Girl Talk

This week the CDC came out with a study that had SHOCKING results, young girls are deeply suffering from trauma. Wow that is up there with some of their more idiotic studies of late. This is not new, Girls aka Women or whatever new noun/adjective we have come up with have been troubled for years. But thanks to Social Media and 24/7 access to Cell Phones and endless screed of information it has gotten worse. They used to just prank phone call you, send you hate mail, literally in the mail, pass notes or ice you and not invite you to things. I was that “Girl”. Best thing that ever happened to me as the pack of Mean Girls I knew, NOT ONE ended up happy or sane. Well that was what I heard the few years after I graduated, I lost contact, moved on an out and I have never looked back. I don’t have a single thing left from those days. Who in the flying fuck sits around perusing their old yearbooks, reminiscing on the “good old” days gone by? I sure do not.

The movie and later the musical, Mean Girls portrayed these young “innocents” as predators. Not the type you are accustomed to when we think of this word, but in the same vein as stalking, planning and enacting an attack. This happened in a New Jersey town where a young girl was attacked brutally by school mates and the video of it put on TikTok where all violent bullshit seems to go down of late. She killed herself as a result of the “shame” and the schools reaction at the time was to say the least – disinterested. Yeah okay. This is what bullying is and does. It makes those who have been either victims or perpetrators of it immune to it. “Well I made it through, so toughen up.” Okay that did not make it right then it does not now. Again add to this the endless filming of all this bullshit, loading it on to the interwebs and then everyone anywhere all at once can see it and in turn laugh AT it and ultimately you or feel rage. Then the dogpiles begin and nothing changes except a girl is dead. I refer back to a neighbor who is moving to Chicago as she cannot stand the “Jersey” persona. I get it, I really do. I have, however, lived in Nashville, this I can handle. And yes I thought of suicide quite a bit after being in the schools here and my encounters and they were too reminiscent of Nashville and with that I have since reconciled it as it is here, there everywhere all at once. Seattle was no different, in fact it may be worse now. I did not last one week in San Francisco and went to retail so there you, one pink collar job for another. Nursing must be a real fun time which is why I often write about the Medical Industrial Complex but it is a subject in and of its own. But if anyone thinks I would go to Florida and walk in a school you would be nuts, there is ground zero for crazy shit and its coming to a town near you. So kids are bad now, just wait. And there is more coming.

There is the viral video of the girls at the Hot Dog Vendor stand in LA. They are of course idiots and likely drunk but hey “girls just want to have fun.” And there more sites, articles, blogs and information about girl on girl bullying than the Vendor has hot dogs. We have numerous stories about how Women have introduced other women and girls into violence. I think of Ghislaine Maxwell as one. But there is usually one woman as the “beard” to men. NXVIM. Or the Sarah Lawrence Cult that had a girls father systemically abuse and exploit fellow classmates. Now on HULU. I cannot think of a cult that did not have a Woman who was a strong presence. Other than Scientology, and that is a “religion” and we all know that is a whole different kind of cult. But there is the usually women right at the top, or heavily focused on women such as the Yoga and Fitness nutfuck ones. I love that Pyramid Schemes for women are MaryKay, Avon or Tupperware and Men almost all are money/investment ones. Gender equity there folks!

But what is distressing is that almost all Male Violence has some component of women involved, It starts often in the home with problems with one’s Mother. Sandy Hook or Uvalde come to mind. But there are those who are prompted by lack of dating, the “incel” bullshit or the breakup of a relationship, Domestic Violence and other family issues that lead to mass shootings or acts of violence and again directed to Women. I do think there is something to the Oedipal Complex. Hamlet anyone? So with that why are young girls such raging Bitches. Well again just ask Mommie Dearest. I am not sure Men are doing this level of damage alone and exclusively. Daddy’s Little Girl? I get a whole Ivanka/Donald vibe there and again that is all deeply Freudian. I do think it is ironic that her husband is a raging moron, thinks he is smarter than he is, the wealthy son of a corrupt Father who even went to jail for his duplicity. Wow there is something to that idea that Girls marry Men like their Fathers.

I have my own theories why Women are raging Bitches and that is of course the lack of equality when it comes to work, to choice and of course MEN. Let’s face it Men are fucking raging maniacs. (And yes this is a generalization but to be frank I have met FEW to NONE that were good folks but I know they exist) They are obsessed with sex, money, power and with that if it is not their dick they are flinging about they find the best surrogate a gun and do it with that. Bullets or Jizz we are all pissed on at some point. And the sheer level of gun violence these past two months puts as at over 40 shootings this year. This does not include the immense amount of violence, some with guns, some with Uhauls, Swords, pushing and slashing people and other means of doing harm. All of it by men. All of it.

But this is about the Girls and the way they do harm to themselves and in turn others. Do I blame Girls and Women for this? No and yes. Women are culpable in how they treat others and with that they are largely the primary care givers to ironically Boys and Men. And with that again here goes the misdirected anger. I do see how the Female Teachers and Instructional Assistants treat the SPED students when I am in those classrooms. Folks it is on average, just average. But on average I don’t think the Women Teachers and Admins I have encountered are fantastic human beings at all. Sadly few are all that and it explains the problems in schools. Boys smirk and Girls roll their eyes and that is the only Gender distinction I can note when I see disregard and dismissal by Students toward Adults. It is why I love SPED kids as they are all out there with emotions and I do believe that is the real problem, the raw display of it that makes Female Teachers uncomfortable. And had that 6 year old in Virginia had a Male Teacher or there were more Male’s present in that school that shooting might not have happened. He has true issues that needed a strong male influence, role model and perhaps his outbursts would be managed better or at least believed. Again that school had a Male Administrator who was fired, but the Female Assistant who handled all of the complaints, never did a thing. I wonder if this was again racial or gender related. This too is a major problem when it comes to these issues. Here is where the expression “color blind” needs to be put to use and with that I truly believe a Man would have been believed. Period.

Pink Collar jobs are the problem here and why again they are pushing boys back believing that they need school later. No they are just more confused and annoyed and need some male influence in which to identify and associate with. We need more Male Teachers in Elementary schools that are not just Music and PE but standard classroom Teachers, more Male Aids and in turn faces of all Colors and more languages. I do love Abbot Elementary and they have only one Straight Male Teacher who is also Black in a largely if not exclusively Black school. The White Teachers include one Woman and a Gay man. And is it shocking that the Gay White Male is the expert at Teaching Black History? No. I have been in those shoes as well, as have been in those same schools and they are not nearly as fun nor as interesting as Abbott and with that I have had and met many an Ava as an Admin, who is neither as funny or interesting either. I don’t think I will ever forget McKissack Middle School in Nashville and explaining to both Students and Staff the history of the McKissack name in history and their role in the current development of the African American Museum in DC. Wow that is when I realized how bad it was in Nashville. And that again was where I truly learned the concept of anti-racism and institutional racism. And when I realized I was not the problem but I was a part of it. I ignored much of it in Seattle as I attributed to our politics, our locality in the region, the Northwest is a bubble of idiocy and with that you get used to it. But the pandemic opened my eyes again to the division in public education, and it is not solely Race, it is Gender. I also knew few Teachers of any kind to be compassionate, intelligent Teachers nor Administrators. And with that you again realize being simply a part of it is not something you feel proud of. Or I did not.

Do I hate women? I am a Libra so that is a yes and no answer. I have no energy to try to connect, understand or actually care about women. The trauma and psychic damage done to women is not new nor will change. We don’t do change in America. We clutch pearls, offer thoughts and prayers and onto the next. Women are good leaders, bad leaders. Another woman leader, this one in Scotland resigned this week. This follows the female PM in New Zealand who two years ago was a hero. They both outlasted Britain’s PM who lasted what? Three weeks. She had her meeting with the Queen who died what? 48 Hours later. I guess another one bites the dust. We had a strong presence in the EU with Merkyl and now today the EU is in the midst of its greatest challenge since it was formed. I do wonder how Angela would have made of those Ukrainian ashes. What it does say is that Women are tough but they eventually get to their limits and know what they can or cannot accomplish. Or wait they are Marjorie Taylor Green shouting out nonsense during the State of the Union while her former bestie, Lauren Boebert who happily joined her in heckling last year, decided to have a more formal decorum. What.ever. This is the new Feminist. And a Woman and one of color as well declared her candidacy for Vice President. Well it was for President but it will not be long before Trump eviscerates her and she becomes the Republican version of Kamala Harris. And in turn Harris to will have to find a reason to resign as her role as VP coupled with Biden’s age will challenge the idea of her becoming a de facto President should he not outlive his term. Yes folks we cannot criticize or evaluate Harris for fear of being called Racist. Well I was more than familiar with Ms. Harris when she dated former SF Mayor Willie Brown, a notorious Womanizer. She then moved out of the City Attorney Office into the States Attorney General Office where she served with conflicts and onto the Senate where her attendance and voting record is there to examine. Voted quite liberally but poor in showing up. Staffing issues have followed her to the VP office. She had a horrid Presidential campaign and with that even after insulting Biden was selected. Her approval ratings are low and again given her well established public employment and history you can evaluate here with just that as evidence. Her Gender, her Race and her personal history aside has little to do with it. Hell I knew Gavin Newsom when he was married to Kimberly Guilfoyle and that marriage was encouraged by the Getty’s whom Gavin was close, leading to rumors that he was Gay. And when you meet Kimberly that is your first thought, “She must be a beard as she is one piece of work.” Yes folks Women are PEOPLE and people are fucked up, or not.

And why I don’t defend, support, excuse or even try to explain women anymore. We share a common piece of anatomy, a Vagina. And it appears that you can construct those now so I can share that with Women who used to be Men. I wish them luck with that. I am not sure no matter how much self hate I had would I willingly change my Gender to be a Woman and not only be knocked down a peg but several. Some things are just not worth it. Who you are on the outside is irrelevant, who you sleep with, what you wear, who you are dating, married to or what you do is irrelevant. It only matters to you. We have difficulty just being ourselves so we want to be someone else. I wished it was that simple. You be you as everyone else is taken Girls just want to rule the world. have fun or just be raging Cunts. Or they can be all of the above. It is called CHOICE. Ah the good ole days. Now were is my Yearbook?

Be More White

I finally understand the concept of Assimilation, whereas I once thought it was to move to a new country or place and learn some of the laws, the holidays and other cultural designations, and in turn adapt and adjust to fit in and belong, yet still retain the core beliefs and history of ones own cultural history was enough. The concept of Melting Pot was that we all come from varying backgrounds and in that we merge to find a common identity of American with a slash whoever/whatever else, kinda like Waiter/Actor/Dance hyphenate that we often use to define careers. And with that we have both acknowledgement and respect of one’s differences and yet share some similarity. I could not be more wrong. We want everyone to be WHITE.

Now even with White America there are many differences, Religion, Politics, Class, Education, Regional idiosyncrasies, Work and Family and Sexual Identity and Gender. Those last two are blurred lines that still put those in the LGBQT community and women at the bottom of the mythical ladder of Meritocracy but not the real bottom as that is for the “others” but still down there. With that money or the color green enables anyone to jump the line and climb faster and enable them to be taken more seriously but they will always still be the “other.”

As the Supreme Court looks to eviscerate the concept of Affirmative Action, it was another mythical concept that many States have long circumvented with regards to Employment and Educational attainment and achievement. I am from Washington and they use their Liberal credentials to show that it is not needed if one is “race blind.” I am not sure I see that as valid as Race and Gender are the most visible of qualities and with that it enables the Sexist and Racist to simply do the work around and find other elements in which to discriminate. I grew up in Seattle and with that have ample anecdotes that validate that thinking, Group Think is a powerful tool in which to force conformity. But by acknowledging the checklist of attributes that the collective has is a way of doing the affirmative when it comes to action, actually enacting and following that is another.

When I started to really examine Colorism and its affects on race which began by looking at art in MOMA, I began to listen and see for more clues and relevance in the world in which I live. In the South I heard that references to Brown people quite a bit, and with that it came most from Black residents who saw the influx of Latin and Kurds to the region who were seen as usurpers in the community, taking up housing and jobs that were already in short supply for those who were there “first.” And with that White folks have forced or at least implied that the shade of one’s whiteness matters. And with that we have seen many ways faces of color embrace what it means to be “white-ish” Well folks I gots news for you – that is a waste of time and money as it is never white enough, even white people are segregated and isolated in the never ending hierarchy of what defines white “supremacy.”

The Caste System is the definitive method in which to classify and define roles. It is labeled the System of Meritocracy, where the mythical Horatio Alger informed those in need to jump class all you need to do is “work hard.” And with that the well worn boot straps are in full force. Religion reinforces this concept and with that the base core of Americans, believe that you can rise above. And there are those small cases that have proven it true – largely in Sports and Entertainment. The few other “self made” Men and some Women are few and far between. And again most can cite largely POC who fit that description. If you think Trump, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk (oh wait an Immigrant, Sergey Brin also an Immigrant and they all went to Stanford or Harvard or to some Ivy League institute, the great institutes of White Privilege. So for those who don’t manage to get past those bars, the ability to climb over decreases.

And with that the home grown businesses and industries that have developed are often out of necessity and in which to serve a growing culture of “others”. Take a look at Chobani and that is the exception to the rule and in Idaho no less. But on average White Natives who are less well off and less educated lack the understanding and need for Immigrants and how many built more businesses and grew community that extended beyond their own. True you can go to an Indian run store and the employees/owners have English as Second Language, many if not all speak English and do not discriminate if you choose to shop there. They get it, they really do. Try that in a Hasidic Community and the response is less so. The controversy over their schools in NYC is just a tip of the Iceberg when it comes to social isolation. Which that may largely also contribute to some of the angry Anti Semitic dialog given their clothing, their lack of English and segregation lends to the rage and confusion by those who don’t understand the distinction of both a Religion and Culture, centuries old. But is a fine line to walk to understand why and the history behind it. Or you can simply say live and let live, but White Americans don’t do as they say or do, they mind, they really do, your business and what you are doing with it, personally or professionally.

And that too is a large part of our current division in America – Religion. Just one examination of the Evangelical community and its own divisions is very telling. Fundamentalists exist within that cohort and the Dave Ramsey expose on his business practices regarding employees is another. That cohort veers on both Racism and Anti Semitic rhetoric using the Bible to cover much of it. Amazing that the Book of Myths is the sole book they read and in turn selectively interpret to meet their beliefs to suit their special kind of crazy and again White.

So with the idea of colorism as a means of dividing those who are not white, is another tool in which to hammer the belief that white is right and in turn force assimilation and absorption of “whiteness.” I find this all ironic that white people go out their way to turn their skin brown as being tan is thought of us as being more attractive if not of course richer as you can lounge at the pool or beach in which to acquire said tan. The rise of tanning salons and spray on tans that brought the lounge culture to the masses, skin cancer be dammed, is another way of modeling health and beauty. We go out of our way to ensure none of us are ever too white but our teeth and that too is another industry in which we spend exorbitant amounts in which to have a pearly white grin. Meanwhile basic dental care is largely over looked as the average American cannot afford it. This only again is a tool in which to segregate and discriminate as teeth are clearly visible and with that add another way White people judge. We are clever folks white people. It used to be by handbags and shoes that women used to signal class but the rise of clever fakes and the disposable culture in which we live, anyone can carry a Vuitton or Chanel bag, real or not is irrelevant its very existence in one’s hand gives the clue to those around that you have style/money/class. In other words – WHITE.

While some have expressed their fear of losing Whiteness as the cultural identity of America, by joining White Supremacists, others advocate conspiracy theories such as Q’Anon, or simply vote Republican as they fear “crime” or lessons that make a child ‘feel” bad; the extraneous “bogeyman” who is changing your child’s gender or in the predator in bathroom stall next to you; those who are of another Faith or from another Country that is Communist or Socialist or “dangerous” with drug cartels and human traffickers. FEAR is the most common and most basic of emotions in which crosses all lines, from class to race to gender, we are always afraid of something at some time.

I read this article in the New York Times about why people are voting the way they are and this issue of crime and safety comes up now the most. I know in NYC that was the reason behind the election of Adams who is proving to be both incompetent and ineffectual in ways that few who knew him were not surprised. His play into the boroughs where there are more people of color and in turn largely more affected by crime were and are his largest supporters, so I am not sure how they feel now as their areas of the city are being decimated with massive crime to the point it simply dominates the local news both broadcast and print that would remind one of the John Oliver’s show regarding this very issue and how it is often misleading and in turn over dramatized to the point of extreme; the Subways are such an example. When standing in a line to attend the Ballet a woman was so distracted by a man’s screaming she was concerned for her safety as everyone she knew had been mugged of late. Were they standing in a queue at 3 in the afternoon when it happened? For the record, I of course crossed the street, found the man standing in a parklet screaming into a phone. Okay crime adverted. Again the reality is that few are affected by the reality yet the perception is there hammered into your head like a maniac assaulting innocent tourists.

And when I read this from a nice white lady in the Midwest she reminds me of that New York Manhattanite, which of course appall that Karen she has a doppelganger:

Ms. Whittenberger, a self-employed crafter who sells handmade aprons, said she worries about shootings in nearby Milwaukee — “every night, another killing,” she said. But in her daily routines, she is also noting small changes, both close to home and far from Menomonee Falls, that suggest to her that American life is fraying.

When she shops at her local grocery store, Ms. Whittenberger said, she can smell marijuana on the clothes of fellow customers as she passes them in the aisles. And reports of thefts in California cities, which she sees reported on Fox News, drive her mad with fear and rage.

“Is any place in this country safe?” she said. “I don’t think so.”

She smells Marijuana on their clothes? What happened to social distancing. And how does she know what Marijuana smells like? That is so White!

But wait we got them here too. Also in that article: Tony Smith, who lives in Mount Kisco, a suburb north of New York City, said that he believed Ms. Hochul and Mr. Bragg were too lenient on criminals. He feels particularly uneasy on the New York City subway, which he sometimes rides to get to New York Mets home games in Queens. “I’m a big guy,” Mr. Smith said. “I can fend for myself. But you know what? I’m looking both ways now.”

Well I am a little woman and again most Subway violence began with a hostile encounter first. Try to keep to yourself, earbuds out and be passively aware of your surroundings. If you see something, don’t say ANYTHING, just get the fuck out of there.

The truth is that few American live in the areas of urban tension where crime is the highest, those are often the most economically disadvantaged and have had issues of gun violence for decades. So that is where White people get their fear, the idea that those poor, aka “Black,” are more violent and dangerous. No they are poor and we have done little but increase shakedowns and arrests of Black people versus actually engage and learn why and what can be done to reduce that. Meaning jobs that pay well and offering training for said jobs, affordable housing and health care and of course child care and better schools in which to provide the foundation for all that is better. When I read this editorial about the Asian myth of the scholar I did laugh as that to is another stereotyped founded in Racism, the Model Minority. And yet to push a kid into advanced programs with little more than being Asian again is a disservice to those who could also benefit from said push. And I was told repeatedly by both Black and White School Administrators that my high standards for education were Racist. I see now that meant every color but the whiter ones. I assume with the larger East Asian diaspora in America we could include them but just into the STEM careers. I have taught in districts across this country with large Asian and Pacific Islanders, Native Americans as well, one broom does not cover it. But we can placate and patronize those whom we ignore by acknowleding the taking of the lands of Natives prior to a bloated German production of Hamlet, which screams White and Privilege. Go Woke or Go Broke! Again with all the push to draw more faces of color to the forefront, we are forgetting the most significant group – the audience – still largely what? White.

And with comes the expectations of behavior and accommodation that describes White Audiences. Silence but when appropriate to clap, to laugh, not to loudly and to get up and mind physical body space in the periphery of the invisible hula hoop in which to rise or seat or stand. I did find this amusing and true when it comes to White People. And when you read numerous Black authored Blogs you read how this need to “code switch” in order to get along, be liked, be respected etc is a consistent theme. There is not a statement in this Blog I disagree with, White People do not listen and if they do they do with the background noise that is this somehow about them. If you do appreciate diversity you accept how someone presents themselves to you and allow their character to be revealed in which to ultimately decide how to proceed with this relationship or on what terms you must do so to make it successful. And that means listening. But when it comes right down to it, White People have no clue on how to befriend, work or understand others not like them, aka WHITE.

I tried to understand the Karen and her Cop Spouse the first time they complained and with that went on with my life feeling it was resolved. It was not. The Karen needs full compliance and with that it threatens their mindset. White people are all Karens. They want and expect conformity to their way of living. And when I read this in other Blog on Medium regarding White Karen’ s behaviors I understood immediately and was relieved:

Stop – minding other people’s business; threatening folks; talking when you should listen; screaming at the top of your lungs to get your way; being manipulative; bullying and bossing folks you ladies deem inferior; manipulating people by weaponizing your White tears; refusing to take responsibility for your actions; expecting Blacks and people of color to educate you when you ask and be nice while doing it; pretending to be an ally, lying on us when you’re busted; calling the police because you’re frail and you feel threatened — especially when you start shit, being disrespectful to the authority you expect others to obey, tone policing, concern trolling, wordsmithing, and anything else that annoys the fuck out of people you do.

That was what transpired in my hall that day. She was histrionic and a bully. She is like the same women in the Theater who get in lines and inform the other goers with her facts and when corrected immediately rages off or yells at you when corrected or to shush you, to avoid disruption in actuality she is the only one causing a disruption by yelling . The same with the restaurant staff, the Ramona Singers of the City that have to have their way and if not they will make anyone in their orbit pay for their displeasure. They are the same women who at 20 are sure every man wants to fuck her and with that when the try to they complain. I do believe that is what transpired with much of MeToo and now that is why it is no longer taken seriously. Actual women who were or are assaulted are now lumped into the same women who stood and watched Louis CK masturbate into plant. You could not walk out? Seriously I have no pity nor concern for you vs the women thrown down to the ground by Harvey Weinstein and raped. That is not the same as watching Charlie Rose walk by in a robe and it accidentally opens to see the hanging sword. Again walk out and say, “Mr. Rose you can finish dressing and I will be in the office when you are ready.” Why are words so hard for White People? White women use your words or just shut the fuck up. For those women who need to go on living you do us no favors

If I can have a day without an encounter with a white person that makes me question my sanity and my ability to communicate it is a good day. And yes folks I do have some encounters with POC that are horrific. Who are they? Educators. Almost all in Education behave that way it is profession of Karen’s.

Despite going to Broadway and seeing Take Me Out, it was largely an audience of Gays and Tourists and so it was uneventful. Let’s hope that happens today, like AA I take each day as it comes. White people have real problems, largely each other. Male or female they are all Karen’s deep in their hearts and that is what defines White Privilege – the ability to be an asshole all day, every day and not have to worry about it affecting ones work or life in any fashion as the world rolls over to accommodate and be “nice”. Yeah, fuck that. I could not be more White or am I?

The Bull in the China Shop

When I read this article in the Washington Post I was not shocked in the least as we have spent the better part of the pandemic in isolation and the debate about returning to the workplace has been one major issue the other is the role of women in the workplace and the setbacks they will face now as the economy returns and jobs have changed. They have? Well if you were an Accountant and a woman and you worked at home and had a baby you are still an Accountant and still a woman and still have a baby, albeit an older baby but still a baby. So how would you have taken care of the issues surrounding this before? Hired a Nanny, have hubby stay at home or now he can so that solves that or have your Mother/In Law or a relative care take? What did women do before the pandemic? The same as during and after, did it fucking all. What else is new. If you are both the primary breadwinner and caregiver in the family you did what you had to do and having Covid just put that on steroids. The pandemic may be winding down but women and their “work” has never had that opportunity.

I was watching my anthropological studies program on women, the Real Housewives, and marvel at how they are navigating new marital breakups, Covid and of course changes in family dynamics due to changes in work with children in quarantine, in school, now at home and of course hiring help to do the essentials when they were already doing that but now takes on a whole new meaning when that essential worker does not live and work in your home. It may explain why three of the housewives of Beverly Hills contracted Covid mid production. I am still shocked none of the New York women did as they seemed blithely unaware of it but suddenly elections and voting mattered when for the past dozen years I never heard a word of politic or current affairs ever be uttered by them once. Go figure they add a Black friend and now these bitches are woke!

What those shows do show is how women get along when booze is shoved down their throat and a cock is fought over and not the Rooster kind. It is embarrassing and largely entertaining but on average these are not average women, they are women of a certain kind of wealth and privilege that have enabled them to have delusions about themselves and the world in which they live and “work”. Only one had a normal job in the nascent days the rest seem to have carved out careers from being on the show, which tells you that being a housewife is an actual job. A better show that is Good Girls and that actually has women demonstrating with flaws and all how well they can function when pressed into a situation of need and desperation. Plus the cast is naturally diverse and interesting without seeming contrived or intentional.

I loathe women on average, I do not trust them, I do not find them interesting and more importantly willing to be open. I came up with no compromise as being a woman and dealing with women both personally and professionally, not because of men. Men and I have never even made it to that level, I just capitulated or walked away. Neither are great but I never put that much effort into it as frankly men think with their dick, I was fine with that and when not, not. But from early days in schools my girl friends were all mean and if not mean too afraid to not and that sums up women as adults. We are constantly afraid of all kinds of shit and it is exhausting. And when I read the article as a former Teacher I know these girls and the women they will be and I feel for them as they are in need of mentors and teachers and true friendships that will enable them to rise above the roles they needed to take on to survive school. We learn it all in our homes, racism, sexism, elitism and all the “isms” one needs to either be a perpetrator or be a victim. And all the Social Justice and Social Emotional learning, Critical Race Theory and the rest are for naught as when that child goes home and is dismissed, ignored and and it turn mocked by the adults who are there to support, mentor and teach them, expect little to change. Children are reflections of those who are holding the mirrors, and more often by those not. For if no one is holding them they find the one who is standing alongside of them mocking their reflection. The loudest voice in the room is usually the meanest. Imagine the blowhard Rush Limbaugh as a child, frightening thought no? Roger Ailes? Donald Trump? And the same for women. They marry those idiots and enable if not ignore their behavior as they need to hang on to their power in whatever means necessary. Explains the children too. Did anyone really believe Ivanka was not Daddy’s little girl?

No, women are not the better sex or the gentler sex they are who they are and their gender can have a role in determining how they are perceived and in turn treated but that also may be more about one’s color than sex. I saw a Black Woman yesterday with a shirt that said “Black Women Matter Also.” I so wanted to stop and ask her about it and yet I felt I knew the answer so I left it at that.

When I went against my instincts and volunteered I knew the minute I met the woman taking me on the tour by the way she spoke to me that I was not going to last. I was willing to give it a shot and had I not met her in my first hour I might not have ditched it so quickly, but once she spoke to me in the condescending manner and ignored my presence at one point it was laughable if not insulting. Age and experience kick in and so as I read the article and the thousands of comments that followed none shook me. I especially found this relevant.

I am 66. We old ladies don’t like to be treated like we should just be meek and obedient, and preferably die soon. We are not children. We have intelligence, initiative, and actual lives.

As I approach my 62nd year on the planet it has been an awakening to realize that acutally I was spoken to that way for years. Growing up in Seattle you were to be liberal but still accommodating and then I moved to the South and found out, yep that is the same way I just figured it out. I had never been that girl nor that woman and it was when I got woke. I look back on all the times I was asked in Seattle “Where are you from?” As if that mattered and when I informed them I was from Seattle, the response was, “Well you don’t talk like you are from here.” I got a version of that in Nashville and what that says is, we are tribal, you are not like us, not of our tribe and therefore we are done with you. If anyone in Seattle thought they were even 1/4th like a Southerner they would be horrified, well bad news they are. Passive aggression and Southern hospitality have a lot more in common than you would think.

So as they rebooted Gossip Girl and are bringing back Sex and the City I wonder how much the women have changed when it comes to their own predatory territorial behavior? And yes women can be predators as well. It is considered owning your sexuality. Really(?) And that was the Samantha character. And it was that actor, the former member of the tribe who chose not to return it was the cat claws metaphor that stood out. Do they do that with men? No. Sometimes you get older and move on and women should know this better then anyone. That character was like many of the men we now mock, who wants to carry that horrific torch any longer. And in reality people can change and choose to. And that in lies the real truth about women, they dump their sandbox friends anytime someone comes along better and this follows them throughout life.

When the ‘mean girl’ is a woman: How to deal with an adult bully

By Cathy Alter June 7, 2021| The Washington Post

Thanks to the Queen Bee, I was pushed out of a friend group, disinvited from activities, tarnished by falsehoods and deserted by allies. No, this didn’t happen to me in the high school cafeteria. It was more recently, at a volunteer job I had held for six years. And my bully, let’s call her Carol, is a senior citizen.

While more head-scratching than gutting, the experience nonetheless worm-holed me back to high school, when I was tormented by a best friend who turned on me without warning, taking with her some of the meanest girls in our grade as her cheering section.

We never really leave the high school cafeteria. Even as an adult, I still recognize the former jocks, burnouts and prom queens — older and perhaps more mellowed but with their “Breakfast Club” essence intact. After experiencing my latest snub while volunteering, I had to wonder: Do mean girls just grow up to be mean old ladies?

“I don’t like the phrase ‘mean girls,’ ” says Rachel Simmons, correcting me as soon as we get on the phone. Simmons, an educator, bullying expert and the author of multiple books including “Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls,” prefers to use “aggressive” instead. “Aggression is a human impulse,” she continues. “Everyone has the capacity to be aggressive.” (By middle school, Simmons says, boys pull even with girls in terms of engaging in psychological aggression. For this article, I focused on my own experiences with girls and women.)

In her research for “Odd Girl Out,” Simmons spoke to teachers in early-childhood development. “In kindergarten, the teachers could identify those girls who would be trouble in middle school,” she told me. These girls shared certain character traits: They were natural leaders, highly precocious and especially good at navigating relationships.

According to Simmons, the same attributes that allow girls to be socially intelligent also allow them to be aggressive. “They are drawing from the same skill set,” she says, adding, “Social intelligence is about being savvy enough to understand people and relationships. These are the same skills girls deploy when they launch lobbying campaigns to turn peers into a target, or to figure out just the right insult that will cut someone down.”

“Girls tend to use their highly attuned social antennae, instead of their fists, to wage war on other girls,” Emily Bazelon wrote in her 2013 book, “Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy.” “Girls can better understand how other girls feel,” she continued, quoting the work of Scandinavian psychologist Kaj Bjorkqvist, “so they know better how to harm them.”

It’s a lifelong skill. “The same behaviors that worked in childhood still work now,” says Cheryl Dellasega, author of six books, including “Surviving Ophelia” and “Mean Girls Grown Up.” “It’s what’s made them popular, because very rarely were they challenged.” What’s more, she continues, “by going along with the powerful aggressor, you stay with the ‘in’ group.”

Those bystanders who are watching are afraid to speak up because “they might be the next victim,” Dellasega says. Their silence only empowers the aggressor, who continues to lash out because they know their victim will not fight back. In what Dellasega calls a “preemptive strike,” an aggressor may continue her attacks, constantly distracting her gathered minions by focusing their attention on someone weaker so that her own deficiencies aren’t detected.

Dellasega was referring to what happened to me in high school, when my former BFF waited for an audience before launching her attack. But she could have been describing the passivity of my fellow volunteers, who, fearing retribution from Carol, were more interested in self-preservation — and getting first dibs on the best donations that came through the organization — than in coming to my defense.

“As a victim in the past,” Dellasega told me, “you are so sensitized to it [this form of aggression] that when it happens again, it’s not a new experience. You go right back to that place of being young and vulnerable.”

And the aggressor, she says, goes right back to a place not of power “as much as feelings of avoiding personal hurt.” Camilla Dorment, a D.C.-based therapist who works with people who have been chronically bullied, echoes Dellasega, saying: “Oftentimes, bullies have had their own experiences of being repeatedly exploited and mistreated. The desire for dominance over another creates a temporary feeling of power and control, which acts as a defense against deep-rooted shame.”

We all carry our injuries. It’s too bad we can’t go back in time and use a smudge stick on our former selves. But now, I want to be able to better face the Carols out there, who exist in the offices, checkout lines and book clubs of the world. Dellasega offered some scenarios and skills for recognizing and handling a mean girl in grown-up’s clothing.

“The most frequent form of relational aggression [Dellasega’s preferred term for bullying] is the ‘take-back.’ It’s saying something insensitive and unkind and then, when you realize it didn’t go over well, you say, ‘I was just kidding.’ ”

I instantly remembered my first job at Bloomingdale’s, when my manager pointed to my new Doc Martens. “Nice boots,” she said. “I had a friend in school who had shoes like that, but then she got her club foot fixed.”

One way of offsetting the take-back is with humor — “Haven’t you heard? Orthopedic is the new black!” — or using what Dellasega calls the broken-record ploy. Saying something over and over like: “Excuse me? I didn’t hear you. Can you repeat what you just said to me?”

This can make the aggressor recognize that they have said something inappropriate, as well as give the target some power to respond in a way other than joining in the mockery of, say, their questionable choice of footwear. “It’s all in the delivery, though,” Dellasega says. You don’t want to be hostile back as much as genuinely asking the person if you misheard them.

Another strategy is asking for clarification. “Saying something like, ‘Wait, I don’t understand. You knew someone who wore these shoes because of a physical handicap? I’m not sure how that relates to me,’ ” Dellasega suggests. If only I had had the wherewithal to say something this amusingly literal to my old manager.

Confronting a bully directly, however, can be profoundly difficult. Dorment says that for many, creating a safe space internally can be a good a way to tolerate the distress. “Visualizing a beach, a best friend or a mentor can provide an emotional resource in order to feel adequate and safe,” she told me. “This helps to develop the capacity to self-soothe.”

Launching a campaign, Dellasega says, is another form of relational aggression. “Someone in the friend group is trying to undermine and be hurtful to a person,” she explains. “And they expect everyone else to go along with them.” I recognized this immediately.

“The best advice is to remove yourself from the situation and regroup,” Dellasega says. “Don’t confront them in the moment, especially if she’s launched the campaign in front of a group.”

If this is a person you see daily, like a co-worker, head to a neutral space — the break room, the water cooler — and have a script prepared. “Saying something like, ‘We’ve been in some situations where I’ve said something, and you’ve rolled your eyes or whispered to the person next to you.’ Be calm and just state the facts,” Dellasega advises.

Offering concrete examples of behavior, she adds, is harder to refute than just accusing someone of not liking you or being mean. “If you get the response of invalidating your observations, you can reply by saying, ‘If it happened once or twice, I might agree with you, but it seems like a consistent pattern of behavior.’ ” Another option is saying something like, “That’s a relief. So, you’re saying that everything is good between us, and when those situations occurred it wasn’t about me?”

I took this route during a recent trip home to Connecticut, where my high school tormentor still lives. Even though we made up decades ago, I never asked her why she made my life a living hell back then. We met at a restaurant (neutral territory!), and I soon broached the topic. I wish I could tell you that she apologized, blamed her persistent teasing on troubles at home, or admitted to feeling insecure.

“I don’t remember that at all,” she said with a shrug.

Not the ending I was hoping for, but after a year of unspeakable loss and years of accumulated stress and disappointment, it’s easier to put things into perspective. Getting blacklisted from a volunteer job doesn’t seem as terrible in the scheme of things. And now that I’m armed with the antivenin, Queen Carol’s sting might not hurt as much.

Bombs Away

Yesterday when I heard a bomb had exploded in downtown Nashville my first thought was, shocking, no, not really. Again I have no love loss for the area; however, I do not wish anyone to blow up the town the Tornados can take care of that, the Cumberland flooded a decade ago and it can do an equally great jo, in that Mother Nature, the Lord, in a way that the residents of the region accept as truths, versus those of science. And that Tennessee is number one in daily pos Covid cases fits that as they have never seen a number one list that they can refuse to mention. The Religious crackpot Plumber/Governor who has eschewed mask regulations continues to do so despite his own wife contracting Covid. The idiot former Beauty Queen Senator Blackburn continues to issue droplets of idiocy as we wind down the year and the end of Trump, so a bomb in the middle of its city where the driver of the largest portion of their economy is just another anal wart in a city reeling from the pandemic. Again, I have nothing good to say about anyone there, well maybe a few, but this is not something I understand in the least.

My first thought was Timothy McVeigh and then I realized it was in a commercial area off the main strip but still an essential street as all streets in Nashville that run along the city are one way, and 2nd is a street I know well. I patronized many of the businesses along that area, and few actual residents do, but Mike’s Ice Cream and Rocket Fizz Candy are mainstays. The Hooters seen in pictures is where I often disembarked my bus and walked up Commerce street to get a coffee on the way to the Y. I liked 2nd as it was in fact “less touristy” but that entire areas is well known as a high crime area and the problems faced my many workers and businesses was an issue that dominated discussions I had with them after witnessing a robbery in a liquor store one day, being the victim of endless petty crimes (as I lived on 4th Ave S) and being aware of the many sexual assaults that were the result of one too many cheap beers provided at the honky tonks just below the bombing area. The symphony hall, the more elegant hotels, and restaurants that align the area are untouched. So this particular location I find is less McVeigh and more Ceasar Sayoc, another misguided Trump idiot who decided to load a van with explosives that he was busy distributing to perceived enemies of Trump,, but was thankfully caught before he managed to do serious harm. And this bomber wanted to eliminate casualties, while still doing damage, with an announcement to vacate the area. So there was a point or message and then in my Nancy Drew way I found this: The Nashville Fire Department Fire Marshal was fired Tuesday for reasons including performance and insubordination, the department’s top officer said.

And while this is a coincidence I have found that many firefighters are often arsonists and while again this is not an accusation I do find it well “odd.” And again Nashville is hardly a liberal bastion despite belief otherwise, this is still MAGA country with most of the visitors very proud members of that cult and have no issue with a place that accepts if not values their beliefs – in God, Trump and Guns. Nowhere did I live embrace such hypocrisy and idiocy like Nashville and use religion as their mask to cover their true faces. And while I have little good to say I question what the purpose of catastrophic damage to things and people (including their homes, businesses and livelihoods) do to validate your hate. It is sort of like how we are in hysterics over children and distant learning, with numerous articles declaring that this was the Lost Generation. Sure a year ago we were in arms over childhood bullying, trying to adapt to teaching social emotional learning in curricula and worried about kids wandering in schools with guns to commit violence. Teen Violence was actually studied by WHO in between Covid studies. Remember those days, as in about 365 days ago?

Anger and rejection prompted many of the mass shootings and we have had some shooting reports of late, in two cities at malls, and one was what? A Teenager. These stories immediately hit the new, but as it is not the topic du jour, as it is not Covid, not a vaccine nor a weather problem, crickets. Again teen violence folks. Or how about Police Violence, we had a shooting by Police of a black man in Ohio just this week. Or this man also in Ohio just a week prior. That George Floyd thing is still a thing right?

The issue is about violence and the inability of lawmakers to ever fully resolve the issues over guns. So we take the streets to somehow resolve conflicts with a vigilante justice. Then when a family member is on drugs or has a mental health breakdown we seem to think that the same folks who shoot first ask no questions ever will be the one to resolve the issue. Areyoufuckingkiddingme?

So why Nashville and why announce the bomb if you wanted to do real damage. You clearly don’t but you want attention and man we are attention seeking nation. While I lived in Nashville I used to say to the people I knew, “Misery loves company and boy are you people miserable.” That type of grievance seeking and endless wallowing in self pity was a common trait and it is more infectious than Covid. The endless parade of having versus have not is very evident in Nashville, the city is literally ringed by public housing forcing those residents to look through the glass of how a city is being built without their inclusion. It is a city divided by money first then race and they use religion as some type of bridge to accommodate or allow the misconception that they are not racist. No they are however, classist and they care about one color, the one of money, green.

Again I go back to my many conversations with workers that are in the shops that align 2nd or nearby and how then in February of this year how they hated living there, they had moved with the belief they would find a good job, only to be paid barely a minimum wage, the cost of living out of reach and that the tourist trade, the bridezillas were horrible. They, as I felt, we were hostages, only I just paid my ransom to get out. The violence by the kids in Nashville was rage, the endless petty crime and vandalism also rage but this crime is not from them. This is from someone with access and availability to acquire the tools needed to build the mobile bomb and in turn construct it. This is not someone who is a poor fragmented isolated member of the poor community, but it is someone with rage. I saw a lot of that there and I too had a lot. I just left and not a day goes by I am grateful I was able to.

So now the kids and owners of already struggling businesses will have to add to the list recovering from tornado, covid and bomb to an already bursting at the seam one. And the carpetbaggers will arrive to I am sure take that burden and that list from their hands. That is what they do, they sweep it all under their carpets and later cut them up to make bags to carry the money away with. That is Nashville, a pipe bombers dream.

**ETA***Since I wrote and posted this it appears that in under 24 hours the case has been “sort of kind of solved”. Maybe in a Richard Jewell way or not but the suspect is a white. man 63 who is assumed the bomber which was a suicide mission or again not with issues over 5G. Gosh again, I knew it was not a social or political thing given the odd choice/location in front of an AT&T data center. The headquarter building a block away, designated the Batman building would have been the target for a bigger statement but this was not that. A few blocks north are all the federal and state buildings so again not political and the busy strip of Broadway just a few blocks behind and that is the money maker so no, not economics. It was, however, another example of how fucked up Nashville is. What I find interesting is how quick they found a suspect in the southern “burb” of Antioch, which is surrounded by poor families largely those of color. Again where a Church was located and shot up by a nutfuck and the home of the Waffle House where a lunatic shot and killed several patrons in a some attempt to prove his manhood over Taylor Swift. Two cases I forgot about despite the high profiles and the 23 hour manhunt that dominated the news over the Waffle House killer and the hero who stopped the shooting. Another individual whom has largely disappeared from the limelight after being center stage for the months that followed that incident. Nashville has so many “incidents” it is exhausting to keep up. Sadly the Governor Plumber will not get his wish to declare it a national emergency and have to forgo federal dollars to fix the small business decimated along 2nd Avenue. This is another hypocrisy by the red states, the eschewing of Government intervention and legislation but when it comes to money its hands out. A perpetual state of agita that I saw again and again there. Even the headlines in the paper discuss the PPP money given to the state, the disaster relief money and of course the next anticipated stimulus package and who and how much they will get. They get it alright. But if they don’t it doesn’t really matter as the checks and cash will flow as that may be prime real estate and Carpetbaggers never saw a disaster that they did not like. So wait for new shiny things to replace them and make Nashville “it” again. Well until the next incident.

So Much for That

The endless push, both as a metaphor and literally, regarding anti-bullying has done little to stave off actually bullying. There have been numerous suicides and of course mass shootings that pretty much tell you that whatever message is being sent out is clearly not working

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
• 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying

And last week in Charlottesville the schools were closed for two days due to threats of violence.  And they are not the only ones that have had said threats as it is a growing issue across the country. Just last year several schools in Detroit were closed    Last week one in Fairfield California, another in Pennsylvania, one in Connecticut.  They may all be fake but in today’s climate it is difficult to tell.

Then we have endless violence or threats of violence against Teachers and others within the schools which  has escalated to proportions where Teachers are afraid and it is an issue significant enough to be a part of the dialogue with regards to funding for education.  Here in Nashville it was part of a town hall that Channel 5 News held to discuss the problems in the district with regards to the soon to be ex Director of Schools here.

And this issue parallels directly with the growing youth violence that dominates the cycle of news here as most crime is committed by Juveniles often well under the age of 18. 

Now race is the dominant issue in Nashville, most of the Educators and Staff of late voicing their concerns are Black, the Students they serve and are often both the victims and perpetrators are Black or of color so while the race card is tossed there is something to be examined as to what factors in that – systemic historic racism, poor employment or low employment, inadequate child and health care and of course religion all play a significant part in the marginalizing and disproportionate issues facing families of color. Why I put religion in this is because here in Nashville the largest and loudest voices of the choir of concern literally are choir members.  Few here are not actively engaged in Churches who hold great sway over the city and its political mien.  Many are like pop up shops when a controversy unfolds and immediately demand restitution or attention only to fold up the tent and reconfigure when another comes along. I have quit counting the groups and looking up their origins and tax status as I know for certain none have them as they are astro turf groups funded by whoever has the real agenda on file.  This to me became apparent during the transit debate and many of the “beards” as I refer to them go back to their day jobs or briefly consider a run for public office only to lose and move on.  It is a cycle you have to actually see to believe.

Then we have the real problems that are violence against their own.  I often feel that is the real reason little is done as it sort of solves the problem of where to house, put and deal with those from the Black Community.  Case in point was the recent shooting at an East Nashville Bar where two attractive white kids were killed and yet another man who was of color was killed the day before and only of late have they decided to connect the murder.  The other a near fatal injury has yet been solved but again it took the Police 23 hours to find the Waffle House shooter and he was less than a 1.5 miles away from the point of origin. But then the victims were all faces of color, the shooter however was not.  But that whole crime could have been prevented had the Police followed up on the vehicle theft found in the killers apartment complex parking lot. Imagine had they questioned the neighbors and with the description of the young man in place as he took the vehicle from a BMW sales lot with the keys and yet simply retrieved the vehicle after failing also to arrest him during a high speed chase the day before.  Things that make you go hmmm.

So when I read the story about the young Fifth Grader who died from an by a classmate during the school day there were things in the story missing that again make me go hmm.  I am appalled that an altercation grew to that level but then again I have actually seen one first hand here in school that hair, scalp and blood were all a part of the process as a young girl pulled a young man from a desk by the hair and dragged him across the floor. That school had been the scene of escalating issues over the two days I was there and since that time has had a series of problems with a Teacher taking a gun to school and a Coach assaulting a student.  It had already been in the news for all the fights and yet this is what defines Nashville Public Schools – horrific.  Although today I am a school where they are celebrating diversity and it is one of the few schools I love from its history to its present day it truly represents that in every way.  We have had, however, Teachers be assaulted and in turn hospitalized when children in that age cohort have assaulted them, we have School Resource Officers leave schools due to the verbal abuse and we have had many situations of physical assault student on student that includes sexual abuse as well.  It is non stop here and it exhausts me and it is why I call the schools dumpsters and the student are just trash bags thrown in with no regard.  It embarrasses me to be a part of something so vile that no one knows how to fix it and to say that it is all about race and racism that led to the downfall of the Director clearly thinks that what he did and more importantly failed to do for the faces of color would be considered racist if he did not share the same face of color.  How it gives him a pass is beyond my understanding.  

And when I watched CBS News cover a story about a Principal in Newark trying to save his students from shame and offer an option you realize that yes one man can make a difference.  And there are many Administrators and Teachers who don’t share the same color of skin, the same religion, the same gender or culture that go the extra mile to devise programs and methods to bring dignity in the classroom.  To say one cannot learn from one who is not different than they is losing the point of diversity which I am seeing all over this school today.  I wish all days were like this here but who am I kidding.

Since I wrote this another story hit the news about a rape and assault with a broomstick in a high school locker room. Not the first nor last as I recall this from Bellevue, Washington schools a few years ago, from an elite private academy outside Nashville, and perhaps the most infamous, Steubenville Ohio.   This is a story not new in the least. That is what defines rape culture, hyper toxic masculinity.  So much for that and what MeToo was about before it was hijacked by celebrity. 

  

Brawling in Class

I think we all have stories about how something happened in school that ended in fisticuffs.  Well today it is a daily occurrence which add to that fear of a mass shooting, some type of escalation into gun violence or just a situation that gets out of hand and people are injured, arrests are made which has definitely put a new spin with regards to schools being safe spaces.  Irony which is not lost on me here in Nashville where a gun report happens every three days.

The Doctor yesterday is utterly oblivious to the current state of schools and during my rant I asked him what he knew about the school his daughter goes to, such as how many Subs are covering classes, did any Teachers leave already at this point into the year and what are the suspensions or discipline rates in school?  He knew none of it.  I asked him if he knew about the problems at a recent high school football match between two local schools that led them to be banned from play or the girls soccer fight last year between the two most “acclaimed” high schools that led to games forefitted?  How do I know?  I read the local paper and in turn follow some blogs that go out of their way to document the stats on schools. So much for giving a shit right?

I found it this year at a school I had not been to  in quite some time why the Teacher was fired for bringing a gun – threats by Parents.  Only next week the Coach to be terminated for striking a student.  The same school profiled by the news about escalating student violence which I had also experienced first hand the first time I was there leading a Sub across the hall from me to walk out.

Then we have had the same school I was at a week ago that shoved me into the windowless black room where once the ParPro aide left went into full tilt boogie weird and the subsequent denial that normally the school is good.  Yes tell that to the Football Players, the Drug Dealers or the Coach that was accused of abusing students there as well. 

This last week brought two more stories about Teachers being assaulted or assaulting kids. I was just relieved it was not here for a change.   First there was this story about a child assaulting an Admin but that was followed up by the Los Angeles Music Teacher who threw down some notes attached to fists when a kid verbally abused him.   There are numerous stories about Teachers being assaulted and abused by Students, one murdered and raped by a student when in after school tutoring.    Funny how we love talking about Teachers raping and molesting students but in reality the confusion and boundaries are often so blurred today with the emphasis on “loving” students and taking on some role that blurs lines when it comes to emotional attachments.  I know from personal experience here in Nashville I have never seen anything like this with students confused about boundary setting and the need to agitate and denigrate adults which does not excuse any of this but may lend to explain it.

And today a young man murdered his mother after getting a D on his report card.  And this is why I never failed kids as you never know what goes on in the home so here is another example of guilt by association. 

Parents are now disrupting everything from daily school lessons, sporting events and even graduation ceremonies. This takes helicopter parenting to a new level.  As they say the apple doesn’t fall from the tree.  I have said for a long time a child is a reflection of the adult holding the mirror or more importantly the one not. 

Teachers are not equipped to handle any of the deep seated problems that come from abuse, poverty and neglect which no test results will ever provide.  And then to arm them with guns has to be the dumbest fucking idea ever as this will too end up with more shootings and death.  Funny that while school halls are lined with signs about bullying the reality is that these same children bully any adult they encounter in an attempt to level the playing field in the same way gun shooters do only with less blood. 

This from The Educators Room

Let’s start with a definition:  bullying is the use of superior strength and influence in order to influence and/or intimidate others in order to reach the desired outcome.  We know this definition well in regards to students bullying other students:  the clever put-down, the thrown food, the nasty names, the snide remarks, social media bashing, and the like.  What many fail to realize, however, is that teachers are just as much a target as students to the physical and verbal abuse of their students.

Media outlets have reported in the past about teachers who have been bullied and the footage caught on cell phone camera.  I read one article in which a substitute teacher was verbally and physically harassed by students.  Verbal taunts were used and the teacher was repeatedly flicked in the face by students’ fingers.  When a report was filed, it was told that charges would not be pressed against the students and it would be handled within the school by the administrative team.  I read nothing regarding the consequences for those students. It makes me wonder, then, how many times incidences like this occur and go unreported because the teacher feels powerless and victimized to the point that they wonder if there is any purpose to even saying anything about the behavior within the classroom.

The reality is as  Substitute you have no power and the schools will not assist you in the least. It was why I walked out the time the racist card was tossed as I did not need what I now call The Starbucks moment.  

And as I have said the kids learn this from example.

A teacher from Augusta, Maine, was so traumatized by her principal and superintendent that she didn’t want her name or school mentioned, but wanted to share her story because she believes the pervasive problem of workplace bullying has gone on unchecked for too long.
“I am sufficiently frightened enough by my former employers to fear that maybe they could still hurt me,” she says. “I need to get a new job but won’t be able to do so if I am unable to receive even one recommendation from an administrator.  I know it and so do they.”

Carv Wilson, a geography teacher at Legacy Junior High in Layton, Utah. He’s been an educator for 18 years, and has seen teachers bullying each other to get their way, as well as aggressive parents who fly off the handle and threaten and intimidate their child’s educators. But he says the worst case of ongoing workplace bullying he witnessed was by a principal.

And again all from the same who are employed to Teach Tolerance. Irony much?

I cannot say enough and by enough I mean badly enough emphasis on bad on what I have seen these last three years in Nashville Schools.  This extends into the community with the Board having problems, race cards tossed there and the use of the bully pulpit emphasis on bully to demean and degrade other members over a disagreement on policy.  They are a class act here and again very demonstrative of the Nashville Way and by way I mean crazy.  

Luck of the Draw

I might allow this to be the last post on Teaching, Children and what is going on in public schools. I want to write a much more generic book on how I perceive Schools and Education and that schools are like Restaurants, and the reality of that comparison may explain why everyone seems to have an opinion about what defines one as good or not.  It is all personal and in turn people have a difficult time often seeing beyond their personal experience.  And guess what? That is fine for you and your precious cargo. What not snowflake,  Again Children are children and when you work with hundreds they are in your charge, your care that they make the ultimate destination to the end of their journey and be unloaded to become part of society in the same way stuff cargo is.  Now you wish I went with the precious snowflake metaphor aren’t you?

After reading the idiot article about why we need to coddle kids and for the record even coddle can have different meanings to different people so the point is that you can’t tell anyone how to parent.  You are on your own right Dr. Spock?  And no Teachers are not Parent, Psychiatrists, Social Workers, Human Shields nor are they horrific individuals that damage children, are super human nor master of their own domain, their own boss and have summers off.  Man how did one profession be the source of so many labels and myths? Oh I know why everyone has been with one, has gone to school for better for worse we all have had first hand knowledge of Teachers and in turn our own experiences with them.  Over the course of twelve years you will encounter many many Teachers and if you go on to College you will have four to eight more years of Educators so in that lifetime of Education that amasses to about one-fourth of one’s life where you are subjective vs objective (means that you are seeing it through your own truth’s and experiences) you are apparently an expert on Education.  Okay, then.

I have spent the largest chunk of my professional life in schools.  As a Student I attended public and private, secular and non secular schools and my longest stretch in private education was in Catholic schools, Grades 6-12, so seven years.  I can recall quite a lot about all twelve years and they were good, bad and fucking awful.   That is what being young is.  I am now 58 so I have ostensibly been out of school as a Student longer than I was in them and I have been and out of schools professionally for really less than 10 years as I took a 10 year break thanks to Marriage, having my own business and in turn doing other things that were not in a classroom.  But I have always been engaged and involved in the issues about schools as I think they are a reflection of the community at large.  And that much is true.  But then I moved to Nashville and it affected me in a way that even Oakland’s public schools did not.  True I did not manage I think more than two weeks subbing there but I attributed that to my Divorce and my own fragile mental health and desire to do the gig than anything regarding the schools and I will never comment on that other than what I just said.  I do however still follow the local news and think that was a good decision even though it was inadvertent.

I read another article today about a young woman who tracked down the bully in her life and found he was dead.  She too was as a child undergoing a serious family problem which affected how she responded, how her Mother failed to respond and in turn the circumstances that enabled the bully to relentless torment her.  Her recollections seemed to focus on just the one boy and it appears that it was only him and despite that she survived and thrived.   Like everyone her story is her own and some do and some don’t.  That is just the luck of the draw frankly and the reality that some make it and some don’t when it comes to the choices of Adults, either those in their lives or those they become.

Then I read this former Teacher’s blog entry on why she left the profession.  And yes I share her truths.  Again not all of us feel the same way or have the same experiences as Teachers. It can be age, it can be our training and education, the districts in which we work and those who are our Colleagues/Mentors/Superiors, our Gender or just  our own present lives and history than can affect how we enter any profession.  As I said to the acquaintance that is now a Student Teacher that he needs to find his core as a Teacher before throwing himself into the flame as many of the schools are just that, open flames that will burn you alive.  And he shared that a school that I will not set foot in offered him a job and in turn they told him the school is bad but he was welcome. Gosh what an offer!  Seriously would anyone of their right mind take a job like that?  What imperative other than needing a job would make one actually consider it when they are basically telling you that no this is not about you or your skills this is about we need a warm body.  I don’t think he had a clue.. he fits in here perfectly.  Utterly incurious intellectually and frankly that is the last skill I want as a Teacher but they don’t teach that way, its about tests.  And when a Hairdresser is telling me she is looking at testing data for a Kindergarten we gots some issues.

To stop bullying and other behaviors this is where the concept of SEL (social emotional learning) would be great and would be needed to be implemented in Kindergarten. It needs Parental buy in and active participation. And guess what? Well there are the “coddling” parent who may in fact refuse or be over engaged, the neglectful parent who won’t and everyone else in between.  People raise their children the way they raise them.  We have no business telling anyone how to but we can ask that they and their children respect our personal boundaries and space.  So that means actually restorative justice which we know is also a failure as adults have problems with conflict and dispute resolution.

But we are unable to handle even the most smallest of truths. From the blog I referenced above there are 100’s of comments and the writer responds to each but this stood out.

 I taught secondary English/Language Arts in Michigan for 19 years before I resigned. I was five years from retirement when I just could not take it anymore. My doctor told me the stress was killing me. You see I was a good teacher. Administrators admired my classroom management. Parents requested that their children be put in my classes. These are good things, right?

As you and other teachers know, teaching is a profession where you are penalized for being good at your job. You are given the toughest students because you can handle them. You are given the apathetic students because you can reach them. You are given 3, 4, or maybe 5 different types of classes to teach because you can handle all the extra preparation. You are assigned to endless committees and asked to mentor new teachers because you have such a wealth of experience. You ARE until you CAN’T anymore.

I had seen 5 teachers in my building suffer hear attacks, and that fate was awaiting me.
I also left because of the increase in threats and violence towards teachers (including myself). These attacks came from both students and parents.

My student teacher was stalked by a parent. A teacher in my building suffered a concussion when she was head-butted by a student. I had to confront a parent who had come on campus with her adult daughter to “talk to” a girl her other daughter had a dispute with.

The assistant principal was punched in the face. The last straw for me was when a six-two, 210 pound, 17 year-old in my freshman English class charged at me because I asked the class to turn in a homework assignment. I avoided his fist, but was told “off the record” that I should have let him hit me because then he could have been expelled. The suburban middle-class high school I loved had become an unsafe and hostile environment in which to work.

I missed the students terribly, so I started teaching part-time at the community college level. This means my income was cut to less than half of what I was making, and I have to pay for my own health benefits. But I’m alive and healthy and I still do what I love.

This man’s story is a story repeated across Schools across the country. Just some of them don’t end up with Students who come back to the building to settle those scores. 

So when I was recently “criticized for speaking truth”  I was unclear what that meant. I think it means stating my opinions in which you may not agree or even get but instead of stating yours or inquiring about mine, you choose to tell others or name call. Good plan.  How are we to become better communicators, better citizens or just be better members of a community if we cannot talk to one another? Well I guess we punch people out.

It is why I found my way writing.  Funny in most situations I have little problem communicating, making sense, having a voice or sounding stupid/ignorant/lacking comprehension etc.  Then I do when someone doesn’t like what I have to say or my truths/opinions.  Yes this is why we have online bullying, trolling and doxing to the point people are afraid and then what? More laws or guns or whatever it is in which to provide safe spaces, silent zones, trigger warnings in which to push our heads further down the rabbit hole.  Funny Alice emerged in tact and whole and she survived.

Here is a skill set that works – teaching people how to stand up, use their words, their voices to express their anger, their fear and their frustration.  Had that little girl who now uses said words to write such a great article had that skill at age 10, things might have turned out better and certainly different for her and maybe even her bully.  Or not. Some shit always happens. That is the luck of the draw.

I thought my bully deserved an awful life. But then he had one.
I never thought I could feel empathy for the boy who tormented me in childhood.

By Geraldine DeRuiter February 22

Geraldine DeRuiter is the voice behind Everywhereist.com and the author of the memoir “All Over the Place: Adventures in Travel, True Love, and Petty Theft.”

As a child, I was an easy mark for playground torments: smart, insufferably rule-abiding, decidedly unpretty. The tormenter I remember most distinctly was not my first bully, nor my last, but his attacks would turn the others into footnotes.

He was in my class for years; his mom was my softball coach, driving me to and from practice when my single mother could not. In class photos his face is round and almost cherubic, but I remember it contorted in anger as he spat insults at me, telling me to shut the hell up, flailing his hands against his chest and moaning — an approximation of what he said I sounded like. We were seated next to each other in class, year after year, and when I finally complained about this arrangement, one of my teachers said that maybe I’d be “a good influence on him.”

My proximity to his mother did nothing to protect me. Sitting in the back of her van after my team lost a softball game, he snapped: “It smells in here. Close your legs.” Reflexively, I did as he instructed. When his mother climbed into the driver’s seat a few moments later, oblivious to what had happened, he was still doubled over with laughter. I was 10.

When I returned home, tearful and broken down, I comforted myself with the idea that one day, I would be happy and successful and my bully would not. I internalized the bromide used to soothe all bullied children of my generation — the universe would mete out some sort of karmic justice. This idea is everywhere: Biff Tannen waxes George McFly’s car at the end of “Back to the Future,” having been beaten into submission (literally) years earlier. In “A Christmas Story,” Ralphie finally snaps after years of torment and attacks Farkus, who is left tearful and bleeding. Regina George — the Machiavellian queen bee in “Mean Girls” — eventually relinquishes her bullying crown, but only after she’s publicly shamed (twice) and flattened by a bus.

Now, as an adult, looking at the fate that befell my bully — a perverse fulfillment of a childhood prophesy, one that left him dead at 25 — I realize how problematic and how ingrained that thinking is. In the past few years, our culture has started to see bullying as a serious problem, one whose victims need help, support and protection. As for the bullies? They’re the bad guys. Why they bully doesn’t matter, only that they get what they deserve in the end. But this paradigm only further stigmatizes children who often need help in their own right.

The idea of cosmic retribution for bullying feels just. “It’s a natural impulse,” writes Emily Bazelon in her book “Sticks and Stones,” which looks at the culture of bullying and its consequences. According to a 2014 study that gathered data from more than 234,000 teenagers and children, victims of bullying are more than twice as likely to contemplate killing themselves than their non-bullied peers. That number goes up considerably for LGBTQ teens, who are five times more likely to commit suicide than their straight counterparts. Studies have shown that individuals who are bullied are more likely to experience low self-esteem and anxiety, more inclined to abuse alcohol and drugs, and more likely to suffer from a host of physical ailments such as headaches and sleep disturbances.

We seem well prepared to discuss the stakes of bullying. Dan Savage, the journalist and gay rights activist, launched the It Gets Better Project in 2010 after a rash of suicides by teenagers who were bullied because they were gay or because their peers thought they were. The Obama administration established a Bullying Prevention Task Force, and by 2015, all 50 states had passed some form of school anti-bullying legislation. Celebrities from Justin Timberlake to Tyra Banks have shared their stories about being victims.

But the idea that bullies themselves might be more than one-dimensional villains is harder to swallow, especially for those of us who’ve dealt with them. “Who doesn’t want to wring the neck of the thug who punches a weaker kid in the face, or the mean girl who starts a hateful gossip thread on Facebook?” writes Bazelon. The Internet is rife with stories of bullies getting their comeuppance, from viral videos of little kids fighting back to Reddit threads describing justice doled out against an antagonizer. “It’s an age-old story — the idea of bullies getting theirs,” says Meghan Leahy, a licensed school counselor and parenting coach. “It’s a very human part of us that likes revenge.”

In this respect, we’re embodying one of the key characteristics of bullies — we’re acting without empathy, says Leahy, who has written about changing the way she looks at bullies. Nobody wants to extend sympathy to a tormenter. The trouble is, school and neighborhood bullies aren’t adults. They’re kids, and many are grappling with their own problems. In 2008, the Institute of Education in London published a report that found that bullies had higher levels of anger, depression, emotional disaffection, paranoia and suicidal behavior. Other studies have found that as they grow up, bullies tend to have more trouble keeping jobs, have more problems with alcohol and drugs, and are more likely to have criminal records. A large number of bullies are also victims of bullying, meaning they face some of the same pathologies that they induce in others.

“These kids have been told that they’re worthless, that they’re stupid. They’re dealing with trauma, and they don’t have the social skills to process it. Punishing them just makes it worse,” says Julietta Skoog, a school psychologist with Seattle Public Schools and co-founder of Sproutable, a company that creates video-based parenting tools. “It’s never just ‘I feel like being a jerk.’ ”

I never could have imagined feeling empathy for the boy who made my life hell, or for any bully. During that period, my mother was dealing with her own abuse, at the hands of a man with whom she’d been romantically involved for several years. He fluctuated between charming and volatile. When on one of his violent tirades, he would yell, throw objects and furniture, punch holes in the walls of our home and tear doors off their hinges.

At the time, I’d never seen my mother’s boyfriend hit her, but my bully, who lived nearby, had witnessed it. He saw him pull my mother from her vehicle and throw her to the ground. The next day at school, he told everyone within earshot the story of how my mother “got her ass beat.” He laughed through his impersonation of her, lying on the ground whimpering. Until that moment, I’d believed my mother when she told me that her bruised face was a result of “walking into a door.”

Even though it was the final year that my bully and I would share a class — he was held back, I moved on to the sixth grade, I gave up softball for soccer, and my last ties to him were severed — I continued to hate him.

As the years passed, those promises of karmic justice, given to me in childhood, came true. I went to college on a full ride. I graduated with honors and became a professional writer. My mother eventually extricated herself from her abusive relationship. Determined not to follow in her footsteps, I sought out soft-spoken men who never yelled. I met and married someone wonderful. Everything turned out better than I could have dared hope.

I occasionally searched for my bully online, determined to see my story to its promised end, to relish all the ways my life was better than his. A 2013 study found that bullying victims tended to be more successful than their antagonizers in adulthood: They made more money, had more friends and were far less likely to be convicted of a crime (though they still fared worse than those who had never been bullied).

In 2010, after years of finding nothing, I learned from a friend that my bully had been murdered in his home not far from where we grew up. Consumed by the story, I pored over every news article on his death I could find. He had been dealing pot and was killed in a robbery gone wrong. One of the murderers had been his childhood friend.

I read that he had anticipated an attack. His friends said he was so terrified in the weeks leading up to his murder that he’d slept with a hammer under his pillow. I was haunted by what I imagined his final moments were like, by how scared he must have been. I cried for the boy who had made me so miserable.

Now I had to wonder: What kind of fate would I have considered sufficient retribution? Would I have been satisfied if he was merely unsuccessful or unhappy? What sentence are we comfortable bestowing upon a fifth-grader for his crimes? What’s the statute of limitations for revenge?

Bazelon calls this a dangerous side of our newfound focus on bullying: When we think we know who the bullies are, the drive to condemn and punish spins out of control. I wanted my childhood bully’s life to turn out rotten, but when it actually happened, it didn’t feel like justice had been served. It simply felt like I’d watched a building collapse in slow motion. The cracks in the foundation started long ago.

If right-thinking people want to care about bullying as a social problem, we need to see some nuance. Look at every bully and their victim, and you’ll often find two kids who need help, not just one.

“Bullies are often the kids that are hard to love,” says Skoog. “That’s where the hard work is.”

My bully ridiculed me for having a mother who was a victim of domestic violence. He was dead at 25. I think of his anger, his struggles in school, his unhinged rage, all at the tender age of 11. I look at the narrative we are so often told as children — that our lives will be wonderful and our bullies’ lives will not, and I see the error in thinking that a troubled child somehow deserves a terrible fate. “Ignore him, and he’ll go away,” adults told me. In the end, they were right.

Jive Talking

When I heard and saw the video of the Tennessee kid crying over bullying I literally laughed out loud. I am in the schools every day here.  We have 5 current Title IX suits ongoing over sexual assault and one is about a Teacher and Student (both were women), as well as many other issues including two Administrative staff who have left under a cloud and a real problem with violence in the community and in the schools.  So to that I go: “Really I should care about this?”

I have shed more tears than this kid ever has I just don’t do videos, pleas, social media or anything that would enable anyone to associate a name with a face while I live in this place I call Nash-vile. I see this town-city through the eyes of the children and they are blurred with a constant stream of tears.

I write/vent about the schools as I work on my book to explain what it is like working in Schools from Seattle to Nashville and what I compare to the food industry.  The parallels cannot be lost down to the Head Chef getting a little to handsy in the walk-in.  From the hierarchy to the logistics I cannot tell if I am at a fast food joint, a casual joint or if I am lucky a high end restaurant with the customers to match.  That is what schools are like and we who work in them are the service personnel down to the runners, the dishwashers, the Maitre’d and all those who keep their equivalent establishment open.
 And with that open door policy as all restaurants have the exclusion being no shirt no shoes no service we in public education are not that lucky, we have to take anyone.

So this kid whines on camera and his mother decides to load this plea online to do what exactly, shame the kids?   Does she not live in Tennessee? This is not a place that does shame. It is part martyr, part redneck as to feel and acknowledge shame would admit one is wrong, is capable of empathy and sympathy and as one in the public schools I have met few, very few children capable of said emotions that contribute those feelings.   This is poverty.

The irony is that they are also professed Christians, they are obsessed with religion and the endless mantra “give back” here along with “stay safe”  and “bless your heart” marks the contradictory nature and mixed messages that dominate any dialog here.  If you were that open and of faith you don’t need to constantly warn people, talk endlessly about charity when you have a state full of poverty and ignorance as clearly you are not giving back hard enough and we all know that blessing on my heart is the fuck you moment. 

When I saw the Mother denying her bullshit I called it.  They lie hear with aplomb and without rancor.  Again I call it lying while talking.  When you believe in Jesus you get a free pass apparently.  What was never said between explaining gun toting, confederate flag waving photos was why was the lad bullied. Was he helping an elderly lady across the street? Was he saying Grace at lunch? What brought on the incident to get the shit kicked out of him.  Well the golden rule is treat those as how you wish to be treated.  When they go low you go high and all that.  Or you make a video and a grab for cash. 

I call this bullshit but you can call Melania Trump as she is all about bullying and she should know.

How very 2017: the trial by media of 11-year-old Keaton Jones

Hannah Jane Parkinson
Guardian UK
Wednesday 13 December 2017

Patience used to be a virtue. Now it’s gold dust. Especially when it comes to mainstream media picking up social media intrigue. I refer you to the story of 11-year-old Keaton Jones, who went viral just a couple of days ago after his mother posted a video of him, crying, explaining how his classmates had bullied him and questioning the purpose of bullying in general. “Why do they find joy in taking innocent people and find a way to be mean to them?”

Keaton’s mother, Kimberly Jones, posted the video to her personal Facebook page where it gathered more than 22m views. As the video spread around Facebook and Twitter, many celebrities (Justin Bieber, Mark Ruffalo, Katy Perry, Snoop Dogg, Patricia Arquette, Chris Evans, Jennifer Lopez, LeBron James, Kendall Jenner among them) offered support to Keaton, either with words or messages, or Skype chats, or invitations to attend premieres and concerts and er, the Fox News set (because that is what every 11-year-boy dreams of).

Some accused these celebs of “using” Keaton to signal their own compassion, but I think that’s a cynical take. The video was genuinely affecting. Though after $55,000 was raised on a GoFundMe page that a stranger established, I wondered why people weren’t donating to, say, anti-bullying charities, or schools initiatives. Or Yemen. I didn’t really understand how a pack of cash would stop Keaton having milk poured down his shirt. But it made sense that the celeb support might deter his antagonists.

The problems started when photographs of Keaton’s mother were unearthed on Facebook in which she is smiling and holding the Confederate flag. (Keaton and his family are based in Tennessee). Another photo showed Keaton holding a stars-and-stripes flag and a friend holding the Confederate flag. There was also a post in which Kimberly Jones took aim at NFL player Colin Kaepernick and other athletes who have protested racial inequality by kneeling for the national anthem.

Kimberly has either since removed the video, or made it private, after abusive remarks were directed towards Keaton, and she was called a “money-grabbing racist” (there was speculation she had set up a separate crowdfunding page herself). Unverified reports also came that Keaton was actually bullied because he had repeatedly used racial epithets against classmates – a claim his sister denied. So it was that Keaton went from being bullied by his classmates to being bullied by most of the internet. On Tuesday, Kimberly appeared on CBS News to protest her innocence: “Yesterday he was a hero, today the world hates us”, she said, in tears to match her son’s.

There are so many issues to parse here it is difficult to know where to begin. There’s an argument that the initial video should have stayed in the realm of social media and not been picked up by mainstream outlets at all. But viral stories are often an easy win for traditional media struggling for attention online (the Keaton story was the most read on the Guardian’s website when it was published), and some internet culture stories are genuinely important to deep-dive into. And in this case, when the celebrities picked it up, it became a news item that warranted publication.
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The fact that the mother uploaded the video should have perhaps raised some flags. But more so, reporting that she had made racist comments on an Instagram account, which has since been proved fake, should have been checked. It was also reported that Keaton made an apology on behalf of his mother – except that Instagram account was fake too. At my last count, I could find 15 fake Instagram accounts. It is an obvious tell when the accounts consist of just five photographs, all in the public domain (hence why professional troll accounts go back weeks and months, and in the case of many online Russian actors, years), but these comments were picked up by news outlets (although not the Guardian).

The story of Keaton Jones has become the perfect microcosm of mainstream outlets publishing social media events. Heartwarming social post; picked up by news outlets; major exposure; crowdfunding page set up; social media digging of story subjects; backlash; much fakery; major exposure … and so it goes on. As one wag put it, the Keaton Jones saga is “the most 2017 thing to happen in 2017”.

I don’t know if Keaton’s mum filmed the video as a stunt to raise money or if she is racist (she argued that she posed next to the flag in an “ironic” moment, meant to be “funny”), but much of the “evidence” against her has been debunked. Keaton also shouldn’t be held responsible for his mother’s actions. I’ll agree that his sister posing with a 9mm pistol isn’t a particularly good look, and I don’t know whether Keaton used the N-word against his classmates, but it shouldn’t be reported without a journalist bothering to find out the truth of it.

When the principal of Keaton’s school was finally contacted, he said that the bullying incident had been dealt with and didn’t mention any epithets on his part.

Many of us, including news outlets, are becoming aware of fake news when it is of a political nature, but fewer checks and balances seem to be in place when it comes to viral feelgood stories (witness multiple heart-tugging stories on homeless people being debunked). Perhaps lighthearted posts that stay in the realm of social media are not worthy of such scrutiny, but when they are turned into news stories, checks should be made, as in the case of important posts on social media (terrorism attacks, political and public interest posts). It is important too, to note that online smearing has become a powerful tactic. It has been widely questioned this morning how so many people could vote for the alleged paedophile and now-defeated candidate Alabama candidate Roy Moore. But those people didn’t vote for an alleged paedophile – they believed the accusations against Moore to be nothing more than a smear campaign.

Prevention is better than cure. Due process is better than correction. Who wants to be making the same kind of “Dewey Defeats Truman” mistake in 2017? Or be responsible for the downfall of an 11-year-old boy? We should be careful that in the rush for web traffic, we don’t end up car-crash reporting.

The Next 100 Days

I am exhausted frankly after the first. Between the anxiety, the sleeplessness and the endless wine glasses I am not sure I can handle another 10 let alone 100.

To review the President’s bully pulpit would just only confirm to those he is getting the mostest things done ever in the history of the largest electoral college and inaugural crowds ever seen by a President who is not dead or Democrat ever.

The bizarre inability to speak coherent sentences, know history and actually comprehend something unless he experiences it is truly amazing and terrifying.  And yes even I don’t need to actually to be President to know it is a lot harder than most jobs.  Gosh who woulda thunk it?

I read and subscribe as in pay for The Washington Post and The New York Times (which still is delivered to my door daily), donate to  The Guardian UK and listen to BBC News, watch the American version and try to get to the national news daily.  I do watch and glance at the local news mostly to laugh at as there is where Journalism went to die.  I don’t watch the Nerd Prom nor have ever cared about it but usually the President the last 8 years and the varying hosts have been worth a perusal but again it is like all professions the need for attention, recognition and awards seem to be in some sort of compensation for failing to actually provide actual compensation.  The only exception is the Oscars but some of those nominees and winners go to the same places we do after the awards.  Remember the Pirate in the movie with Tom Hanks?  The French dude, the Italian dude and that chick?  Yeah see.

So you want to hold Journalism accountable and responsible? Well try reading and paying for it. And in turn as all customers can demand that the truth be told and all stories shared – good, bad or ugly.  We don’t need awards we need cash it is what makes the world go round. And the real bosses of America, Wall Street, get that better than anyone on Main Street.

Do they give the best Banker an award? I bet that is done secretly and the types must be fascinating.  The award for best amount of foreclosures, the best fake accounts to dead people (beats Voter fraud and way more lucrative).

Tech sort of does this as one can see a sort of rivalry between the white males to prove who has or is the biggest dick.  How about if the check clears you win and your company is now valued at 100 Billion dollars without ever selling, doing or building anything!! 

Awards are prizes you give to kids when they do something good or well. We have overdone that but the idea was to encourage and foster competition and supposedly cooperation. Well big F on that one as the rise of bullying is again a direct reflection of the larger society that schools mirror.  So when I read this story of bullying at a school it was at first a “so?”  Then you realize it was two Teachers who were responsible.

Now there are issues here that need to be addressed that are not in the article.  The Teachers are black women.  I am guessing that this is school with largely poorer students as identified by the numbers that qualify for free or reduced lunch and that the history as to how it began is missing.  Did the first Teacher actually start the bullying towards the student for no reason? Or was this some bizarre misguided attempt to toughen this kid up as that student was being bullied?  Or some combination of both.

I have seen and heard the most bizarre reprimands since relocating to Nashville.  Teachers who called kids retarded. an Administrator say to kids that they will probably never make it to High School given their behavior and watched as they yell, lecture and berate the kids all of which is pointless and falls upon deaf ears.  The restorative justice plan is just another bizarre band aid in which to reduce suspensions that affect students of color predominantly more than those white.  Well I hate to say this but there are few white kids in public schools so that in this case makes them the minority and that would explain the number disproportion.  Funny I was at an alternative school on Friday and the one white kid was stoned out of his gourd, utterly uncooperative and left the room to never return.  I was relieved as the two young black kids were working and we ended up talking for about 10 minutes on retail markups, commissions and payment percentages.    Poverty and anger crosses across color lines and I have said that at some point it is less about race and more about economics and I see it and experience crossing the social experiment that is called Education here in Nashville.

So what about these two women?  Well as I read the book Locking Up our Own – Crime and Punishment in Black America, by James Forman Jr., I have a better understand of the cultural norms that exist within the black community and that the role of class and religion have strong pulls on how they wish to be seen, to be protected and be served.  And in turn the role of the white community to work around that and then enable them to take over and in turn enable them to fail. By intent or by design or simply just because when left to one’s own we always go to the most basic and base level responses – the strong survive and dominate – versus finding ways to work together to resolve and repair broken communities.    I see it here with regards to how those in lower class level look to the other to see competition and threat and it explains Trump as he plays to those lowest base fears and beliefs.

As I said I read. I am informed. I make cognizant decisions based on what I interpret and believe.  My relocation here did do the one thing I knew it would – change my beliefs.  I was just surprised at how badly those beliefs would be shaken and not in a good way.   I can’t wait to leave as I turned all that inward for quite some time and then you can no longer and in turn you wonder what will emerge when you  finally open the floodgates.  I have a pretty good idea as that is why I left Seattle and I can’t leave here in the same state.  Tennessee and its burdens line the streets with every sign marker of history, the constant obsession with the past firmly places the South as unable to ever get past it. 

Blame white people, blame slavery, blame Democrats, Republicans, whoever.  You live in the now then actually live in and start changing the NOW to fix the next.  Trump could try that.  Oh who are we fucking kidding here.  Trump is like the South – incalcitrant, petulant, ignorant and angry.   The only thing missing is his love for Jesus but he has Pence for that one.  I can’t wait for the next 100 days as it pushes me closer to leaving.

“Go and kill yourself” a Louisiana Teacher told an 11 year old student.

By Kristine Phillips The Washington Post April 29 2017

 

For months, an 11-year-old girl was bullied.

Authorities say other students were forced to start a fight with her.

At one point, they say, she was told to “go and kill yourself.”

The person responsible, according to investigators, is the girl’s seventh-grade teacher, Ann Shelvin, who now faces criminal charges. Another school employee, Tracy Gallow, who replaced Shelvin after she was escorted off school grounds, faces charges for continuing the bullying, St. Landry Parish Sheriff Bobby J. Guildroz said.

The two are employees at Washington Elementary School in Opelousas, La., about 60 miles west of Baton Rouge.

Guildroz said the 11-year-old’s mother first came to his office in February to report the bullying, although it apparently had been going on since the fall. The mother was told to report the incident to the St. Landry Parish School Board.

More than a month later, the mother returned to the sheriff’s office because the bullying had continued. Guildroz said an investigation revealed that Shelvin had told the 11-year-old to kill herself and threatened to fail three of her students if they didn’t start a fight with the girl.

One of the students admitted to detectives that Shelvin forced her to take part in the fight and that she did so because she was scared she would be treated like her classmate and fail seventh grade. Several students were sent to the principal’s office because of the fight.

Earlier this week, the girl’s mother told investigators Shelvin has been bullying her daughter since October of last year, when the teacher threatened the 11-year-old that she’d fail her if she didn’t fight another student, Guildroz said. But instead of doing what Shelvin said, the girl, whom authorities did not name, reported her teacher to the principal.

Shelvin was then escorted out of the school. Gallow, a teacher’s aide who replaced her, was later seen on school video surveillance pushing the girl at the school gym, authorities said.

Shelvin, 44, was charged this week with two counts of encouraging or contributing to child delinquency, one count of malfeasance in office and two counts of intimidation and interference in the operation of schools. Gallow, 50, was charged with one count each of malfeasance in office, simply battery and intimidation and interference in school operation.

It’s unclear whether they have attorneys.

“Students should not have to attend school and be bullied especially by teachers that are there for their education, guidance and safety,” Guildroz said in a statement. “The parents did the right thing, they reported it to the school board, and continued to monitor and talk to their children. The bullying continued and they took the next step by contacting law enforcement again.”

Anthony Stanberry, member of the St. Landry Parish School Board, told local news outlet KLFY that school officials will not tolerate such incidents

Bully Bully

It appears that the new sex ed is now the bully curriculum.  I always knew that it was coming up when science teachers in middle school popped up on subfinder in droves.  Sex Ed or called FLASH here is the touchy, icky subject that gets taught once, in 6th grade and then never discussed again and only lightly in high school health classes with regards to STD’s.   By then it is too late.

The reality is that bully curriculum now being taught in the same middle schools is also too late. In fact it makes it worse.

The amount of sexting issues and sex “problems” have occurred all across the country.  From the problems in a Los Angeles school to the one in Colorado.  And in both cases criminal charges were not filed.  But was  this resolved?  And more importantly how.

This is not about the problems with rape and sexual assaults in high school as that is entirely a separate and equally disturbing problem but nonetheless connected to the issues of bullying, sexting and confusion about sexual identity and maturation.

On Friday I was at a middle school with a similar problem.  They were at the end of the “Kind Campaign” regarding bullying.  This appears to be linked to one of the many “acronymed”  groups formed by two girls who were victims and instead of growing thick skins and working towards moving on in life, they decided to continue on living in the sphere of pain and sharing that with others while driving across country with a meaningful intent of spreading kindness.   Sometimes the best of intent means just that intent and the rest of it needs to be let go.

After sitting through 2 hours of these lovely young girls documentary with a lunchroom of 7th grade girls I thought “if this can’t hold my attention at age 56 is this doing even close to that with these girls.”  And when the exchange of apology cards and pledges began to be passed around I could see which ones were the mean girls and which ones were the targets.  Now that was educational.  ***

**my apology was “Dear Principal X, sorry you are a total moron” Clearly I am no role model. 

The course divided the kids by ages/as in class enrollment, then by gender with boys going to certain rooms with male teachers, girls by class in differing locations and well any LGBT kids or SPED I have no idea.  It was awkward odd and frankly again a reflection of how we teach being awkward into adulthood.

Then after two hours of this with pledges and apologies (at least that is what the girls did I have no idea what the boys program was )  all  of the kids were apparently to return to their respective homerooms to “decompress.” The teacher had left for me this plan to do daisy chains, where each kid has to write 3 positive things on three pieces of paper and then we chain them together to link positivity.

On that note.. you have got to be kidding me!

The kids I knew instantly were already charged up and there were two boys  who frankly would not know kindness if it hit them over the head, which might explain that.  One boy was so angry and hostile and was wearing a “visitor” badge for someone unknown reason but that told me what I needed to know.  The other boy could not stop talking smack and was clearly in need of confrontation it was odd (and he recalled when I subbed there last year and went on an on about what I said at the time I was actually concerned that this kid was obsessed or just nuts as I cannot recall a year ago let alone last week so for a 12 year old boy to go on and on about it raised many a red flag).  As I had no “true” familiarity, history or real knowledge of the kids, the Kind Campaign, the problems that had happened earlier this year I elected to allow them to do nothing for that 30 minutes.  True it was a bad idea but I thought they would be responsible, read, talk or just do homework.  It was like watching a wild animal show. Their behavior, their inability to even show respect 5 minutes after having over 2 hours on the matter of kindness was irony on top of irony.

The respective class periods that went on for the rest of the day were not much better but they were at least only 30 minutes in length. The day could not end fast enough.  And the end of the day was the prep period and I had a TA who helped me tidy the room as I simply wrote that the day was a fiasco, that the kids were way too distracted after their respective assemblies. And when I read the article below it all made sense

The Teacher  had asked me to “grade” each class and left the instructions on how write up kids who were a problem and the process to follow to do so.   In other words just send it right to the office versus informing her of the problem, which is the absurd other custom of Teachers.  For the record I do neither. I try to resolve it without going the “in the file” route.    But when you see that on a plan I knew that there were problems in the class.  Throughout the day all I did was highlight the kids on the seating charts and it was 5 boys scattered throughout the day.  It was later that dat the TA then informed me who they were.  Two of  them (both in the 1st period where there were the largest problems and flagged me that the day was going to be hell) were the boys in the article above.   To say they are troubled would be an understatement.  And I knew none of that until the end of the day.

So I felt angry as the young lady shared with me the last few months of what ostensibly has been hell, the vulgar behavior, the aggressive threats and sexual language that dominates their cohort.  I asked if she had told her Teachers, her Parents or some one in Administration about all of this.  She responded affirmatively and then her next comment blew me out of the water:  “They are not being punished because X and Y are black and Mexican.”  I knew that I had nothing left to add as frankly at age 12 the sexual language and that thought alone told me I needed to leave and never come back.  I felt set up and utterly at risk without having knowledge or having any support or someone to ensure that given the day and the problems that alone along with a substitute told me that I needed to get the hell out of there and never come back.  

So I asked the young girl to please have this conversation with her Teacher on Monday. That while I would not repeat the actual dialog I was leaving a note for the Teacher to reach out and speak to this young lady and to really listen to what she had to say about that day.   And to that I asked her if she had another Teacher to report to to sit out the last 10 minutes of the day and then I walked her there leaned in and said can this young lady hang in here for the last 10 minutes?  He responded yes, did not ask me who I was or why I was asking and I frankly was grateful.  I walked back to the class put a post it note on the class notes asking her to speak to her TA about some serious issues and then I grabbed my coat and bag and walked out, leaving the keys and Teacher folder on the desk.   I did not speak to anyone nor check out, I did not care I just had to get out of that building before the students were released and I needed to walk the anger and rage off.  I realize that I did not know what I was angry about – the little girls story of sheer terror, the rage I felt at the boys who invoked that terror and my desire to strangle them (an entirely also equally distressing response) and my anger at the school and the Teacher for not informing me as to what I was walking into.

So I needed to understand why in the last few weeks I have sat through variations of this.  The most innocuous of them was a middle school that had a local theatre production do a lesson gossip, rumor mongering and being a bully.  That was divided by grades but for seating reasons and thankfully I was at the last of the group and we were released from school so there was no “decompression”  or post lesson on the subject.   So that I was grateful.

These lessons are useless. Before the theatre production I was to review the bullying curriculum and discuss the issue and show a Ted talk on the internet and cyberbullying.   Nope in fact they acted once again like utter idiots proving my point that kids don’t give a shit about this subject.   I have been through one where a member of the Seattle Police discussed the internet and cyber safety and of course laws on predators.

What none of them have done is actually show the laws about sexual harasament, pornography, and even threats and my favorite – the illegality of taping or filming someone without their consent.  These are a matter of laws.  And as we are moving towards new laws regarding cyberbullying even that needs to be shared and explained why our freedom of speech and privacy rights are being infringed upon due to this bullshit of harrassing, threatening, sexually intimidating and sharing of pornography.

In other words these programs are usless band aids that do nothing to stop this seeping wound.  If we have truant laws that arrest parents for this behavior then we need to start doing so with regards to this subject.  Parents need to be a part of this program as it is frankly useless and a waste of precious time when kids can barely write these harassing thoughts in a clear, cogent manner. At least if they are going to do it spell the words correctly and with some logic!

Time and money are two resources we cannot waste in public schools.  I am sure that is not being kind to the taxpayers, the children who are there to learn and to those who are not part of the problem and for which such programs are utterly futile regardless.

By Alexander Trowbridge CBS News October 10, 2013, 9:55 AM
Are anti-bullying efforts making it worse?

The month dedicated to the fight against bullying continues, as does the debate over what exactly is the best way to address the issue.

In recent years, parents, educators, researchers and politicians have stepped up the battle against a problem the National Education Association says has reached “epidemic levels.”

There have been numerous conferences on the issue, including a “Bully Free” summit the NEA hosted Wednesday in Washington.

The growing awareness has been coupled with a growing list of prevention programs at schools across the country, and a growing scrutiny of those programs’ effectiveness.

A study published last month in the Journal of Criminology suggested that anti-bullying programs could be having the opposite than intended effects. In an analysis of 7,000 students from 50 states, researchers from the University of Texas at Arlington found that students at schools with anti-bullying initiatives may be more likely to become a victim of bullying.

“This study raises an alarm,” the project’s lead researcher Seokjin Jeong told CBS Dallas in an interview published Tuesday.

“Usually people expect an anti-bullying program to have some impact — some positive impact.”

Those findings didn’t come as a surprise to Stuart Twemlow, an established voice in the field and co-author of Preventing Bullying and School Violence.

“The doctor’s research is completely supported by my experience,” said Twemlow, a visiting professor of health sciences at University College, London. “The exact way to make sure that your program is a failure is to target a specific group.”

Targeting bullies, is thus, according to Twemlow, a great way to fail at stopping bullying.

In a soon-to-be-published report titled “Rethinking effective bully and violence prevention efforts,” Twemlow and his co-authors argue that such targeted bully prevention programs “are, at best, marginally helpful.”

These programs fail, the paper argues, for several reasons, including the fact that many programs require resources schools can’t afford, that they don’t recognize the role of adults in bullying, and that they don’t address the school’s overall climate.

And, Twemlow and Jeong agree, they may actually give bullies ideas for how to bully more effectively.

“If you have a list that says do this, this and this in case of a bully, the thing you’ve got to remember is that bullies read them too,” Twemlow said.

“Bullies are just as intelligent as other people.”

The focus, Twemlow argues, should instead be on comprehensively reforming the school’s overall culture.

“Bullies are not the cause of the problem. They’re the result of the problem. The problem is in the climate of the school,” Twemlow said.

“And when you have a lot of bullies at a school, you have a problem with the leadership of the school. And that’s complicated.”

The larger bullying prevention field has appeared to shift away from targeting bullies, and bullying behavior, toward improving the overall school climate of the school, as Twemlow advocates.

The NEA condemns zero tolerance policies that target and punish select forms of misbehavior, like bullying. A recent post on the education group’s site is titled “Zero tolerance policies earn a big fat ‘F.'”

At the same time, the group embraces the concept of improving the quality of character of a school’s culture as a tool for preventing bullying.

“A school must do a lot more than put an anti-bullying poster on the front door in order to be bully-free,” Joann Sebastian Morris, an NEA senior policy analyst said in a statement.

“Research shows that an entire school’s climate must change — which means changing the norms, values and expectations in a school so that students and staff feel socially, emotionally, and physically safe.”

Experts, including Twemlow, warn that increased levels of awareness lead to increased reports of bullying, which can make it seem like the problem is on the rise, or that certain bullying prevention programs aren’t working, and that this should be taken into account when assessing studies like Jeong’s.

And what about anti-bullying month (or its longer title, Bullying Prevention Awareness Month)?

Twemlow suggests a name change.

“Pro-kindness month. But that would have as much sex-appeal as a dry bone.”

Anti Bullying?

Bully for you

Wooly Bully