Back to School

I actually believe that the school loan forgiveness plan is a great idea as most American education is garbage. Regardless of degrees I have never met a dumber group of individuals like those who profess to have gone to college. Many have finished their education and attained the most letters after their name they could possibly possess and I say good for them. Many have just two, some have not completed said degrees and are loaded, famous and highly respected talents in business. So what have we learned here? Americans love money, believe education is the said avenue to money and when all else fails money matters more and enables the one in possession of said bucks to believe they are the smartest in the room and many allow them to believe that. And again, what have we learned here?

I read endless articles about Teacher’s Shortages, Teachers quitting, quietly or otherwise, some terminated for reading the wrong book, saying something stupid on Social Media, or they can now be terminated via hotlines that can take anonymous complaints on Teachers who upset a student teaching, saying or doing something that made them feel “bad.” This will not end well.

I have written about my 30 years in and out of public education in numerous States, Districts and Schools. I taught in Seattle in both Shoreline and Seattle, In California in Berkeley and Oakland all for about a total of 3 months and just never went back they were both so bad; Nashville, Tennessee and now Jersey City. I have never subbed in a charter or private school and have no desire to but maybe I should for perspective. I hate every minute and as I look back I realized how bad it always was regardless of where I was. And that is MY opinion, based on my experience, my history which is again based on MY gender, age, intelligence, my own prejudices, biases and beliefs which WE all possess and can affect our perception. I should not have to validate, explain or excuse them as they are mine, my own truths and my own memories and feelings. Do I have positive affirmative ones? Yes, I do, many. But I rarely write about them as they are so real and alive and I feel that in the whole picture it matters to only one person – ME. Again this is about me and MY opinion, not you nor your experience. As for your opinion and beliefs and experiences they are yours. We may not agree, we may agree but I cannot say you are wrong or right, as they are YOURS not MINE. We simply have had a different life experience that does affect how we see things both in the past and in the present. Education is that hot button that we seem to have many opinions and all of them are right and all of them wrong when someone else challenges them. No, they are different than yours as they are not yours. That is what opinion is.

And that would be my first lesson if I went back to Teaching, understanding how to express an opinion, defend an opinion and enable others to have one different than yours and understand it, respect it, disagree with it or agree with it and lend to it your own thoughts, experience and in turn opinion. And you walk away both better for it. That class and lesson would be filed under FANTASY.

We have become a nation of Narcissists which explains Trump and the subsequent Trump Derangement Disorder that means anyone who either/or likes or hates Trump they go out of their way to run that subject into the ground. NOTE: either/or LIKE or HATE Trump. Funny how that works if you don’t read closely enough you might miss that part where I put a qualification an either/or there. I find that the ones who love him are equally vitriolic in their support of him toward those who don’t as those who do not love him are to those who do. Wow that they share a passion over Trump. Interesting.

I am not sure anyone reads anymore. I do see a book reader now and then as I walk in Manhattan and NJ and saw someone reading an excellent book, Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann. I read it in Nashville when it came out, an irony upon irony that their public library system was/is the BEST I have ever experienced, getting excellent new books immediately upon being published and having a robust system in which to check out and source books. New Jersey or at least here in Jersey City is the most appalling one I have experienced. Again, that is MY experience having lived in a few places and love libraries. Go figure. Again, if YOURS is different then I welcome that as a way of figuring out how to work it better so I buy fewer books. But needless to say I stopped and told the Gentleman how much I loved the book given the subject matter and asked him if he was enjoying it. He affirmed that and I went about my way. Had he said no, I would have asked and listened to his opinion and parted after simply agreeing with him in the exact way I had when he said he loved it. Why? Cause there is no point in getting into a argument over a book, it is not my life work here. And that is the same with most subjects. You may argue and debate with those whom you have invested time with, have a strong relationship or simply because every now and then it is okay to disagree. But today we must verbally and personally attack anyone who does not share our EXACT same belief, thought, opinion and express it in the same manner and fashion. Okay then, preach that diversity.

Of that we also mishear, misread, misinterpret someone, seize on a word or a comment and then run with it like a hot potato. That is another issue of significance that I see play out and over again particularly in social media, comment sections and boards. Yes reading is hard but it is fundamental. So when someone says I worked with men at my job who were incredibly misogynistic they are speaking about their work, their colleagues at that job, they are not speaking about you, your job or co-workers unless they say “Hey Joe you know at Dairy Queen we all worked at, all the dudes really hated women.” Well this may fall under present company excepted as this person is actually asking for your opinion and thought about this shared workplace and with that the name Joe infers (note infers) it is male to whom this individual is speaking. But then again what is the speakers gender?

This is the quandary when you are speaking to someone online and with that making assumptions and in turn accusations about them when you DO NOT KNOW THEM. Again they may say something very inflammatory and off putting and with that that is what moderators are for and you can flag their post or you can do another thing – block them, ignore them or mute them. I do find that many want to argue just to argue and in turn lead one down a garden path of wierdness. I felt that way in Nashville when I finally realized that many just shit stirred to see what your reaction was and use that to further their own agenda, beliefs or misconceptions about the “other.” The phrase, “I was just playing with you,” is one of the most disturbing thing I have ever heard and it makes me wonder why any adult would go out of their way to upset and anger another other than to do harm.

This is social media. Period. A Cesspool and it has enabled if not encouraged others to find ways to work people up and over into knots over anything either intrinsic or extrinsic and they are easy tags and flags in which to do so.

And this brings me to reality television which is the medium I believe that perfected if not encouraged this. We can go from the varying talent ones to the reality contests and faux documentary style ones that equally play into hands of stereotypes and archetypes when it comes to Gender, Age, Race and those issues that often center on cultural, religious or other significant differences, such as age or disabilities that often go unaddressed on these shows.

Two that I have begun to watch again, largely due to one of my Doorman who is a fanatic about them so I decided to tune in, is Big Brother and Survivor. I watched them when the premiered and a couple of seasons thereafter but tired on the premise as what it became was one individual after another trying to top the OG winner of those fist seasons, Dr. Will and Richard Hatch. So you get season after season another moron who professes to be a “super fan” and has studied the game and knows all the ins/out/angles of the ‘game’. And that makes complete sense since all the players are the same season after season. Well to a point yes as you see a “type” as the white alpha male, a religious crackpot, a Gay man or woman, a Black person and/or Mixed Race person, and they are often a former athlete or some type of strong physical presence, a “intellectual” and a sexy male and female counterpart. How far off the mark am I after not watching for years and just tuning back in the pandemic?

The issues of the pandemic was the secondary reason I tuned it as the producers had to alter the game structure and I knew this from The Amazing Race, the one reality show that has of and on followed format as stated above but the pandemic changed that dramatically as it happened mid filming. And with it may have changed the way the game goes forward but I will see in a few weeks if that held true. Survivor did two seasons without anyone knowing the changes and it made for an interesting season as the two must unlikely people won. Big Brother had a Celebrity version first and that was as expected a hot mess but it came on the heels of a revolutionary BB that had created the “Cookout” alliance based solely on race and in response to the endless kicking to the curb Black players for reasons that seemed about anything other than race.. yeah sure what.ever. It was. And with this as the format that would challenge the game I was curious and yes things did not change in the least it is still a piece of shit show, and Survivor will be back to its idiocy sooner not later as I struggled to finish the last season given the raging morons that dominated the show. I judge on intellect folks and there is so much lacking I am sure I would demand Jury Nullification if I was on either show.

Big Brother is currently on the air and for a moment it had an immensely diverse alliance of players that even I did not see coming. And with that few of them were actually game players, the smarter ones seemed to fail fast, as the case of Joseph the young Syrian Muslim. He simply believed that honesty to character mattered. No young man, that has zero elements in the social experiment that is Big Brother. The first evicted one, did so on her own request. She was a histrionic little girl who showed delusional behavior, high anxiety and behaviors that were distressing that had she stayed demonstrated I am sure some Racist components given her ire towards Taylor who personifies the “chocolate” description of Black Women I have become familiar of late. The other girls in her alliance were Brazillan, Black, Mixed race and White. But they all shared a similar dislike of Taylor based on this sole girls impression. A girl whom she met and knew for about what 24-48 hours? And this is the same in Survivor the Bachelor or other shows that have some component of social isolation and competitiveness for a financial reward be that money or a ring. I am not sure there is anything beyond the ultimate end as frankly does anyone care beyond that point? I can only think of two American Idol winners with careers beyond the show and they are again White Girls with one a religious kook. That must be what is the disability aspect of the contestants, being a person of “faith” as being a person with a physical one is not possible in this world. Survivor has had one Trans person and with that they were asked to leave due to some of the medications they were on and it put them at risk as well as others. Again when you are on any meds of any kind for anxiety or depression maybe going on these shows is not a good idea. The British version of Love Island have had several suicides of not just the contestants but a Host when they were excoriated in the press post series. There have been convicted felons and predators and with that one wonders how well they actually background check the players when they are in search of their “type.” And of course family members who are caught up in the lights of fame also cannot get a free pass as we have seen with a recent former Housewives daughter and a DUI. But many have problems with the law be it during filming or after, but she was hardly the first. There is some reality for you

So when I watch these shows I see people outright lie from moment one and I wonder what they are like in real life that someone enables or permits them from moment one to lie, scheme, plot and judge people they just met all to win some money all while being on camera and having a confessional where they have this moment to admit their truth and that somehow absolves them of being a nut fuck the remaining 23 hours of the day. It has to be exhausting and somehow character crushing. I get the short term lie of purpose at the moment and with that I saw Turner do that on BB when he knew Joseph was being evicted, he built fake trust and the morons he did it with will not question it as they have a shared brain and the collective IQ 75, borderline retarded.

Not that inside the house is much better, a mastermind who is an Attorney in real life making him predisposed to lying so why he did not tell his fellow players is amusing as just the work alone he will generate from many reality contestants will earn him more than the game ever would. And he is openly Gay and yet lies about his work? Really?

I get that it is game and that at one point you will have to manipulate, lie or cheat to push forward to attain the ultimate goal of winning but is is possible to do so without the collateral damage one leaves in a wake of doing so? I mean having sex on a pool floatie? I am sure Covid cleaning could not rid that house of the stains and odors that permeate that house on a given day; I would demand a blue light and a hazmat team to enter the property before I ever set foot in the building. But again you are being filmed, you are being watched and more importantly commented endlessly on social media which has a never a kind word for many.

Sorry but no it is impossible to build alliances on character or intellect or game play when you do not know someone and that takes time. It is based on the most extrinsic of factors and that is race, gender and overall looks. These shows perpetuate stereotypes they do not break them. I am so over them. If I wanted to be in grade school I would have stayed and taught there. Trust me Teachers are often worse than the students when it comes to whining and tattling. Abbot Elementary is not far off the mark. The idea that I want to play games as an adult in a social experiment where I am shown only at my worst, not my best. Not sleeping or eating properly and constantly under observation I would question my own mental health and self evict. That the one thing that girl did right. When I was a child I did childish things, when I became an Adult I put those childish things away. That is what these show are child’s play. Time to go back to school and learn something, how to treat others as you wish you were treated.

Give No Fucks

I decided to have that made into business cards and simply pass them out anytime I have an encounter that crosses the line into aggression. I am exhausted trying to please, pretend, ignore or avoid the endless stupidity, rudeness and lack of tolerance by others. This was always a part of society but the pandemic put the accelerator on full when it comes to the issue of public versus private. We can assume that when we are in public settings there are protocols and expectations but those are often not mutually agreed upon, have differences between cultures and can be hard to maintain when again you are not all in agreement about said behaviors and expectations. A good example is walking down the street, it used to be said to walk to the right and watch at corners for crossing lights, traffic etc. The birth of the magical 3×5 card has made that a complete non-existent rule and is why now I see on corners literally pasted on lights, notes on how to cross. Are you fucking kidding me? This is taught in grade school, reinforced by parents and well over time etched into one’s brain. Now I frequently cross against lights but that look both ways guide plays into that and that I boogie regardless, I do not leisurely cross a street, ever.

But today we also have a narc or cancel culture that has crossed the line to obsessiveness. Watching or caring about others behaviors seem to some to be a full time job and I wonder how you are “living in the moment” when you are monitoring everyone else’s behavior. This is why even before the pandemic I rarely subbed in Elementary Schools, the need to tattle to be the hall monitor among the little people is deeply annoying. I know that in fact is a way of reinforcing and cementing what they have learned about expectations and rules but to an Adult who is not in the business of teaching those it is annoying. I was telling the Barista at the coffee shop about how I see children, like annoying co-workers whom I have to tolerate on a daily basis. They just happen to change out like the great resignation where you barely know them and then they quit but a new crew of equally annoying ones are just outside waiting to come in. Kids are annoying and germ carrying and despite all the bullshit about schools being safe, they are not in so many ways when it comes to transmitting disease. Funny how now schools are the lifeblood of the community when a few years ago they were responsible for ignoring bullying and of course violence that became school shootings. Have not heard one single word about that last one? No cause then it cancels the message that schools are safe. Are they? The perpetual conundrum, it is like living in the South where they say one thing, promptly ignore that and do an completely different thing. No it is not hypocrisy to them, it is a way of life. I never got used to it and never will. If anything I am a straight shooter, no pun intended.

Then we have the new Covid protocols and rules which seem to change on a daily basis, thanks to the ineffectual messaging of the CDC. The one thing certain regardless of the Administration in charge, this is one agency determined to remain utterly useless. And yet I hear so many citations and quotes you would think it is Moses come down from the Mount every time Fauci speaks. I have been quite clear in my distaste and distrust of this man since the days of AIDS and he has done little to change my mind. But to white people he seems to be their deity. There are others, you just have to turn off the TV and read some.

So far I have not been wrong yet about Covid. Again this comes from being in schools, teaching seventh-grade science enough you learn a thing or two. Virus have different R Factors and different times of airborne lifespan. In the early days the CDC was certain it was only droplets that led to the spread and that they could travel six feet. I went to a production of Assassins (an oddly prescient musical by Stephen Sondheim that addresses gun violence and the need to be infamous over preserving Democracy…hmmm) and there I could literally see the spit, droplets coming from the mouths of the cast. They flew about a foot. Try spitting let me know. But right there in a small theater for over one hour and half that would have been a close call for superspreader event for all the cast and those sitting in the front row. Again liquid turns into gas that becomes what? Airborne. But the issue is how long does it survive in air? And finally a study was made, it breaks up in about 5 minutes. There is something to know! I was row two and I recalled the Teacher who transmitted Covid, maskless to her students all in the front row during story time. And then the virus (via the now newly infected students) moved literally down row by row. And that again is easy, that happened over the course of the day, through the biggest event of children in a school day – lunch. A table of four children in a cafeteria, one student is pos, the other three will follow. And with this new variant that is a given. 1:4. Old covid 1:3.5 and kids shed faster thanks to smaller nasal passages. And then they go home and share away. One mother in the Washington Post told the story of her son and how he brought home a special treat from school. The entire family of 4 had covid and he was the only one not vaccinated but he like his family were lucky. Note that schools are safe. Sure they are… not.

But regardless of where I sit now in theater I wear a KN95 mask which has a 2.5 hour staying time for infection contraction if NO ONE is wearing masks and the theater require those so I assume they are all garbage and go from there. That is all I need to know and the type of mask and the length of time in presence of an infected person is 15 mins for no mask up to 25 hours in KN95. So if you are running to the store and you are masked even in cloth and the room is varied in type or lack of mask, you have 30 minutes to complete your task. Again type and time matter. That has never changed. In the beginning I went everywhere in a cloth mask with a 30 minute clock to finish the job. And I kept moving. I have changed that now with the theater but the mask has changed. I wear KN95 in schools and I keep windows open as that ventilation issue has not changed either. And now in the gym with others I avoid it but windows if possible or a K95 but frankly working out at three am is fine by me. That has NOT CHANGED.

I am fortunate I don’t live with anyone and my largest risk is where – in the schools. Mask wearing inconsistent, vaccines inconsistent, ventilation inconsistent and the number of bodies roving in and out, constant. And with that being in the public settings. I don’t congregate and find a bar or restaurant where it is me and few others. and yes they exist. I had a Champagne at the Wolfgang Puck’s the other day and it was me and a man seated on the far other end of the bar. That is the way I like it. How long was I there? Less than 30 minutes that much I am certain.

As for New York handling the Covid surge? As they always did, oblivious. Now the spread is rising in the wealthier areas as they believed that rule that they made up that they were impervious to the disease and the vaccine protected them. Sure, whatever. The Cognitive Dissonance exhibited by many New Yorkers, largely the wealthy and white is astounding. They have a sense of entitlement that belies a privilege that enables them to live in one of the world’s expensive cities and regardless of their own net worth they exude an arrogance that Southerner’s would be proud to call their own. They are just missing that level of ignorance that the South has cornered. You cannot live in a major urban city and be that bereft of some intellect but New Yorker’s are not exempt from that at all. That is why the city is often attributed to being the rudest. And yet Southern Hospitality is not all that either but few have lived in both and with that I have this thing called perspective and with that I call it as I see it. So the cards on are on the way and it will save time in trying to have a conversation that leaves me lacking. I recall that from my days in Nashville and I have no desire to repeat them here. For what it is worth I am glad to be living here versus anywhere else.

My Own Personal Idaho

This last year effective now 416 days ago, changed me, I believe, for the better as it made me more honest- to myself. I have spent the better part of 61 years yielding, compromising, capitulating, cajoling, and subjugating myself to employers, to a spouse, to lovers, to co-workers, to students, to strangers, to friends, business/service providers, and customers. This last year finally has led me to the conclusion to stop, just stop. And with this comes the issue of vaccinations. I cannot idly sit by and ignore the idiocy, fear, or sheer recalcitrance to pursue a vaccine protocol that one feels comfortable with. That personal inventory was not an easy one to do and it is ongoing but it is coming to the point where I am actually comfortable expressing my unwillingness to compromise and following through with it. This is for me, much like Atheism, which for years I veiled in the term, Agnostic, or the phrase: Spiritual, not religious. I embrace that belief with a true understanding of who I am but with tolerance, if not acceptance of those who do not share my view. The same goes with a political party, to a point. I can understand many Republicans who have conservative views and certainly respect that they have vested their time in that it defines them. And with that I can walk away without argument as that serves no purpose. I am certainly not a Democrat who embraces the Joe Manchin’s but adore Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders who seemingly have in their own way clearly influenced Joe Biden, who I have since come to adore. See you can change your feelings about people if you choose to. Everything in life is a choice to some point and one should take advantage of this as that is critical element of free will – choice.

When it comes to certain aspects of living you have to defer that to the laws and standards accepted by the community. We have had laws that forbade mixed marriage, Gay marriage and did not allow Black individuals or Women the Right to Vote. And with that came change and slowly some accepted it, others simply chose not and have that right, but to actively take away someone’s rights from voting to health decisions seems based again on fear. Rights are not a pie, you don’t lose your piece because someone else has a piece also. We have done a poor job explaining that to many be that in school, church or in any other source one receives their world view and knowledge. And we are seeing that among the ill-educated, the poor, and those whom have elected to join a tribe that feels otherwise are threats to all of us regardless. Do you really need to be Black or a Woman to imagine not being able to Vote or that those who protested, were killed, abused, forced fed, and arrested did so for the good of others, not just themselves? So on that note why is it so hard to realize that vaccinations are for the good of all and also for you?

We have vaccines for decades that have brought many serious illnesses to their knees and we have had many lives spared as a result. We have made lab rats out of Scientists children and we have fucked up and done it to people without their consent. But if I hear one more Tuskegee bullshit reference than I will ask them to explain the Henrietta Lacks story too as to why you don’t get treatment for cancer either.

This is from the CDC:

Studies have revealed similar findings on the disproportionate burden of COVID-19 deaths among some racial and ethnic minority groups. A study of selected states and cities with data on COVID-19 deaths by race and ethnicity showed that 34% of deaths were among non-Hispanic Black people, though this group accounts for only 12% of the total U.S. population.

In Chicago, residents in highly segregated neighborhoods with higher social vulnerability, such as higher levels of poverty and lower levels of education, income, and employment, are disproportionately exposed to social and health risks. This intersection of factors was found to be associated with high death rates from COVID-19.  Similarly, in a nationwide analysis, counties with higher population percentages of non-Hispanic Black people experienced higher COVID-19 confirmed case and death rates than counties with higher population percentages of non-Hispanic White people. 

Together, the evidence from the provisional death data from NCHS and recent studies clearly illustrate the disproportionate burden of COVID-19 deaths among racial and ethnic minority groups, particularly Hispanic or Latino, non-Hispanic Black, and non-Hispanic American Indian or Alaska Native people. To prevent deaths from COVID-19, we need to work together to address inequities in the social determinants of health that increase the risk of death from COVID-19 for racial and ethnic minority groups.

The breakdown is again disproportionately by age with over 60 taking the hardest hit and that seems to be due to residency in larger group homes that have little to no regulation or supervision with regards to care and quality of care. Then we have families with larger multi-age groups that thrive in the communities of color, which in normal times is actually a good thing, but in a virus that travels and thrives in congested settings (meatpacking plants, warehouses), and with families who are also poor, living without adequate medical care and tight quarters, these are the petri dishes for a virus to thrive. Again as one over 60 with the resources to live alone, it saved my fucking life. And I took care of myself and did so alone. I did my own grocery shopping, went on public transport, and walked a lot outdoors sans mask. I knew how viruses transmit and I was sure once I had been exposed outdoors by the Covid denier with a good distance between us I got how this thing bred. I figured out the numbers by looking at other viruses and reading as much as I could as to how long it lasted, I have never once believed it lives in the body 14 days but I do get that it could; however, I have yet to read confirmation of it. I do think and many studies show it is within 72 hours of exposure you begin to show symptoms BUT and this is the big BUT you may not and in that equivalent window, you may transmit to as many as three others. Again read about virus transmission regarding Whooping Cough, Flu, and Measles to understand this. But in the early days, it was everything we touched, everywhere and anywhere the virus lurked and the paranoia and fear with the daily admonishments from varying Governors that seemed even more confused as their health directors were hearing from one modeling over another on what to do and none of it right. So in other words we were fucked and afraid. Then we went nuts, some went deeper into the fear factor and in turn, embraced conspiracy theories and nutty ideas and others just were afraid. Some went out and pursued their lives without recourse and some contracted Covid and some did not. Chris Christie was right, Covid is random from whom it affects to how it affects them. And that is why the lockdowns, curfews, and limits came to be as a method to at least stave off the mass hospitalizations that overwhelmed SOME NOT ALL hospitals. But the media failed to mention that and for those who worked in some, they turned a blind eye to protocols and behaviors needed to send a message to a community that needed a sound voice and a reasoned one. Even the medical field failed us. This is not surprising given how fucked up our Medical Industrial Complex is and why again we have many who are going all Nancy Reagan on us and JUST SAYING NO.

And with that, I am asking those in my frame of reference, the Doormen, the Barista’s, the Bartenders, and others whom I do come into close contact with if they are getting vaccinated. If they answer NO, I say, “Well I am sorry that you feel that way, I cannot stress enough that I am pro vaxx and with that, I will have to take my business elsewhere as I cannot risk myself or watch others be placed at risk with the knowledge you may do harm.”

I want to point out that these “essential frontline workers” were duly applauded for taking risks and taking hazard pay or arguing for better pay which everyone agreed. They were going out every day doing shit labor for largely white people staying trapped in their hamster cages. We all agreed that these same people should be first in line for vaccines and again rewarded for their efforts for largely keeping us up and running. Today with vaccine aplenty there are few to no reasons, now 416 days in to say no to vaccinations. I have done my best to accommodate and appreciate you and now you refuse. Remember when businesses would close as a worker had tested POS and they had to deep clean, an absurd act of Covid theater that did nothing to prevent or stop transmission. The money would have been better spent on enhancing ventilation and air circulation and paying for PPE masks that were safer for workers to wear on the job. So the workers who now refuse to come back to work for fear of return to the offices they left are afraid of what or who? Well if not Covid, perhaps a mass shooter? If you are not vaccinated then we know who and yet we don’t know why? Again racial lines seem to dominate and of course, politics but with appropriate access to information by reliable and trusted sources does work as this anti-vaxx crowd can attest. And we can continue to put restrictions in place demanding more Covid testing daily as a requisite to work or attend a facility in lieu of a vaccine card. But this bullshit must stop, the pandering and pearl-clutching must as well.

I would love to move out of my building into a no doorman one for many reasons, but frankly again that puts me in the hands of others whom I have neither knowledge nor control over. From the Verizon men to the movers and others who assist in such transition I cannot ask them and then stop the process as that serves no purpose. So I am waiting it out for at least a year to see where we go from now. As for our Doormen the two that are not vaxxers; however, they do wear masks and I can keep that contact to a minimum if I CHOOSE to. I CHOOSE TO. They are well aware of my opinion and I cannot offend them inadvertently or with intent at this point so we are done with the niceties and the friendly banter. But again this is a Kushner building so it explains that much as anyone who handles food, works in an “essential” service business, and doesn’t get vaccinated is ironic as they were the ones on the front lines while we all hid in our homes. They should have been the first to be vaccinated and outreached with the medical care providers. Funny I read today that Police are a strong anti-vaxx cohort and to that I say, well that should solve some of the Police Violence or in fact make it worse as they always say there were AFRAID when they shot, tasered, beat, or chokehold the individual, so now they can add they tried to Covid me! Because again it is the Black and Hispanic community least likely to vaccinate, so this only fuels more racial tropes. This will not end well regardless.

My decision to not compromise will likely not change my life much, I have no friends nor co-workers, no companions, and no prospects for them at this point. If I go back to work as a Substitute Teacher I learned early on that the less said the better and so I have nothing to worry about there. That was the one good thing I got out of Nashville the ability to not give a shit and now with Covid, with BLM protests and the Insurrection, it seems that this is a good plan in which to continue. Today I stopped by a bar I used to go to inquire if the Bartender is vaccinating or planning to and he said, no. A woman who goes there informed me that it was his decision to make and I agree it is also my decision to choose where I go and with whom and that the last year with all the pandemic I heard the phrase BE SAFE so now that the opportunity has arisen to do just that I am making sure I am just that SAFE. It is why as a Teacher I expected families to vaccinate their children to not put me at risk nor others in the school and why I did what I could to be healthy and safe during the pandemic and hereafter for the benefit of not just myself and others. So to suddenly change my behavior would do what for whom? Not me clearly as I don’t understand it and as I need to find common ground, this is the largest ground we cover and we don’t agree so I don’t see compromise as even remotely possible. This serves no one. We don’t have to agree on a lot of things but on health and safety, there is no way to disagree. She was another idiot that having a conversation with was 100% compromise on my part, she knew little about Covid, the ability to transmit it (believing children did not contract it), was getting her second Moderna after talking to a Doctor but felt it was okay that others did not. And as I said, well there is a big world out there, and Covid, Trump, and Politics are not the only subjects on the table, there are books and movies and tv shows. With that, she said, “I haven’t seen a movie in ages.” And that is when I responded, “See you just told me we have nothing then further to discuss so I will take my leave.” I will never set foot in there again and it is not a loss. No business that wants my business will allow staff to be not vaccinated and serve the public. We were to accommodate them and go out of our way to be safe, but now they get a pass. To that, I say what I said the one Barista who called me negative – FUCK OFF.

Clearly they don’t need my money nor my business. That is My Own Private Idaho, what is yours?

Trump’s Legacy

All Presidents have a legacy of one type or another that marks if not defines their Presidency. For FDR it was the Depression, WWII and the New Deal. For a man in a wheelchair, he was a busy man. For the record, his entrance and engagement in WWII was quite late into the game and only after the Japanese invaded Pearl Harbor which placed the role of the US into the war in both Europe and Japan, which for the record extended into the Truman Presidency and his decision to bomb Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I would say for Eisenhower it was the Korean War conflict and his decision to expand the National Highway System while overlooking and avoiding the nasty Communist hysteria in Congress that led to two people’s death and numerous people being blacklisted and careers destroyed. As we roll into the Kennedy years of course Bay of Pigs is about all we got as his assassination ended any hope and promise of that brief time in office. His VP, LBJ, was of course embroiled in Vietnam which again he did not start that conflict but is most associated with it, neglecting that his glorious domestic achievement of the programs of the Great Society are why we are where we are with the GOP and their endless attacks on Black and Poor people in America. Nixon – Watergate, Ford – Nixon’s pardon, then came Carter and the gas crisis and his role in deregulation is often overlooked and that is when the Airlines began to run nuts; Reagan – Racist, AIDs, Trickle Down Economics, Star Wars, The Challenger blowing up, Iran Contra, Berlin Wall, and Nancy; (Wow that fuckwit was a nightmare) Poppy Bush – hated Broccoli; Clinton – well that fucker did a lot and little of it actually good; Son Bush – 9/11, Afghanistan and Iraq; Obama – the ACA and the Tea Party. And then came Trump whose legacy will be defined by Covid, two Impeachments as well as an Insurrection that attempted to end Democracy.

But the legacy of Trump is ongoing with the enthralled reality of the current GOP serving up tea and biscuits in that faux way Southerners define hospitality or as I call it, putting the passive in the aggressive. They are a hateful bunch and again the Civil War is not the tipping point it was and always will be the programs of the Great Society and the move to ensure equality for Black Americans socially and economically. And here we are with the Q’anon nuts, the White Supremacists, and the fringe Alt-Right who are just basic Racists but who have no allegiance to any group. I am not sure where the run of the mill perverts and deplorable who sexually traffic girls, run amok with crazy conspiracy theories that they actually don’t believe but pretend to so they can save face or save a fairly shitty career fit into this as they seem to just be opportunists looking for a quick buck. We have some long game Cons as illustrated by the George and Kellyanne Conway family, and we have power-mad fuckers who are pursuing a religious agenda, like Bill Barr the Catholic version of an Evangelical like Mike Pence who was ironically Catholic. The Big Tent of Trump held a big audience that much is sure and the Circus is still traveling the country. In the Trump world it’s always SHOWTIME!

So as I wrote about in Meet the Morons the never-ending saga of idiots who are refusing vaccines, I say: Go to India you assholes! This group seems to be largely Evangelical and White Trash, then we have a large portion of Black and Latin folks who are afraid thanks to the never-ending Racist screed of Trump. I do think that there are fewer Latin folks than the media allows as simply put they are more afraid of legal status revelations that injections and that if they had a Spanish-speaking figurehead who was active in that community it would be quickly resolved. As all the Latin workers in my building are all vaxxed up. As for the Black individuals well folks I have one thing to say to you: Thanks for committing self-genocide and living or in fact dying to fulfill the Proud Boys, etc dream of death. It was as if Atom-Waffen can just step in for Russians when they did the same during the election of 2016. It is way easier to be a keyboard warrior than an actual one, so they are I am certain of it spreading misinformation to ensure that the fear and ignorance factor is on high alert. This is their fantasy – extermination of those faces of color without ever lifting a finger. Almost everyone I have met who are Asian, White, and/or Educated have had a shot by now and are living large while the rest of the communities that existed as “essential workers” are pretending that they are immune, smarter, and can be better at quarantining than anyone else. Sure whatever.

Trump and family have been vaccinated yet in Kushner’s business it is not a requirement to get a vaccine and there you go they are front line in the apartments be that as Concierge’s or other day laborers who keep the buildings running. I am sure Management is well vaccinated and yet wasn’t Kushner on the task force? Oh yeah that was hilarity right there. I need to move folks.

So once again the New York Times cover story is about who? The Evangelical White morons who are once again proving that where Trump goes they go, unless that means to a pharmacy or hospital to get a vaccine. The South leads in under vaccination with the areas and regions who voted for Trump not planning to vaccinate anytime soon. Shocking, no, not really.

Public polls by Gallup, the Kaiser Family Foundation, the Pew Research Center, Louisiana State University and NPR/PBS Newshour/Marist all show the highest levels of vaccine hesitancy come from self-identified Republicans or Trump supporters. A survey in Tennessee on behalf of the state health department found 69% of white, rural conservatives said they won’t be vaccinated. Most refuse to reconsider.

While these polls are mere predictions of behavior, the analysis of real-world data confirms the forecasts have come to pass. In the 25 counties in Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi and Tennessee where Trump won by the largest margins, vaccine rates are 42% below the national average.

But Trump has been far less enthusiastic about promoting the vaccines themselves. He rarely encouraged Americans to be vaccinated while in office and did not publicly promote his own vaccination as all other U.S. presidents have done. 

Bernice Hausman, a professor and expert on medical controversies at Penn State University, said it was clear Trump was “playing both sides” by touting vaccines as a political accomplishment without distancing himself from his anti-vaccine supporters.  

“He himself was vaccinated secretly in the White House in January,” Hausman said. “He understands that his supporters might not have seen him getting vaccinated as a positive thing.”

Three weeks later, Trump finally acknowledged the hesitancy among his supporters. On March 16, during an impromptu call to Fox News Primetime, he briefly advocated for vaccinations when specifically asked if he recommended them.

“I would recommend it, and I would recommend it to a lot of people that don’t want to get it. And a lot of those people voted for me, frankly,” Trump said. “But, you know, again, we have our freedoms, and we have to live by that, and I agree to that also.”

Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi and Tennessee have rolled out the coronavirus vaccine slower than any other U.S. state by just about any measurement.

For much of this year, these four neighboring states reported the lowest rates of residents receiving at least one dose of the vaccine of all U.S. states and some of the lowest rates of fully vaccinated residents. These four states were the undisputed slowest as recently as last week, although two other deep red states — Idaho and Wyoming — narrowly slipped behind Tennessee this week, according to vaccine trackers published by Bloomberg News and The New York Times. 

While these slow rollouts invite criticism that state leaders could or should do more to make vaccines easily available, the USA TODAY Network analysis suggests availability is not the biggest hurdle in these states. Public officials simply can’t make Americans get a vaccine they don’t want.

Vaccines are generally easier to acquire in cities and suburbs that offer more appointment options with less travel. But in the four states spotlighted in this story, politics correlate more closely to vaccination rates than population density. And in three of these states — Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi — race also matters more than population density, data shows.  However that trend in the “Black Belt”or predominantly Black counties — nearly all of which are very rural — account for seven of the 10 highest vaccination rates in Alabama; A similar pattern exists in Mississippi to a lesser degree.

The lowest vaccination rate in these four states — about one fourth the national average — comes from Louisiana’s Cameron Parish, a sparsely populated stretch of swampy coastline where hesitancy and availability are likely both major factors. The parish is home to about 7,000 residents who are 93% white. Trump carried the parish with 91% of the vote.

A different pattern emerges in East Tennessee, a deeply conservative region where Trump won every single county in 2020.

Trump won by smaller margins in metropolitan areas like Knoxville and Chattanooga, where vaccination rates are higher, and won easily in rural counties where rates are lowest. These rural counties are for more likely to be poorer, unhealthier and have higher levels of societal vulnerability, according to data collected from the U.S. Census Bureau, the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

But the article notes also:

If Southern states hope to convince rural conservatives to embrace vaccines soon, they may need to borrow a page from Black communities where similar efforts have proven effective.

Many experts predicted vaccine hesitancy would be rampant among Black Americans due to a deep-seated distrust of the American government largely justified by decades of systemic racism and a dark history of mistreatment by scientific researchers. That said, there is still a long road ahead as we have right now a push the media with many Black Celebrities; however, as for the White Trash set, they don’t have a Spike Lee.

While rural white counties may not have faced the same levels of entrenched racism as Black communities, they are victims of longstanding poverty and public health neglect, which breeds doubt in both government and health care, said Alexandre White, a sociologist and public health historian at Johns Hopkins University. 

Many far-flung rural communities have for decades produced the raw materials that fuel this country but seen little prosperity in return. The resulting distrust is a significant obstacle that mass vaccination efforts historically struggle to overcome, White said. 

The two factors in the reasoning is both access and availability and like food deserts we have communities simply under served and with that they are already marginalized and disenfranchised so the fuck you is high. The young man who works my front desk is perhaps the single biggest example of someone with little to no education, no real mentors or support network so each passing excuse is another reason in which he feels he has control of a life where there is so little of it.

As for the folks in the New York Times article well they are a different lot. They are skeptics largely due to Religion and with that argument firmly in place that leads one to not only battle a lack of education but a firm belief in bullshit. That is a different animal all together.

Communities like Greeneville and its surroundings — rural, overwhelmingly Republican, deeply Christian, 95 percent white — are on the radar of President Biden and American health officials, as efforts to vaccinate most of the U.S. population enters a critical phase. These are the places where polls show resistance to the vaccine is most entrenched. While campaigns aimed at convincing Black and Latino urban communities to set aside their vaccine mistrust have made striking gains, towns like these will also have to be convinced if the country is to achieve widespread immunity.

Again, these are people who don’t believe in science unless of course they have a serious disease then it is all hands on deck but that is not science it is of course a combo of prayer and medicine that they are sure it is the former versus the latter that works. And again the issue of control and self-determination which is where the similarity lies between the two desk Clerks here are struggling with, an irony that they share with those they perceive as “idiots.”

But a week here in Greene County reveals a more nuanced, layered hesitancy than surveys suggest. People say that politics isn’t the leading driver of their vaccine attitudes. The most common reason for their apprehension is fear — that the vaccine was developed in haste, that long-term side effects are unknown. Their decisions are also entangled in a web of views about bodily autonomy, science and authority, plus a powerful regional, somewhat romanticized self-image: We don’t like outsiders messing in our business

And like the communities of color, poverty, lack of work, lack of education and access to proper information affects how one perceives any challenges.

Greene County is carpeted with hundreds of evangelical churches that range from steepled 19th-century edifices to backroads barns. People scrape by on subsistence farming, jobs in small factories, welfare checks and cash flow from retirees who are moving onto the cheap, vista-blissful land. Drug busts for heroin and methamphetamine sustain a humming cottage industry of lawyers and bail bonds services.

Covid smacked the region hard this winter. Eleven people in Jim and Rita Fletcher’s extended circle died from it.

But no, the Fletchers, lifelong Greenevillians, will not get the vaccine.

What’s the point, they ask? The government still wants you to wear a mask indoors. “I just don’t see any benefits,” said Mrs. Fletcher, as the couple waited to see their family doctor.

Neither the science nor statistics of the new vaccine daunt them. Now retired and in their 70s, Mr. Fletcher was a telecom engineer, Mrs. Fletcher, a secretary and accounting clerk.

But the Fletchers, Free Will Baptists, worry the vaccine includes aborted fetal parts (it doesn’t). They don’t trust the government, convinced it has long manipulated Covid case numbers.

“I just think we have been hornswoggled,” Mr. Fletcher said.

Be one Black or White when it comes to the power of misinformation via the Bible or the Interwebs the reality is that when you are low on the totem pole of economic well being you are hornswoggled alright.

But this last remark really hit home as the young Black Barista I knew also refuses vaccines and is very new age and lacks any real mentors or influences, relies on the interwebs but shares these white religious conservatives view to the letter.

The view of this is bolstered by a religious, near-joyous fatalism. People say that if they haven’t caught Covid a year into the pandemic, they will take their chances. True, they might get Covid and die. But either way, a win-win: longer life on Earth or, for the faithful, eternal life in Heaven.

“There’s a time appointed for every person to die,” said Reuben Smucker, a Mennonite pastor in Greeneville who works as a garage-door installer. “We should take care of our bodies physically, emotionally and spiritually, but if it’s my time to go and it’s by Covid, well then, it’s my time to go.”

Yes it may be your time I said to my former friend, but if you pass it onto another and they contract and die from it was it their time too? And that is when I walked out with the remark to go fuck yourself. We can say they are residents in rural areas but these assholes do have to drive into cities and they do leave their homes and with that put us all at risk. So they can too fuck themselves. Nobody got time for that shit!

Carrying a Weapon

Today I am going to interject my personal rage with an issue that I have repeatedly flogged in this blog – gun control. When you carry a weapon with you and you feel it is personal protection and with that perceive that every interaction carries a risk to your safety, you are actually affecting my safety or anyone who is around you at that time. Why? As perception often tops reality. What you believe, what you think and more importantly what you see are often colored by bias and misconceptions. Say you see a couple fighting, their voices are raised and they are gesticulating, the tone and appearance of the exchange seems to be escalating into a potential for physical conflict. That may be true, but then it ends and they depart with that you are left to presume it was simply minor or that they have decided to simply end it. What may result is that they are going to carry it forward and later it becomes a situation that now ends in a manner that is what you thought/believed at the time – violent. It could end also with tears, apologies and growth. What happens behind closed doors, happens behind closed doors. You don’t know someone until you know them so projection, bias, and of course one’s own beliefs have little to say what is true in anyone else’s situation.

Another is talking gibberish. In a coffee shop I used to go it has a sign that says: YOU ARE ON STOLEN LAND. The two owners are both Immigrants, opened a small business are faces of color and Gay. And one is Chinese and was an early Coivd patient so they of all people know more about the subject than most. They are the perfect trifecta of being marginalized. So, while I appreciate the message as that is great and all, but what do you want me to do about it? I am native born American, a child of Immigrants, have been a Teacher for years, and am from the Pacific Northwest and personally lived near a Reservation and met many of the residents who lived there and saw the conditions in which they lived. Was living in Seattle that day a Native Carver was shot in the street by a Seattle Police Officer who thought his carving knife posed a danger to him. So tell me what I was to do?

The young clerk who served George Floyd that fateful day the fake $20 has asked himself what he could have done to stop the Officer from killing Mr. Floyd that day. The EMT asked the same question and undoubtedly that is the million-dollar question when we see an act of violence occurring in front of us, what do we do. An Asian woman was brutally assaulted in the streets of Manhattan and the doorman of the building where it occurred was standing there with fellow workers and he shut the door or did he? And how about the woman who stabbed a man on the subway for asking for a seat. That makes the A Train have a whole new meaning, but many attacks on platforms and in subways have often found the Good Samaritan becomes the victim. So now we have the new mini Candid Camera where people stand around and film the incident, from an attempted rape to George Floyd’s murder, a new kind of snuff film where people download it millions of times to watch a man get murdered. Really? What the fuck is wrong with you, a picture speaks a thousand words and I only needed one shot, metaphorically to see that. But we seem to love that new kind of street warrior who films every incident and later can use this to cancel culture that moment captured in time. Good for you, does it fix the underlying problem or is that sign that reminds me we are on stolen land, what do you want me to do about it. They also have in the window another sign: The Challenge is to Love Radically. Whatever.the.fuck.that.means. As of yesterday, I am no longer their customer as frankly the messaging is stupid but it was what happened with a “friend” that ended that.

And that brings me to another weapon – Covid. My Mother used to say, “Sticks and Stones can break your bones but names can never hurt you.” Well Mom was right and wrong at the same time. I am fine being called names, women are we just are. I have spent most of my life apologizing, capitulating and excusing all my thoughts, words and deeds. I have never been good enough, smart enough or whatever enough when someone has decided I am wrong. How many times have you as a woman heard someone say before they fire, break up or penalize you say, “I was told you said this….” How many have you been Gaslighted as you try to recount the exchange only to be told your memory is wrong? Welcome to being a woman. I have been canceled more times than I can count so it taught me early on to not be dependent upon others for income, for support and for anything else. It is a lonely life. There is always a Hoover File available to me to ensure my safety when I am working as that way I have something on someone else if need be. The best defense is a better one. Not a way to live and after living in Nashville the bookend to Seattle when it comes to passive aggressive bullshit that relies on that same nonsense that you are never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough to be enough you either turn to drugs or religion which may explain both cities problems there, in which to cope.

Landing in Jersey City the diversity and the proximity to Manhattan was the allure and appeal. Even now I love it here despite the never ending boredom that has dominated my first year here, well that pandemic thing. It’s still a thing right? But the options for doing anything left me limited and the local coffee shop and wine store was pretty much it for places to go and talk to anyone but the building staff and with that I got to know many of the clerks and despite that we are very different in many ways you work around those to see yourselves as comrade in arms. When I walked Manhattan and JC during many of my daily marches to calm the soul as allowed by essential exercise, I did actually speak to many others or as I did call us in those time the “Hardy Fools.” We were well aware of the dangers and we were simply cautious. I rode PATH trains, Subways, Light Rail and took cabs but I had a rule to move, get out or simply keep it short in any enclosed situation as that is the marker of Covid’s transmission – time and distance. As the clock winds down to my second shot I have been more open to meeting new people and doing more things. I have changed my time to shop in stores, I have gone to Museums and to retail outlets to simply just be out. And on Tuesday I will attend a play, Blindness, with all the precautions in place and the ability to leave if I simply don’t feel safe. I am about 50-75% covered at that point but I am no idiot to risk my second shot. No thanks. But I am pro-vaccine and it is not politics it is about public health and safety and of course sharing wellness with my fellow Human beings is the hallmark of personal responsibility. If in my orbit I am caring for myself you will reap those benefits as if I would not do it to myself why would I do it to you?

And with that I wanted to end the anger, the rage, the endless anxiety I lived in when living in Nashville. My sign, is “I JUST WANT TO LIVE AS MYSELF.” And then yesterday came, where I screamed so loud it was reminiscent of my divorce. And all over one of the Barista’s who work there, a young man I have tried to befriend and treat with dignity and courtesy given what I learned of his family situation and history, I challenge anyone to not. And despite my best warnings that this was beyond my scope and scale and at one point I was exhausted as there was no real connection or value to what was ostensibly a very one-sided exchange, I wanted to do the right thing and at least try to make an effort in some attempt to model dignity and respect. And I got that back in the way I knew I would, by not doing so in the least. In Jersey City if you work here and are in a public service capacity job, regardless of living here, you qualify for a J&J shot. I immediately contacted a friend who does not live but does work here and he signed up and was vaxxed immediately. Others did the same but the one person who should is not and will not. Brian is Black, he lives with his Schizophrenic Brother and his Mother lives upstairs. They all work in heavy public contact jobs and are at greater risk. I watched yesterday people on walkers, in wheelchairs be taken to the Public School site to get vaxxed, and this is from a community heavily hit by the virus. And the efforts to get into the communities of color have been Herculean to get this vaxx into arms. And yes I am aware of the history of this very subject but that was then this is now and frankly I have this issue, get whatever the fuck you can when you are not of the Patriarchy as this is your reparations, your equal pay and status. So if you qualify for anything from Medicaid, Food Stamps, Housing Vouchers, GET THEM. It is your right. And this vaccine this bitch is right in line and I did what I had to do and I shared and tried to help if not at least encourage anyone I thought needed it. Trust me I get the fear but on this get over it and move past it, as you want fear go into a hospital and be put on a ventilator, that is fear.

When Brian informed me that he was going to wait, I asked how long and he informed me a year or so. In other words never. I could not believe the level of arrogance I was exposed to and then I remembered Nashville and realized that arrogance is a cover for ignorance and fear what is what we also saw on display January 6th by the lunatics that stormed the Capital and who are going out of their way to discourage vaccine use and spread more misinformation and bullshit that only further lends to their cause to exterminate any face of color in America. So if a Proud Boy said today that wine was the best thing in the world to drink I would throw out every bottle I owned and never touch the shit again. That is how serious I take these fuckers and their goal to destroy our country. And during the course of the conversation where I tried to reconcile his doubts and fears and asked him about his new job and boss who he would be driving in cars and be in a confined space for hours as well as his goal to perform and to see shows, he said his Boss agrees with him and is LatinX and that he would simply mask up and get tested to do anything he needs done. I said well you better get N95 masks as the tests prove that regardless of masks it takes one and one exposure over a period of hours that transcends mask coverage, just ask the number of health care workers who contracted the disease or read the study of gyms, planes and other rooms where air circulation is an issue shows that masks only do so much. And with that he seemed to accept that while that may be true it doesn’t apply to him and he will not be vaccinating. Then he launched into what was the most bizarre and idiotic explanation I have ever heard, “It will be my time if Covid takes me and I can do nothing about it” Let’s end on that statement for a minute. My time? Does an Apple watch show that time?

So I asked that if he contracted Covid, was asymptomatic, had not yet been tested or it could be false negative, and then transmitted it to another person and they ended up sick/dead it was then their time? And with that he said that he would not do that and I asked and you know that for certain and you would put me and your co-workers at risk and you don’t care? And again he said that if we are all vaccinated it would not matter he wasn’t. I see, so you not being vaccinated has no greater impact on the wellness of society. And again the statement well “If it is my time.” WHAT THE FUCK? Then he said I was being incredibly “negative” of which then I was waiting for the follow-up “you’re harshing my mellow” it was that idiotic. So my anger was not just about that he was refusing something so vital but that he was calling me negative, why not Racist I mean isn’t that what you want to say. I am sure that race is a factor but anyone who actually cares about you as a human being would be angry, worried and upset if they didn’t they would shrug and walk out and go, “good at least my shot won’t be taken.” And with that I informed him he had crossed the line from the name calling, to the idiocy about putting me at risk and others with such ignorance and fear that put him in line with the White Supremacists that I cannot believe anyone would be willing to do that over a vaccine that could save his life and others. And then with that I said, “FUCK YOU, we are done.” And I walked out.

These vaccines are not 100% perfection but in my lifetime we have stopped Polio, Smallpox, we had ceased Measles (and those anti vaxxers fucked that) and we have found finally a preventative treatment for AIDS and yet this kid refuses to pursue a simple shot as if he gets a disease and dies it is “his time” So before I parted I asked him, “Was it George Floyd’s time? Michael Brown’s time? The 8 people in Atlanta’s time? The 10 in Boulder’s time? Emmet Till’s time?” So when they left their homes that day their time was up? I have never been more angry and more horrified at the same time. I get child abuse leaves a trauma that cannot be ever made up nor ever fully healed and that his scars and fears come from that neglect and abuse but at some point you have to work on being your own person and open your mind to that there is a family you find and make of your own. I have watched him create and find shadows this past year where none existed, I see him shit stir as if to make some drama to watch that is not about him and heard of his Brother’s struggle with mental health, his other Brother who also has massive issues and a Mother who seems to be truly disengaged with her three sons and their overall wellness in pursuit of her own agenda that truly fits into the archetypes and stereotypes that white privilege has enabled as a way to maintain the power structure. And with that there is little more I can so, say or even want to to resolve this issue. When you can walk into a room and carry an instrument of death, be that a virus or a gun, there is little I want to compromise on. I am done.

The Power of No

Much is made of the belief in the power of yes with this idea from some bullshit Ted talk that gave us such other memes as Grit or other Malcolm Gladwell nonsense.  And the idea that somehow we can reconcile our very existence in some superfluous pseudo intellectual babble dished out in twenty minute increments means that we should be in much better shape than we currently are.

What I find interesting is how most millennials are the least curious individuals I have ever met. They have no sense of self, they have a place of arrogance with the least amount of depth of intelligence that can be found on a magical 3×5 card which they use to gauge knowledge from the media that is all things social.   The pursuit of knowledge is an afterthought to be gained from leeching it off of others, then promptly ignoring it or demeaning it while simultaneously contradicting it.   Case in point:  Ask a Millennial about their average day.  What do they do all day?  When do they do it?  How often?  And what is their passion, interests and/or hobbies.   You will get gibberish in response or what I call the dopey pony look.   It is surreal to realize how stupid they really are and then you realize this is why we have Trump as President.

I look at the last six months and my desperate need to somehow reconcile my time here in Nashville befriending a boy whom I thought was likely Gay only to find out he was a Fundamentalist Christian disguised as a hipster.  Well at least he wasn’t a White Supremacist so there is that.  But from him his other friends, largely a crew of girls I have labeled the Pussy Posse who alternatively chased him and he them in an attempt to validate his manhood while also violating his Biblical oath of virginity until marriage.  I have never met a more motley crew of girls all equally young dumb and cum dumpsters in every sense of the word.  If there is one common quality that these Southern religious freaks possess is an obsession with sex.

Again yesterday in my conversations with one of the rejected posse I realized how sad, tragic, grim and pathetic she is.   Clearly abused in some sense that she has no women friends, that boyfriends ran the gamut from abusers to her most recent a functional illiterate it does not show strong sense of self worth.  No wonder she thought Ethan was intelligent as at least he can read, true its the Bible but he does read.   At some point, however, pity turns to distaste as you simply cannot believe that someone made it to adulthood being that stupid and self involved.   Again this is the South so perhaps that alone explains it.

And today her colleague who goes to a local Christian school who also appears to have issues regarding sexual identity asked me for a reading list.  How about you ask one of your Professors?  Why I would spend any time putting together a reading list for a college student is beyond my grasp.  I have been asked by this same cohort now numerous times about varying activities and goings on that I attend in Nashville, most of them free and most of them every other day, from going to Yoga to how to go to the Library and yet NONE of them every follow through as they have to check Instagram to make sure its cool and on the list which appears to be eating Tacos at Maz Taco and going to one of two dive bars in Nashville, Mickey’s or Dino’s and then home to pass out in a smell of cheap beer and Mexican food.  Gosh this is a big day then!

I have had enough and the power of no is in my vocabulary from this point on until I leave.  I am exhausted being de facto parent, mentor, guide for these Sychophant’s any longer.  I realize I am bored, longing for work, friendship and some sense of community but even this is pushing the goodwill boundaries.    I own my own evil here and now I am done.  I have to come back to Nashville to finish my dental work and I may or may not look up any of them but keeping my distance and my time is mine to throw away or keep and that is a valuable asset. 

Ask yourself do you know these people and the concept of reciprocity and respect are short to come along with thank you’s that mark acknowledgement of your efforts and kindness?  This is the land of Hospitality with emphasis on the SPIT part of the word.   There is a layer of constant moral superiority that comes from their religious bullshit and the other from a false sense of superiority that everyone who is everyone wants to come to Nashville.  Sure what.the.fuck.ever.  For the record the big population boon is largely from the Midwest and the five corners of states that have massive unemployment and drug addiction.  So in other words a highly educated and intelligent lot.  Or maybe not.

Finding boundaries, lines in the sand and the power of saying no is all a part of establishing one’s sense of self and worth and I found mine taking a hit of late and now it is time to say goodbye to it all and move forward to a better place and life.   For it truly is what YOU make of it.

An Addendum

Normally this means an item of additional material, typically omissions, added at the end of a book or other publication and at times I think it means a daily blog post. 

I started writing about Construction and Green Building 10 years ago and since that time I have transitioned into writing about Criminal Justice and Medical care largely due to my own experiences with both those industrial complexes.  I have written about Education due to my own involvement with that industrial complex as education is now a business more than it ever was.  What was once a part of the public sphere, free, accessible and owned and managed by the Government the free market’s single involvement was via private education and those were largely non-secular and not for profit.   Education like criminal justice and medical care have all evolved into for profit businesses with much of it outsourced, unregulated and at high costs.  Some are obvious and up front and some are more subtle and show up later in secondary affects to the bigger picture or in this case the taxpayer but they all are very connected.

How so?  The school to prison pipeline, the lack of medical care and particularly mental health and addiction issues that lead to higher crime which of course is connected to higher public health costs, legal costs and back to the biggest mental health provider – Jail.

The supposed tool of meritocracy to prevent much of this and in turn flag and tag those who need special accommodations are schools, that for decades have been underfunded and poorly resourced with the idea of providing not equal but definitely not separate education. Again that too has failed as schools are as segregated and as crappy as they were before Brown and there is no imperative nor reason to change this.  Even a blue blue State as California proved that with its recent Teacher strike so it has everything to do with color and the color is green.   Money matters and nowhere does it show it more than the South.

If one wants to understand the South I suggest watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta or the spinoff, Don’t be Tardy.  Neither does women of color or not any favors in demonstrating the obsession with money, the lack of education, the violence and the concept of Southern Belles or Hospitality more.  I used to laugh at them now I just watch in horror the few times I do watch as it does nothing to make me feel better about women, about Black women or the South.  The men are not much better from shady businesses to just throwing shade it makes you wonder if any of them had ever been given an education and opportunity to be independent and secure would this be any different?  I cannot live with the constant excuse phrase: This is the South.  No its everywhere it just matters more elsewhere.  They may not be any more successful but at least they acknowledge the problems and try at some level to make change.   Here in the South there is a resignation and acceptance that this is how it is and the attempts to make change usually over the long term fails so I see their point.

As Nashville is on the “rise” the reality is that it has opened the Pandora Box of truths that have been buried for decades, the illiteracy, the racial divides, the insufficient infrastructure including public education, roads and transport.  The political climate has turned even deeper red and the Plumber is sure his self interests are the priority while professing to see the bigger picture. That is the South, say the words, act on some of them and bury the rest with the truth.

I have met FEW and by few I actually mean FEW people who are even remotely intelligent.  And by intelligent I mean well informed, articulate, educated and more importantly polite.  I see that across ages and races and at times exhausted me, angered me and upset me.  I have become much like the people here resigned to that reality and why I count down the days to leave.  I spend a great deal of time validating my beliefs by finding list after list, comment after comment that somehow enables me to find a cold comfort that “its not me” when it comes to the level of rudeness and idiocy I encounter. My least favorite thing to do is speak to Teachers as they make me feel utterly conflicted as to how bad they are and their role in this system that is beyond broken.  In the crime world they would be accomplices.    Yesterday was one such day and I had to remind myself that I did not have to speak to students unless absolutely necessary and that was something I could control. I don’t always manage to control my emotions and that pushed the limit with the encounters that I had earlier that lent to another day where I wanted to bury my head in the sand.

Perhaps that is many people’s reactions to the world around them and I empathize but I find social media lacking and as without some way to vent I turn to the blog so it has become an addendum to the notes I take as I write the books about living here and the other about education.  I cannot actually sit and compose the formal texts as I am too distracted, to angry, sad, lonely, afraid and bored to truly dedicate the time needed to do so.   Trying to plan my move has lead to more frustrations than I thought even taking clothes or furniture to consignment has turned out to be more complex than it should.  Thankfully the Antique broker is solid and convenient but the rest is more hurdles and bullshit than I would like and that is all on me.  The endless closing of businesses due to bankruptcy, losing leases or simply closing up all seem to be in utter opposition to how the city presents itself but the truth is again buried beneath the dirt and when dug up is promptly shoveled to another pile for another time.

This is the state of our Country with the oddness that defines the Trump Presidency and to wake up to the failed nuclear talks made me laugh out loud and then the rest of the day proved to be its own bomb where I lost it at another coffee shop behind my house when I asked about the closing of our local grocery, Sassafrass.  .  They are a new business and they are worried about making it as anyone should and I expressed concern about the ever changing landscape in local business and restaurants which are not a good sign for supposedly an it city. And with that my building going condo and largely now slowly self evicting with no management in place leaves one wonder what the fuck is going on here in this supposed “it” city.  At that point I turned my back for a moment to pick up my coffee and heard the exchange between the two Barista, what was said I was not sure but I saw through the window glass the faces and eye rolling I have come to learn here as a standard response to me.  I used to think it was just me and then I sat one day an watched person after person do this to another, the staff do this to other customers and in turn I realized I was doing it something I had never done before nor will I now or ever again.  So I did what I have been doing over this confronting them about it.  There is no possibility of shame here it seems to be the new standard and yet I do it regardless to at least educate and inform them that I won’t tolerate it and I am aware of it.  They did not apologize nor care to explain this behavior as something passive people do and I said no that it is passive aggressive was when you do it within earshot or sight range it is aggressive and the presumption is that most will respond passively by ignoring it.  Now that seems to be backfiring here as the shootings, the fights and the violence tell otherwise so the purpose has to be what?  Again, no response. So I asked if it was about me as an individual and what it is about me that causes this reaction would it be simpler to simply over a coffee explain why I am laughed at or dismissed as I have been a customer who tries to be polite and respectful and true I am not a big ticket person I do tip and try to come regularly to support my local business so it has to be something I said or did that led to this incident and what can I do to either change my behavior so it does not happen again or chose to not come back again. They simply stared at me.  I sat down for five minutes and the coffee was undrinkable at that point so put in on the bus tray threw out my napkin and as I walked to the door one shouted, “Have a nice evening” all while looking in the other direction. I turned and laughed and said, “It’s daylight.”  And then I departed and realized that while the charm of Americano is that the coffee is just below average and I was done there is another one just up the street and another around the corner so we went from coffee desert to a virtual tap and I can go anywhere to have a latte and once again I have learned that less is more with Nashville.  You cannot speak to these people as a single individual without a tribe, a posse, a partner whom you can prove you are worthy to be acknowledged and I go back to that night at the Symphony when the woman behind me gesticulated and spoke to her husband clearly directing the comments about me not to me when I sat down alone and that too led to my confronting them that their actions seemed directed about me and since we had two hours confined in a box we need to resolve any issues that they had with my presence.  They denied it but again at times even actions speak louder than words.  No not paranoid but I am very hyper vigilant when I walk into a room and my years of being a Teacher gives one eyes in the back of ones head so it explains why I am also over aware.  But the rudeness and general demeanor of people here belies and anger and pettiness that is something I find all over the landscape and it has made me afraid of living here on a daily basis.

And then add to this the insanity of our branches of Government who seem intentionally to sow divisions the parallel is not lost.  I have long said Trump is a Southern President and his Attorney confirmed that the other day when he described him as a Con Man, a Racist and a Liar.  He is a man in perpetual outrage emphasis on the rage. He tilts at windmills, then falls off his horse as a result and blames naturally Sancho Panza for that failure and in turn is sure that everyone who is not for him is against him.  It is why he adores these odd DICKtators and strong arm theatrics as it comforts him to believe that they get him.  Stupid is as stupid does says another fictional character and that too was another one from the South. The South seems to have an arena of the “type” of idiot brother who is smarter than those around him and is just misunderstood.  Yes that is the ticket!  And the idea of working hard and self made bullshit is another doctrine that fairly composes most of the Southern jet set who have made a name for themselves in either the political or private sector, usually both as they like to cross those lines as an act of self preservation and gratification.  Welcome to Trump Country I have been living in for three years just a year ahead of the nation and no it does not get better. 

I wish I had some wisdom to provide some sense of perspective that enables me to pass along a coping strategy but bitching about this endlessly does not seem to ameliorate my rage or pain. I will go ahead and write the book about living here composing of the essays that began here on the blog but at some point I need to focus on the things that matter but its funny I can’t seem to find out what those are anymore.   I can’t go to concerts and shows as it puts me in a surrounded environment with the enemy and in turn my fear factor of being harmed by a stranger likely a teenager grows with each and every day.  It is exhausting so I am finding music and books and taken up doing The Artists Way again as a means of keeping me focused on the moment, not the future, not the past but the moment.  I think we all need to live in the moment for that is what matters.  It is not an addendum.

Ignorance is Bliss

After my brief foray into actually talking to my least favorite group – the AWM – I came to the conclusion that they are stupid. I can couch the language and say ignorant but why bother. I have said that my great bestseller, Conversation with Idiots, is a book that writes itself. And my coffee with the angry white man on Saturday once again shows that you can take the man out of the house and he is still an angry dude wherever he goes.

Hillary Clinton was right when she said the the Black Lives Matter activists that you cannot change hearts and minds, you change policy, you change how things are done and you force the cognitive dissonance on those who well are resistant to change. They may not change but they will have to grow the fuck up and accept it. This review of last nights HBO show, Show Me Hero, mentions such an experience for a character in the story, the polite face of racism. One of the characters (who is non fictional as the story is as well) was confronted with the reality that while some of her best friends were black people she actually never knew one. Telling and true. He who doesn’t walk in another man’s shoes learns nothing. And no one likes to wear pre owned shoes, they don’t fit well, they hurt, they are uncomfortable. And that is why ignorance is bliss it hurts less.

The Case for Teaching Ignorance

By JAMIE HOLME
The New York Times
SAUG. 24, 2015
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IN the mid-1980s, a University of Arizona surgery professor, Marlys H. Witte, proposed teaching a class entitled “Introduction to Medical and Other Ignorance.” Her idea was not well received; at one foundation, an official told her he would rather resign than support a class on ignorance.

Dr. Witte was urged to alter the name of the course, but she wouldn’t budge. Far too often, she believed, teachers fail to emphasize how much about a given topic is unknown. “Textbooks spend 8 to 10 pages on pancreatic cancer,” she said some years later, “without ever telling the student that we just don’t know very much about it.” She wanted her students to recognize the limits of knowledge and to appreciate that questions often deserve as much attention as answers. Eventually, the American Medical Association funded the class, which students would fondly remember as “Ignorance 101.”

Classes like hers remain rare, but in recent years scholars have made a convincing case that focusing on uncertainty can foster latent curiosity, while emphasizing clarity can convey a warped understanding of knowledge.

In 2006, a Columbia University neuroscientist, Stuart J. Firestein, began teaching a course on scientific ignorance after realizing, to his horror, that many of his students might have believed that we understand nearly everything about the brain. (He suspected that a 1,414-page textbook may have been culpable.)

As he argued in his 2012 book “Ignorance: How It Drives Science,” many scientific facts simply aren’t solid and immutable, but are instead destined to be vigorously challenged and revised by successive generations. Discovery is not the neat and linear process many students imagine, but usually involves, in Dr. Firestein’s phrasing, “feeling around in dark rooms, bumping into unidentifiable things, looking for barely perceptible phantoms.” By inviting scientists of various specialties to teach his students about what truly excited them — not cold hard facts but intriguing ambiguities — Dr. Firestein sought to rebalance the scales.

Presenting ignorance as less extensive than it is, knowledge as more solid and more stable, and discovery as neater also leads students to misunderstand the interplay between answers and questions.

People tend to think of not knowing as something to be wiped out or overcome, as if ignorance were simply the absence of knowledge. But answers don’t merely resolve questions; they provoke new ones.

Michael Smithson, a social scientist at Australian National University who co-taught an online course on ignorance this summer, uses this analogy: The larger the island of knowledge grows, the longer the shoreline — where knowledge meets ignorance — extends. The more we know, the more we can ask. Questions don’t give way to answers so much as the two proliferate together. Answers breed questions. Curiosity isn’t merely a static disposition but rather a passion of the mind that is ceaselessly earned and nurtured.

Mapping the coast of the island of knowledge, to continue the metaphor, requires a grasp of the psychology of ambiguity. The ever-expanding shoreline, where questions are born of answers, is terrain characterized by vague and conflicting information. The resulting state of uncertainty, psychologists have shown, intensifies our emotions: not only exhilaration and surprise, but also confusion and frustration.

The borderland between known and unknown is also where we strive against our preconceptions to acknowledge and investigate anomalous data, a struggle Thomas S. Kuhn described in his 1962 classic, “The Structure of Scientific Revolutions.” The center of the island, by contrast, is safe and comforting, which may explain why businesses struggle to stay innovative. When things go well, companies “drop out of learning mode,” Gary P. Pisano, a professor at Harvard Business School, told me. They flee uncertainty and head for the island’s interior.

The study of ignorance — or agnotology, a term popularized by Robert N. Proctor, a historian of science at Stanford — is in its infancy. This emerging field of inquiry is fragmented because of its relative novelty and cross-disciplinary nature (as illustrated by a new book, “Routledge International Handbook of Ignorance Studies”). But giving due emphasis to unknowns, highlighting case studies that illustrate the fertile interplay between questions and answers, and exploring the psychology of ambiguity are essential. Educators should also devote time to the relationship between ignorance and creativity and the strategic manufacturing of uncertainty.

The time has come to “view ignorance as ‘regular’ rather than deviant,” the sociologists Matthias Gross and Linsey McGoey have boldly argued. Our students will be more curious — and more intelligently so — if, in addition to facts, they were equipped with theories of ignorance as well as theories of knowledge.