I have been less compelled to write simply as I have many issues of import I wish to share but even this soapbox needs a rest. There are truly critical issues that merit discussion, debate and thought but I realized of late how few wish to do so. I am exhausted with the endless narcissism on display masked as concern for these subjects among them: Others – who are often members of LGBQT; Children as in gun safety, books, national debt or climate change. (We love to mask most subjects as one to protect the children, even when you don’t have any, know any or spend any time in any child’s company). Politics and largely Trump regardless of political affiliation we spend more time discussing his every bowel movement than we do having one of our own; Elon Musk; Sports and fucking Covid. These are the top few that seem to fall into polite conversation. What we don’t discuss are issues surrounding Housing, Public Education, Local Politics, Banking practices (note how many businesses are now charging fees for ATM/Credit use and yet many that won’t accept cash); Medical Costs (hey that Covid shit is now not free so you may want to think of that); Mental Health and by that I mean YOUR OWN. And of course the problems in the Ukraine, Russia or those in China. We are the most ignorant self absorbed individuals in the world. How did Trump get elected? Look in the mirror.
I read this column on Emotional Labor or in other words, largely, the Pink Collar professions who have to deal with a whole other skill set on a daily basis and of course not get compensated for it – Teacher, Nurse, Secretary and other female dominated gigs where one has to listen to your bullshit, fix your emotional meltdowns and do it in a way that enables you to feel better and give you full credit for that. I followed that up with one on language and words and how it is often gender based or do I mean biased. Or another on how Women’s tone and vocal manner (and the same for Men) can affect their professional financial security. Thanks to the Vocal Police. I recall a man at a bar telling me I used the word “Fuck” a lot. I thanked him for his clear listening skills. And then said, “Fuck Off” Language, tone and of course our looks matter for it is the key to matter to women on how they are perceived sexually. As for the Spanish Soccer Team… well a kiss on the lips may be quite Continental but hey Diamonds or in this case Trophies are in fact a Girls best friend. But with that comes the idea that if you love a job that is the equivalent of compensation that lacks.
And of course add to this the idea that if you love your work you are duly compensated in many ways other than financial. Yeah, fuck off to that one too. As a Teacher I never thought of my work as a calling but it worked and suited me, now the suit no longer fits and I loathe anytime I walk into a school building. And for the record many Teachers are second career folks so they were not called, they just made a choice and frankly it is the easiest to do over say Medicine or Law.
Most gender bias research has focused on male-dominated industries like STEM or law enforcement, where women’s experiences of bias and discrimination may be more apparent. Our research is unique in that it examines gender bias in four industries with more female than male workers: law, higher education, faith-based nonprofits, and health care. In these four industries, women dominate. They make up 53.5% of the workforce in law, 55.3% in higher education, 63.8% in faith-based nonprofits, and 77.6% in health care. Using the Gender Bias Scale for Women Leaders along with open-ended questions, we compared perceptions and experiences of gender bias for 1,606 women leaders in these fields across 15 factors, ranging from subtle (such as lack of acknowledgement) to overt (such as workplace harassment).
Color me – SHOCKED! This is often referred to as Queen Bee syndrome. Queen Bee Syndrome is a term used to describe a phenomenon in which a female employee, typically in a position of power, behaves in a hostile or condescending manner towards other female employees. This can include making disparaging remarks about other women’s looks or abilities, refusing to help or mentor other women, and actively working to undermine their success. The term is often used to describe women who are successful in male-dominated fields, where they may feel threatened by other women who could potentially take their place.
I have written about my issues with Women. I truly believe few are good Managers and even more horrid bosses. I live in a Female Managed Apartment Building for a Corporation that is largely Male Dominated and until a year or two ago, KRE (as in Kushner) was a family run business. It still has a predominant amount of men in the leadership roles and with that I have found them to be utterly incompetent in ways that well make sense frankly from we have learned about the Kushners’ The Manager in my building (as she is also the one up the street) which means she is managing two not just one Building but two, and I assume on one salary, not only is she a woman she is a Latina Woman. But aside from that over the last decade there is a need to ask why and why she hasn’t is a problem in and of itself. With that she has taken on this style of Management that I would say is a Vindictive, Invective fueled Derogatory one. She treats both Staff and Tenants with derision and runs the building with little to no regard to the needs of others as a result. The dog death of the 21st of August is just one example of how mishandled that was in a building loaded with them. That said, I find it interesting that many of the Tenants are educated professionals with well paying jobs and secure ones that have exposed them to many temperaments and styles much like the Manager here possesses. And yet they seem utterly perplexed and frustrated on how to deal with her and it is as if she is the Queen in Alice in Wonderland shouting “Off with their Heads” anytime a conflict arises. Hey if you complain once, see no reasonable outcome, go over her head and complain to her boss and still see no reasonable outcome or compromise made then you have two choices – let it go or move the fuck out! Apparently those are choices or decisions no one makes. Not a complaint on a public website, not a call made to Animal Control or any other body or agency regarding the issues that define pubic safety or security. So let’s all meet on SnapChat and bitch some more, that will teach her!
I am not sure how or even when the fragility of America began. I have long suspected the 80’s with the rise of the Voodoo President Regan. (For those who don’t know how or why I came up with that, look to his VP, a Bush for reference). With this came several factors – de-funding or decreasing federal spending on public Education from K-12 to Colleges. Then came the class and warfare, or the Welfare Queen moniker. And lastly the rise of the private mercenary. These were and still are the agents whom under the guise of night, Government Support and the like commit acts of war, write laws and legislate policy. And this became local, national and internationally. We have seen the failures and the divisions that have resulted and not surprisingly the fall from both Diplomacy and Democracy on all the related fronts of the same.
We are perhaps the most divided I can recall in my life with the late 60’s being the marker of perhaps the most significant one. That gave way to the 70s and the beginning of what I see today play out in State Houses to the National ones. It is a never ending game of push back pull forward. The Push Me Pull You Llama of Dr. Doolittle.
And it is why I find myself writing less, demanding more of myself and my interests. An overwhelming need to be left alone. My Mantra and pledge to not compromise is broken every day I go beyond the basics – the polite greeting, the pleasant exchange and the move on. If I find myself engaged beyond that it is a violation of my self pact. Even writing has become a somewhat process of debate and disdain. In fact I used to crank out blogs at a high rate and felt good about them. True they are largely stream of consciousness, about issues that matter to me or personal revelations, but I never felt compromised or perhaps I mean exposed. I am not sure when this began but it was before the death of the dog in the building on August 21st, I think it was October 8, 2022 when the residents of the apartment below – 946 – entered my apartment and verbally abused me and then the spouse threatened me two days later. It was that moment I realized that their complaints about my early morning workout and routine during the early days of the pandemic. I used to get up at 4 am hit the gym by 430 to work out alone and open windows and let the gym air out and then by 6, I would be dressed, showered, laundry in and ready to hit the streets as I walked the streets of Manhattan, rarely passing anyone and feeling very free and unafraid. Those days were amazing and I knew they would not last but for that moment in time it was akin to living my best life. So while others cowered and hid and watched the idiotic press conferences, idolized Cuomo, Fauci or Trump, I went about the streets and learned the Subway and felt safer than I do now. And that is when I realized how being alone for me means safety and security and now living in my home, I don’t. The dog death confirmed that. The building is mismanaged, the favoritism, the strange weird cabals and cliques that have contributed to filling the void of a capable manager ended up making things worse. Their being shut up in their units for months on end empowered them to believe that they knew the right way, the best way to live and they were sure if anyone was not doing the same they were the enemy and they were wrong and needed to be vanished/vanquished. And 946 was not the only ones, there are other residents who allowed and were permitted to let their children run wild like the dogs they were the exceptions. The permission granted by their own manipulations of the others who in turn had set up their own camps and fiefdoms to again compensate for the lack of true leadership and management. Gosh are the parallels obvious? They are to me.
I believe it will take a decade to recover. Just as the 80s were a kickback to the 70s, the 60s to the 50s and so forth, this will be the same. We are only half way there. Good times ahead, or not.
Tonight begins the move to Daylight Savings Time, where we turn the clock forward. Meaning longer days and of course more challenges with regards to how that affects us physically, emotionally and financially. I find the longer days much more taxing as the costs to heat or to cool rise. But I do laugh as frankly the move to South and to the better weather regions is showing that it is the most insane and least affordable option in which to undertake. But in all honesty it is as if we are all turning our clocks backwards and the South is bringing that to fruition. They said they will rise again, and yee haw they certainly have!
Floriduh, which is my new name for the State as you have to be a raging idiot to move there continues to fight for its quest to be the most extreme participant in the contest between Governors of Republican led States to be the most Conservative aka Facist. I still lean to Tennessee as the current Anti Drag Law is so vague, so poorly written it literally outlaws many Halloween costumes. This is the contest between a bunch of White men who can be the biggest asshole with right now the loudest, Ron DeSantis, is running a close number one. But that is because he has his “woke” eye on the White House, but to ignore Governor Abbott of Texas and Lee of Tennessee is at one’s peril. Missouri is not far behind, Arkansas with the wonderful former Trump Employee, Huckabee-Sanders making sure that no one is using LatinX as the standard bearer name regarding those of Latin descent. But in very blue Connecticut they are not having it either. Next up Cisgender. That will show them Mx Lindsay Graham!
While Florida is busy burning, banning books and curriculum they are ignoring how the State coming after Ian is struggling to recover thanks to Insurance companies denying and downgrading claims. Well get your big boy white boots on there Rhonda and help them! But to the people of Florida, to Tennessee and other states moving in the same bootstrap nations, YOU ELECTED THEM. Not just the Governor but the majority of State offices that have in turn enabled if not encouraged these hate laws into passing. So you did this to yourself. It is called Self-fulfilling prophecy. Some education there for you.
My personal favorite story of the week is the spin on January 6th and the framing of that message from the King of White Supremacy, Tucker Carlson, spinning it as Tourists Gone Wild. Irony that as his emails/texts regarding Trump and the “stolen” election are anything but flattering; actually saying in one that he hates Trump’s guts. Well go figure and welcome to the club.
Then we have another milestone, the third anniversary of Covid. This is usually marked by a gift made of Leather. Oh lord let’s not let the GOP know that brings all sorts of Gay connotations to mind. Well whips and chains ,aside the Republican investigation into this has stumbled on the conclusion by the Department of Energy and the CIA that is was a lab leak. Again for many, myself included I did think it was just sloppiness that led a worker into the wet market with a special treat attached to a shoe or garment and then in such a perfect breeding environment it was a delightful take home treat to the family. China’s endless secretiveness and their initial denials about what was transpiring in said lab regarding Gain of Function research is a clue that not all was what it was claimed to be. Do I think Fauci and his own NIH role in that was another coverup? No, but it was a contributory factor as again funding this and denying you are is not helping matters. This was written in 2021 the fall of our season of discontent and I feel that little has changed when it comes to understanding Covid, its origins or even how to combat it. The vaccines have not stopped the spread and it is “believed” to prevent serious illness or death and that is again a hard to measure factor, but Big Pharma made Billions. I had the first two vaccines, stayed largely masked and had one booster. I contracted Covid in September and with that took Paxaloid and recovered in a week to the day. I was all over the map that week with varying symptoms each day a new treat but never truly ill enough to seek medical care. We do know now that most deaths were elderly and those with health risks, such as Asthma, Obesity, etc. So with that the question remains how will we handle the next pandemic. Well sure as fuck not like this one.
The current economy aside it is a confusing one. The runaway inflation that seems to have the Fed giving literally mixed signals, while job growth is continuing at a record pace the same while layoffs as well as a Bank closure in the Tech Sector seemingly contradicts this is again a head scratcher. You cannot solve a New Math problem using Old Math techniques and there are many factors here that now must be considered. The Global Economy, the shutdown of China and the shortages that enabled if not allowed prices to rise and some of it gouging. The war in the Ukraine now at over a year and its affect on Europe cannot be ignored. The ongoing political struggles in Africa and Israel are lending to further confusion. Do I think it is bad? Yes and No. What I think is that this is a massive reset and this is the “new normal.” For now. The rich are still very rich, the working poor still poor and facing massive evictions, foreclosures will also rise trust me on this, and repossession of cars another; all of this , along with rising wages but failed tax credits, the cost of health care, child care will level those out and we are back to square one. I have yet to factor in the Immigration net role of those who have made it here, versus those leaving by choice or by force with the H1B1 tech workers and their Visa’s expiring if they do not find another job when laid off. That too will be a must watch in the year ahead. And yes it is just still March, talk about Madness!
As I move into a new week I am hoping for a wearing of the green in a way that will change my outlook and enable me to have a better perspective and outlook. The weather has been coming in like a Lion the last two weeks and with the Amateur Night of Drinking happening on Friday I am not sure the week will end on a high note. Well for some.
And with that I conclude with an article about Education. As I have written about for quite some time my experience in Education and my observations moving about the Country and finally realizing how bad it is, here there and everywhere all at once, I used to beat myself up quite a bit about my work and place in this institution. I have been numerous times been proven right but again this may be the most significant work to finally prove to others how bad Teaching and Schools really are. And no the solution is not Charters or Vouchers that is kicking the can and just re-gifting, it is about a system that deprives well Educated individuals the opportunity to earn a living, have a great work-life balance, bring Children a well developed learning plan and a place to learn not just the Three Rs, but find social skills, athletic ones, learn diversity and acceptance and tolerance of the differences of others – be that of Race, Gender, Culture, Sexuality and more importantly Abilities. That last one is the key and we often overlook this when we speak of the broad concept of diversity.
I hate my job and I have said many time it is not the children. The adults are horrific and that includes Teachers, Aides, and more importantly Administrators. The fish stinks from the head and that fish is well passed the three day sell by date. I have not known one in my entire 30 years, I have heard of one or two but actually met them? NO. And I will say the same with Teachers, the good ones are few and far and nowhere between. They hide in their classrooms, you do not see them much and have few words to offer than Salutations. It is a profession where one keeps one head down. This week walking in the snow and rain the lack of Teachers was so severe that I had to cover numerous classrooms over four floors. I went to each, dropped the rosters for the periods I was covering, opened a window a crack and the doors also open to ventilate, then left my coat, gloves and warm gears on a seat next to the desk, nicely folded. As I roamed the building, leaving each class early so to make it down the stairs, back up the stairs and somehow fit a toilet break in there I returned to the last room, the doors slammed shut, the jambs missing and my coat thrown on top of a bookcase, my gloves and scarf shoved beneath, the rosters missing and all the windows closed. Gee thanks. Oddly this Teacher forgot his laptop and came back to retrieve it and asked me how my day was. My response: “It was until I came in here and found all my personal belongings thrown about and the roster missing for attendance otherwise the same.” He walked out without a word. Two Students informed me he is a well known asshole whom no one likes and it explains also why during the middle of the day I will get a sudden switch in plans and must cover for him as he often leaves midday claiming long Covid. Okay fuck off then. I then went to the office and said, “My Tummy is bothering me so I won’t be here for the rest of the week, see you Monday.” And I walked out. And I came home to read about this Teacher of the Year. And thought about Teachers who were murdered by their Students or attempted murder, not via a mass shooting but by direct assault and thought, they will never be Teachers of the Year. One murdered for tutoring an angry kid, another for bad grades. I have said repeatedly that Children learn this at home no school can compensate or even remotely repair this damage.
So with this I am looking forward to reading this book and hope it comes with a trigger warning alert on the inside cover. I suspect it will be traumatizing but for me at least somewhat exonerating.
An inside look at the brutal realities of teaching
In ‘The Teachers,’ Alexandra Robbins tells the stories of educators and their successes, stresses and burnout
Review by Melanie McCabe
March 8, 2023 The Washington Post
Anyone contemplating going into teaching might be dissuaded after reading Alexandra Robbins’s latest work, “The Teachers: A Year Inside America’s Most Vulnerable, Important Profession.” That is not a disparagement of her book but rather a testament to its scope, accuracy and unflinching honesty. Never before have I read any work that so clearly depicts the current realities of teaching in America’s public schools, a subject I have followed closely as a recently retired teacher with 22 years of experience.
It isn’t that Robbins fails to shine a light on the considerable joys and rewards of working with young people. She herself took on a long-term sub gig in a third-grade classroom and writes movingly about the impact these students had on her life. And the book abounds with heart-tugging stories of students struggling because of a disability, an emotional issue or a situation at home, who were able to make a breakthrough or considerable gains thanks to the teachers profiled in the book. It is impossible to read about these students without being drawn into their stories and the efforts to reach them: Eli, a bright but volatile student whose mother shows little interest in his schooling; Zach, a selective mute whose past trauma has kept him from speaking to adults; Robert, a boy on the autism spectrum who finally achieves success by passing a state exam. The hope of experiencing moments like these was what attracted me and my former colleagues to teaching.
But the realities of teaching in 2023 are considerably different from when I entered the profession in 1999. Robbins notes that pressures on teachers began to shift in 1983, with the publication of the Department of Education’s report “A Nation at Risk.” Not long after, teachers found that their jobs now also required the management of high-stakes tests and the incorporation of new pedagogical practices and curriculum. Over the years, teachers were required to takeinstruction in social-emotional learning and accept an increase in mandated compliance training to monitor for neglect and child abuse. A sharp surge in school shootings brought a significant rise in lockdown drills.
As the duties placed on teachers piled on, no extra time was built into their day to manage them. Robbins cites several studies revealing that as teachers struggle to keep up, forsaking their evenings, weekends and lunch hours, the result is often burnout, exacerbated by “inadequate workplace support and resources, unmanageable workload, high-stakes testing, time pressure, unsupported disruptive students, lack of cooperative time with colleagues, and a wide variety of student needs without the resources to meet those needs.”
The result of these pressures is depicted in brutal detail in Robbins’s reporting on three teachers. There is Rebecca, an elementary-school teacher, whose high expectations of herself and lack of support from the school system have left her so exhausted that she is unable to manage any kind of a social life. She startsthe school year with plans to begin online dating and get involved again with musical theater, a pastime she has forsaken, but school demands on her time have her working straight through most weekends, making her plans all but impossible. Further complicating her life is a year-long mystery in her classroom: One of her students is stealing Rebecca’s possessions, as well as her students’, and she has devoted herself to trying to get to the bottom of it. She finally discovers the culprit, a girl named Illyse, whose mother agrees to get her daughter into counseling.By year’s end, Rebecca resolves to give up the social life she attempted, at least for the short run, and concentrate only on teaching, which takes all the energy she has.
Penny is a sixth-grade math teacher who struggles to maintain her high standards in the midst of a toxic workplace environment and the breakup of her marriage. Her school’s faculty is cliquish and unwelcoming, and Penny often draws the ire of a few women who see her as a threat. Penny seems to succeed with students the others can’t manage, and her colleagues’retaliation is to make her life as miserable as they can. As if this weren’t stressful enough, Penny spends much of the year sick with recurring respiratory infections caused by unaddressed mold in her classroom. Her complaints about it are ignored.
Especially unsettling is the experience of Miguel, a middle-school special-education teacher, who is teetering on the brink of leaving the profession because of the excessive requirements placed on him without adequate time and resources. His previous school year was a nightmare of abuse, with his students frequently attacking him; every few months he had to get HIV and hepatitis tests because of student bites. Complaints to a district administrator resulted only in Miguel’s being told, “That’s part of the job.” Ultimately, Miguel sued the district because of permanent disabilities caused by the attacks and won lifetime medical care.
Teachers nationwide endure similar scenarios and are leaving the profession at an alarming pace. Robbins reports that demand for U.S. teachers outstripped supply by more than 100,000 in 2019, while graduates from teacher prep programs plummeted by a third between 2010 and 2018. Along came the pandemic in 2020, and a serious teacher shortage became dramatically worse.
At first, when schools moved to online instruction in the spring of 2020 and parents saw firsthand the hardships teachers were enduring, plaudits poured in for the educators showing remarkable commitment to their profession in a difficult situation they had never trained for. Virtual teaching took much more time to prepare, execute and evaluate. And because students were often not required to turn on their cameras, it was a lot like teaching into a void. But as time crawled on and schools remained closed to in-person instruction, parents became critical, even angry. The hostility parents leveled against teachers was astonishing. In September 2021 alone, 30,000 public school teachers nationwide gave notice. Between August 2020 and August 2021, Florida’s teacher vacancies surged 67 percent, according to a count by the Florida Education Association. In 2021, California’s largest district, Los Angeles Unified, had five times the number of vacancies as in previous years, according to Shannon Haber, a spokeswoman for the district. The number of retirements skyrocketed, and I joined the exodus.I was within a couple of years of my target retirement date, but I left earlier than planned because of the mounting stress around the pandemic and an ever-increasing workload. My colleagues who remained have said that the 2021-22 school year was unbelievably hard.
One of these colleagues, who was named 2019 Teacher of the Year by my school in Arlington, Va., spoke recently before the school board to detail how her experience highlights some of the inequities facing teachers. Based on her careful record keeping, she stated that she expects to work a staggering 454 hours outside of her contract hours in any school year. “My job is impossible to do well in the time you pay me to work,” she told the board members. “I couldn’t even be average in the time you pay me.”
Almost every page of my review copy of “The Teachers” is marked with my comments and exclamation points as I encountered situations and circumstances remarkably similar to those I experienced myself. This is an important book that will come as no surprise to the nation’s teachers. But for those who seek a fuller understanding of what educators are coping with these days, it should prove invaluable. And for those who most need to read it — those in a position to effect change in the lives of conscientious and talented teachers who are considering abandoning the profession — one can only hope that its message will be heeded before it is too late.
I have written extensively about Women and particularly Motherhood and the larger Mommy Blogger Scene that has risen like a flood and a tide that has become a cottage industry of its own. We have reformed Mothers, converted Mothers, Christian Mothers, Aged Mothers, Royal or “former” Royal Mothers, Hot Mothers, Grandmothers, Lesbian or once straight Mothers, and all of them versed well in what defines being a Working Mother. That is a redundancy in and of itself as all Mothers are. We revere the concept of Motherhood yet not all of us should be nor want to be. Ah yes that is the question.
And while every day when you are a Mother is Mother’s day there are many many Women who have elected to not be Mothers. We are obsessed with Mothers and we are sure that again in our faux Meritocracy that it is some type of intrinsic failure to be a mother. We have Women who go to great lengths to be Mothers and hire women when all else fails to be one for them. We are sure any Woman wants to be a Mother and if not why not? I got 99 reasons and do you really care or is this again somehow about you? I feel that is our society now, it is always about me, no you, no I mean I. As My Mother used to say, “What are you an Eye Specialist?” I’ll let that sink in.
I realized the other day why I am shitty at interpersonal relationships. I don’t care. I used to try and it was over the top, as I thought if I tried real hard to care I would. It doesn’t work that way. Not a day goes by thanking myself that I did not have a child. I do believe we see all relationships as a type of a Mirror and I have used that euphemism repeatedly when it comes to Children. They see themselves as a reflection of the Adult holding it. And that is a bag of mixed nuts right there. And we do that with our Adult ones trying to find a reasonable compliment to our own view of self. As mine changes frequently anyone in a partnership with me would have to be a shape shifter. I loathe the expression finding a Partner just like Mom or Dad, YIKES, paternal incest how charming. And with that I duplicated my Parents marriage to a perfect imitation where we were literally in a Marriage of one. I liked it, he did not. And with that I moved on and out and about and he is in what I believe his 15th year of Marriage with someone who I assume gets him in ways I had no interest. No regrets what.so.ever. I learned something, got something from it and with that I am happy to be alone. I would enjoy genuine friendship/companionship but I do not miss day to day routines and I especially do not miss Sex. I can handle that one on my own.
People do confuse Intimacy with Sexuality and I realize that again I liked them in their own lanes and now perhaps at this age it seems to make sense more and with that I tried to hard to co-join them like bad Siamese Twins. (I believe that term is of course outdated and will the language Police give me the new and approved one) It takes a lot to realize that the difference between the two and I often think that is why when Women have children all of that unconditional love, the endless obsession and desire about what that is is now directed to the child. And that in turn is as equally smothering, damaging and destructive, it just takes longer to see the results. Much is often made of those Couples that have distinct relationships outside of Parenthood and those are thought of as Outliers who are selfish, weird or eccentric. And there are many Women wish they had not; The irony that the most famous Authors of Children’s books hated or did not have kids. The Cat is not in that hat. This is what we do as adults, make adults ones and leave the child behind.
The word CHOICE is being heavily bandied about of late as it is regards to decisions that surround Pregnancy. The move to make any type of option outside of carrying a Child to term is being now decided by the States, the same States that think Drag Shows and Drag Queen Reading Hour is a some type a recruitment mission or a pedophile on patrol. They are sure that Trans Men and Women are a threat to Bathroom freedoms and sporting shenanigans. I recall the scandal of the Women of the East German Swim Team. “Gosh Grunhilda can really do the backstroke, check out those shoulders!” I still will go to my own death bed believing it is about fucking and dicks. I can see a (fill in the blank word) Man standing at the Urinal and the guy next to whips out a foot long or he sees the feet in the closed stall facing forward. And the other is that the hot chick next to him is in fact a Trans Woman with still a Penis. Fucking or Pissing are two essential dominant factors in men’s thought process and then sports. See that is the Trans obsession.
Women I assume have less interest in where that dick is. We get bored of sex early on. How many Dick pics can you see where you think, “Haven’t I seen this in a Museum and wasn’t it better?” And when you love sex as I once did, it takes one too many dicks after a time where you think “God please let’s end this now as I got shit to do.” It will be a cold day in hell when I shove a dick down my throat ever again. That gag reflex is restored thankfully.
So when not planning the career life that will be crashed by Men in some way shape or another; That the Aging Parent that you now have to care for like a child will occur or that at some point you will be required to drop one from your Uterus or hire someone else to do it for you in both cases. I do wonder is that due to biological problems? And in turn that may be a sign that you should not breed or for some other reason that has little to do with fertility that demands you become a Parent. And then it begins.
When I read this essay from the Sister of Frank Bruni, the former NY Times columnist, I thought it was actually true. Children are not your clones and with that it explains again much of the Mommy Industry. When you can’t have a career you pimp your children. It is like Mama June only not making your kid a stripper.
Success for my children meant finding their own paths, not retracing mine
By Adelle Kirk
Every year, without fail, about 20 of my best female friends from college and I reunite for a long weekend. It’s not always easy to pull off; we’re career women, wives, mothers, busily “having it all,” which means having almost no free time. But we relish traveling back across the decades together. We reminisce about the nights spent dancing to Liquid Pleasure, our favorite 1980s band. We laugh about the sleepless fog we lived through our senior spring as we tried to finish the thesis papers required to graduate.
Then, inevitably, the talk turns from our antics back in the day to our kids today. To the trials they put us through or the challenges of parenting that no one saw coming. Some of our kids have real limitations. Others are quietly defiant. Still others are outright rebellious. But a single common thread runs through our observations and complaints about them: Why can’t they be more like we were?
We’re no doubt seeing our pasts through rose-colored glasses when we ask that. We’re also measuring our kids with the yardsticks of the academic accolades that we accrued, the elite university where we got our cherished diplomas, the big jobs we snagged, the fairy-tale parents we expected to be. We want exactly — and I mean exactly — the same for them.
But is that concerned parenting or simple vanity? Are we trying to encourage and shape authentic individuals or create clones of ourselves?
The positive spin is that the path we’re best equipped to help them navigate is the one we took, so we’re simply giving them the surest set of directions we can. There’s truth in that and in our desires, heartfelt and understandable, to make certain that they and we continue to have the same bearings, enjoy the same interests, speak the same language. It’s a way of holding them close as long as possible. It’s a recipe for lifelong friendship.
Now that they are young adults, I look back at my two children’s youths, and I see, over and over, me frantically trying to determine who they’d be rather than letting them discover who they really were. I’d been on my high school swimming and basketball teams, so my son needed sports of his own, and I forced him to play football and lacrosse, though what he loved was watching, not participating in, both. As soon as I got an inkling that he was better with numbers than with words, I bought verbal SAT books for him every summer and spent endless hours playing editor on his high school papers. He had to find a route to well-rounded academic excellence.
With my daughter, it was much the same. I rotated her through one sport after another, intent that she also follow in my footsteps. Alas, she was more an artist than an athlete — but that was OK! I loved theater in high school and performed in countless plays throughout college. So I pushed and pushed in that direction, a backstage tiger mother with a mighty roar.
I now realize that I wasn’t simply and benignly motivating my children. I was probably giving them the constant feeling that they were disappointing me, that their natural interests, talents and drive were never enough. That’s by far my biggest regret as a parent — not that neither of them has my alma mater, not that neither of them was all-American in lacrosse, not that neither of them had a precocious turn on a Broadway stage. I worry that neither of them understood how little I really cared about that. And that’s because I didn’t understand it myself.
Somehow, they survived. The credit goes entirely to them. My son prospers at a top-notch public university, where his major and his side interests bear absolutely no relation to mine at his age. He’s happy. My daughter decided that college wasn’t for her — at least not now — and took a job in the restaurant industry in a city halfway across the country from our New Jersey home. I visited her there recently. I ate where she works and watched her in action. She moved with a confidence that wasn’t always there before. She moved with joy.
So what was the tug of war that I went through with them — and that so many of my friends go through with their children — all about? What was the point? The gift our children give us is their individuality, and they develop strength of character not by emulating or outdoing us but by finding their own ways once we finally let them. That destination may not be one we ever imagined. But in being a surprise, it can be a special delight.
I try to embrace different yardsticks for my children now: theircontentment, theirfulfillment. And I genuinely admire their decisions and their determination to live their lives on their own terms. Maybe I’m just mellowing in my advancing age, or maybe they’ve taught me something crucial about the tyranny of precise expectations and the liberty of sloughing those off. When I swap parenting stories with my college classmates during our next weekend together, I won’t lament what my children haven’t done or may never do or the degree to which they aren’t replicas of me. I’ll celebrate their originality. Or — imagine this — I won’t hold them up for inspection at all.
On a Personal Note
Over the years, Frank has used his newsletters and columns to write at length about our family, including his relationships with our two brothers — Mark and Harry — and me. So I thought I’d seize this opportunity to give you my perspective on his. It’s not so much a correction of the record as a refinement and an elaboration.
He says that we’re big eaters and loud talkers. True. I mean, we’re (half) Italian. It’s in the genes.
He says that we take pains to carve out time for trips together. Also true.
But I’m not sure he gives you a full and accurate sense of how he fits into the group. As the second-born boy, he wasn’t the natural leader of our pack; that role fell to Mark, the firstborn, who cast a long shadow for Frank to grow up in. Frank also didn’t fly somewhat under our parents’ radar, the way Harry, the youngest of my three older brothers, did. And he wasn’t the pampered baby of the family, a long-awaited daughter. I drew that lucky card.
So Frank became, well, the family’s narrator. Its chronicler. We often turned to him to describe what we were going through, to put it into words (and this was before he went ahead and did that for a living). I can still remember the puzzled expressions on Mark’s and Harry’s faces when Frank sometimes came out with a verb or an adjective they’d never heard of. He was sort of like an SAT prep guide on legs. And if I’m being honest, he could be a little lordly — that’s a Frank kind of word — about it.
While we’re on the subject of his foibles, I should give you myview of his caretaking of Regan, given how frequently he regales you with tales about her. It’s … obsessive. He agonizes if he has walked her less than five miles on a given day; he’s stupidly happy if he has gone over eight. My dogs always gyrate with excitement when Frank and Regan drop by, because he’ll take themalong for one of these marathons or force meto bring them along.
Oh, and on those family trips? No one else suggests that cocktail hour begin quite as early in the afternoon as Frank does.
He’s the only sibling each of us calls regularly. I’m not sure why, but it works out that way. He and I talk almost daily, often at some early morning hour when the ring of my phone beats my alarm because Frank is already up and (you guessed it) out walking Regan.
He’s generous — to me, to my children, to his other nieces and nephews. He’s generous with his time, with his confidences, with his advice (which is pretty good), with his gossip (which is even better). Heck, he’s even generous with his newsletter space, giving it to me this week. I’m grateful. And I thank you, too, for indulging me.
The Earthquake in Syria and Turkey has now led to at least 20K dead. I am not sure what to say but with Syria perpetually in a Civil War and the sanctions that have been a part of the US relations for decades for their support in Terrorism will mean that they will have to be temporarily removed and in turn coordination or efforts to assist a challenge. Turkey, a country we have had a very challenged relationship and largely strategic in nature has been tested with the war in the Ukraine and the NATO sanctions placed upon Russia, which Turkey has largely ignored and in turn Russia despite it all has managed to circumvent them to maintain their economy and war effort. All of this is part of our International news coverage which as I suspect few follow or actually read about. Putting Sunflowers on clothes or flying flags in windows is great and all but what actually do you know about the boots on the ground, the Americans and Europeans who have gone there to help, and in turn what is happening with regards to Russian misinformation, European reliance on them for power and in turn the overall costs that again are not new. We have had a myriad of problems with Russia for decades, Putin has fucked over five Presidents in our country, he has interfered in US elections through the use of bots to flood social media and in turn stir racial unrest. All of this AGAIN is well presented in varying media outlets but AGAIN most people simply refuse or at least even commit to reading, listening to or watching news for even 30 minutes. There are the 24/7 MSNBC, CNN and Fox watchers perpetuating the horseshoe effect that has individuals on either end of the spectrum spout the talking points sure they are getting truths and facts. And with that I move on.
I read three papers and currently flip through the Daily Memphian to read about Memphis and the reports on the Police Violence situation as the investigation is still ongoing. Since his funeral one other Police officer has been fired and the story that circulated aka “rumor” that Tyre was seeing one of the Officer’s ex’s of course has been dismissed but there was a Woman one of the Officers was pursuing or was acquainted with whom he sent the photos he took at the crime scene as Tyre lay dying. The New York Times wrote an extensive update on what transpired that night and the suppression evidence and lying that continued to cover up what really happened. Again, who will know the truth or will it ever get its day in court? Let’s hope.
This now brings me to the role of AI and how it too can be used to create a false narrative and it appear real. The story from the New York Times confirms how convincing it can be to create a newscast using bots aka DEEPFAKE and create a script, now thanks to CHAT AI to make it appear genuine. I will spend some time in another post discussing what I believe will end many writers careers and freelancing efforts with the creation of CHAT AI. The cuts across the white collar industries will only contribute to that with copy writers, content creators and the like being dismissed. There may be only one or two left on a team to do clean up and editing but I suspect more will follow across the board when it comes to this and the role of AI in production.
And with that I did have a “conversation” with a White Man in Manhattan who commented about me reading the NY Times in hand and I responded that I still subscribe to the print edition I like the feel of paper, the ability to spread it out and read story in succession as reading on the phone for me is challenging. He was reading his NYT on his phone and immediately informed me that Turkey/Syria was now at 20K. I knew immediately recognized that as a passive aggressive way of informing me that reading online was superior as it is in real time. I said I had heard on the radio coming over to the city that the death toll had risen and that this tragedy was again a sign of politics and war and the inability of country’s to maintain their labor and work force to promote stability to enact growth and change. It parallels our own country’s brain drains in red vs blue states and in turn also in the Latin countries. When people leave there is no imperative to grow but to maintain power and all at a sacrifice to a country’s own growth. He immediately did what I call the standard white person response – NO YOU ARE WRONG. I put that to the equivalent to the invite, “Hey let’s meet for coffee” and the response is, “I don’t drink coffee.” When you begin a dialogue in the negative you end something before it begins. So in this case I simply tried to explain what I have seen in Nashville and the South with people who want to stay but they eventually cannot as jobs and opportunities dry up, even basic services like grocery stores are lacking, so they leave and these great towns are dying. And then he launched into his story about Religion, working in upstate Pennsylvania and a watch maker he hired, to hiring workers to do things for him and telling me one negative story after another about all the people he knew including former College classmates he encountered at his reunion with their reliance upon religion. I wonder if it was less about them and more about him and he being an utter asshole. After about 5 minutes of this lecture (as that it was it was not a conversation) he jumped up and said, “Enjoy your roll and have a good day.” I looked at my plate which was down to scraps, as I had just sat there shoving it into my mouth to avoid speaking, ignoring my newspaper which is why I stopped in the first place. And I go, “I will and you too.” All I could think was how was this man whom I thought Gay, and usually they are not quite that angry or rude, confirms why I have to stop these random encounters, they are not productive, they are not healthy for me. This was just very New Yorker typical (they are either amazing or utter shit, no grey there) yet although during his rant I gathered he was from Maryland; with that I am not sure if he lives here but he had a white shi zu who seems to be his only friend (he was clutching that do like a child does a stuffed animal) so he had to actually live here or why the dog? And frankly why he felt the need to talk to me another. Don’t initiate a conversation when you have no intent of having one. I was relieved to see them both take a leave and while I too left shortly thereafter my morning not ruined but certainly not one I wished to extend. A bad taste remained, from neither the coffee nor the pain a raisin but from his vitriol.
I truly exhaust myself trying to be “nice” and with that I want to move onto the subject about the shooting in Virginia with the six year old. After spending a day in an Autism classroom with four amazing young men on varying degrees on the spectrum I was looking forward to a couple of days of just being alone and keeping busy with things that matter. People not so much. As the Teacher of that room contracted Covid, meaning all them including the IA was exposed, I did not want to push my luck and I will test on Saturday to see how I am passing the 72 hour mark from exposure to contraction. So these next two days are not only necessary they put me less at risk. I think the IA was shocked that I was not planning to alter my schedule to be there Thursday and Friday as I told her that I already had obligations, she seemed to think that they were flexible and I would of course step in. Again, I have no obligation, no responsibility and am a GIG WORKER who works on my schedule not yours. But later during the day the VP was there for the afternoon and in an exchange with her the IA informed her that with all the Teachers out sick, on leave or for emergency reasons she was being placed in a place that led her to do more work that she was not paid for. I laughed to myself as I feel the same way. You want me to work, pay me, enable me with access to computers, a password, a locker to store my stuff and of course sick leave, health care and the rest. That.Will.Not.Happen. I cobbled together lessons for the boys, they really need constant reiteration and consistency, none that I have actually witnessed in my time in those rooms. So again lack of leadership and direction is evident. And my past exchanges on this subject I am more than aware of how incalcitrant Teachers are to change. This goes with my last post regarding the Doctor who admitted that many of the problems Doctor’s face are due to the lobbying by the AMA to keep the status quo. And it is always about money. Even the comment by the Doctor who said there is an ER that is no safe and that they will travel rather than go there. What does that say about those who don’t have said option?
And this goes not only with regards to medical care but to education and to the judicial system. Those safety nets that are designed to provide equity to those in need or demand are not treated equally. Access and availability are not parsed out fairly but in fact that is what is defined as systemic racism, they are designed to treat the poor, the less well off financially and in turn less educated in how the system works to be treated disparagingly, as if it was a type of intrinsic failure that led them there. And since most of those are faces of color the reality is that yes it is a form of Racism. I was a white woman when I was abused and mistreated by the hospital I was brought to be cared for. It is a public hospital in charge of treating the poor and has a history of issues and problems and it was only sheer fucking luck I survived. They threw me in the street sick and deranged and I sued them on my own. Why? Why not. The Police and the EMT who rescued me, did not help me but in fact went out of their ways to ensure I was further punished as if being in coma and not knowing or caring if I was to come out of it, decided to make sure if I did I would be punished. And I was. The numerous Judges, the Attorneys I hired and fired and the City Attorneys went out of their way to do little to nothing despite my pleas and the checks that cleared. NOT ONE. I was on my own so anyone who thinks I will ever lend a hand anymore is mistaken. I have nothing more to say on this subject but I will say that anyone who thinks that Politicians will change these broken systems are mistaken. Unless people band together to become a Citizen Lobbyist and take charge of their workplace, their community and organize to bring money, yes money, to the varying assholes who run for office and in turn demand and pay for their candidacy, then drive to get them elected and more George Santos’ will take office without shame or guilt.
And with that we should be able to have our children go to local schools, to not have to commute in which to find a basic education. I get that special programs may have to be divided up for financial reasons, that said a child needs to be in the community he/she lives in which to make friends, to build a history and establish roots. And what it says that when you don’t have an opportunity for education and in turn can drop out of school and be left alone to scrub together an existence allows one to remain ignorant. Lessons learned less about fact and more on lies, misinformation, and it opens the door to January 6th. Another Insurrectionist who was sentenced this week seemed to believe his ignorance was an excuse. Funny how hid did not understand anything about history and Democracy yet seemed to think that this was okay. He is married with a family, has a job and he seemed to know enough to get there and carry a Confederate Flag into the Capitol. To quote his Attorney: “He was taught that the flag was a symbol of an idealized view of southern life and southern heritage,” “Lacking an education beyond the ninth grade and lacking even average intellectual capacity, Mr. Seefried did not appreciate the complex and, for many, painful, history behind the Confederate battle flag.”” Really he didn’t know this as he never heard it ever? None of his family had? Yeah it is what I call “willful ignorance.”
And that same type of ignorance is what happened in Virginia at Richneck Elementary School on the day a six year old shot his Teacher. None of it makes sense and yet all of seems to be one of willful intent. He planned it, he discussed it, he demonstrated prior acts of violence and with that he waited until a moment arrived to KILL HER. Did I mention he was Six? When he was Five he strangled a Teacher. Again this is all odd as if he was trained to do this. As few six year olds I have met have that amazing skill set to find guns, unlock them, carry them and in turn use them. To strangle someone with that much force to render a Teacher near unconsciousness. He told classmates and with that his need for attention led him to share it with other Students, threaten them and in turn be dismissed without recourse. And his Parents brought him to school and after a brief period felt it was not necessary to accompany him any further. Really? There is so much missing from this story but what isn’t is that take a look at the School, the lack of training, the lack of doors, the entire inability to respond to a crisis. The Principal not in the loop and the VP running the show. I have seen this many many times. A young Teacher with no support system in which to help her and a class of 24 or more which is WAY TOO BIG for children that age and no IA’s to assist. This district sucks but hey the Governor has made sure no CRT is being taught! And all following a pandemic when this Boy was 4 he had no oversight nor care to diagnose what is happening and enters Kindergarten already in a state and progressed what appears to be a new school for First grade. Where were his history or file? This is not exclusive to this school, this is EVERYWHERE. And what is the solution? Vouchers for Private Schools or more Charters. Yeah that is the solution or in other words kick the can down the road. This is a child not a can of pop. And the affect of this on all the other children will only exacerbate what I have come to believe a loss of a generation interrupted due to the pandemic. Ages 2-20 will fucked up for years to come. And it is why I will not spend more than three days in a school as the adage goes: Company like fish stink after three days. And why I quit doing both Elementary and Middle school as they are not easy in the best of times and these are not the best of times.
How Richneck Elementary failed to stop a 6-year-old from shooting his teacher
By Hannah Natanson and Justin Jouvenal February 10, 2023 The Washington Post
Abigail Zwerner was frustrated.
It was Jan. 4. A 6-year-old in her first-grade class at Richneck Elementary School had stolen her phone and slammed it to the floor, apparently upset over a schedule change, according to text messages Zwerner sent to a friend.
Administrators, she wrote, were faulting her for the situation.
The 6-year-old “took my phone and smashed it on the ground,” Zwerner wrote in a text message obtained by The Washington Post, “and admin is blaming me.”
Two days later, the 6-year-old told classmates at recess he was going to shoot Zwerner, showed them a gun and its clip tucked into his jacket pocket, and threatened to kill them if they told anyone, according to an attorney for the family of a student who witnessed the threat, offering the first account of events leading to the shooting from someone in Zwerner’s class.
That afternoon, the 6-year-old did as he promised, authorities said — firing a bullet through Zwerner’s upraised hand and into her chest as she was midway through teaching a lesson.
Zwerner’s lawyer and other educators at the Newport News, Va., school have alleged the shooting came after school administrators downplayed repeated warnings from Zwerner and other teachers about the boy. The incident sparked a staffing shake-up at Richneck and the ouster of Superintendent George Parker III.
The Washington Post interviewed 34 people — including teachers, parents and children at Richneck — and obtained dozens of text messages, school emails and documents to reconstruct what happened inside Richneck that day and in the days and weeks before the shooting, revealing new details about the administration’s failure to manage the 6-year-old’s disciplinary issues and to respond to other reports of troubling student behavior.
The Post learned that the 6-year-old was moved to a half-day schedule due to poor conduct in early September,and was suspended for a day after slamming Zwerner’s phone. But educators had long been vexed by the student, who previously attempted to strangle his kindergarten teacher, according to two school employees and records obtained by The Post.
Diane Toscano, Zwerner’s lawyer, has said teachers relayed several warnings to administrators on the morning of the shooting, including at least three reports that the boy had a gun. The Post interviewed a kindergartner who said the boy threatened to punch her at lunch that day and that she informed a staffer — but that the staffer did little more than give the boy a verbal warning.
In the direct aftermath of the shooting, two second-grade classes were left briefly wandering the hallways in search of a safe place to hide because their classroom was not equipped with doors and they had not rehearsed safety drills, according to one second-grade teacher, one fifth-grade teacher and a parent of a second-grade student, as well as text messages obtained by The Post. A second-grade teacher told The Post she had asked to have doors installed but administrators refused, saying the doors would be too expensive.
Many people interviewed spoke on the condition of anonymity because the district has asked teachers not to talk with reporters or because they wanted to protect their families’ privacy.
James Ellenson, an attorney for the family of the 6-year-old boy, declined to comment directly on the new reporting but said in a statement that Newport News schools “had a duty to protect all the parties involved, especially the child who needed to be protected from himself.”
Newport News school district spokeswoman Michelle Price declined to comment for this story, as did Parker, the former superintendent, and Toscano, Zwerner’s attorney.
‘We were scared’
Teachers’ fears about the 6-year-old date backto his kindergarten year, when he tried to strangle his teacher, according to a letter Zwerner’s attorney sent to the school system Jan. 24 announcing her intent to sue. The letter was first reported by the Daily Press.
“The shooter had been removed from the school a year prior after he chokedhis teacher until she couldn’t breathe,” says the letter, obtained by The Post through a public records request. It was not immediately clear how a boy so young could have choked an adult. The Post was not able to learn other details of the incident and authorities have not released information about the boy.
Early this fall, as Richneck teachers sought to settle their new crop of students inside the low-slung red-brick building nestled amid trees, news of the 6-year-old’s troubled history circulated swiftly among the staff, according to text messages between teachers.
Less than a week into September, officials switched the 6-year-old to a half-day schedule due to misbehavior — but administrators were already lagging in efforts to accommodate the student, according to Toscano’s letter and to text messages sent between Zwerner and a friend of hers who teaches at the school.
It was not clear what specific incident triggered the schedule change.Toscano wrote in her letter that the 6-year-old “constantly cursed at the staff and teachers and then one day took off his belt on the playground and chased kids trying to whip them.”
On Sept. 5, Zwerner wrote in a text message to her friend that officials were being slow to offer updates on how to handle the child.
“I still haven’t gotten any info about [the student’s] half day schedule,” Zwerner wrote.
The friend wrote back that the 6-year-old “needs to be half days … They better stick to that for your sake.” The friend added that administrators’ “communication and accountability aren’t good again this year.”
As the year progressed, concerns did, too.
Though the 6-year-old was a particular challenge, teachers alleged that administrators’ response to discipline issues was generally lackluster, both for Zwerner’s class of roughly two dozen students and elsewhere in the building.
Harold Belkowitz, an attorney for Richneck parents with a child in Zwerner’s class, said his clients’ child was physically and verbally bullied by classmates during the current school year.He said his clients raised concerns with Richneck and Newport News school officials “numerous times” but that administrators took no action to stop the behavior.
Text messages and a photo shared between teachers show that a student in Zwerner’s class reportedly hit a teacher so hard with a chair that her legs became dotted with green and purple bruises — and that, at another point, a kindergartner was accused of pushing a pregnant teacher to the ground and kicking her in the stomach so hard that she feared for her unborn child, two weeks shy of giving birth. It was not immediately clear how administrators responded to those episodes, although one educator wrote in a text this fall that the bruised teacher had “heard nothing from admin.”
On Nov. 9, the second-grade teacher wrote in a text message to a colleague that she was applying to work in another district because of “how bad the first graders are right now put together with the fact we don’t have doors.”
The second-grade teacher added, referencing administrative failures, “It’s only gonna get worse.”
‘Again nothing was done’
About two months later, on the morning of Jan. 6, the 6-year-old slipped his mother’s gun into his backpack before heading to school, Newport News police have said. Ellenson, the lawyer for the boy’s family, has said the weapon was kept in the mother’s closet under a gun lock. It remains unclear how the boy was able to obtain the weapon.
The boy arrived on campus around 11 a.m., passing a school sign that still wished students “Happy New Year” in capital letters. He was accompanied by his mother, according to a second-grade teacher who said she spoke with the mother in the hallway.
Before that day, due to an unspecified disability, the boy followed a special schedule in which his parents shadowed him to and during class, the family said in a statement last month. On Jan. 6, for unknown reasons, the parents discontinued that plan: “The week of the shooting was the first week when we were not in class with him,” the statement said.
Around 11:05 a.m., the boy was slated to leave Zwerner’s classroom and head along the gray-tiled hallway to lunch, which is held jointly for kindergartners and first-graders, according to a copy of a Richneck schedule obtained by The Post.
Inside the lunchroom, which a Richneck teacher said has white walls lined with posters advising students how to behave respectfully, a kindergarten student was sitting at her lunch table when she spotted the boy, she said in a video call with The Post this month. The girl was interviewed beside her mother; both spoke on the condition of anonymity to protect their privacy.
The kindergarten student said she had long wanted to become friends with the 6-year-old. When she saw him that day, she said, she looked steadily in his direction to attract his attention.
Noticing her gaze, she said, the boy walked close to her table and asked, “What are you looking at, little girl?” before jumping forward and shoving himself close to her. He raised his fist to eye level and said, “I’m going to punch you in the face,” she recalled. Scared and sad, the girl raced from her table to grab the nearest school staffer, she said.
The school staffer warned the 6-year-old that punching another student could force a visit to the principal’s office, according to the kindergartner and her mother. The girl’s mother said the staffer spoke on the phone with her about a week after the shooting to try to explain the decision-making process in that moment — and to confess that the boy with the raised fist was the same one who, hours later, shot his teacher.
“They felt that they did the best they could by addressing it to the child,” the kindergartner’s mother said, declining to identify the staffer. “But I disagree.”
By 11:30 a.m., reports that the boy had threatened another child reached Zwerner, according to Toscano, Zwerner’s attorney. Toscano wrote in her letter to the school district that Zwerner took theinformation directly to Assistant Principal EbonyParker,who is not related to the former superintendent with the same last name.
Zwerner visited the assistant principal’s office and told her about the threat, reporting “that the shooter was in a violent mood,” Toscano wrote. “Yet … absolutely nothing is done.”
At 12:20 p.m., after the first-graders finished lunch and sat through a brief “Reading” period, they were supposed to head outside for recess, according to the Richneck daily schedule.
By this point, rumorswere spreading that the boy had brought a weapon to school, according to Toscano. One teacher searched the 6-year-old’s backpack at around 12:30 p.m., Toscano wrote, but found nothing.
Zwerner told a colleague she had glimpsed “the shooter take something out of his backpack and put it in his pocket” and feared it might be a gun, spurring that colleague to bring concerns to Assistant Principal Parker, Toscano wrote in her letter. But Parker ignored the teacher, Toscano wrote, suggesting the boy’s pockets were too small to contain a gun: “Assistant Principal Parker was made aware at the beginning of recess that Ms. Zwerner was afraid the shooter had a gun in his pocket. And again nothing was done.”
Meanwhile, outside at recess, the 6-year-old approached three other students and told them he intended to shoot Zwerner, according to Emily Mapp Brannon, an attorney who is representing the parents of four Richneck families. Brannon provided a statement that details an account of that day given by a boy enrolled in Zwerner’s class.
The 6-year-old showed his fellow students the gun, which he had concealed in the pocket of his jacket, revealing the clip, according to the statement.
“The shooter also threatened the other classmates that if they told on him, he would shoot them,” the statement says.
Two students immediately ran away terrified, according to the statement.
The statement said the boy told the shooter that he wanted to go play in another area of the playground and left for the monkey bars. Not long after, the boy told a teacher about the gun, Brannon said.
Toscano described a similar incident in her letter to the district, writing that a teacher alerted to the recess gun threat by a student told another teacher, who told Assistant Principal Parker. But Parker “responded that she was aware of the threat and the shooter’s backpack had already been searched,” according to Toscano’s letter.
Around the same time, a school guidance counselor also approached the assistant principal to warn her the student might have a gun — marking at least the third warning about a gun Parker received that day.
The guidance counselor “asked Assistant Principal Parker if he could search the shooter’s person for the weapon,” Toscano wrote. “Assistant Principal Parker’s response was no, because the shooter’s mother would be arriving soon to pick up the shooter.”
Parker did not respond to requests for comment for this story. An attorney for Briana Foster Newton, who was Richneck principal at the time, said in a statement that “it would be imprudent to comment on discussions that Mrs. Newton was not a part of.” She has said Newton, who has since been reassigned, was not told the boy might have had a gun that day.
At 12:50 p.m., first-grade recess wrapped up, per the school schedule. The first-graders filed back into Zwerner’s classroom for what was listed on the schedule as math class.
Shortly before 2 p.m., Toscano wrote in her letter, Zwerner “was sitting at her reading table when the shooter, who was sitting at his desk, pulled the gun out of his pocket.” He squeezed the trigger.
‘We all went under the teacher’s table’
Several things happened almost at once after the shot was fired, according to Newport News police. Surveillance video shows between 16 and 20 students fleeing the classroom to seek shelter across the hall. Another school employee ran into Zwerner’s room to restrain the student and continued holding him until police officers arrived on campus. The 6-year-old was ultimately taken to a hospital for a mental health evaluation.
Zwerner was the last to leave her classroom, police have said. She made a right turn and traveled down the hallway before looking back “to make sure every one of those students was safe,” Newport News Police Chief Steve Drew has said.
The rest of the school was plunged into confusion and terror. Alyssa Dooley, who is 8 and in third grade, said a lockdown was announced over her classroom’s loudspeaker shortly after the shot was fired.
“We all went under the teacher’s table,” Alyssa said. “There was crying, and we were scared.”
Down the hall from Zwerner’s classroom, two classes of second-graders had no idea where to go, according to one of the second-grade teachers. Not only did their shared classroom lack doors, but the school had failed to hold a lockdown drill that school year, two Richneck teachers said, leaving the second-grade teachers without a plan.
The second-grade teachers began trying classroom doors until they found the computer lab unlocked, one said. They hustled students inside and sought to keep them calm for about an hour, according to the teacher and a parent of a second-grader, before the principal and police began circulating the building unlocking classroom doors. The adults led the children to the gym to await reunion with their parents.
At the same time, parents began learning of the shooting from news reports — frustrating some, who said they wanted to hear directly from the school.
Mark Anthony Garcia, a parent of a second-grade boy, said he learned of the shooting when his wife called him, herself having gleaned the news from local station WAVY-TV.
“My wife told me to get to the school because there was a shooter at Richneck Elementary,” Garcia said.
Garcia said he jumped in his car and sped to Richneck. He got about a mile and a half away before hitting a police roadblock. A woman said he could park his car in her driveway. He left the vehicle and hurried to the school, where hundreds of parents stood waiting in an area cordoned off by yellow police tape.
As the minutes ticked on, parents paced nervously. Others cried. Some were irate. By 2:45 p.m., Garcia said, police began reuniting anxious mothers and fathers with their children.
Garcia captured the moment on video.
“Everybody have their ID in their hand,” an officer shouted through a megaphone. She told the crowd to form a single line.
Parents burst through the yellow tape toward the school. One woman shouted, “Go! Go!”
Garcia said he met his son in the gym. He gave the boy a big hug and told him he was a hero.
Garcia and his son then drove to a gas station, where they met up with Garcia’s wife, who had been stranded on a different side of the school. The family spilled out of their cars and gathered in a group hug.
Then, together, the boy and his parents said a prayer.
One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch. This is an idiom. In that a bad apple as “someone who creates problems or causes trouble for others; specifically, a member of a group whose behavior negatively affects the remainder of the group.” And it comes from the proverb that actually states, “one bad apple spoils the whole barrel.” And that misuse has been applied repeatedly when in cones to Police. So now we have cleared that up, it shows that in fact that the acts of one affect many. Cannot say that one enough as we have repeatedly again seen Police Officers kill and abuse those in custody and those not yet placed in as such. The SCORPION unit that was comprised of many Police Officers in Memphis and were not just the 5 who killed him nor the one who stopped him and has since been fired, it was an entire unit, a Goon Squad. The unit was devised to be a largely traffic force that looked for minor violations including seat belts, running lights, speeding and the like as a deterrent. In other words, “stop and frisk” and the concept of broken windows. And we know already that most of these arbitrary stops enable Police to search the vehicle, seize the vehicle and in turn fine the Driver excessive fees as well as Jail them. Sandra Bland was an example of such. and with that we also know they are highly fraught exchanges. I keep thinking of the band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy when it comes to these squads. The band great, the thugs of Officers not so great. This is from the NY Times today on said SCORPION unit which has now been disbanded. Don’t worry it will be back with no less a dickwad acronym that is all about the men who use tasers and guns as extensions of their manhood.
The idea that there are good Cops is in fact the EXCEPTION not the rule. Sorry, not sorry. But there is something that needs to be understood that in the case of Memphis that despite the fact that the Police and the Victim were/are Black it is less about the color of skin and more the color of the uniform. The Military has similar dogmas and the reality is that many who try to join exclusive units in their respective branch have found themselves abused and often end up dead or seriously disabled in some type of hazing process that has gone on for decades. If they complain or are not able to complete the course, they are assigned dead end jobs. The sexual abuse includes not just Women of the Military but Men. And even the ROTC units in the public schools have come under fire as they too are using their authority and inference of power to assault and victimize many potential recruits. The reality is that we have a Badge obsession like we do a gun one and they have both. And the badge of honor is to keep one’s mouth shut.
When you think of these organizations of defense you think very much a tribal mentality that permeates the core and you become like them rather that try to go against them. Those that have have faced serious repercussions and their careers have been ended as a result. And we all are members of one tribe or another. We use that membership to declare moral superiority, intellect, a coolness or whatever other adjective or moniker you wish in order to add to your identity. The hyphenate world in which we live places us in the need for more apparently. He/She/Her/Him/Mx/Ms and so forth. Fuck it I don’t care anymore frankly as it just again lends to the divisions and more ire than it is worth. And with that I found this editorial today and I share it to see why I am a loner. I cannot handle the endless need to validate or prove worth. I find each conversation fraught with challenges that are exhausting and I spend my days already exhausted from sitting and doing nothing and watching children do nothing. It is not how I saw my life pan out in the least. And again it is why I write, words that no one reads or maybe they do but they don’t care as they are seize on one word, one thought, remove it from context and decide if the rest is worth reading or not. It is all judgement and assessment and none of it productive or good for anyone.
The most salient point the Author makes is the endless cycle of Good vs Bad and the tales of who has it better/worse and does largely the same to defend and support their beliefs. It is called the Horseshoe Effect. Just that theory alone sets off alarm bells. And if this does not resonate with anyone, think book banning. The right are running amok with books about Slavery, Sexuality and other issues of culture. The Left too is doing the same, removing books like To Kill and Mockingbird for Atticus as a White Savior or Huckleberry Finn and other books like Mice and Men that were written in the 1920s and used the word “Nigger” in the text. Even me writing the word is highly fraught as it should not be spoken or written. I am to use the phrase the “N word” Really? I am not using to level a name or affix a negative abusive moniker and am discussing the word in a literary critical context. Nope can’t do that. Then please only Women can use the word, “Bitch.” Gays I am talking to you here!
The N-word euphemism was an organic outcome, as was an increasing consensus that “nigger” itself is forbidden not only in use as a slur but even when referred to. Our spontaneous sense is that profanity consists of the classic four-letter words, while slurs are something separate. However, anthropological reality is that today, slurs have become our profanity: repellent to our senses, rendering even words that sound like them suspicious and eliciting not only censure but also punishment.
For a person who uses the word Fuck all the time I have had my moments where I was scolded and reprimanded usually by white men who are obviously deeply offended by my lack of lady like speech. To that I say, “Fuck yeah Asshole.” I don’t care anymore but in context of a discussion we should be able to use words, even those most repellent to bring about discussion. It is critical in all kinds of theory, race included. We must use words powerfully and we do so in ways to do harm and do well. Again the use of “Bro” or “Boy” or even “Man” taken out of context and broken apart to see evil where there is none is again a part of the process of moral superiority. I was talking about “lunch ladies” regarding School Cafeteria workers which is an old nickname, harmless and I was informed that there are Men now in the kitchens. Really there are? When were you last in a public school lunchroom? There are none and of course the good Liberal scold continued as they cannot be wrong; “Thanks for the reminder that gender enforcement and stereotyping are critical functions of education.” And my response: “Hey it is what I live for.” We are talking about Lunchroom workers and that the term is not pejorative in the least but this is where we are nitpicking, bullying and fighting over words and terms. It will not get better. Why? Its all we have. We have no interests, no hobbies, no work that is meaningful. So we misdirect and channel our anger and frustrations to those on the interwebs. Social media is anything but social nor is it media.
‘Bad Apples’ or Systemic Issues?
By David French Opinion Columnist The New York Times Feb 5, 2023
On Wednesday, the city of Memphis remembered the life of Tyre Nichols, a young man who was beaten by at least five Memphis police officers and died three days later. Stories like this are terrible, they’re relentless, and they renew one of the most contentious debates in the nation: Are there deep and systemic problems with the American police?
How we answer that question isn’t based solely on personal experience or even available data. It often reflects a massive partisan divide, one that reveals how we understand our relationships with the institutions we prize the most — and the least.
Every year Gallup releases a survey that measures public confidence in a variety of American institutions, including the police. In 2022, no institution (aside from the presidency) reflected a greater partisan trust gap than the police. A full 67 percent of Republicans expressed confidence in the police, versus only 28 percent of Democrats.
Why is that gap so large? While I try to avoid simple explanations for complex social phenomena, there is one part of the answer that I believe receives insufficient attention: Our partisanship tends to affect our reasoning, influencing our assessments of institutions regardless of the specifics of any particular case.
Here’s what I mean. The instant that a person or an institution becomes closely identified with one political “tribe,” members of that tribe become reflexively protective and are inclined to write off scandals as “isolated” or the work of “a few bad apples.”
Conversely, the instant an institution is perceived as part of an opposing political tribe, the opposite instinct kicks in: We’re far more likely to see each individual scandal as evidence of systemic malice or corruption, further proof that the other side is just as bad as we already believed.
Before I go further, let me put my own partisan cards on the table. I’m a conservative independent. I left the Republican Party in 2016, not because I abandoned my conservatism but rather because I applied it. A party helmed by Donald Trump no longer reflected either the character or the ideology of the conservatism I believed in, and when push came to shove, I was more conservative than I was Republican.
But my declaration of independence wasn’t just about Trump. In 2007 I deployed, relatively late in life, to Iraq as a U.S. Army judge advocate general, or JAG. Ever since I returned from my deployment, I’ve been gradually shedding my partisanship.
The savagery of the sectarian infighting I saw in Iraq shocked me. I witnessed where mutual hatred leads, and when I came home I saw that the seeds of political violence were being planted here at home — seeds that started to sprout in the riots of summer 2020 and in the Trump insurrection of 2021.
As American polarization deepens, I’ve noticed unmistakable ways in which committed partisans mirror one another, especially at the far edges. There’s even a term for the phenomenon: horseshoe theory, the idea that as left and right grow more extreme they grow more alike. When it comes to the partisan reflex — the defense of “my people” and “my institutions” — extreme partisans behave very much like their polar opposites.
And make no mistake, respect for police officers has long been vital to the very identity of conservative Americans. Men and women in uniform are ours. They’re part of our community, and — as the Blue Lives Matter flags in my suburban Nashville neighborhood demonstrate — we’ve got their backs. (Mostly, anyway. Lately, the Capitol Police and the F.B.I. do not feel that same support.)
There are good reasons for respecting and admiring police officers. A functioning police force is an indispensable element of civil society. Crime can deprive citizens of property, hope and even life. It is necessary to protect people from predation, and a lack of policing creates its own forms of injustice.
But our admiration has darker elements. It causes too many of us — again, particularly in my tribe — to reflexively question, for example, the testimony of our Black friends and neighbors who can tell very different stories about their encounters with police officers. Sometimes citizens don’t really care if other communities routinely experience no-knock raids and other manifestations of aggression as long as they consider their own communities to be safe.
At this point you might be asking: When is the left reflexively defensive? What institutions does it guard as jealously as conservatives guard the police?
Consider academia. Just as there is a massive partisan gap in views of the police, there is a similar gap in views of higher education. According to a 2022 New America Survey, 73 percent of Democrats believe universities have a “positive effect” on the country, while only 37 percent of Republicans have the same view.
Yes, this is in part a consequence of anti-intellectual strains on the right and among right-wing media. And this conservative mistrust of higher education (and secondary education) is causing it to turn its back on free speech and instead resort to punitive legislation, such as Florida’s recently passed “Stop Woke Act,” which a federal court called “positively dystopian” and unconstitutionally “bans professors from expressing disfavored viewpoints in university classrooms while permitting unfettered expression of the opposite viewpoints.”
But that’s not the whole story. The nonpartisan Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression — of which, full disclosure, I was once president — has tracked over 900 incidents since 2001 where scholars were targeted for termination or other penalties for speech that was protected by the First Amendment or by conventional principles of academic freedom. In 2021 alone there were 111 attempts to penalize professors for their speech, and almost 70 percent of those attacks came from the left.
I spent years litigating campus free speech in court. It was frustrating to file successful case after successful case — often challenging policies that existed in campuses across the country — only to be told time and again that there was no systemic problem with free expression on campus, that these were merely isolated incidents or a product of youthful overenthusiasm, of kids being kids.
No one should pretend for a moment that there is any kind of moral equivalence between university censorship and fatal police violence. The stakes on the streets are infinitely higher than the stakes in the classroom. But there is still a common problem: Our repeated assumptions that those on our team might make mistakes or overstep, but those on the other team are deliberately malevolent.
I should know. I used to fit that partisan mold. As a conservative, I could clearly see the problems in American universities. After all, it was my tribe that disproportionately faced penalties and discipline. When it came to the police, however, I was skeptical. I knew there were some bad apples. But was there a systemic problem? I was doubtful.
I have since changed my mind, but it took shedding my partisanship and applying my principles to allow me to see more clearly. Fundamental to my worldview is the belief that human beings possess incalculable worth, but that we are also deeply flawed. No person or institution can be completely trusted.
Thus powerful people and powerful institutions must be held accountable. If you combine authority with impunity, then corruption and injustice will be the inevitable result. If I could see this reality clearly in institutions on the left, why couldn’t I see it on the right?
The police, after all, possess immense power in American streets, often wielded at the point of a gun. Yet the law systematically shields them from accountability. Collective bargaining agreements and state statutes provide police officers with greater protections from discipline than almost any other class of civil servant — despite the fact that the consequences of misconduct can be unimaginably worse. A judge-made doctrine called qualified immunity provides powerful protections against liability, even when officers violate citizens’ civil rights. Systemic police corruption and systemic abuse should not have been a surprise.
How do we fight past our partisanship to become truly curious about the truth? For me, the answer started with the first principle of my conservatism: Human beings possess incalculable worth. If that is true, and my neighbors and fellow citizens are crying out about injustice, I should hear their voices and carefully consider their claims.
My initial inability to see the truth is related to the second principle, that human beings are deeply flawed. I had no trouble applying that principle to my opponents. But it also applies to those I generally admire. It applies to police officers. It applies to me.
The lesson I’ve taken has been clear: Any time my tribe or my allies are under fire, before I yield to the temptation of a reflexive defense, I should apply my principles and carefully consider the most uncomfortable of thoughts: My opponents might be right, my allies might be wrong and justice may require that I change my mind. And it may, in all likelihood, require that I do this again and again.
I spent the last three years trying to recover from living in Nashville, where I spent three years there trying to recover from Seattle. An odd pattern of escaping a liberal city for an extreme right wing one but that it called finding balance. Being a Libra I seek balance and with that I am also a strong avoider of conflict and with that my own personal baggage aside, I have always been a bit of a nomad as a result. I quit jobs, friends, places I went, things I do in which to avoid that feeling of anxiety that wells up every time you walk into an office, a place of business or be in someone’s company. It took 63 years and a pandemic where I finally understand less is more, I share less, listen more and with that I can extricate myself out of a situation with much more ease and less drama.
I spent my last three months, the number three is a rather big number for me with regards to both numerology and in science. I do think that it takes about that amount of times to understand a situation in ways that seems balanced. Think of it, two out of three, power of three, a triangle in geometry is the most stable shape. In the military you “triangulate” your position. And now three years in here in Jersey City I like it, it his highly overrated but considering that only a few years ago this city was a raging ghetto it is now just pushed south and with that little has changed regarding crime but a bunch of expensive apartment towers with expensive bars/restaurants/coffee shops and of course day care below makes it seem on the surface it is a thriving city. I just hate where I live. I loathe apartments and the whole front desk bullshit with the endless observations and the fucking tipping which is coming up this next month which if this was a normal functional place we would simply give what we can to the Management and like the Captain on Below Deck distribute it equally to all the players in the house. For the record we are asked to tip not only the Concierge Desk, we have Porters, Building Superintendent and other Managers, including leasing Agents which we are to “tip.” If you did it fairly and appropriately it would add up to the same amount I pay annually as Amenity Fee. That is the fees to use the Gym, the Lounge, the Pool and if you have dogs and kids, the dog park and play area. It is an utter rip off at just under 500 dollars a year. A gym monthly membership costs less. So once again the envelopes are offered and I used to cook a huge lunch and offer it with a potluck grab bag where there were envelopes of cash of 5.00 or gift cards of the same. The cost, just under 300 bucks. Not. doing.that.ever.again. This year I have budgeted 50 bucks and divide it among the front desk, the rest no. They are not paid enough and I am not supplementing those who remain in jobs that do so but as I have to encounter and rely on the front desk for packages/deliveries they will get the split.
I love the area and frankly still would love to live in Manhattan but that too upon each visit becomes a navigational hurdle as to where and would it work for me. There is a much more challenging aspect in finding the “right place” and the right “location” so for now I simply look to where the PATH and Ferry are closest and easy to get to at night without issue. So again for now this is where I live where I live in abject rage with regards to the crazies below me. No amount of banishment or hot foot spells can be made to rid myself of them, so once again it falls to me and in 16 months my lease is up and with that rents may be lower and options greater as the economy seems to be tanking in ways that largely affects the working white collar class via the layoffs in the tech sector and banking and of course the working poor via rising costs. Us in the middle are just lying in wait.
I am never wrong, well I was once and it was because I ignored my inner voice to get the fuck out and leave as it wasn’t worth waiting but then I thought hey what does it matter, it is just a drink. Well I was wrong and that is why I now go out of my way to remind myself that never go against those inner instincts. I knew about three months in living in Nashville that it was a hell pit of religious hypocrisy and with that the obsession over money was the only reason the citizens and politicians overlooked the newcomers, the tourists and the overall change to the once dumpy but a historically based city founded in music. Money is the only tangible asset that matters to anyone who crosses the threshold of the Churches and Bars that align the same blocks all along Nashville.
I know the truth of a city via its schools. I know instantly once I walk in and see the state of them, the kids and their racial/ethnic composition, the way Teachers and Staff look and behave as often they are the holders of the mirror and in turn model the ways the Students behave. Or in fact are also a reflection of them as it shows that now we have turned the concept of respect and education into the hands of Students and they have the power. It explains the rising tide of violence, the lowering of academic standards and test scores. It explains why suddenly books are being banned and curriculum dumped as the fear of Students and their well being intellectually or emotionally matter more than the work involved to vet and instruct materials in ways that enable Children to learn about others and the ways things were and how that can affect the present in both perception and reality.
And to once again maintain my stance on my belief about how broken our institutions are. I continually find examples, stories and other information to validate it and add it to my “Hoover file.” It is named after the former FBI director who had a stranglehold on the position given his ability to have access to massive information on the powerful in which to use against or with them to maintain his own status. A current book on the man discusses his career and the ways he used his position to accumulate said power. Irony that like Robert Moses the urban planner in NY who was the subject of both a book and play, was again a White Male who was never elected, never accountable to the voting public and maintained their job running a type of fiefdom for over 40 years until they either died, as did Hoover, or finally a wealthier whiter man, Rockefeller, got rid of them. There is your White Privilege, I can find no woman with equal or even remotely close in power and/or influence.
Racism is an example and with that John McWhorter wrote an excellent essay on the subject and how it is used and defined. Institutions are they Racist? Or those who work within them? Trigger Warning
The problem with ‘systemic,’ ‘structural’ and ‘institutional’ racism
Notice how those terms don’t really work? They challenge our mental processing, in part because systems can’t be bigots and institutions can’t be prejudiced.
And so I offer a modest proposal, but an earnest one. How about revising our terms for “systemic racism,” “structural racism” and “institutional racism”?
The problem with these phrases is that systems, structures and institutions cannot be racist any more than they can be happy or sad. They can be made up of individuals who share these traits, or even have procedures that may engender them. But systems, structures and institutions do not themselves have feelings or prejudices.
Yes, of course, we use these terms in a more abstract way: The idea is that the inequities between races that systems can harbor are themselves racist. They are a different form of racism than personal bias.
But we must learn this usage of racism in the same way that we learn we aren’t supposed to say “Tom and me talked”as opposed to “Tom and I talked.” It is a hallmark of the modern enlightened American to understand that systems can “be racist.” But deep down I suspect many cannot help but ask, if only in flashlight-under-the-pillow style: Isn’t bias different from inequality, and why are we using one word to refer to both?
Calling for people to stop saying this or that almost never has any real effect, and overall, linguists like me delight in the changes we hear around us. Plus, things people decry as confusing in language usually are not. Context is key: You probably have no problem with the fact that a rabbit can run “fast,” but that in the idiom “stuck fast” the word suddenly means the opposite.
But the terms “systemic racism,” “structural racism” and “institutional racism” can be seen as different in that they sow a kind of confusion — just as “sanction” meaning both to approve and to penalize does, especially among lawyers, from what I am told. We are to understand a pathway running through, first, racism as bias, then bias causing inequalities and thus leaving in its wake a different rendition of “racism.” But in actuality, using this word enables an attitude that can be less than constructive.
I once had a conversation with a Black woman who lived near a school in a mostly Black, low-income neighborhood whose students were almost all kids of other races from other neighborhoods. The school required a certain test score for admission. The woman referred to the school as “straight-up racist” in that almost no kids from the neighborhood attended it.
But this is a highly stretched usage of the word. The low number of Black kids in that school is something we need to fix. But it is probably safe to say that no one in the school would disagree — the reason for the low numbers is not anyone’s bigotry. Now, the reason is indeed legacies of what bigotry created in the past: poverty and its effects, parents who work too hard to have as much time to help their kids with schoolwork as others do, lack of inherited wealth to allay that problem, and so on.
And here’s the thing. One might formally understand that, but the set-jawed anger many, such as this woman, have about “systemic racism” is not anger at 1960. It is, even if tacitly, based on a sense that this systemic racism is a present-tense phenomenon — i.e., that what we must battle is something going by the name of “racism” that exists in the here and now and both enrages and disgusts us.
And in its true sense, it should. But what will get more Black kids into schools like the one this person was referring to here and now, in the present, are things like getting the word out about test preparation, changing the way poor kids are taught how to read and making good charter schools available to as many underprivileged kids as possible. These things have little to do with going out and battling the evil face of racist bias.
Similarly, it helps little to call a test on which racial groups differ in their performance a “racist” test. It is unlikely that anyone connected to the test is committed to keeping Black people from passing it, even if the reasons for the differential in pass rates are rooted in the effects of past racism. Labeling Black English speakers as linguistically deficient is something we call “systemic racism” — with even me bowing to the convention not long ago when I wrote about it — despite the fact that there is no reason to think that anyone designing or administering the tests is racist; they often even suppose they are helping rather than hurting Black kids.
What we call environmental racism also profoundly affects poor whites as well, and it can also be viewed as a class phenomenon based on a disregard for people without power, whatever color they are. The disparity in criminal sentencing for possession of powder versus crack cocaine certainly affected Black people disproportionately. However, calling this systemic racism cannot help but call to mind bigoted officials punishing Black people out of racist contempt when, in reality, many leaders in the Black community ardently supported these laws.
Terms like “systemic racism” are not utterly without use. For one, of course there are actual racists embedded in some segments of American society, not to mention less overt, yet intolerable, racism of subtler kinds. For example, the idea among medical practitioners that Black people are more tolerant of pain than others is a kind of racist bias whose effects spread throughout the medical system. The fact that cops are more likely to rough up Black people cannot be treated as anything other than a “systemic” manifestation of underlying dehumanization.
But such cases are exceptions. Most disparities between Black and white people, though they exist and are not something Black people deserve any kind of blame for, are not due in 2022 to “racism” in any sense compatible with clear and honest language.
To insist on using the term this way so challenges basic understanding that it can only encourage less discriminating observers to see it as “playing the race card,” confused by the idea that the racism of the past leaves behind a system that continues to exert that trait as if it were sentient. Calling systems, structures and institutions “racist” encourages a kind of anthropomorphization of abstract matters, which is a simplistic and even unscientific mode kind of thought.
However, I am arguing not from any authority one might associate with my being a linguist. I am pretty sure quite a few linguists will disagree with me on this. I am simply seeking a clearer and less unnecessarily loaded way of talking about racism and how we actually help people in a society riddled with inequality. Calling inequities between races “systemic racism” and the like gets in the way of that.
I think of a hypothetical people founding a town long ago, among whom acrophobia — i.e., fear of heights — was unusually common. They restricted buildings to being two stories high at most. In subsequent generations, as the population grew both locally and from immigration, acrophobia largely faded away. However, this had always been a town with limited funds, and the two-story limit has led to significant overcrowding. Imagine the town leaders making sonorous speeches referring to overcrowding and its attendant ills — below-average schools, crime, pollution — as “acrophobia” because that’s what they were traceable to in the past. You could wrap your head around using the term that way if necessary. But that would also interfere with clear and constructive discussion about what to do about the problems.
From now on, I, for one, will be referring to most of the things we are now taught to call systemic racism as being “inequities between races.” In my ideal universe, the term would quickly and inevitably be shortened to just “inequities,” with a tacit reference to Black and Latino people, just as “minority” now has the same implication. We would battle these inequities, but without the lexical mission creep which has led to how confusingly we use the word “racism” now. Less distracted by the fantasy that these inequities are embodiments of an undying bigotry in “institutional” form, we could focus more attention on genuine solutions to what is holding back real people in today’s America.
Tennessee is a State run by a minority, not of race but of numbers. They have long passed laws to oppress voting, the ID requirement, limited time to vote and of course the gerrymandering that finally took place this year to carve up Nashville ensures that the voters who register and do vote count very little. But Tennessee overall has often ranked in the bottom when it comes to both. That defines the resignation and what I call co-dependency of those in obligation to the rich when it comes to what little they have in their possession and that is very little. Much of the industry is controlled by a few families, the few publicly held companies that employ the population have never tried to surpress Labor Organizing but they have done equally little to remove the statute Right to Work that does its part to almost make such organizing impossible. That is Tennessee to a T. It will be interesting to see what comes from the spate of businesses that were relocating or opening secondary headquarters and offices, Amazon and Oracle are just two examples, will be doing as we move away from office work and corporate offices. All are in the middle of layoffs and reconsidering expansion as are many others in the same industries, Alliance Bernstein a white collar firm that relocated is now selling off part of its business in totality over the next five years so with that jobs and other needs such as office space will go with them – to London. I am sure they love a city that makes its largest portion of money from tourists aka Bridezillas who drunkenly peddle boat their way down the sole street that defines the core. YEE HAW.
With that I read two articles about the Legislature and their pursuit of the agenda that does more than voter surpress, it is one that will remove civil liberties from the LGBQT community, reproductive rights and of course deny funding to public education and information. YEE HAW. The article below from the local Nashville Scene, which is stepping up to be more of an alternative press and actually covering more local news versus Entertainment, it shows the need for more local press. The Scene now covers all the MNPS school board meetings and is there that I found out about the Teacher terminated from the Johnson Alternative Learning Center. I wrote about my familiarity with him in the last blog post and nothing surprises me with the documented tales of his abuse as that school former Admin was the wife of another Administrator, who despite all the Doctorates attained at religious Colleges attempted to sexually harass employees at the school he worked at. My favorite his recruiting of a man from an Adult Book Store. Even this man was horrified when he arrived into the office of the Admin to find him pant-less and asking him if he “would like a taste of this” while pointing to his dick. But he was not alone, not in the least. And there were many in my time there and since. Yes the Superintendent at that time was busy promoting others who let Teachers relocate after assaulting Students and other Teachers despite the numerous and well documented complaints and lawsuits.But guns not a problem right?
I have tried to understand the predisposition or reasoning behind adults who are drawn to careers in the Military or Education or Municipal work which includes Police and the like, which are often lowly paid but also poorly supervised and yet despite thriving and functioning they seem to regress and become predators who take advantage of their position and exploit and do harm to others. I have read extensive stories about the ROTC and their harm they do when placed in public schools; or the numerous stories about Prison Guards and the harm they do to both Adults and Children under their watch; From Teachers and Others in Public Education and lastly Police who seem to endlessly have a compulsion if not need to do harm. I worked in Education on and off for 30 years and with that either turned a blind eye or simply did not care enough to well, care enough, to find better employment to seek a profession better suited. As a Woman like many in my position be they a Minority or simply drawn to that due to family connections or history these are fields that will pretty much hire you with a simple background check. The licensing and credentials are on your dime and since you pay for it you find yourself in a job that once the cost and benefit outlay has been determined you attempt to make it work. It is why so few are entering the profession and those who do say have extensive loans or have set up their own fiefdom or are awaiting the time to take a pension and leave as these are still the only jobs with that time of security. The private sector with the better pay also is less likely to tolerate some of the behaviors and in turn dump money into the bullshit 401Ks versus having retirement security that the public sector offers. I am not sure why it explains the abuse and overwhelming exploitation by people, often the same color and ethnicity of those they harm, but there is a massive problem when it comes to understanding the reasoning behind it. This is the pandering and patronizing of what I have found repeatedly in Education and with that a tacit or implicit threat of being accused a Racist if you do ask questions or complain. So you turn the blind eye.
It explains why I used to look for exit doors on my way into every school, they are living dumpsters. And this is why I decided to turn my book about this into fiction as you cannot make this shit up and yet who would believe it, despite the numerous articles and stories about it. Sorry this is not worth fact checking and I can throw in the others I have accumulated over the years from the other districts in which I have worked. Again finally doing the inventory of that made me realize how much I hate Teaching. Well not the actual Teaching but the public schools in which I did said “teaching.”
When ProPublica covers one of the many many sagas and stories about the city of Nashville and the State of Tennessee there is a problem. So you can read below the Scene’s article and with that the link to ProPublica’s investigation. We live in a bubble of our own making. I do not live in Tennessee but that said I do keep informed as where they go there will be followers, this is after all the buckle of the belt and that Bible runs core hard and deep. If Bredesen the once acclaimed Mayor of Nashville and Governor wonders why he never was elected into a National office that is because he is not “from” there. He was emphasis on was “respected” as oversaw tremendous growth, the businesses that came came because he was atypical for the area and with that all outsiders are fine if they bring cash and leave quickly. But now the State can do without an outsider as they learned the skill set, to make money you offer money. You know like paying for your job as I did. Money is the color of the blood that runs in their waters and veins, Jesus may be the name they use most often but it is a cover for their hypocrisy. The Senators and current Governor are much more of their own kind and that is because Tennessee of late has been the shiny key and with that too many outsiders stay and we can’t have them or their ideas coming here, their money can.
Not a day goes by where I don’t remind myself why I am never wrong. I listen, I learn and I remember. It is like Jersey City and why I think this city is actually poorly run and administered. 30 years their schools under State Control only now getting that back, but with that the State pulling funding. The state of the schools are horrid and the children within them equally so. But keep those expensive towers being built as they offer more rental units to flood the market and with that the rents will eventually go down and more come up on offer. Supply and Demand another way to measure an economy. I learned that in school.
Tennessee Republicans Discover Their Colleagues Are Who They Say They Are
State Rep. Eddie Mannis and state Sen. Richard Briggs found out that, yes, the Tennessee GOP really is anti-LGBTQ and anti-abortion
Betsy Phillips
Nashville Scene
Nov 21, 2022
Last week was apparently “Some Tennessee Republicans Discover Tennessee Republicans Suck” week, which I was unaware was a statewide commemoration. But I honor the moral journeys of those faceless members of the “Leopards eat your face” party who have just now discovered that their party is exactly what it claims to be.
First up we have Eddie Mannis over in Knoxville lamenting to Betty Bean that his time as Tennessee’s first openly gay Republican legislator was very difficult because — pause here to prepare yourself for a revelation that will shock absolutely no one — Tennessee Republicans are incredibly hostile to gay people.
This past February after an anti-LGBTQ vote, Mannis decided to try to reason with some of his colleagues. He went to some of their offices and sent emails to others.
“I asked them to think about what they were doing to LGBTQ students … just wanted to express from personal experience the impact this can have on children. Do you think I am gay because I had gay influences? Have you ever sat down and talked with a gay person?”
His efforts were not well-received. One colleague came to his office seething with anger. Then he was summoned to House Speaker Cameron Sexton’s office where the entire leadership team was waiting to rake him over the coals for “insulting” his colleagues.
But what did he expect? It’s not like the Tennessee GOP is claiming to be open and affirming of gay people. And then, bam, he gets to Nashville and it’s all bigotry. They are who they say they are. The baffling and upsetting part is why Mannis thought he would be the exception.
Mannis complains that some of the hostility even came from people who had encouraged him to run in the first place. I guess he thought he would get to be the exception because he has the right friends or something?
The other example comes from this barn-burner of an article at Pro Publica by Kavitha Surana, who repeatedly got state Sen. (and doctor) Richard Briggs to admit to such absolute stupidities about the Tennessee Republican position on and conduct around abortion that I am stunned he hasn’t changed his name and grown a goatee so that he can plausibly deny that he is himself.
Every bit of Surana’s piece is so good and so important. Just read the whole thing and imagine me shouting after every sentence. Republicans are flat-out coming for birth control and in vitro fertilization next. They want the ability to mine your medical records. They don’t want exceptions for abortion, at all. And they’re saying so out loud. Read it and absorb it.
But back to Briggs. “When Tennessee Right to Life, the state’s main anti-abortion lobbying group, proposed the trigger ban in 2019, Briggs admits he barely read the two-page bill forwarded to his office,” writes Surana. “He followed the lead of his colleagues, who assured state lawmakers that the bill included medical exceptions. He even added his name as a co-sponsor. ‘I’m not trying to defend myself,’ he says now.”
He co-sponsored a bill he hadn’t even read. He couldn’t even be bothered to read a two-page bill. When I told you all last week that there are only two types of bills filed by our state legislature, I’m sure many of you thought I was just joking or being hyperbolic. Briggs is literally describing how “I’m going to say I wrote this bill, but actually some special interest group or lobbyists or a think tank wrote it and I’m not that clear on what’s in it” bills happen.
And what has Briggs found now that he’s pulled his head out of the sand and applied his expertise as a doctor to the Republicans’ stand on abortion? He has found that it’s horrific, that it calls for endangering pregnant people, and that it doesn’t line up with science.
The test results have demonstrated that scholastic achievement in graces K-12 has declined as the result of Covid closures. That of course has led to social adjustments that also has lasted now beyond the closures and that many public schools are finding fewer enrollments, the Magnet schools once opened to lottery and now back to testing for entry and of course the supposed Teacher shortage has led to larger classes and fewer offerings of courses that are often elective or advanced in which to offer options for students that fall on both ends of the academic spectrum.
And with that the butterfly effect falls to colleges that have for years already found many entering Freshmen are behind in basic skill sets are finding that increased with the addition of the “woke” class that are demanding more of Professors yet also not being able to do the work asked of them. And with that many are in fact not Tenured and are what are referred to as Adjunct, making low wages, no benefits or having a permanent office in which to build relationships with either fellow colleagues or students as they are often commuting between campuses to teach. In other words as Colleges expect more in the way of debt and expectations for Students they are also rationing the actual item one comes to college for – the education. And with that a human toll that takes it toll as it does in this story in the Atlantic about an Adjunct Professor. It appears we are all disposable in America when you are not White and/or Male. Folks the Karen’s are all white women who are raging against the machine that is their White Privilege that they can do that, but in reality that is just passing the buck and misdirection of anger but even I find it repugnant and I am a white woman.
But of late as I walk into the schools and deal first with the adults I realize how bad and how in trouble we are there are few to none that actually teach and they cannot continue to in any reasonable manner with the endless blowing of the wind. When Students are whining, parents are whining and the Boards and Politicians are screaming nonsense I would pack up my Backpack and leave. Even I cannot handle much more and I am down to one day a week!
The article below discusses how many incoming College Students are struggling on many levels, from academics to emotions, this only confirms what I have been suspecting for quite some time, the next Generation of Kids born within that last five years and up to age 21 are going to be a troubled lot. The largest cohort I suspect are those currently between the ages of 14-21. We have already seeing the troubles in social settings and work environments that have been having socialization problems, in how to speak to people, establish boundaries and deal with anger. I have found of late that when someone is facing struggles and that you come into their path, they feel that you are responsible for much of it. With that they can absolve responsibility for their own anger/depression/anxiety that the refuse to acknowledge let alone manage or handle. In other words find fault, seek blame and point fingers and never apologize or admit anything.
We have lost the ability to negotiate, communicate, compromise and in turn walk away when all else fails. We bully, we intimidate, we make jokes, innuendos and we deny deny and deny again any responsibility for that we do as they made us do it. And with that children model that behavior and internalize it and they grow into it. The adults you hate today were the same children you hated years ago. Herschel Walker had problems understanding the concept of evolution, he is the epitome of one who has not. Few do and that takes work and few have access and availability to the kind of resources one needs to do so and it explains why in our current state we have the new normal, we have finally reached that point where in this pandemic time we can say this for certain. I do not see any progression and evolution for change and restoration of sanity for at least a decade, but it brings to question what is Sanity? I doubt these kids will see that in any Psych class anytime soon.
The Pandemic Generation Goes to College. It Has Not Been Easy.
Students missed a lot of high school instruction. Now many are behind, especially in math, and getting that degree could be harder.
By Eliza Fawcett The New York Times Nov 2, 2022
Jazeba Ahmad was a junior in high school when Covid-19 hit and her math education faltered. Ms. Ahmad was enrolled in an international baccalaureate math class intended to provide a strong foundation in areas like algebra, geometry, statistics and calculus.
But her high school in Columbus, Ohio, made a rocky transition to remote learning, she said, and soon, math classes passed with little to show for them. By her first year at Columbus State Community College, Ms. Ahmad, 19, found herself floundering in something that should have been mastered — algebra.
“I missed out a lot in those two years,” Ms. Ahmad said. “If I had learned those skills in high school, I feel like I would have been better equipped to do well in that class.”
Colleges are now educating their first waves of students who experienced pandemic learning loss in high school. What they are seeing is sobering, especially because the latest dismal results from the national exam of fourth and eighth graders suggest that they could face year after year of incoming students struggling to catch up. In almost all states, there were significant declines in eighth-grade math, and most states also showed a dip in reading for fourth and eighth graders.
In interviews across the country, undergraduates discussed how their disjointed high school experiences have trailed them in their first years of college; some professors talked about how grades are down, as well as standards. Many students are tentative and anxious.
For many low-income students and students of color, who have historically faced bigger obstacles to earning a degree, classes seem to be that much harder and graduating that much tougher.
As it is, in many states, high school graduation rates fell for the class of 2021. And undergraduate enrollment has declined 4.2 percent since 2020, according to preliminary data published recently by the National Student Clearinghouse Research Center.
The swirl of issues “all demonstrate that we’ve got a crisis,” said Stanley Litow, a visiting professor of public policy at Duke University and a former deputy chancellor of the New York City public schools.
It’s especially bad, he said, for low-income students and students of color. “The population that we’re most interested in doing the most for seems to be moving in the wrong direction,” he said.
Benedict College, a historically Black college in Columbia, S.C., is facing that reality. First-year enrollment there, which typically hovers around 700 students, was halved in the fall of 2020 and rebounded to just under 600 last fall, said the college president, Roslyn Clark Artis. But this term, administrators were stunned to see an enrollment of just 378, which Dr. Artis attributed to students’ concerns about the economy.
Most students were high school sophomores when Covid hit, and they arrived with lower ACT scores than in previous years. The college has seen “significant remediation needs” in math, Dr. Artis said.
“We are now two and a half weeks past midterm, and our grades are telling the tale: students are struggling in math,” she said.
In math departments across the country, professors and administrators say more students need more support. Professors talked of whittling their syllabuses and lowering their expectations.
Lee DeVille, a math professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, said he “triaged” a class this past spring to focus on fundamentals. It pained him, he said, to cut out some “beautiful mathematics,” but it seemed necessary.
“They came in with a little bit less, and they probably came out with a little bit less,” he said.
At Texas A&M University, some math classes saw higher rates of D’s and F’s, as well as more withdrawals, over the course of the pandemic. The problems have been particularly bad for first-year students, said Paulo Lima-Filho, the executive director of the university’s math learning center, which provides tutoring.
Students of all kinds seemed to lack sharp foundational math skills and rigorous study habits, he said. And some students had flawed understandings of basic concepts, which particularly worried him.
“That gap will propagate through the generation of the cohort,” Dr. Lima-Filho said. “Colleges are going to have to make an extra effort to bridge that gap.”
Nick Sullivan, a sophomore at A&M, took a hybrid calculus course at his high school in Belton, Texas. Students learned primarily from videos, with supplementary in-person instruction, a style that “did not work at all for me,” he said.
Still, Mr. Sullivan had hoped last year that the class would give him an advantage in college calculus. But he found that nearly nothing carried over, he said, and that “I actually thought the wrong things.”
An engaging professor and help from the math center have helped him make up for the lost time, he said, and he is now majoring in nuclear engineering.
In college writing and literature courses, instructors say they have seen fewer issues with student readiness. But many pointed to other concerns, including higher levels of anxiety and a reduced willingness to find support.
At Auburn University’s writing center, first-year students historically made up about 30 percent of those seeking help — “the single biggest constituency that we’ve served,” said Christopher Basgier, the director of university writing.
That has dropped to 20 percent. “It may be that because they spent more time learning from home, they aren’t used to going out and seeking that kind of extra help,” he said.
The big risk for students is taking more time, and perhaps more money, on earning a degree — or not getting one at all.
At Benedict, which serves many low-income, first-generation students, the pandemic has made it even harder to ensure that students graduate on time, Dr. Artis said. The college’s six-year graduation rate in 2021-22 stood at 25 percent, according to data from the U.S. Department of Education.
The college has “doubled down” on providing resources to students who are considering withdrawing from classes, she said. And despite the low graduation rates, she said the college is right to push ahead.
“We are committed to populations for whom disenfranchisement is common,” Dr. Artis said. “We’ve always accepted that sort of burden, despite the black eye that everybody seems to give us for our inability to push the kid — whose experience has been anything but traditional — out in a four-year traditional time frame.”
The long tail of the pandemic can also be felt in the mental health of adolescents, for whom rates of anxiety, depression and suicide have increased.
Dr. Artis said that she has observed a shift among students who spent the last years of their high school education primarily online. Those students seem more reserved, she said, less eager to engage in large group activities. The college’s football team is undefeated for the first time in its history, but student attendance at games is down.
“We have had students — for the first time in my 10 years as a college president — say to me, ‘Do we have to attend the parties?’” she said. “There’s almost anxiety associated with coming back into a social setting.”
At the University of Oregon, many students harbored a “level of apathy” toward college, said Amy Hughes-Giard, an assistant vice provost focused on supporting new students.
“They want to connect, but they’re unsure,” she said.
Clutch Anderson was a first-year student at the University of Oregon when Covid-19 torpedoed his college experience. Mr. Anderson, 21, an art and technology major, said he found it difficult to establish routines. During his sophomore year, his classes were remote and he barely left his off-campus apartment. He fell into a depression.
“I had no motivation and couldn’t get anything done in my classes,” he said. Now as a senior, he added, “I’m still trying to get out of that space.”
Ms. Hughes-Giard said the university is trying to instill a sense of belonging, by staging events and creating places to relax. But for the students who are the most behind, she worries that the pandemic’s effects are not going away soon. Even today, they often have other burdens, like working extra jobs to feed themselves and support their families.
“We’re always trying to slim that gap,” she said. “But it feels like we hit the wide open mouth of the river again.”
I have been saying for quite some time the Pandemic will affect Children in ways to come for at least the next decade. That would be the full cycle of seven years in standard marking with three added years to accommodate the three years of paranoia and hysteria that resulted from the years 2019-2022, the equivalent of how school years are determined. I am early in yet but the loss of Teachers, the need of Aids and the overall confusion in many districts over books, curriculum and what a Teacher can or more importantly cannot say to Students will take another three years or in some cases 5 to parallel the K-5 elementary passage. Yes folks it is how schools are organized that will demonstrate how fucked up these kids are. Kids that will do well will come out at 5th grade at normal margins for performance academically and with that socially as well. But that will be a small minority of kids who actually began in Kindergarten now or are in years 1-2. That the kids in 4th grade and beyond, you know the ones tested we are already seeing the decline. What parallels academically is also a reflection of how they are doing socially/emotionally, aka SEL, and there are no tests for that.
As for Middle and High School kids this too is again a larger reflection on where they stood prior to the pandemic and school closures. I think that too is a crapshoot but for the poverty/free lunch kids they are the ones who truly are at a great risk in many ways. Again, we are seeing shooters come down in age to now in the teens and with the rising flush of guns and the States eliminating what few gun restrictions they have I suspect more hands on triggers to come. The elemental factor in all cases when Children are found with guns is the response, “It was for protection.” Okay so FEAR. And here is where we are, we are AFRAID very AFRAID.
I read about a family that refuses to allow anyone contact with their Daughter who was born during the pandemic and with that are still very afraid of Covid and now have extended that paranoia to the point where they are not living a normal, if not adapted, life. In other words being cautious, wearing masks, maintaining a healthy lifestyle and protocol that discourages long term indoor contact with those whom they don’t know well and in turn watching their own health for any symptoms that could be Covid, even if they seem benign. This is not Smallpox or Typhoid or even Measles, which for years has been the crie de cour of the anti vaxx set. As for Chicken Pox I hope they enjoy the later years when that manifests itself as Shingles. My God if you can actually prevent something DO IT. As for Covid, like Flu, if I can offset its most insidious symptoms and stay out of a hospital then DO IT. But this is what we have become in America, hysterical, over politicized and negligent about facts and the sources of which to find them. And as the Adults go so do the children. And it will fall into two adaptations: Paranoid or High Tolerance to risk taking.
And now we are seeing the results of all this social isolation has done to Infants, made the developmentally delayed. We are already discussing the issues of how Boys are not ready for Kindergarten and in some cases already being “redshirted” and entering school later and now we have what ostensibly means an entire generation being delayed as well. Do we divide and segregate by Race, Gender, Class or All of the Above?
I read this and thought how glad I am no longer full time Teaching. I struggle with Substituting and while it had its challenges I managed until last year. The reality is that I have no way of knowing what the schools here in Jersey City were like prior to the pandemic but 30 years under State Control speaks volumes and then to return it just recently was as if to say, “Hey we never actually gave a shit but we even give less of one now, good luck!” The schools from my understanding have always been an abomination but that with the rise of the high rise and high rents that the new class is not like the old class and have not yet had an opportunity or need to integrate with the dump buckets that they call schools here. Nashville schools were full on dumpsters and that said I am sure Jersey City is not quite as massive as a trash collector but they may well be on its way as so few schools seem to have any decent reputation and respect other than one. And that is not all that and a bag of chips.
So now we are simply just lowering the bar – to crawling. Wow that is one fucking low bar.
Lockdown babies may be slower to communicate but faster to crawl, study says
By Annabelle Timsit The Washington Post October 28, 2022
Early in the pandemic, when much of the world was in lockdown, many parents and other caregivers expressed fears about how a historic period of prolonged isolation could impact their children.
Now, a study out of Ireland has shed some light on this question. Its results suggestthat babies born during Ireland’s first covid-19 lockdown were likely to be slower to develop some social communication skills than their pre-pandemic peers. They were less likely to be able to wave goodbye, point at things and know one “definite and meaningful word” by the time they turn one. On the other hand, they were more likely to be able to crawl.
Experts say children’s early years of life are their most formative — their brains soak up every interaction and experience, positive and negative, to build the neural connections that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
For the cohort of so-called “lockdown babies,” the “first year of life was very different to the pre-pandemic babies,” Susan Byrne, a pediatric neurologist at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and lead author of the study, told The Washington Post.
But she and the other authors of the study have one message for parents: Don’t be too worried. “Babies are resilient and inquisitive by nature,” they note, and are likely to bounce back given the right support
While the pandemic is not over, and experts say it could be years before they have a fuller picture of its effects on children, parents around the world have already begun to report noticing differences in their lockdown babies.
When Chi Lam, 33, had her first child, Adriana, in April 2020, England was in lockdown. Most people were not permitted to leave their homes without a “reasonable excuse.”Her parents and in-laws, who were in Hong Kong, were also unable to visit, as Hong Kong had closed its border.
As a result,for the first few months of Adriana’s life, it was “just us three,” Lam told The Post. There were no play dates or visits from family and friends, and Adriana wasn’t regularly exposed to children her own age until she turned one.
Lam thinks the prolonged isolation had some impact on her daughter Adriana. At her two-year checkup, doctors told Lam that Adriana had “weak” gross motor skills — actions like jumping and walking that engage the whole body. “I guess it’s because we only let her play in the park when she turned one ish because we thought it’s not safe” because of the pandemic, Lam said. Adriana was also easily startled by loud noises, such as motorcycle exhausts.
It’s difficult, Lam says, to disentangle how much of this is inherent to who Adriana is, and how much is tied to the unusual circumstances of her first year of life. But her observations echo the findings of studies that are beginning to suggest that lockdowns and the pandemic did affect children — though how much and through what mechanisms remains a largely open question.
The Irish study, published this month in the British Medical Journal, asked parents of 309 babies born between March and May 2020 to report on their child’s ability to meet 10 developmental milestones at age one — including the ability to crawl, stack bricks and point at objects. The researchers compared those parents’ responses to data collected on over 1,600 babies as part of a large-scale study that followed babies born in Ireland between 2008 and 2011 and assessed their development over time.
There were some small but significant differences between the two groups. Fewer babies in the study could wave goodbye — 87.7 percent compared to 94.4 percent, point at objects around them — 83.8 percent compared with 92.8 percent, or say at least one “definite and meaningful word” — 76.6 percent compared to 89.3 percent — at their 12-month assessment, according to their parents. They were more likely than their pre-pandemic peers to be able to crawl at age one, however. In the other six categories, the researchers found no meaningful differences.
Studies that rely on observations can identify differences but not shed light on the reason for the difference. However, the authors of the Irish study have some theories.
They believe that the babies in the lockdown cohort may have had fewer visitors, and so fewer occasions to learn to wave goodbye. With limited trips outside of the house, babies may have seen fewer few objects they’d want to point to. And they may have “heard a narrower repertoire of language and saw fewer unmasked faces speaking to them,” due to lockdown measures.
Conversely, lockdown babies may have learned to crawl faster because they spent more time at home, playing on the floor, “rather than out of the home in cars and strollers.”
“The jury is still very much out in terms of what the effects of this pandemic are going to be on this generation,” Dani Dumitriu, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Columbia University who was not involved in the Irish study, told The Post.
Dumitriu, who is a co-author of a separate study on babies born in 2020, characterized the findings as reassuring. “They’re not finding major developmental delays, just like we didn’t.
The study, which was peer-reviewed, has some limitations. It relies on parents’ observations of their own children, which can be flawed or incomplete. There were demographic differences between the population of pre- and post-pandemic babies, and in each case, the parents were asked to assess their children’s development “in a slightly different way.”
What is needed, the authors and other experts say, is a large-scale study that follows babies over time and measures their development in standardized ways — what’s known as a longitudinal cohort study. The authors of this study assessed the cohort of lockdown babies when they turned two with a standardized set of developmental questionnaires, and hope to publish their findings, which are under review, in a follow-up paper.
In the meantime, the authors of the study believe most babies can overcome any delay caused by the pandemic with the right support
Researchers who have studied this cohort of babies have called on governments to provide more resources to families of lockdown babies — particularly those most at risk — and to follow those babies over time to ensure there are no long-term delays. “If we do notice a delay, then we can quickly intervene and set that child back onto a correct trajectory,” Dumitriu explains.’
Ultimately, Byrne is hopeful that “with the reopening … babies will really thrive.”
“There is such scope for plasticity in the brains of babies and children,” she told The Post.
Lam is alsooptimistic that Adriana will catch up with any delays as she gets older. “People around me are telling me, once they go back to study in a school, then they’ll be fine,” she told The Post. “I believe that as well.”
This was the bio book and pic of Christina Crawford the adopted daughter of the legendary actress, Joan Crawford, of their abusive and tormented relationship during her childhood. Isn’t that to some degree most child-parent relationships? As they say – It’s complicated
Of late the new Mama Bear Activist is a cross between a right wing crackpot and a Libertarian asshole who is pretending they are liberal but are actually what? Right wing crackpots. There is something about becoming a parent that turns normally well rounded individuals, regardless of politics, into crazed paranoid individuals.
The last Mother Jones had an interesting article if not theme over the issue of Identity Politics when it came to Mothers, the “Mama Bear” and the new activist Parent intent on changing school libraries, bathroom access, curriculum subjects and what Teachers can or more importantly cannot say to their precious little snowflakes. I also want to point out as I have many many times in the blog that many of these same Women are Anti Abortionist Activists and have strong ties to usually a religious front of some kind despite being often well educated and employed, not some stay at home June Cleaver type in the least. They are angry, well funded and organized and super Bitches.
When I think of the term “Mama Bear” a cuddly image does not come to mind. Bears are predatory and violent. They are often in search of food and have no concept of human nature as they are BEARS. How many times have you heard of a Bear that just said, “Ah no, I won’t maul this person to death, I am a good nice Bear!” Never. So it is not an image I would use to connote or define a caring parent. More a smothering killing kind. Charming, I know. Even Sarah Palin stayed away from that image and referred to herself as a Hockey Mom or a Pitbull with lipstick. I am not sure either is all that reverential when it comes to parenting, but I do believe some of that relates to another phrase regarding women, a Cougar, which is thought to be from Canada, which you can see from her porch also, that described older women who were attractive and single and were hockey fans. I think that one too we can safely now put to bed, pun intended.
There were Soccer Moms to describe an apparent voting block that were Mothers whose children played soccer. Today’s hip cool aspirant Mother now has her children pursue more elite sports, such as Fencing, Lacrosse and Field Hockey. I only hope no one discovers Curling as the new sport du jour. And to think it being an Equestrian was something out of reach but thanks to the Varsity Blues Scandal, Rowing and Sailing are now just everyday activities that anyone can afford! Mothers be they bears, cougars or pit bulls are clearly animals when it comes to their kids, they will attack, kill and do harm to anyone who is believed to be a threat to their children existence. The endless Moral Panics of the day, Satanic Cults to Stranger Danger gave way to Q’Anon and new paranoid beliefs that dominate the media, social or otherwise. I have always believed that the initial Q’Anon claim of human trafficking of children and harming babies came from a Woman and from her it expanded to a much more insidious and bizarre rhetoric that led to January 6th.
When I read about the most dedicated followers of fashion in this it is almost always Women who seem to be the most aggressive. Think Marjorie Taylor Greene as a the perfect prototype of believers. She is insane, she is not alone. Ashli Babbit killed at the insurrection another. There is this woman, Valerie Gilbert, profiled in the New York Times whose obsessive following of this bullshit has estranged her from most all of her family and friends. Again full on nuts. Think Yoga Moms and Anti Vaxxers have much in common? They do and in fact the New Age believers are largely women and in turn are the largest members of online cohorts that express similar insane beliefs and in turn propaganda. This article in Slate discusses the growth of this movement to the crazy.
The ubiquitous “Karen” is an example of this woman who is unhinged, who tears apart Target mask displays while then returning home to make cupcakes for the kids birthday only the reality is that during the pandemic even those small social gatherings were denied, Mommy turned online to find a new cult, group or associates that could affirm the anger and fear they felt while working now more than two jobs, as primary caregiver, Teacher, Wife and everything else. And of course Sex Worker as story after story of late has now focused on the fact that many Women do not want to have sex with their partners anymore and with that further strains a marriage. It may explain why many Women decided that being Gay is a better choice and in turn why many Women are fearing that this “Gay” issue may also harm what little thread they have left to maintain normality. If Jenny went Gay will I? And of course the idea that your partner is your best friend is absurd. As I sit here they are finding that people who only socialize and rely on their partner for social relevance has larger issues with depression. And with that meeting different and new people in even small manners enables better mental and physical help. Again this explains the Karen below me and her unhinged behavior in my home. This was not a way to reach out for help and she clearly needs it and my later encounter with her spouse only confirmed that they have a massive problem in their home and it is not me and my “heavy walking and construction.” It doesn’t excuse it it only explains it and no they will never apologize nor should they as I have no intention of accepting it. Why? I forgive those who mean something to me and have relevance in my life. Neighbors whose name I do not even know falls into the “you mean nothing to me” file.
But for many Women they take it all in and all of it matters, how they are seen by the community as a Mother, Worker and Wife. The numerous bullshit blogs sharing their fears and angsts over their children and life; Posts and books by the Glenndon Doyle crowd are all competing for the same audience over the same subject – being a “good Mother.” YIKES. And this comes from all women of all kinds and cultures. Here is a Muslim Mom waging war on public education, the need to maintain exclusivity versus inclusivity – or as we once called it – Segregation.
And of course the idea that it is Mothers who will bring change when it comes to Drugs, Guns and everything in between. Thanks to some of this nothing has changed but the “conversation” continues or we have now a serious problem that led to the Drug Wars and other criminal justice movements that have contributed to a rising tide of entrants into the criminal justice system. Three strikes you’re out and other that have made individuals permanent criminals. Being a professional victim and/or their advocates takes a toll. Just ask Polly Klass’s family.
The idea that parenthood and particularly motherhood bestows upon one a sense of privilege and entitlement is absurd. You choose. Note that word CHOICE as it is a choice and again that too is becoming further out of reach and one wonders why? Oh misery loves company.
I watched a father with his child in a stroller and the space he took up, the need to block the door, the register and the entire production with his child over ordering is something we all have experienced. The endless quotes by Women who seem to know what another Mother would do/think/act in a situation is consistent upon media. Listen to the podcast by the comedian Heather McDonald, Juicy Scoop, she makes sure at least once in an hour she discusses her two children or her own childhood. Funny? Not in the least? Interesting? Not in the least. Her male counterpart on his own, Cover to Cover, and Chris Franjola discusses his daughter in context of his life and how if affects his decision making process on what to do, but he is by far less focused on what it means to be a “Daddy.” He is better as an aggrieved male than an adoring one.
I watch the Housewives and with that I have preferred that now in most cases the Children are grown, I used to loathe the focus on their kids. No one was more annoying than Vicki of Orange County and her parenting. Over time the divorces removed that option and as they age out it has been far more interesting watching this idiotic women navigate their lives without a shield that Motherhood offers. And with that also more tragic as now you see them as they have no identity other than that. Sorry but the Women who are trying to have actual businesses, work and friends outside of the cohort become targets that do have elements of jealousy but of late of Racism. I cannot neglect to mention that many of them focus on men and in turn has led to bankruptcy, criminal charges, jail terms for themselves or family members. None of it turns out well when you aspire to be someone you want to be and not who you are. I note that in the end of Death of Salesman the comment at his funeral that Willy never knew who he truly was. We all need that lesson prior to that time but without a voice who is not connected to you by blood or marriage to offer that lesson, it is one lost.
The pandemic fired up more than temps, it fueled social isolation and a reliance upon the internet to bring the world to you, or did it? We have failed parents on many level with poorly funded schools, inadequately funded and in turn compensated care givers for those in need of any kind of care – adult or child. We have insufficient parental leave and we have truly failed in regards to schools providing health and particularly mental health care. This affects the poor and those of color in ways that affect generations both economically and socially.
Motherhood is a challenge, I get it I really do. But the reality is that it is a CHOICE and with that you decide how to raise, educate and love them. You do not have the right to ask me to do the same in the same way. As a former Teacher I can see why I no longer want to Teach as apparently in a roster of kids reaching over 100 I somehow should have lessons that manage to do just that, teach to reach 100 individuals in the most unilaterally equal way but yet not be equal as every kid is special and has those special needs. We call it in Education SPED and with that it is reference to children who are disabled, intellectually or physically. I had not been in a SPED room in a long time but was the other day. It broke my heart. One child was ill and should not be there and I insisted he be taken to the Nurse and sent home. There were kids with true mental coping skills and the Aide was there with Me and another Sub and she never stopped ranting and raving as the “Teacher” was a former aide whom she has worked with for years but now promoted to Teacher. Huh? Did he get a license or was he credentialed and decided to go back to Teaching (yes that happens many Teachers become Aides as it is a by far easier gig)? It was the most disorganized morning I have seen and with that the kids needed one on one care and learning. This was also at the “best” school in Jersey City, this I can assure you was not the best. I was so happy to move rooms the rest of the day it could not happen soon enough. The other Sub was a nice guy but utterly out of his depth and breadth and again a reason why we need Sub folders, training options, sign ons and other access to info that can assist kids. WHAT? Not happening. Schools are functioning as day cares and that is all. Mothers will see to it.
As I struggle to return to the schools I went to Ferris yesterday and thankfully my bestie, the Admin who hates my guts was pulling an Elvis and was out of the building. I ran into the Art Teacher/White Male Activist yesterday who informed me her most recent decision was to not allow Coffee or Coffee Cups on desks. Okay that is significant, and by that I mean as in stupid. I knew she was a crazy bitch but this is just being petty and small. If they shoe fits you ain’t Cinderella.
I am mystified how Jersey City was under State control for 30 years. It never fails to amaze me how bad these schools really are. I am not sure the curriculum is just inadequate alone as overall schools across the city fail to offer extracurricular activities that often build schools and community, which includes State Athletic Champs, a full Band and Music Program that competes Nationally and Internationally. Some of the most respected music comps are just across the river, literally a day trip. Then we have Theater, irony again that the largest Theater org is across the river, and yet not one school has any established Performing Arts/Drama program. There are schools with full on pottery and tech equipment to produce Visual Art, yet none with any acclaim or note. Add to that the diversity that Jersey City touts as a plus has ZERO International Baccalaureate or Cambridge program, no Bi-lingual Ed program like Proyetco Saber or a World/International School with multi language programs and cultural based coursework. They are screaming dumps. I recall the empty endless rooms with outdated computer equipment which could be used to teach voc tech repair or in turn update to include a larger STEM program. NONE of those exist here. I thought for a minute I was back in Nashville, the schools here are that bad. The reality is that I cannot say anything about these schools in a positive manner and this is for a State supposedly ranked in the top 10, Tennessee was the bottom 10. I did find pockets of quality in Seattle but they were small ones, yet they existed despite the best efforts to seal them closed. Sometimes they tried but more often or not they failed in spite of the liberal leaning and endless cash infusions into the district. That is the problem, they tried too hard and too many times to constantly move the goal posts and with that provide a comprehensive education to all students, not just those who were labeled and treated as the label they were assigned. That is a major problem in almost all schools and districts across the country.
So when I read about the Silent Rooms in Jersey Schools I was not shocked. I recall the first time I witnessed one in action in an Elementary School in Seattle. A young Black male was put in the room where it was located inside the classroom and with that he banged, screamed, pounded the walls until he was exhausted and then only then he was let out. The lead Teacher and all the Aides were Black and I was the single white woman there. And I could not wonder what that would do if the racial dynamic was changed and it was a white staff who did this to a child of color. Or that child was Asian or White. Things would not go well. I think the grade was 3 or 4 and with that the school was located in a largely white wealthy neighborhood and yet the school population were not the students from the area. It was a Special Ed class and I knew that there had been a scandal regarding SPED in the district, and no less in my old neck of the woods, the View Ridge area. Again a largely white residential area, where another Elementary used said technique to quiet students and again a child of color. It is the most appalling thing I ever witnessed and next to spanking it has to be the most abusive. We got real problems in our schools, the books are not them.
Inside the quiet rooms
N.J. schools are locking kids in padded rooms. Are they breaking the law?
Published on Jun 19, 2022
By Kelly Heyboer| NJ Advance Media for NJ.com
Ana Rivera has lost count of how many times teachers locked away her son.
It started in pre-K when he was shut inside the principal’s office after he would not calm down in class. It escalated in elementary school when the Passaic County boy, who was diagnosed with autism, was routinely dragged into a room the size of closet and locked inside.
At age 6, his family said he came home with so many bruises from being roughly restrained by teachers that they took him to the emergency room.
Every time his horrified mother asked teachers what was happening, she heard the same refrain: The little boy was too much to handle. He needed to be locked up.
“They say to me they restrain him when his life is in danger, or when other people’s life is in danger,” said Rivera, her voice rising in anger. “But it seems to me they just do it when they feel threatened. When he talks too loud. When he tries to scream. When he does some disruptive behavior.”
He was left alone inside a seclusion room, which his teachers called the Reset Room, so many times he finally left his latest school and enrolled in another private school for children with disabilities.
No one seems to be able to tell Rivera how much time her son, now 13, has spent locked away in a school’s version of solitary confinement during his years in New Jersey classrooms.
“They don’t have the data to tell me how often he’s been out of academic classes,” Rivera said. “How long did he stay over there?”
And Rivera said she wouldn’t be surprised if other parents are alarmed as they read her son’s story.
Although most families probably have no idea they exist,school isolation spaces — known as a seclusion closets or quiet rooms — are perfectly legal in New Jersey. While at least six other states have banned them outright, the rooms have been used for years in some public and private schools across the state to isolate violent or disruptivestudents as young as 4 or 5.
Kids are usually placed in the stark, empty spaces alone until they calm down. Sometimes the doors are locked. Other times, teachers or aides hold the doors shut while children pound on the walls inside, scream for their parents or wet themselves.
It’s something New Jersey educators rarely talk about publicly. And parents don’t usually see the rooms, which are often converted closets with walls padded with gym mats, on school tours.
If teachers do talk about the rooms, they usually refer to them with easy sounding names, like the Calming Space, the Reflection Room, the Chill Zone, the Blue Room or the Timeout Booth.
Some educators, who face the potential of violence in the classroom daily, said the seclusion rooms are vitally necessary to keep students and teachers safe when kids are putting themselves and others at risk. But others said the quiet rooms are instilling lasting trauma on some of New Jersey’s most vulnerable children.
The use of seclusion rooms has been on the rise in New Jersey schools since Gov. Chris Christie signed a 2018 state law outlining when they can be used, according to disability advocates. The law says isolation rooms should be a last resort when students are exhibiting violent behavior that put themselves or others in “immediate physical danger.”
But NJ Advance Media interviews with more than 30 parents, advocates, teachers and school officials reveal a darker reality. Some schools appear to be violating the law by locking kids — including nonverbal special education students — in quiet rooms for relatively minor offenses, such as refusing to do assignments, fighting with classmates or taking off their shoes in class.
All of this is happening with little or no supervision by the state Department of Education, which said it has no statistics on which of New Jersey’s nearly 600 school districts have seclusion rooms or how often they are being used.
And what little federal data there is on the use of seclusion rooms in New Jersey shows children with disabilities and minority students — especially Black kids — are being locked away by their schools at disproportionately high rates.
“People don’t understand. They are thinking it’s this nice little timeout room the kid can voluntarily go into and calm themselves down. And that’s not at all what’s happening,” said Peg Kinsell, director of public policy at SPAN, the state’s parent education center for families of kids with disabilities.
“If I did this stuff to my kids, they’d be calling DYFS on me. I can’t say my kid is melting down, so I’m going to lock them in a closet.”
Peg Kinsell, director of public policy at SPAN, a statewide advocacy group for parents.
Seclusion can be used by any school in grades pre-K through 12th grade, according to the guidelines. But, it is often the most vulnerable students, elementary school kids with autism and other disabilities that leave them unable communicate effectively, who are getting locked kicking and screaming into what is essentially school solitary confinement, she said.
“If I did this stuff to my kids, they’d be calling DYFS on me,” Kinsell said, referring to the state’s protective services agency for children and families.
“I can’t say my kid is melting down, so I’m going to lock them in a closet. But we sure can in New Jersey (schools) — as long as it’s a kid with disabilities,” she added.
New Jersey public schools reported placing at least 1,150 students in seclusion between 2011 and 2017, according to an NJ Advance Media analysis of federal education data that shows for the first time how widespread seclusion rooms had become in local schools even before the new state law passed in 2018.
At least 34 large and small school districts — including Montclair, Little Egg Harbor, North Brunswick, Woodland Park, Northern Valley Regional, North Star Academy Charter School in Newark and many county school districts for special education students — reported using seclusionin 2017, the latest available data. Federal officials said that is likely a vast undercount because the numbers are only collected every other year and many schools are not providing accurate counts or any data at all.
About 91% of New Jersey students placed in seclusion had physical, emotional or intellectual disabilities, according to the NJ Advance Media analysis of the latest available numbers from 2017.
And Black students were the most likely to be placed in quiet rooms, accounting for 44% of the New Jersey students put in seclusion that year, even though they only made up about 15% of the school population, the data shows.
Though New Jersey has what is considered one of the best public school systems in the nation, the use of seclusion and restraint has rarely been publicly debated. The few statewide task forces that have been formed over the years to address the issue have produced little or been marred by deep splits between educators and advocates over whether seclusion is an absolutely necessary tool or a highly-abusive practice, participants say.
Some parents’ groups say it is time for New Jersey — a state with one of the highest autism rates in the nation and one of the highest percentages of special education students — to try again and rethink its law allowing seclusion and restraint. The current school guidelines do not contain many of the strict reporting rules and limits in other state’s laws.
Even prisons and mental hospitals have stricter regulations on seclusion than New Jersey schools, they say.
“It’s horrifying,” said Guy Stephens, founder of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint, who successfully got seclusion rooms banned in his son’s school district in Maryland.
“Even as an adult, if someone forcibly threw me in a room and held the door shut, I’d be terrified. And when you’re talking about really young kids who don’t have the skills that an adult has, it’s even harder to imagine,” he added.
Stephens is among those pushing Congress to bypass the states and pass a nationwide ban on seclusion and all methods of restraint, including handcuffing and strapping students to chairs or having school staff hold them down. They cite national statistics that show the vast majority of kids locked in quiet rooms have disabilities and Black and Hispanic students are put in isolation at a greater rate than other kids.
“If you put those numbers to any other group, how could you not see that as discriminatory?” Stephens said. “It’s a civil rights issue. It’s a human rights issue. It’s a disability rights issue.”
Civil rights groups said it is no surprise Black students are being put in quiet rooms at much higher rates than other students in New Jersey and many other states. Black students have historically been suspended and expelled from school at higher rates than their white peers for the same behavior.
In January, the NAACP was one of 96 civil and human rights organizations that joined the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights in calling on Congress to pass the bill banning seclusion rooms because of “bias ingrained in current school safety and discipline policies and enforcement of those policies.”
“The behaviors of children of color, children with disabilities, and LGBTQ youth are disproportionately criminalized, while white students or those who do not have a disability or are not LGBTQ and who engage in the same behavior are treated far more leniently,” the 96 groups said in a letter to Congress.
But some school officials said hold on: It would be a huge mistake to ban seclusion entirely. That would place teachers and other students in danger, force school officials to evacuate classrooms when students become violent and increase the need for teachers to call police for help.
Sure, it’s easy to say quiet rooms and restraint should be banned if you’re not the teacher, aide or school counselor getting hit, bit, kicked or threatened by an unpredictable student, some supporters say. In some cases, students are becoming violent multiple times a day.
Black students were the most likely to be put in quiet rooms. They accounted for 44% of the New Jersey students put in seclusion, even though they only made up about 15% of the school population.
Latest available N.J. data from the U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights
In emergencies, students with severe challenging behavior must be kept safe, said Suzanne Buchanan, a psychologist and executive director of Autism New Jersey, the advocacy group that helped craft New Jersey’s 2018 law on seclusion in schools.
“Every situation is different and comes with a number of factors,” she said. “When you have children who are being aggressive dozens of times a day and presenting a dangerous situation, you have to keep people safe.”
Still, even supporters of seclusion say quiet rooms are being misused in New Jersey schools on a regular basis and no one, including state officials, is keeping a close eye on what is happening behind locked doors.
“All sides agree there is overuse of these procedures. And I would imagine that the vast majority of them fall closer to the abuse side of the spectrum than the safety part of the spectrum,” Buchanan said.
A view of the seclusion or timeout room built into the corner of a classroom at Monroe Township’s Whitehall Elementary School in 2018. The school later said it was eliminating the room after a parent’s complaint went viral on Facebook. (Monroe Township Public Schools)
Locked in the oversized closet
The short video animation was simple, just a seconds-long clip of a cartoon animal with big eyes cowering in a claustrophobic room.
But it was a trigger for Sarah Calkin-Ward’s daughter.
“Mummy, this is (me) in the Quiet Room,” the 8-year-old said when she showed her mother the online video a few years ago.
The girl, who has autism and a limited ability to communicate, didn’t say much more. But her words were alarming enough that her mother quickly Googled “Quiet Rooms” and emailed her daughter’s teacher.
She was devastated by what she learned.
School officials eventually sent her photos of their Quiet Room — a tiny, empty room with no furniture where teachers at the Monmouth County elementary school had allegedly been leaving the third grader on a regular basis when she screamed or was disruptive in her special education class.
“It was a closet. It was an oversized closet,” Calkin-Ward, of Atlantic Highlands, said through tears. “I didn’t even know these things existed, let alone they were doing this to my child.”
Officials with the Henry Hudson Tri-District, which includes Atlantic Highlands, did not respond to a request to comment.
“As soon as I found out about the room I was like you don’t have my permission to put my child in that room or anything like it,” Calkin-Ward said.
But the school didn’t need her permission.
“It was a closet. It was an oversized closet … I didn’t even know these things existed, let alone they were doing this to my child.”
Sarah Calkin-Ward, mother of a third-grader, after receiving photos of the school’s quiet room
Under the state Department of Education’s guidelines on the use of seclusion in schools issued after the law was passed in 2018, schools can either restrain kids or place them in seclusion any time teachers and school officials believe the student or others are in danger.
The guidelines define seclusion as the “involuntary confinement of a student alone in a room or area from which the student is physically prevented from leaving.”
Restraint is defined as physically holding a child to keep them from moving or using a mechanical device, such as handcuffs or straps.
Students are not usually restrained once they are placed inside seclusion rooms. But teachers and school security personnel often have to put kids in holds or restraints to drag them inside, advocates say.
New Jersey parents should be notified every time their child is put in a quiet room or restrained by teachers, handcuffs, straps or other means, according to state guidelines.
But, several families, including many who asked that their names not be used because they feared speaking out against school districts where their kids were still enrolled, said they were either not notified when their children were put in seclusion or received minimal information when they were restrained by school officials.
One Morris County mother flipped through the reports dating back to kindergarten that she was sent for all the times her son was restrained, usually by teachers or school officials putting him in a “basket hold,” where they grabbed him from behind, crossed his arms across his chest and brought him somewhere to calm down.
Restrained in 2018, she reads from her timeline of reports. Restrained in 2019. Restrained in March 2021 for 11 minutes with bruising all over him. Restrained in May 2021 with bruising all over him.
“A bunch of times we had to ask for the paperwork. We didn’t get it right away,” said the Morris County mother, whose now 10-year-old son has ADHD and autism. “This paperwork that they give us is crap. It basically says he tried to kick me, so that’s why he was restrained. Well, what happened before that?”
She asked that her name not be used because she is currently finalizing a deal with her public school district to pay for a private school for children with disabilities for her son.
She asked about restraint and seclusion when she went on tours of some of New Jersey’s top private schools for special education students.
One had a stark quiet room. The next had a padded room “that looked like a prison cell,” she said. It seemed impossible to find a private school for students with disabilities in the area that didn’t have some form of a quiet room, although all promised they used the technique rarely.
“I don’t think restraint should happen. I don’t think seclusion should happen. I think they should have a safe place where they could go to on their own,” she said.
An example of a padded “Quiet Room” used to seclude violent or disruptive students in schools. The photo was used to illustrate a report by the federal Government Accountability Office that found many schools are underreporting how often the rooms are used. (Government Accountability Office)
‘The Wild West’
It’s unclear when schools first started using seclusion rooms in schools. For decades, New Jersey was one of the only states in the nation without any law either allowing or prohibiting isolation rooms and restraint in schools.
Some disability advocates referred to it as “the Wild West” because New Jersey schools could lock students in rooms and restrain them as often and as long as they wanted, without any rules on when to check on them, how to document the incidents or how much to tell parents.
“To find out that the Department of Education had zero regulations, I was astounded … They could use restraint and seclusion at their own discretion,” said Eric Eberman, director of public policy at Autism New Jersey, who spent 20 years working in programs for children and adults with severe challenging behavior.
Autism New Jersey began lobbying in 2018 in favor of legislation that made it illegal to use restraint and seclusion in schools except in emergency situations.
The legislation sailed through the state Senate and Assembly with little public discussion. It was one of more than 100 bills signed into law by Christie in his final hours as governor.
The law said schools should only place kids into involuntary seclusion “from which the student is physically prevented from leaving” in an emergency in which people were in immediate physical danger. The law differentiated seclusion from a less severe “time out,” which was defined as placing students in non-locked spaces to calm down.
Some advocates viewed the law as long overdue protection for New Jersey students.
“We helped craft the bill so there could be some regulation around these very risky procedures that were completely unregulated, undocumented, no parent notification, no standards on when they should be used — and more importantly when they should not be used,” said Buchanan, executive director of Autism New Jersey.
But the law split New Jersey’s disability community. Some groups viewed it as a disaster. While other states were banning seclusion and restraint in schools, New Jersey lawmakers had essentially endorsed the practices and encouraged districts to set up policies outlining when teachers could use them, they said.
“We think it’s abhorrent. Restraint and seclusion were a problem before this bill, but this memorialized it into law — that it was allowed,” said Kinsell, director of public policy at SPAN, the state’s federally-designated education center for parents of kids with disabilities.
“We checked and the New Jersey Department of Education does not collect this data at a statewide level.”
Mike Yaple, a state Department of Education spokesman, when asked if the state knew how often kids were put in quiet rooms in New Jersey
State regulations say schools should be collecting data on how often they use seclusion and restraint, but there is no requirement that those numbers be made public. The state also does not keep track of how often schools are using quiet rooms or restraining students and no mention is made of it in the annual statewide report on school discipline.
“We checked and the New Jersey Department of Education does not collect this data at a statewide level,” said Mike Yaple, a spokesman for the department, who declined to comment further on the use of seclusion in New Jersey.
Schools are required to report the data every other year to the federal Education Department’s Office of Civil Rights, but those numbers have not been publicly updated since 2018. A recent report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office, a federal watchdog agency, found the nationwide seclusion data was filled with inaccuracies and underreporting.
“You really can’t start to really sort of make sense of it or what’s going on until you have some data,” said Eberman, director of public policy at Autism New Jersey. “I think that would be instrumental in terms of improving oversight and reducing the use of restraint and seclusion throughout the state of New Jersey.”
Blowing up the ‘Calming Corner’
The “Calming Corner” in her son’s kindergarten classroom initially seemed harmless, said one Brick Township mother. It was a cozy space with a beanbag chair and stuffed animals.
But, as her son — who has autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and disruptive mood dysregulation disorder — was sent to the corner more and more by his teacher, the corner got more and more stark.
Eventually, the school stripped it down to a bare space, blocked by a wood bookcase on one side and an aide holding up gym mats on the other to keep her kindergartener from escaping.
“It was an everyday thing. The moment he would say no or wouldn’t do anything, they would shove him in that corner,” his mother said. (Brick Township school officials did not respond to requests to comment on the district’s use of seclusion.)
One day, the boy told teachers he wanted to “blow up” the Calming Corner to save his classmates from ever having to go into it, his mother said. That was considered enough of a threat that the school required he get a psychological evaluation before he could return to class.
“It traumatized him. Now, he feels like if he does something wrong, someone is going to come and hurt him.”
A Brick mother whose Kindergartener was repeatedly barricaded in a “Calming Corner”
The boy, now in second grade, was eventually moved to a private school in Monmouth County at the district’s expense. But he has been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after his time in the Calming Corner, said his family, who asked that they not be named to protect his privacy.
“It traumatized him. Now, he feels like if he does something wrong, someone is going to come and hurt him,” his mother said.
Another mother in Montclair said a kid doesn’t have to be put inside a seclusion space to be affected by the practice. Her autistic child was never disruptive enough in class to end up in the quiet room in elementary school. But other children in the class were left screaming in the room on a regular basis. (Montclair school officials declined to comment on their use of seclusion at the school, except to say the district is following the law.)
When he moved to an out-of-district private school for students with disabilities he continued to see other children locked inside that school’s quiet room, his mother said.
“It’s literally caused our kid trauma, even though they weren’t put in one of these rooms,” she said. “You know you have a fellow child (in the room) and they could be you.”
The mother said she tried to look for a school that did not have a quiet room. But it was too difficult to find a specialized school for students with disabilities in the area that doesn’t use isolation spaces.
“There’s just not options — because pretty much every school has it,” said the Montclair mother, who now homeschools her child.
Following the law
To get an idea of what these rooms look and feel like, NJ Advance Media contacted 30 New Jersey public school districts, private schools and charter schools that have reported using seclusion rooms to ask if we could see their isolation spaces. All either declined or did not even respond to the request.
A few sent brief statements saying their use of seclusion rooms is legal.
“Montclair School District follows applicable laws, Department of Education guidelines, and Montclair Board policies and regulations with respect to restraint and seclusion,” said a statement from Montclair Superintendent Jonathan Ponds, who was among more than two dozen superintendents who declined to be interviewed on the subject.
“Our students’ health and safety are always our utmost priority,” Ponds’ statement said.
ASAH, the non-profit group that represents New Jersey’s private schools for students with disabilities, also defended the use of seclusion rooms in its schools.
“Our schools serve New Jersey students with the most significant psychiatric, psychological, developmental, and intellectual disabilities. Some students are referred because they engage in disability-related self-injury and/or dangerously aggressive behaviors,” said John Mulholland Jr., the group’s executive director.
“At times, these students may require emergency intervention, including the limited use of clinically-indicated and properly conducted seclusion, in order to ensure their safety and the safety of others,” he added.
Several current and former school employees said they were not surprised officials did not want to talk publicly or open their doors to a reporter.
A former kindergarten teaching assistant in Montclair said she didn’t even know her school had a seclusion room until she started hearing students screaming through the wall of the classroom next door three years ago.
“I could hear, ‘Let me out!’ and ‘Help!’ Mostly just screaming,” said the teaching assistant, who asked not be identified because she feared retaliation for speaking out.
She eventually learned the classroom next door had a padded seclusion closet for a program for students as young as 5 who struggled to manage their emotions. The padded room was used on a daily basis to the confusion of the kindergarteners next door, who did not have a seclusion room in their classroom, but could hear kids in the class next door begging for help through the wall, she said.
“We have kids screaming and crying in there for 30 minutes,” she said. “My kindergarteners would say, ‘What are they doing to him?’ That broke my heart.”
The teaching assistant said she tried to raise an alarm about the district’s seclusion rooms with the school board, superintendent and local groups for families of special education students. She collected photos of scratches on the wood seclusion room doors, presumably from kids trying to claw their way out.
But she said she was mostly rebuffed and told she was overreacting. Some parents in town lashed out at her for questioning the methods of special education teachers they felt were helping their kids.
Eventually, she left the district.
Some school districts have eliminated their seclusion rooms after the community questioned if they were necessary.
In Gloucester County, officials in the Monroe Township school district drew national attention in 2018 when a parent posted photos on Facebook of a closet-sized padded room built into the corner of his son’s elementary school classroom after the third grader came home saying he’d been put “in jail” by his special education teacher.
After the controversy, the district said it was ending the use of the “timeout” space. Monroe Township school officials did not respond to a request to comment further.
Looking at the science
Some researchers say there is no evidence placing students in padded rooms helps their behavior in any way. In fact, it may be harmful, said Robin Roscigno, a Rutgers University researcher and scholar who specializes in the history of autism intervention in the U.S.
“It’s not well studied, the emotional effects of seclusion on children. Most of the studies that are done are studies of the efficacy of behavior reduction,” said Roscigno. “There isn’t a lot of data on what this does to a child’s emotional state.”
Roscigno, who is autistic and the parent of an autistic daughter, said she worries that New Jersey’s seclusion law is too vague. It does not say how small a quiet room can be, how long kids can be left locked inside, how much parents must be told or who is making sure state guidelines are followed.
The New Jersey law also doesn’t address how much light should be provided in quiet rooms, she said.
“We need that law to be much, much, much, much more detailed and really to have a lot more teeth to it. Because right now all it’s really done is to greenlight restraint. It hasn’t really curbed its use. In fact, I think it’s probably increased it,” Roscigno said.
Greg Santucci, a pediatric occupational therapist who first saw a seclusion room about eight years ago while working in New Jersey schools, said he also has seen no research that supports putting students in isolation.
“None of that is based in the neuroscience,” he said.
His own work with students shows students can build emotional regulation skills to help them meet teachers’ expectations without constantly restraining or isolating them, he said. Though he has seen quiet rooms used in schools across the state, there are plenty of districts in New Jersey not using seclusion at all that seem to be getting along fine.
“This is a ‘Field of Dreams’ idea: If you build it, they will come,” Santucci said. “If you build a seclusion room, teachers will use a seclusion room. So, don’t build it.”
“There is no other solution than a complete ban,” Santucci added.
Holding the door shut
When kids were put in the storage closet-sized “Chill Zone” in one North Jersey public elementary school, a veteran teacher’s aide said he was the person who held the door shut.
“I would put my foot against it,” said the longtime paraprofessional in his 60s who said he spent years dragging kids into the seclusion room in the special education program at his school. (He asked that his name not be used because he still works in the district and was not authorized to speak.)
The small, empty, padded room did not have a lock. So, the aide would wedge his foot against the door for as long as it took for the kids, who were as young as 5, to calm down. He’d watch them through a small window in the door.
“They’d be ripping things down, banging, screaming, hollering,” he said. “We had kids in there who would urinate all over the wall.”
Other kids would be given their lunch in the room, then smear the food on every surface or rip the padding off the walls.
In his first year in the classroom, the aide thought the “Chill Zone” was a good place, he said. The room was used rarely and the kids put inside would eventually calm down. But, the following year he was assigned to a less experienced teacher who would place students in the special education program in the room nearly daily for taking off their sneakers in class, refusing to do their school work, throwing things in class or getting aggressive with other students.
“My overall impression of the room was it did more harm than good over time,” he said. “In my mind, I’m thinking no way, this is no good … If a kid needs quiet time, we have other open classrooms.”
He eventually moved to another school in the district, where seclusion rooms are not used.
Some advocates for special education students say many New Jersey schools appear to be violating the 2018 state law that says students should only be placed in seclusion if they or others are in “immediate physical danger.”
Renay Zamloot, a veteran non-attorney advocate who represents families of special education students in disputes with their schools, holds up file after file of cases she’s handled involving New Jersey kids placed in seclusion. (She asked that the students’ names and school districts not be named to protect their privacy.)
In one case, a young girl with autism insisted on carrying around a small notebook every day with stickers of children and animals inside she called her “friends,” Zamloot said. One day, her teacher said the girl had to leave the ever-present notebook behind while the class went to a school assembly.
“For some reason, the teacher chose this hill to die on on that day. I don’t why she did. She told her she couldn’t bring her ‘friends’ with her to the assembly,” Zamloot said. “It turned into a power struggle. The child started to scream and cry, ‘I want my friends. I want my friends!’ She was restrained and then she was dragged off to the seclusion room.”
In another file, Zamloot reads from the case of a student with autism in a Central Jersey school district whose parents came to her for help after their son was repeatedly placed in seclusion. The district had kept careful notes of how long the boy was kept in the room each day.
“He was banging his head against the wall, taking his clothes off, screaming and crying and begging to be let out of the room. And he was in there for hours.”
Renay Zamloot, a veteran education consultant who represented the family of a Central Jersey boy with autism repeatedly locked in his school’s quiet room
“I went into this room too. It was a little cement box that had a wooden door with a viewing window that was too high for the student to look out of,” Zamloot said.
“By the time I got involved, he was banging his head against the wall, taking his clothes off, screaming and crying and begging to be let out of the room. And he was in there for hours. He was urinating on himself. He was saying, ‘I’m hungry and I need water.’ He was just in there for most of the school day,” she added.
In both cases, Zamloot helped the families secure deals with school officials in which the students were eventually moved to out-of-district schools at the expense of taxpayers.
“Most of the cases of restraint and seclusion that I have been involved with could have been prevented had the school district simply conducted the appropriate assessments and provided the necessary positive supports, services and strategies,” she said.
In some cases, students’s needs were not being met in mainstream public schools and they found a better fit in out-of-district schools for children with disabilities that were better equipped to offer them the services they needed, she said.
But, not every family has the time or the money to fight their school district if their kid is being put in quiet rooms. Families with socio-economic disadvantages, including non-English speaking parents and undocumented immigrants, don’t always know where to start, Zamloot said.
Ana Rivera, the Passaic County mother whose son has been repeatedly put in seclusion since he was in pre-K, said she and other immigrant parents struggle to find Spanish-speaking advocates and groups for non-English-speaking families of kids with disabilities.
She said she went to multiple agencies and disability groups before she eventually found a free legal services group for low-income families to help her negotiate a new school placement and special education services to keep her son out of quiet rooms.
“There are not many bi-lingual advocates,” said Rivera, an immigrant from the Dominican Republic. “At the end of the day, families have to stay and deal with this because they can’t afford legal representation.”
Lawsuits and legal bans
Georgia banned seclusion in its schools a few years after a 13-year-old boy hung himself when he was left in a windowless, cinderblock timeout room in his school in 2004.
Other states have similar bans, including Florida, Hawaii, Nevada and Pennsylvania. Advocates are trying to get similar laws passed in other states, including Illinois, where a 2019 investigation by ProPublica and the Chicago Tribune found more than 20,000 students had been placed in seclusion in a little more than a year.
Some families are trying to close quiet rooms by filing lawsuits or alerting the federal government to alleged abuses. Last year, Fairfax County Public Schools in Virginia — one of the nation’s largest public school districts — agreed to phase out seclusion by 2023 to settle a lawsuit filed by parents and disability rights activists.
Frederick County Public Schools in Maryland also recently agreed to stop using seclusion and restraint as part of a settlement with the federal Department of Justice and the U.S. Attorney’s Office after an investigation found schools “unnecessarily and repeatedly secluded and restrained students” thousands of times.
But many activists say relying on state and local reforms is not working. They are pushing for Congress to pass a bill, called the Keeping All Students Safe Act, that would make school quiet rooms and restraint illegal nationwide.
“Punishing bad behavior is a healthy, human response.”
Max Eton, research fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, urging Congress to vote against a bill that would ban quiet rooms nationwide
At a recent Congressional hearing on the new bill, some lawmakers expressed strong support. But others, including several Republicans, argued all decisions on whether to allow seclusion and restraint should be left to local school boards with the input of parents and teachers.
“When teachers don’t have the chance to use their good judgement, the rest of the class will suffer,” said Max Eton, research fellow at the the Washington D.C.-based think tank American Enterprise Institute, who testified against the legislation.
Removing quiet rooms and restraint would lead to a surge in “room clears,” a term used for evacuations of classrooms when a student is out of control, Eton said. That would mean other students would have their lessons interrupted every time a classmate lashes out.
Removing the student disrupting the class makes more sense, he said.
“Punishing bad behavior is a healthy, human response,” Eton testified.
Some New Jersey families of students with severe intellectual disabilities say they are also fighting any attempts to impose a complete ban on seclusion and restraint in New Jersey.
The reality is some parents with severely disabled kids have to send students to schools out of state when their states ban seclusion and restraint, said one Warren County mother. Her two sons have autism and were born with a rare genetic disorder in which one of the boys repeatedly banged his head and hurt himself and others.
Without padded rooms and restraint, he probably could not have gone to school in New Jersey, said the mother, who now works as an advocate for families of other “outlier” families she said are often forgotten in the debate over whether seclusion should be banned in schools.
“I really want all the voices to be at the table when this legislation is being talked about,” she said.
Front line injuries
People who work on the front lines in New Jersey schools also ask that they are not forgotten in the debate over seclusion and restraint.
About 14% of K-12 teachers reported an injury or other physical violence from a student during the pandemic, according to a national survey by the American Psychological Association released earlier this year. The numbers are higher for school psychologists (18%) and other school staff (22%).
“I have definitely had students throw objects, pick up chairs, throw desks,” said one behavior analyst who spent decades working in multiple suburban schools in New Jersey. “I am frequently involved in situations that are very physically intense.”
She was injured once or twice a year while trying to deescalate emotional situations involving students, though nothing serious, she said. But some of her colleagues suffered concussions.
“I have definitely had students throw objects, pick up chairs, throw desks.”
A behavioral analyst who was injured once or twice a year while working in suburban New Jersey schools
In her schools, restraint was limited, but necessary, she said.
“It is only used as a last resort to maintain safety,” said the behavior analyst, who asked that her name not be used. “Sometimes a student needs to be separated from their classmates to maintain safety.”
The reality is that many students with disabilities would not be able to be educated in their local public schools if teachers and school staff could not use restraint and seclusion, said a former Central Jersey school psychologist and case manager who oversaw autism and behavioral disability classrooms.
“We were very fortunate to be able to keep kids in district. And sometimes that meant because on occasion we needed to use restraint. Had we not been able to do that, we didn’t have another option, all those kids would have been out of district, which presents a lot of challenges,” said the school psychologist, who asked that his name not be used because he now works as a consultant hired by parents.
It is possible to have counselors and psychologists try to verbally calm a child down. But that is not always possible in New Jersey schools where staff is overworked and stretched too thin with administrative tasks and large caseloads.
“The National Association of School Psychologists recommends a 500-to-1 student to school psychologist ratio. And only about 22% of schools in New Jersey meet that ratio,” he said. “And we’re ninth best in the country.”
The New Jersey Education Association, the state’s largest union representing teachers and school employees, did not respond to requests to comment on the use of seclusion and restraint in schools.
A walk to the ‘Zen Den’
Calkin-Ward, the Monmouth County mother who learned her 8-year-old daughter was being put in a quiet room at her public school on a nearly daily basis a few years ago, recently got an email from her daughter’s new teacher.
The girl, who now attends The Shore Center in Tinton Falls, became agitated in class that day when she was asked to read aloud and was taken to the school’s Zen Den, the teacher said.
The Zen Den is an alternative to a seclusion room used at The Shore Center, a public school for students with autism run by the Bayshore Jointure Commission. Unlike padded quiet rooms, the Zen Den is filled with sensory items to help students calm down. No child is ever locked inside or left alone, school officials said.
“Students may utilize the Zen Den as a place of comfort; it is never used as a punishment. The students are not confined in the Zen Den and are not in the room alone,” school officials said in a statement.
Calkin-Ward’s daughter was placed in the room for two minutes, then she calmed down and agreed to do the assigned reading, her teacher said in her daily email to the family.
After the trauma of learning her daughter was placed in a quiet room repeatedly at her old public school in Monmouth County, this new approach at her new school seems less harsh, Calkin-Ward said.
“It’s a really big difference from just shoving a kid in a room and shutting a door on them, which feels like punishment and isolation,” she said.
Still, her daughter remains traumatized by her memories of the quiet room. Though it’s been years since she was last in the room, she still talks about it several times a week and only recently began to be able to enter elevators and small spaces again.
Calkin-Ward said she doesn’t favor banning seclusion entirely in New Jersey schools. But, like many parents, she said it’s time for people to talk openly about quiet rooms and for the state to better monitor what schools are doing.
It’s also time to start speaking for the kids with disabilities who can’t speak for themselves, she said.
“If somebody had done something or said something, my daughter wouldn’t have gone through this,” she added, crying. “It still affects her… It’s done irreparable damage.”
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