’t do anything inside. If it’s too hot, or rainy, we cancel it.

Connick: There are a few friends I see for dinner. In Tucson, you can sit outside to eat. I’ve had a few people over to dinner and we eat outside. I don’t have many people over. The people I have over have been quarantining. We don’t wear masks. We sit outside at a good distance. I think if you are outside at a good distance the risk is very small. I invite over people who are very circumspect in their behavior. No one comes over to my house who goes to restaurants or bars.

Volberding: Except for seeing immediate family, the only thing we have done was to go to a birthday celebration for a friend in Golden Gate Park. Everything was widely spread out, and everyone was wearing masks. Everyone brought their own blanket and food. We haven’t been in anyone else’s house, and no one has been in ours, except our kids, and only once in a while.

Bell: I don’t go to friends’ homes for dinner at this time. I do see friends by practicing physical distancing and using masks if we have to be closer than six feet for longer than a few minutes. I allow friends in the home whose practices I’m confident in.

Bloom: I have only seen friends once, to dine outside, which was very nice. I am very keen on the outside and dispersion of aerosols sitting in the open air, but concerned about them in closed settings.
Satcher: I have not been to anybody’s house for dinner since this started. My son and his family came over for the day, and my daughter was over once to help me with a Zoom presentation.

Q: Are you getting your hair cut?

Fauci: I usually get it cut every five weeks, but I didn’t go for a long while. By the 11th week, it was looking really bad. So I asked the woman who cuts my hair if I could come in really early in the morning, at 7 a.m., and we arranged to do that. No one else was there. She wore a mask and I wore a mask.

Connick: I do not go to the hair salon. I pay my hairdresser to come to my house. The first time he did it, he said: “It’s on me, thanks for being a health-care worker.” The second time, I insisted. He did it outside the first time, the second time, inside. He comes once a month. No mask for my hairdresser or me in the past. However, now that salons are open, I will have to ask him how much time he has spent at the salon. If he is spending a lot of time, I may ask him to mask. We will definitely do hair outside next time. The pandemic is unfortunately ramping up in Arizona, and everyone’s risk is greater now than it was two months ago when he first cut my hair.

Volberding: [laughs] I am quite bald. I have a little hair on the sides and I buzz that off myself. I know Molly would love to get to the hair salon. She took some kitchen shears a couple of weeks ago and whacked off her hair. I understand the urge to get back to some of those personal services, but I haven’t been inclined at all.

Bell: I have not, but I would go if the business only allowed one client at a time in the general area, there was no waiting with other clients and the use of masks by all employees was required.

Bloom: Nope, I haven’t in three months, but that’s because the barbers were closed down. Now you have to make an appointment, and I haven’t had the time. Everybody wears a mask, so it would be fine.
Satcher: I haven’t been to the barber since this started. I cut my own hair now, just like I did when I was in college.

Q: Are you willing to fly? What about bus, train, subway?

Fauci: I’m 79 years old. I am not getting on a plane. I have been on flights where I’ve been seated near people who were sneezing and coughing, and then three days later, I’ve got it. So, no chance. No Metro, no public transportation. I’m in a high risk group, and I don’t want to play around.

Connick: I would only fly if I had to, for an emergency. I would not fly now for pleasure or work. I have a family reunion that happens every year, and I’m not going. But if I had to fly, I would wear an N95 mask.

Volberding: I haven’t flown, and I’m not eager to. I don’t like the idea of being in an enclosed space, especially when the airplanes are full. I’ve only ridden BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) once because we were in the East Bay to see our new granddaughter, and a Black Lives Matter protest took over the Bay Bridge. There was no way to get back except by BART. Normally, I wouldn’t have done it, but it wasn’t very crowded.

Bell: No. With the current disease activity in the country, I don’t know when I’ll fly again while airlines don’t require physical distancing and masks required for all. No [buses or trains], but public transport isn’t widely used in my community.

Bloom: No, none of them, not until the numbers of cases are down to much lower levels than they are at the moment.

Satcher: I am willing, but I haven’t flown recently. If someone invites me to speak, and I can speak by Zoom, I do it. If someone said they really needed me somewhere, I would go, but I would wear a mask all the way. I have not been on the subway since this started, but Atlanta isn’t as big on subways as New York or other places. I just usually drive my car.

Q: Would you visit your kids/grandkids?

Fauci: My middle daughter, who teaches school in New Orleans, drove up here after they closed the schools. She could teach online from here, so she thought: Why not come home and see her parents? When she got here she went straight through the back entrance into the basement. She stayed in our basement, which has a room with a bed, a shower, electricity, and she did not come upstairs for 14 days. My wife brought food down to her on paper dishes. She lives in a very high risk city, and she wouldn’t let us near her. I wanted to hug her when she arrived, but she said: “No way, dad.” She came upstairs after 14 days, and then stayed with us for several months.

Connick: I’m not going to go visit him [a son, 22, who lives in New York City] because of the flying. Besides, who wants to go to New York when you can’t go anywhere? Also, I wouldn’t take the bus or subway there. Those are enclosed spaces where you share air, and I avoid them.

Volberding: Not very often. At first, we didn’t at all. We have family cocktail hour Zooms twice a week. We talk a lot about covid, and everyone is being super safe. I held my granddaughter — I couldn’t help that — but I don’t hug my kids or their partners.

Bloom: I have a brand new grandson, 2 months old, who lives in Los Angeles. He’s the cutest kid in the world. I would love to fly there and see him, but I won’t.

Satcher: I’ve visited my son and daughter-in-law once or twice. They needed me to sign some papers, so I went over. We were social distancing in the garage area and wearing masks, and my grandkids were wearing masks. We also do family Zoom meetings every other week on Sundays which include my two brothers and sister and their children.

Q: What would you tell your kids or grandkids who wanted to join a protest march or go to a political rally?

Fauci: My daughters feel very strongly about social injustice, but would not likely want to do that. They are very careful with their health. They stay away from crowds.

Connick: I’d be so proud of him. I would tell him to wear a mask. He’s young and doesn’t have any health conditions. Nothing is risk free. If that’s what he wanted to do, I’d ask him to wear a mask.

Volberding: We are a pretty political family, and believe in these protests. But I haven’t been to a rally. I’m old enough that it’s probably more serious for me. They are young enough that it’s probably less serious for them. But I would tell them to stay to the side and wear masks all the time, and that being in the mosh pit of a crowd is a pretty bad idea.

Bell: I would advise them that the risk for exposure is high, and that they should wear a mask at all times, and make every attempt to distance themselves from people without masks.

Bloom: The answer would be yes, but wear a mask and try to stay [six to eight] feet away from everybody. I wouldn’t do it because I am at high risk.

Satcher: I was quite active in the civil rights movement when I was a student at Morehouse. I went to jail at least five times. What bothers me about today’s protests is that they aren’t as organized as we were. You don’t know who you are marching with. You don’t want to find out when you get there that someone is going to throw a rock or start a fire.

Q: Would you go work out at a gym? Swim in a pool? Run? Walk?

Fauci: I wouldn’t go to a gym. I need to be so careful. I don’t want to take a chance. I have a pool at home, so I swim in that. I do power-walking with Chris. I was running until about a year ago, but every time I went running, my back would tighten up the next morning. So now I walk the same distance. It just takes longer. We go every day with few exceptions, 3.5 miles per day during the week, four miles over the weekend. Prior to covid-19, I did it at lunch alone in the parks near NIH. Now, I do it in the evening with Chris around the neighborhood. On the weekends, Chris and I do it together on the C&O canal.

Connick: I wouldn’t go to a gym. I’d go to an outdoor pool, which is much safer than an indoor pool, since everything dissipates in the air, although I wouldn’t go to a crowded outdoor pool.

Volberding: I had a gym built in my house before this and it has everything, so I have no need to go to a gym. But I wouldn’t go eagerly. They can’t disinfect everything all of the time. As for pools, if anything, outdoors yes, indoors no. The swimmers would need to be far enough apart. There is a lot of heavy breathing, so even if they are in the next lane, I don’t think it’s fully safe. I try to get out and walk most days.

Bell: Of these I would only run, walk or hike where there were few other people, making it easy to avoid close contact

Bloom: I’m on the treadmill every other day at my house. I belong to a gym, but don’t believe gyms are the safest place to be until the numbers go down. Swimming outside itself is pretty safe — but stay out of the locker rooms.

Satcher: I’m not a gym person, even when there is no pandemic. I have to be outside. Being outside is good for you. I still run and walk, although I walk more than I run. I go about three or four miles most mornings. I would swim, since there is no evidence it is spread in water. I would only swim outside, since I am not an indoor swimmer.

Q: Are you making routine trips to the doctor or dentist?

Fauci: No, not yet, although I might check in within the next few weeks with my physician to get some soothing meds for my throat since I have a hoarse voice from so many briefings and interviews. He will probably take a look and say: “Just stop talking so much.”

Connick: Fortunately, I had my doctor checkup just before the shutdown, but I probably would not. As for the dentist, I probably wouldn’t go unless I had an emergency. I wouldn’t go for a routine cleaning.

Volberding: Nope. I had one doctor’s appointment done by video. I haven’t been to the dentist, although the problem with dentists is not my health, but theirs. I feel sorry for them.

Bell: No.

Bloom: No. I’m still nervous about infection control. If I had a major dental or medical emergency, I would go. The medical people take good precautions, but I am concerned with other patients going in and out.

Satcher: I haven’t seen a dentist since this started, but probably will go in soon. I’ve seen a physician once or twice for routine appointments, and I was comfortable with the way they handled the visits.

Q: What about mammograms? Would you get a routine mammogram/advise your wife/daughter to get one?

Fauci: If routine, I’d probably tell her to wait.

Connick: I am going to do it because I am a year overdue for mine, and want to get it done, otherwise I probably wouldn’t.

Volberding: Not yet.

Bell: Yes.

Bloom: Probably not.

Satcher: There is breast cancer history in the family, so yes.

Q: What kinds of questions would you ask a doctor’s office before going for a routine appointment — and what are “acceptable risk” answers?

Connick: I would ask if they practice universal masking and whether they are seeing sick patients in their office.

Volberding: I would ask about disinfection, masks and face shields, and — for the dentist — whether they are using tools that generate a lot of aerosols.

Bell: I would ask if they separate sick patients from others, whether they keep a physical distance between patients, whether they require the use of masks for all employees and patients in common areas, do they screen health-care providers for symptoms, and exclude those who are ill.

Satcher: I have not interrogated the doctors, because I trust them, and I haven’t been disappointed.

Q: Are you working in your office? What precautions do you take?

Fauci: I don’t wear a mask when I’m alone in my office, but I slap one on if I walk out into the hall and could pass someone, like my assistant, who also wears one.

Connick: In our infectious diseases clinic, if anyone is sick, they are sent home. They are screened outside and talked to on phone, and asked if they are sick. We see people for HIV or other chronic infectious diseases and they are asked not to come if they have a fever or upper respiratory tract symptoms. Also, everyone must wear a surgical mask or we won’t see them. I wear an N95 mask if I am seeing covid patients, as well as goggles and a shield.

Volberding: I still have AIDS patients I do by phone. I went into clinic once a few weeks ago, but stayed only a brief period of time. I’m still not too eager to get back to the clinic. I do most work from home.
Bell: I primarily telework, but I wear a mask in group meetings when I’m in the office.

Bloom: Until recently, school has been closed and locked. I have permission to go in, but no particular reason to do so. I live by Zoom, and it’s fantastic.

Satcher: I go in about twice a week and wear a mask all the time, which is the rule. Also, everyone gets temperature checked.

Q: Will you ever shake hands again? Hug/kiss someone?

Fauci: I think it’s going to be a while. The infection rate will have to be extremely low or nonexistent, or we have to have a vaccine. Right now, I don’t even think about doing it.

Connick: I don’t know if people will ever shake hands again. Not until this thing is gone. Not until this is over. If my son came to visit, I’d hug him, but I’m generally not hugging people.

Volberding: It’s been a long time since I have shaken a hand. Maybe I will again once there is a vaccine. I grew up in Minnesota where hugging is not common, but since I’ve been out here, I’ve wanted to hug people, and love it. Once there is a vaccine, I want to get back to hugging. It just feels normal.

Bell: Yes [to shaking hands], followed by practicing good hand hygiene. Yes [to hugging and kissing.]
Bloom: I’d try to avoid it. I think it’s a bad idea. But I would rub elbows.

Satcher: I forget upon occasion and reach out my hand. I’m supposed to set an example, but I don’t always remember. Handshakes have always been a big thing at Morehouse, a firm handshake was one of the things they recommended when I was a student. I do the elbow bump thing, and I’m now a stickler for social distance. I don’t hug or kiss anyone.

Q: If you had young kids, would you send them back to school in the fall?

Fauci: It really depends on where you live.

Connick: I think that’s a very difficult question. I’m very glad I don’t have to make that decision. If they got sick, they may be fine but they could give it to me. As a doctor, I feel obligated to not get sick. It would be very difficult [to] have children who were in the school system.

Volberding: Oh boy, that’s a hard question. It’s such a challenge. The data I’ve heard about suggest that the really young kids are not much of an infection reservoir, so I think it might be okay for preschool, day care and elementary school. The question gets to be harder in high school and college. I think the schools probably will have shifts, morning and afternoon, and limited hours. They might consider teaching in cohorts — small groups of students, so if one get infected, they can quarantine that one group to keep it from spreading. I don’t think you can replace direct interaction with Zoom.

Bell: Yes.

Bloom: Yes. I believe that the process of socialization is really important, and that long-term deprivation of that is probably going to do more harm than the occasional child becoming infected. We also need to liberate parents and get them back to work, but as carefully as we can. I think kids need schooling and socialization.

Satcher: It would depend on what arrangements the school made to protect their health.

Q: Have you been tested for the coronavirus?

Fauci: Yes, every time I go to the White House.

Connick: I have not been tested. I’ve had no symptoms, so I see no reason to get tested.

Volberding: No. I am asymptomatic. I take my temperature every day and I have a spray bottle of fragrance that I spray into the air every day to make sure I haven’t lost my sense of smell. I’m in my house almost all the time except for walks in the neighborhood and trips to grocery stores.

Bell: No.

Bloom: No. But I have no symptoms.

Satcher: Yes, Morehouse requires it before we can come back. I actually took two different tests, the nasal swab and an antibody test because I was curious. I didn’t have any symptoms. Both were negative.

Q: What is your best guess about when a vaccine will be available?

Fauci: We have multiple candidates, and my hope is that we will have more than one, probably by the end of this year or the beginning of 2021.

Connick: Hopefully in six months. That would be a dream.

Volberding: The challenge isn’t making a vaccine, it’s in testing it for efficacy in large numbers of people. It’s got to be placebo controlled to know it’s working, and done on enough people with exposure risk. If everyone is staying at home, you won’t know. It also depends on how the epidemic goes. If, unfortunately, it is blasting along, you’ll be able to test it. It will take longer if there is a pandemic lull. I’m not expecting anything for at least a year from now.

Bell: Based on previous vaccine development, and the expectation that safety and efficacy were well tested, a complete guess would be late 2021.

Bloom: It’s unlikely we will have one that is 100 percent effective. But it would be terrific to have one that’s 50 percent effective, which is in the ballpark for flu. You need about 30,000 people to test and I don’t think 30,000 people are going to volunteer for each trial. So how many to know it’s safe and effective? My guess, though, is that we could have something by the first quarter of 2021.

Satcher: I wish I could say we will have one by the end of this year, but I can’t. We may have one in 2021, but I think it’s a long shot. Vaccines are not easy to develop, and this virus gives us some real challenges.

The experts

• Anthony S. Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
• Barry Bloom, Jacobson research professor and former dean of the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.
• Paul A. Volberding, professor of medicine and emeritus professor of epidemiology and biostatistics at the University of California at San Francisco.
• Elizabeth Connick, chief of the infectious diseases division and professor of medicine and immunobiology at the University of Arizona.
• Linda Bell, South Carolina’s state epidemiologist.
• David Satcher, former U.S. surgeon general, former director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and most recently founder of the Satcher Health Leadership Institute at the Morehouse School of Medicine.