Friends-Giving

With Thanksgiving now past we move into the core of the holiday season which actually concludes at Valentines Day in February. So for the next 10 weeks expect some sort of display, advertisement or article on how to stay sane/keep fit/find gifts and of course travel and do so despite rising costs of both travel and entertainment. Wow that sounds so fun!

I also will read numerous articles on loneliness and of course the rise in social isolation that has maintained since the onset of Covid in late 2019, when we thought it was just a simple virus and to be cautionary. Remember those holidays? No me either. I was still traveling between Nashville and Jersey and saw many travelers wearing masks as they were coming from Asia. I had been reading about the virus and knew instantly this was not something that will pass, little did I know how bad it would be. And then by the New Year it turned quickly to shit. Remember those fun pressers with Trump and the counterpoint Andrew Cuomo who would use their pulpit to bully and to coerce others into compliance and cooperation or sheer ignorance and little respect for others let alone their own health? Yeah and the rise of Fauci who retires next month and to never see him again either is fine with me. All three of these Stooges did little to assuage or comfort Americans with their endless polticizing, conflicting and contradicting messaging and of course the sheer bullshit that came out all of it from both sides of the political aisle. Not the first time I have seen a transmissible disease used as a political football, but hopefully the last. Nah, we had Monkeypox and that seems to have faded but that is fine as vaccines for diseases that are totally preventable are on the decline. Enjoy those pox/measles and the like at your holiday buffet and then when you have illnesses later thanks to the post affects of them, you can thank yourself and your family for their ignorance and lack of access to proper medical care. Folks few people have family Doctors and rely on Urgent Care and ER’s for their primary care which by then is now past the preventative stage. America, bringing back epidemics one at a time.

So with that we enter the phase of the moon where after three years of paranoia and hysteria we are to gather together and put all that aside to share a plate of food that may or may not cost more, taste any better or be worth all that time or travel to sit at a table and talk about what? Sports? TV? Movies? Books? Oh wait no one reads books they read Social Media that tells them about books. So they talk about I guess Book reports that they saw/heard on Tik Tok.

I go to a great deal of events of which I write about here, largely because this is self published and with that it is still considered published work and for that I can get some tax credits for the cost of doing so. I struggle keeping up the blog and was beginning another to draft fiction and see how to create work from what is ostensibly non fiction and turn it into fiction to avoid the whole concept of what is “creative non fiction” versus actual non fiction. Meaning that I can change names, situations and blur truth with well lies or made up shit isn’t that fiction, created non truths? Sometimes writing linear stories are boring and why most non fiction is not well read or sold other than a few bios that draw the eye and then the Author disappears back into the world to never have that kind of success again. The late Author, Julie Powell of Julia and Julie is a good example. She never had that kind of recognition and acclaim that began as what? A blog. From that drew attention and success which it evolved into a book and movie that was never replicated again in her brief time on earth. Or how about James Frey who wrote a creative non fiction book that was so beloved by Oprah, then it was discovered it was just that – creative fiction. His life ended in a similar fashion, once infamous now just sorta famous, a cultural footnote.

And that is the struggle for many who despite having had fame, fortune and success is finding a path that maintains this course of life and that the creative fuel or inspiration maintains. It ain’t easy. I can do small doses of inspired thought and then like any drug, it lasts for a moment and then back to real life. I get why people do drugs as they cannot handle the let down, the sense of high and with that the power it brings that makes one feel unique, special, loved. Read Modern Love in the New York Times or LA Affairs in the LA Times. These are the stories of the heart and head that talk about the success and failures of finding love and romance in the big city. I find them incredibly amusing, boring, sanctimonious, sad, or interesting. I don’t read them all the time but I do occasionally pass over them. I read one today, “When love calls, go.” My first thought, “Hang up the phone or don’t answer.” Honestly I did not get one word of that as it was a cultural story that one would have to understand the history behind the concept of race, identity, religion and belief in the institution and dogmas that are embedded into the belief of arranged marriage and its import to one’s family and history. But it continued to reinforce my belief that religion is the bane of all existence, especially to Women. Had that woman stayed in Hong Kong, had a thriving career, remained with her family and met someone on her own or not, what could have happened could have been equally if not more satisfying or joyous than meeting a dude and marrying him and moving across the globe to satisfy what appeared to be her family’s wishes, not her own. Wow. Just wow.

And in that same paper they had a story about a Breakup Bootcamp. It charges 4K to mend a broken heart. I knew in my heart I had potential to be a cult leader as I watch the Vow Season 2 on HBO and yet I also could not go through the charades and machinations to maintain such bullshit and duplicity. I mean once I cleared that first million I would be out of there and claiming that we must end this and go on our own journey to seek knowledge and freedom. Then I would immediately move to Switzerland.

I am not going to comment on any of that absurd bootcamp but it is about the same cost for some visits to Therapist over a brief period and add Yoga, a Sex Worker and a short vacation, it adds up so this is fine frankly if that is what you need to feel better. I am sure the ESP/NXIVM folks felt the same after their thousands of dollars dropped for bullshit jargon and coaching from ostensibly two white people that look like Middle School Teachers. Wow. Just wow.

But it is this pervasive FEAR of being alone. This has fueled many of the shooters who have no social ties and cite a lack of a “girlfriend” as their reasoning. The most current crop that shot up a Bus, a Walmart and a Gay Bar seem to have the most diverse reasoning or lack thereof as to why as one committed suicide (the Walmart employee) and the others “motives” at this point will either evolve or never fully be understood as again it is less about the why but more about the how. How they get a gun and ammo and feel compelled to act upon their rage in a manner that kills and harms people just living their lives is the only thing I care about. This is not about mental health as you are already crazy to start amassing guns, get tactical gear and ammo to then act on your rage. Yes, you are crazy. The end literally and towards people who had nothing to do with your rage or anger. The exception it appears is the Walmart crazy who while working their expressed paranoia, delusions and rage yet not one co-worker or supervisor felt compelled to listen to him and inform those around him that this is a problem. And that may explain his list and targets. We truly do not actively listen, we patronize, ignore or simply are that self involved to not. Almost all shooters have expressed similar anger prior to their acts and yet again and again we go “mental health” but hey its clear we have no fucking clue what defines mentally healthy.

And again we have this insatiable belief or idea that you must be partnered off, have a hand count of life long friends whom you rely to be that family of another kind. Great my family were nuts so would this be a sane family and what is sane. While I found my Parents challenging as parents they were not bad people so being their friend is not an issue and with that I accept their limitations and have moved on the therapy stage of blaming them for all my ills. What I did learn was independence and the ability to rely on myself which can be overwhelming and at times I would appreciate someone else to do the heavy lifting. I would actually really love someone to plan something and include me in a genuine offer of friendship. This would be inviting me to a play, a movie, a walk. An ACTUAL invite with the exchange being that they do the planning/organizing or get the tickets and I will pick up a meal, drink or something in the future in which to reciprocate. I can truly say that will never happen. The last time I was invited to something was in Nashville to a baseball game that I did not want to go but felt I could not say no as to not hurt their feelings and I dressed and was ready with a no show text about 20 minutes before. I knew it was a lie and was furious and it was then I decided to lie and fuck with that individuals head from that point on. But is that mentally healthy? No, but I found it by far more entertaining and when I left I finally did admit that I made it all up I could in fact write fiction! I was by far more creative when I put my mind to it but it also changed how I saw people and the limitations I could foresee as I moved forward in life. And that led to the policy of No Compromise. Since landing in Jersey City I have had two social encounters with two different Artists, one I went to Governor’s Island with (which turned out to be the longest and best thing of that) and another who I met for coffee and she drank none and we walked around Union Square for about an hour. It was boring and neither of them I have seen again nor even remember their names. But again effort made, it was stalled and I moved on. No harm no foul and no compromise.

And this weekend I read the below article in the Washington Post from of all things an Economist who is concerned about the concept of Social Isolation. What resulted was not a far reaching discussion on health, loneliness and the overall affects it can pose on mental or physical well being. This was about the issue of choice and of situation. Yes the rise of mental health issues and the like that can be serious when we speak of those who are alone, and wish to be otherwise. That is completely different when one chooses be alone and or is simply alone, and yes folks I was in a marriage of one so you can be in partnerships that are of that nature. I refer to my Parents who again were the role model of that which I duplicated to a tee, so yes I do now know that boundaries and interests and relationships do not need co-dependency in which to thrive. And yes folks that my Parents did not do things together, sleep together, socialize or have interests together they were utterly co-dependent on that dysfunction that I thought that was “normal” or “healthy” and today I find myself content with the idea that yes that works for me now. Irony I am back to where I started only now I can articulate that and am sure I do not want a partner to live with me or fuck me. I just want a great friend whom I can do things upon occasion and have trust and respect as the foundation of such. That will never be a Woman they are incapable of it. We women are an unhappy lot and I just look to the Karen who lives in 946 below me and that performance in my Apt. on October 10. Then last week to get on the elevator with me and act as if she had no clue who I was confirmed it, she is what? Crazy. Just not gunshot crazy. And that is what falls under the umbrella of a mental health disorder.

And when I read the article and the comments that followed they too confirmed the reality is that most people choose to be alone, they are bored, frustrated, exhausted. Some come to it from years of having to care take and be the primary care giver, have had tremendous loss and want to be alone and some manage to have a healthy relationship with their partner/family and feel no great urge to be the life of the party. I am a great advocate of the “random” where your path crosses for an hour or two and take great pleasure in that exchange and then move on. I finally accepted that and often do make an offer of a future time but I don’t mean it and I really do. That is being polite. Most often I don’t remember their names and make sure that I am appreciative and thankful but I am done with it. The nice man I met with his friend (and yes I do recall both their names they were delighful and deserve that respect) on my Birthday whom I had dinner I die offer to reciprocate. My first attempt was in that same week to meet by coming into the city and running errand and saying I was stopping for coffee so if he was around to let me know and left it there. His response, “I don’t drink coffee.” So I told him to have a nice day and keep in touch. He did and with that I have been deeply bored with the texting and after my disaster at the Brooklyn Academy of Music and the German Actor in Hamlet I realized I was truly done with plays and theater. I had my few tickets left and was going but not going to discuss or pursue any further drama, literally or figuratively. So this weekend I planned a trip to Baltimore in January to see the John Waters exhibit and attend their acclaimed Symphony. As I planned it I recalled that the Gentleman was coming to see Death of a Salesman again (where we all met) on the 13th but I simply dismissed it then moved on with my plans. And sure enough the very next day I got a text with all the tickets and theater he was planning on attending that weekend. It was packed and unless I attended one of them on the same day and time I could not possibly reciprocate with dinner. I was secretly relieved. But with that I responded. “Wow great choices, shame I don’t do Broadway anymore and with that schedule I doubt we would have a chance to get together anyway. Enjoy”. His response was Happy Thanksgiving anyway. Loved the deep inquiry into “What you don’t do Broadway anymore?” Yeah, like coffee. Again the lack of curiosity and interest said more than had he expressed as such. Even if I wasn’t going to Baltimore that weekend I am back Sunday morning, but with a short window and his lack of coffee I am not sure what he thought we could do. Have Breakfast? I actually don’t do breakfast. So with that I suspect it is done. I am relieved as we had nothing to talk about but the play. There is only so much to talk about there. I am not sure he thought we were to be anything more than friendly acquaintances but the inability to communicate and speak about things other than a single subject be that theater, politics or sports is a problem folks.

I find it fascinating that people find me so “intelligent” which is great but it is really that I simply read, retain and seek knowledge and experiences. It takes so little effort to find things to do that I like. I went to see the play, Piano Lesson, with a very star studded cast on Tuesday. I have been a fan of August Wilson as despite all his plays taking place in Baltimore where he once lived, he lived his later years in Seattle and it was from there is how I became familiar with his work and life. He lived a short distance from me in Mt. Baker and sadly our paths never crossed but I am sure he would have been a lively conversationalist. And with that I decided to stay in the City for the night as to avoid another drama at my home And at what had to be the best find of hotels in Manhattan, Public, in the LES. I have fond memories of that hood, often staying there when I would visit. It is still a mixed but thriving area and with that easy access to and from Midtown and the PATH exchanges. I had the best time at Public, from a room upgrade to a bottle of Prosecco on the house, I can not say enough good things about the service or the hotel. It is a must go to stay or just to dine, drink or visit. I am going to have to find another excuse in the future to stay despite my disinclination to attend Broadway in the future. Yes that much was true as there is nothing next season I plan on seeing unless I buy day of or lottery. It is not worth it. Two more to go with an Off Broadway show, Man of No Importance and the Musical 1776, my calendar is now full of Opera and some Cabaret. But theater is no longer my muse and with that we will always have our moments but it must be exceptional in every sense of the word.

And you do atttend Cabaret you can reserve a table or sit at a bar seat and with that I will never sit anywhere but a bar seat. I am seeing Sandra Bernhardt next month and Joe’s Pub to end the year and wisely will take the bar. I did Below 54 last week as well and they “upgraded” me to a table. I shared with a Mother, and a Daughter and another young woman who also joined the table. I knew after I was cut off mid sentence I had nothing more to say so I listened to their conversation progress and the best part was the Young Woman was originally from Nashville, confirming that I needed to keep my mouth firmly on my wine as flashbacks and reminisces were not on the menu. So I listened to the table next to me discuss their theater going and thanks to that convo again reminding me why it was time to forego it as they defined the “type” of NYC theater audience. Their discussion defined pretentious but while they trashed one production the irony was that next to them at another table was the Stage Manager of said production. Ah NYC folks it is a small town. I have come to the conclusion that yes I am smart and smart enough that small talk is being polite but silence is golden, like the Tony Awards.

So why are people alone? Read Bowling Alone a 20 year old book by Robert Putnam. It explains it and shows that little has changed but the methods in which we did connect and socialize have eroded and with it today’s Social Media is anything but a manner in which to meet and find others just like you. We are all now algorithms, and as in math, like finds like to solve the equation. Math is Hindu-Arabic, its own language and you read it right to left and we are Americans who suck at math. That may be why as we are also not bi-lingual and we assume that all of the rest will come to do as we do, as we do it. Yeah okay.

So embrace aloneness, do not confuse it with loneliness. If one suffers the one prospers and you must find the ways to those tiny relationships that can boost self esteem and self worth. My stay at the Public Hotel did that. With that I found out 946 was gone for the week, but I am glad I did stay regardless; I needed to treat myself to civility and dignity. And that is how you meet others in that orbit of positive energy that enables me to thrive and survive. I have let the thoughts of suicide pass over me and that is all they do – pass.

I spent Thanksgiving watching old movies. First was Blackboard Jungle (which irony had Sidney Pointier as the bad student which only decade later he would be taking on the redeeming Teacher role and my influencer in To Sir With Love) and folks there may be more closeness to reality than I imagined when I read this about a former Teacher at one of the many schools I subbed at in Nashville – Johnson. This was,the last stop before Jail and I knew this Teacher but the story was right out of the movie. That school had many problems, including that at one point Nashville Police quit as they did not feel safe there. Yeah no one did, it was literally a block away much like the other school in Jersey City Bright St which was, until this year and it explains why I subbed there as well, but not one moment did I feel safe. There was no learning, no security and frankly no point. So after that flashback, I then watched the original Boys in the Band from 1970; a film about a Birthday party but in reality a gay night of anger, rage and recrimination by a bunch of Queer friends who define the word in a dysfunctional way, not a fun “gay” way. Toxic friendships are just that toxic and with that it shows that even Men straight or gay have anger issues. Yikes, how perfect for the holidays to remind yourself maybe being alone is not that bad of an idea.

Opinion Americans are choosing to be alone. Here’s why we should reverse that.

By Bryce Ward

November 23, 2022. The Washington Post

Bryce Ward is an economist and the founder of ABMJ Consulting.

The covid-19 pandemic wreaked havoc on our social lives. Cancellations, closures and fear of a potentially deadly infection led us to hunker down and avoid acquaintances, co-workers and extended family. Time spent with friends went down. Time spent alone went up.

Thanksgiving was not spared. Americans spent 38 percent less time with friends and extended family over the Thanksgiving weekend in the past two years than they had a decade prior.

And now for the scarier news: Our social lives were withering dramatically before covid-19. Between 2014 and 2019, time spent with friends went down (and time spent alone went up) by more than it did during the pandemic.

According to the Census Bureau’s American Time Use Survey, the amount of time the averageAmerican spent with friends was stable, at 6½ hours per week, between 2010 and 2013. Then, in 2014, time spent with friends began to decline.

By 2019, the average American was spending only four hours per week with friends (a sharp, 37 percent decline from five years before). Social media, political polarization and new technologies all played a role in the drop. (It is notable that market penetration for smartphones crossed 50 percent in 2014.)

Covid then deepened this trend. During the pandemic, time with friends fell further — in 2021, the average American spent only two hours and 45 minutes a week with close friends (a 58 percent decline relative to 2010-2013).

Similar declines can be seen even when the definition of “friends” is expanded to include neighbors, co-workers and clients. The average American spent 15 hours per week with this broader group of friends a decade ago, 12 hours per week in 2019 and only 10 hours a week in 2021.

On average, Americans did not transfer that lost time to spouses, partners or children. Instead, they chose to be alone.

No single group drives this trend. Men and women, White and non-White, rich and poor, urban and rural, married and unmarried, parents and non-parents all saw proportionally similar declines in time spent with others. The pattern holds for both remote and in-person workers.

The percentage decline is also similar for the young and old; however, given how much time young people spend with friends, the absolute decline among Americans age 15 to 19 is staggering. Relative to 2010-2013, the average American teenager spent approximately 11 fewer hours with friends each week in 2021 (a 64 percent decline) and 12 additional hours alone (a 48 percent increase).

These new habits are startling— and a striking departure from the past.Just a decade ago, the average American spent roughly the same amount of time with friends as Americans in the 1960s or 1970s. But we have now begun to cast off our connections to each other.

It is too soon to know the long-term consequences of this shift, but it seems safe to assume that the decline of our social lives is a worrisome development. Spending less time with friends is not a best practice by most standards, and it might contribute to other troubling social trends — isolation, worsening mental health (particularly among adolescents), rising aggressive behavior and violent crime. Americans rate activities as more meaningful and joyful when friends are present. Friends and social connections build on themselves and produce memories and fellowship. They also boost health and lead to better economic outcomes.

We can hope, as covid-related barriers recede, that people will change course.Time with friends did increase in 2021 after the vaccine rolled out; however, at the end of 2021, it was still an hour below the 2019 level. Furthermore, a Pew Research Center survey made public in August suggests that covid might have changed us permanently — 35 percent of Americans say that participating in large gatherings, going out and socializing in-person have become less important since the pandemic.

The potential harms of these trends are sufficient to demand that Americans devote some resources to understanding and reversing them.

You can help reverse these trends today without waiting for the researchers and policymakers to figure it all out. It’s the holidays: Don’t skip Thanksgiving with your family. Go to that holiday party (or throw one yourself). Go hang out with friends for coffee, or a hike, or in a museum, or a concert — whatever. You will feel better, create memories, boost your health, stumble across valuable information — and so will your companions.

Put effort into building relationships that you can count on in good times and bad because, as the song goes, that’s what friends are for. Besides, you just might have a good time.

Being Invisible

The expression to walk in someone else’s shoes is perhaps the one thing we do the least. It is called having empathy and compassion for those whom you are not like. Try to imagine being deaf and not being able to articulate your feelings through words nor hear others express theirs. And it does not have to be as complex as those issues that we often hear so much about – Race, Gender Identity, Sexual Identity, Culture/Religion as those are often better expressed by those within if one is willing to actually listen and actively hear all what they have to say. And sometimes is a jumbled mess of thought, rambling, incoherent and often contradictory if not confusing. I felt that way about the Musical Strange Loop and while I applaud its audacity and the desire to tell it, it was a hot mess of words, with few if no songs of meaning and passionately but poorly acted. I am not the only one who came out of that Theater and thought this was a workshop piece better for experimental Off Broadway, but this is what now we what we need to see on Broadway to open one’s eyes to the “others.” I spoke to someone who is Queer and went opening night and was subjected to the Author rambling on for over an hour and half about the role of theater and how they have to include the voices of color and queer and so forth. He said it was like the play only worse. I can imagine. And with that I saw a lot of awkwardness this theater season and when they give best Revival of a Play to Take Me Out, a play that is over 20 years old and has been in the news of the leaked dick pic I am sure that was why it was given an award. I did not see it as I recall the original and it was poignant and meaningful at the time and now seems dated. Funny I don’t remember the dick, it was that meaningless. For the record, the Queer Gentleman who hated Strange Loop also loved Girl from the North Country as did I, and felt it was the best thing he has seen in a long time, so much he wrote the Producers who invited him to see it again. It was that great, the canon of Bob Dylan is put to good use in this amazing work. And despite it all Broadway is struggling, as is the Metropolitan Opera. I went again on Saturday to the final performance of the season to see the Rake’s Progress and it was AMAZING. I had a Box to myself there were boxes empty next to me, and seats unfilled throughout. This was not the first time as the Orchestra is largely full mostly due to access issues but the tiers are empty. I assume the Ballet in two weeks will be equally scattered with audience as it is the Pacific Northwest Ballet company visiting the City and is not a FOMO thing that New Yorker’s seem to gravitate. Folks it is tourists that I am sure. I look forward to it regardless as I still find seat mates as I did at the Met who was a true theater goer and it was fun to dish on the varying productions in the city.

But this is not about the Tony Awards (which for the record I did not watch but I struggle with award shows of any kind) but about being invisible and not being seen and there is no greater metaphor than that of the Theater as so few actually do see theater and with that the sheer amount of people it takes to put on any kind of production is what enables this art to continue and in reality that is who must be acknowledged for their work. In fact the host made a point of acknowledging the most invisible of theater’s members – Swing and Understudy’s. And with that many shows had Producers covering roles (Hamlet is one which I hear is also a hot mess but emphasis on hot as at least Daniel Craig is in it.) And while I loved that Company won for scenic design as it was the one thing trashed in the reviews I read and there were many times it often was stuck or stalled, thankfully again I did not see that the night I attended; however it shows that awards are just that, a strange loop. So winning an award might put butts in seats and might not. Strange Loop is for a specific audience while SIX is for anyone. And it is actually quite fun. Reviews and acclaims give you notice and attention, sometimes that is not a good thing. But once in awhile I would love someone to at least notice me in a meaningful way, not to get into my pants or to find their hands to my checkbook. But the theater is my safe space, my place I go to dream, to imagine and to think. And with that I have random encounters with others who for that moment sustain and fulfill the emptiness that overwhelms me of late.

Being invisible does take a toll, it can affect how you see yourself and how you see others. Perhaps that too explains why Mass Shooters pick grand targets, such as Schools or Churches, as they are so visible of targets with great victims in which we can all emphasize. So the flip remark to arm school Teachers and turn schools into fortresses is not the first time we have heard this absurd rhetoric nor the last as it is all they have to offer versus examining the real problem – access to guns.

Schools are not just buildings with Teachers and Students, they are composed of Secretary’s, Attendance Secretary’s, School Nurse (not always every day but there at least part of the time), School Counselors, at least two Admins, Custodians, Lunch Room Staff, Student Aides, be they for special needs or language translation and/or Teachers Assistants. There can be also grant positions that are placed within schools and do tutoring or other gigs that have them working directly with Students and of course volunteers at times and lastly Substitute Teachers. At any time a school is like a grand mall, with upwards over 1,000 students in some larger High Schools with many Middle Schools coming close to that number. That was quite true in Nashville and they were a disaster to navigate in the best of times, I cannot imagine what it would be like in the worst. When you are not a full time staff member you do not have a Computer, a school email, you have no way of communicating with others in the building as often there is no phone nor listing of numbers if there was on whom you are to call. You have an attendance roster and once that is gone to the Attendance Office you have no list of Students names or contact info. You have nothing and often they don’t even know your name as it is only on a sign in sheet when you arrive. But if you are wearing your ID badge at least they can identify the body. In Jersey City where I work now there is no phone just an intercom in which to contact the room and with that it goes over a public address system, what a fine way of informing any intruder about one’s locale.

I have no keys to a room, no protocol to follow. Not a lesson plan or even a note as to what the students are expected to do. I have not participated in any drills and if I have it may have been at a school I was at the week before not the one I am in now. I am not interested in the Student’s safety only my own as I have no health care, nor family in this case in which to notify if I am harmed. I am ostensibly a gig worker paid daily for being a seat filler. I am ignored by Staff unless they choose to acknowledge me and often by Admins utterly derided or verbally abused by in front of students, sending the message it is permissible for then to do the same. Think that builds community and a desire to save them in a crisis? No it is every man/woman/child for themselves at that point. I have said repeatedly I would walk to the door, open it and shut it from the other side as I look to exit the building.

I am in massive buildings that have literally attics as classroom spaces with one stairwell up in which to access it and the same to exit it. Basements and Gyms with multiple rooms and doors in which to hide and terrorize. No keys, no one and no way to know which way is truly the safest way out. And with that Students who neither pay attention nor respect me in the “best” of times, I seriously doubt in a crisis one they would. In fact I suspect some would use the opportunity to bring me harm.

The Mayor of Jersey City, Steve Fulop, is the most disengaged of Mayor’s that I have ever experienced with regards to the state of the schools here. Odd as the schools are still under State control and with that has only an interim Superintendent and the man is planning to run for Governor, so the only feathers to his cap is that he built a lot of expensive housing that all have massive tax incentives that mean they contribute little to nothing to the City and the schools which is what property taxes do, fund education. With that the City residents are expecting to pay either an income or additional property taxes to cover the BILLION dollar budget the very newly elected Board approved this year, from the INTERIM Superintendent. All very odd and frankly not a great idea. I do believe the schools are dilapidated and outdated. They have expensive air filtration in rooms for Covid and high end projection screens but toilets that don’t work, no air conditioning, windows that do open or not but should regardless of air conditioning. Empty classrooms not used and endless outdated texts and sad Libraries not up to date or even frankly functional or useful. Yes this is money well needed but likely not well spent.

I have one last Sub job booked and with that I have outlasted even my most basic coping skills and at least I am no longer debating self-harm. I tie that to my time at the one High School that would assign me to random staff, without my consent and the Administrator who was literally verbally abusive and dismissive leading me to at least make one conscious decision to not return. That enabled me to remind myself of what it means to have control in ones life.

That is really about what all we are seeing of late, the failure of having control, the ability to exert it and in turn the rising tide of violence as a way to be seen and heard. The homeless on the street are not all “unhoused” but there is a massive housing crisis of affordable ones, and Jersey City is truly not the exception. The pursuit of money and of glory leads down one road and this is one paved with gold for the traveler, but the road is also a toll road and you have to pay to access it. And we all pay regardless of use.

As the summer will be another one of record heat and storms I wonder what state the road will be in come fall. Worn and not by those seeking relief but from the failures of those who had years in which to repair and replace it and chose not. Ah choice, that word again rears its ugly head. I am exhausted from that word, we choose many things in life and we keep on choosing to make decisions that seem to not serve us well. I am not sure why today 30 years later I chose Teaching other than it was the alternative to working in the food industry. I did not have mentors or Teachers that could have helped me find success and professional work that would have best suited me and enabled me to have what I need at this stage in life – friends, a professional career and work that sustained me in a meaningful way, both economically and intellectually. And yet I am supposedly in an honorable profession. I can assure I am not.

A Week of Reviews

As the Pandemonium continues, the debates over closing schools rages on. I have little more to say of this subject as a former Teacher, current Substitute I have been in many many schools, literally from the West Coast to the East Coast and the South in between. To say they are all bad is a misnomer, some are better than others and that is the same across the country. The schools that are labeled “Magnet” or some other code word, for White, continue to hold onto their position in a community district as the reason people fight to get into that school. In Seattle that was Garfield High School, a school that was segregated by color and by academics. They claimed balance was achieved by pointing to the “diversity” of enrollment. What they meant to say, “We have a ton of Black kids in the sports programs, tons of White kids in the advanced academics and then the drama and music programs integrate them” Okay then. That was the same as the other achievement school, Roosevelt in the North part of Seattle. Divided by city racial and economic lines, school integration was a success and they took it to the Supreme Court to defend it, and that is how busing ended. Seattle is a joke and farce when it comes to public education and with it that idea that Liberal people are open minded need to know that means in the mind part, the actual doing part, not so much. I could say the same about New York City across the river. The schools are one of the most segregated in the country and that will not change. The NY “scold’ is exactly the doppelganger of the Seattle scold, the city that gave us White Privilege. Yes that is where Robin D’Angelo the author is from, and where she attended a private Catholic University to devise her theory on that subject. Good place in which to do so, a city with few Black residents and most of them are working class as there are few public housing projects as there are here in the East Coast. Even Nashville had more. And that brings me to Nashville. Their one acclaimed high school is Hume-Fogg, right at the top of the epicenter of Broadway, where that one mile of street is home to the cheap beer and cover music of honky tonks that drive the economic wheel of Nashville. The rest of them were unbelievably bad in every sense of the word. I still cannot believe what I experienced, heard and saw there and with that I move onto Jersey City schools. I have been only to two. I tried to get a sub gig a the single acclaimed High School, McNair, but that was canceled. But I look forward to getting in there one day. But it is no different here in the State that is number one for educational achievement and has the taxes in which to support it, but so far I got nothing as I came in during a pandemic and cannot say if that is a part of the problem or just that it turned the rock.

And as the rock turns, so have the numbers of students enrolling in College. The numbers are down in most places and have been declining for years, despite the push as well let’s face it, most cannot afford it. This week came the news that lender Navient, one of the nation’s largest student loan companies, has entered into a $1.85 billion settlement with a coalition of state attorneys general to resolve allegations that it steered borrowers into costly repayment plans and predatory loans. With that, let’s add another story about the Cartel of Ivy League schools that went all Varsity Blues on enrollment qualifications and admissions to favor the rich and privileged. Wow isn’t that shocking? No, not really. And of course we cannot not talk about Colleges without talking about their sports and teams and the costs of doing business with regards to higher education. This is a story about a College town where the Athletics Department make the money and the rest of the school and students get by on way less. Not shocking it is the South, they drive that machine like it is a chance to redo the Civil War and once again it is to the detriment of the Poor and those of Color.

Next up on the hysteria list is the Omnicom variant, what is now version 4.0 of Covid-19. Well entering year three has only ratched up the rage and divisiveness now over Boosters and how often we need them, along with the shortage of testing sites/kits and type of masks and access and affordability of them both. Well if you got the money I got the time and in my bathroom a nice stockpile of tests and types (lab vs rapid) and a variation of K95 masks that I use interspersed with regular surgical or cotton depending upon the type and length of use. Again I read voraciously and have found out that once again not wrong, you have about 15-30 minutes with and without masks before risk of infection occurs. So just fucking mask up properly, and that means covering your nose. Folks that is the entry point and that seems to be part of the problem. That and the insatiable need to push the envelope by going on cruises, vacations, large parties and hanging out in bars. The thought of delayed gratification and careful parsing out of risk oriented behaviors that you can choose from seems to be oblivious to many. There is a middle ground between a monastic life and one full tilt boogie.

What is sad. Tragic. Grim. Pathetic (yes folks I know those are fragments which I use as a literary device) is that the idea of boosting oneself every four months to somehow offset the effects of a disease that morphs more times than a creature in science fiction is going to do the trick of saving the world. And of course this directive is all coming from Big Pharma who have no skin in the game at all, right? And with that here is where I may agree with some who say the science is not all there. I am not sure that putting my aging white cells into overdrive every few months will do a body good and that does concern me. I will stick with the masks and monastic life thanks and just be willing to do so twice a year as Covid is not like a flu with a seasonal life span. But then that is it, I already paid for one set of vaccines and is the government going to continue picking up the tab for the next three years until I turn 65? Then they have to.

So we make changes and adapt, like Covid, but even I have met some tests to make me wonder how long I too can go on like this. I live a fairly altered life with some theater and opera as my one source of activity that I still pursue. But even that is beginning to take a turn and as I have tentatively nine shows left on my schedule I am not sure I am all that thrilled to go. The audiences are highly stressed and the theaters are packed and yet it seems as if we are all there to not get entertained and enjoy ourselves but to prove a point or still get a FOMO moment in. That may be why I am seeing productions close early and others altering or delaying productions. Mrs. Doubtfire had mixed reviews but is the kind of show that draws families and tourists. It was shut briefly over Covid, re-openend but to small houses. I read numerous complaints on a Reddit site about the audience having kids and that they were loud and annoying. Well kids don’t go on Thursday night and if you want to help them go then not at a matinee. Then with that, to Kill a Mockingbird is going on a hiatus and opening up at a smaller theater in June at The Belasco; this theater is the home of one of the most transcendent musicals I have seen this year, The Girl from the North Country. A seatmate looked at me during the intermission and was amazed at the quality of beauty of this work set to the catalog of Bob Dylan. They hope to reopen later. I doubt it and yes it opened prior to the pandemic had rave reviews but see times and tastes changes and the limited shows are packing houses as they fill the MUST SEE classification and that is not just something sustainable. It is time to examine pay-per-view, or live stream to enable theater to continue. I have done both and they are fine ways to see the performances, particularly the two I saw from here. Clyde’s, which is “amusing” but not 100 buck amusing. And the other was a British play with Dominic Gleeson and to say weird would be insufficient and not worth the hour commute to Brooklyn, so the cost was significantly less and in both cases I can wear PJ’s and have a glass of wine, two things I cannot do on Broadway. Even the wine is gone now. So the last thing I need is a scolding glaring New Yorker admonishing me or others for singing along, dancing or other things that inspire audiences. Jagged Little Pill was another casualty for just that, a moderate type of juke box musical with a way better story line also closed. And more have also followed despite reviews but are just not the type that can be supported by the “theater crowd.”

And lastly the idea that we are going to come out of this whole is an utterly absurd notion. We are not. We have a media blaring on about inflation, with the great resignation myth still pumping up the volume, and the days of hoarding are back and may explain some of those grocery shelves bare. I recall the early days of Covid and this again is way too similar. Wages have to increase we are clear about that and there are more pushes to Unionize in Starbucks and again at Amazon. Stores are altering hours and yes restaurants are closing. I still believe that part of the CDC decision that quarantining for only 5 days came out of the idea of workers shortages due to the virus spread being back, but there was no science to defend the idea of first 14, then 10 and now 5. I remember it all and still want to know exactly the length of time one is contagious from point of infection. They have also changed the idea of contraction to infection to 12-24 hours. They actually peddled the idea at one point it was up to 14 days. Folks I never heard of anyone getting sick two weeks later after exposure, I did hear of it within days, I assume and believe 3, a common feature among most viruses. But with the lack of contact tracing and tracking it just was another throw this out there til we figure it out. Clearly three years in we have not.

As for the supply chain woes there are multiple factors here. China for one is still on Covid zero with them locking down entire cities as they prepare for the Olympics in February. And with that manufacturing is down, shipping has been struggling with a lack of containers clearing blocked ports, leading some retailers to develop their own direct line to handle this. Tesla is a good example of running your own chain of command as they have had none of the problems American automakers have faced. But we need to also examine this obsessive nature to have and buy things constantly. I hate my sofa it was a bad purchase but I live with it and when the time comes I will replace it. I can do that with clothes as well I need to have things that fit but I know that in reality I can do without 5 black turtlenecks. We are bored, I get it, I really do but like eating out and traveling I am trying to find some reasonable balance.

We have no idea when this will end, we have little willpower and more importantly a lack of clear leadership and effective communication that enables people to make rational decisions, to take clear action and willing to sacrifice some privileges in which to at least adapt and develop better courses of actions in which to accommodate a virus that is not going anywhere anytime soon.