White Coats White Care

As we take to the streets or our screens we have to realize that systemic racism and sexism dominates most of the larger institutions established in our country. And none other is as large as the medical industrial complex, and the emphasis on complex has truly come to fruition with the Coronavirus and the exposures with regards to the failings of public health. We have for years found a lack of funding for public enterprises, from housing, to education and lastly to health care has lent itself to major disparities of equity when it comes to the working poor. And no group composes the working poor more than faces of color.
There is some roots in this vested in racsim but it is also with regards to gender and now sexuality identity. The AIDS crisis exposed again how the system failed when it came to helping those who identified as Gay and had contracted that disease. It was labeled the “Gay disease” and much like Covid today, contributed to a genocide of those who were not part of the acceptable mainstream aka White/Male/Christian. Women’s rights so fought for in the 70’s and ultimately leading to the failure of the ERA, also plays a factor as men in leadership roles found that by having women enter the workplace they may have expectations reagarding rights and privileges that were largely the domain of men. We finally saw that come to head with #MeToo and again with Covid the rights of Trans folks shows again another marginalized group shoved aside when it comes to crime, violence, and of course health care.
Below are two articles, one about the failings of the MIC to properly treat, diagnose and care for faces brown and black and that implied if not overt bias dominates the field when it comes to finding medical care. The next is on reproductive rights and how the BLM group do not see this as an issue. Well then remind me why again I am not to support you, a woman, a face of color and with the genitalia we share, with the same reproductive rights issues and needs regardless of the shade of our skin. Of all groups most affected again by denial of access to abortion it has also led to closures of clinics that do more than provide abortion and in turn provide pre and post natal care, two issues of import that again largely affect faces of color. When you take away one right you have a domino affect that leads to a reduction of rights across the spectrum. Again, we have the right to care and because of the complext needs of Trans folks the access to proper medical care is essential. Got tits? Well welcome to breast cancer and the ability to screed for that or any other cancer is again a reproductive sexual right. Safe sex is informed sex and these clinics again provide essential information and education to eliminate the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases and the necessary vaccine to prevent cervical cancer.
So agai you say you don’t have time for this? Okay then don’t ask me for any time to spend on your issue. As clearly you have one where your sexuality is not a part of your identity and your identity is more than skin color.



Racism in care leads to health disparities, doctors and other experts say as they push for change
 
The Washington Post

By Tonya Russell
July 11, 2020 at 10:00 a.m. EDT

The protests over the deaths of black men and women at the hands of police have turned attention to other American institutions, including health care, where some members of the profession are calling for transformation of a system they say results in poorer health for black Americans because of deep-rooted racism.

“Racism is a public health emergency of global concern,” a recent editorial in the Lancet said. “It is the root cause of continued disparities in death and disease between Black and white people in the USA.”

A New England Journal of Medicine editorial puts it this way: “Slavery has produced a legacy of racism, injustice, and brutality that runs from 1619 to the present, and that legacy infects medicine as it does all social institutions.”

The novel coronavirus has provided the most recent reminder of the disparities, with black Americans falling ill and dying from covid-19 at higher rates than whites. Even so, the NEJM editorial noted, “when physicians describing its manifestations have presented images of dermatologic effects, black skin has not been included. The ‘covid toes’ have all been pink and white.”

Black Americans die younger than white Americans and they have higher rates of death from a string of diseases including heart diseases, stroke, cancer, asthma and diabetes.

By one measure, they are worse off than in the time of slavery. The black infant mortality rate (babies who die before their first birthday) is more than two times higher than for whites — 11.4 deaths per 1,000 live births for blacks compared with 4.9 for whites. Historians estimate that in 1850 it was 1.6 times higher for blacks — 340 per 1,000 vs. 217 for whites.

Medical professionals describe the effects of racism across specialties and illnesses. Tina Douroudian, an optometrist in Sterling, Va., has observed differences in the severity of her patients with diabetes, as well as their management plans.

“Black folks have higher rates of diabetes and often worse outcomes. It’s universally understood that nutrition counseling is the key factor for proper control, and this goes beyond telling patients to lose weight and cut carbs,” Douroudian says.

“I ask all of my diabetic patients if they have ever seen a registered dietitian,” she says. “The answer is an overwhelming ‘yes’ from my white patients, and an overwhelming ‘no’ from my black patients. Is there any wonder why they struggle more with their blood sugar, or why some studies cite a fourfold greater risk of visual loss from diabetes complications in black people?”

Douroudian’s patients who have never met with a dietitian in most cases have also never even heard of a dietitian, she says, and she is unsure why they don’t have this information.

Her remedy is teaching her patients how to advocate for themselves:

“I tell my diabetic patients to demand a referral from their [primary care physician] or endocrinologist. If for some reason that doctor declines, I tell them to ask to see where they documented in their medical record that the patient is struggling to control their blood sugar and the doctor is declining to provide the referral. Hint: You’ll get your referral real fast.”

Black women are facing a childbirth mortality crisis. Doulas are trying to help.

Jameta Barlow, a community health psychologist at George Washington University, says that the infant mortality rate is a reflection of how black women and their pain are ignored. Brushing aside pain can mean ignoring important warning signs.

“Centering black women and their full humanity in their medical encounters should be a clinical imperative,” she says. “Instead, their humanity is often erased and replaced with stereotypes and institutionalized practices masked as medical procedure.”

Black women are more than three times as likely as white women to die of childbirth-related causes, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, (40.8 per 100,000 births vs. 12.7). Experts blame the high rate on untreated chronic conditions and lack of good health care. The CDC says that early and regular prenatal care can help prevent complications and death.

Barlow says that the high mortality rate, and many other poor health outcomes, are a result of a “failure to understand the institutionalization of racism in medicine with respect to how the medical field views patients, their needs, wants and pain thresholds. The foundation of medicine is severely cracked and it will never adequately serve black people, especially black women, until we begin to decolonize approaches and ways of doing medicine.”

Barlow’s research centers on black women’s health, and her own great-grandmother died while giving birth to her grandmother in 1924. “In the past, black women were being blamed for the maternal mortality rate, without considering the impact of living conditions due to poverty and slavery then,” she says. “The same can be said of black women today.”

Natalie DiCenzo, an OB/GYN who is set to begin her practice in New Jersey this fall, says she hopes to find ways to close the infant mortality gap. Awareness of racism is necessary for change, she says.

“I realize that fighting for health equity is often in opposition to what is valued in medicine,” she says. “As a white physician treating black patients within a racist health-care system, where only 5 percent of physicians identify as black, I recognize that I have benefited from white privilege, and I now benefit from the power inherent to the white coat. It is my responsibility to do the continuous work of dismantling both, and to check myself daily.

“That work begins with being an outspoken advocate for black patients and reproductive justice,” she says. “This means listening to black patients and centering their lived experiences — holding my patients’ expertise over their own bodies in equal or higher power to my expertise as a physician — and letting that guide my decisions and actions. This means recognizing and highlighting the strength and resilience of black birthing parents.”

DiCenzo blames the racist history of the United States for the disparities in health care. “I’m not surprised that the states with the strictest abortion laws also have the worst pregnancy-related mortality. For black LGBTQIA+ patients, all of these disparities are amplified by additional discrimination. Black, American Indian and Alaska Native women are at least two to four times more likely to die of pregnancy-related causes than white women, regardless of level of education and income,” she says.

As for covid-19, although black people are dying at a rate of 92.3 per 100,000, patients admitted to the hospital were most likely to be white, and they die at a rate of 45.2 per 100,000.

The CDC says that racial discrimination puts blacks at risk for a number of reasons, including historic practices such as redlining that segregate them in densely populated areas, where they often must travel to get food or visit a doctor.

“For many people in racial and ethnic minority groups, living conditions may contribute to underlying health conditions and make it difficult to follow steps to prevent getting sick with COVID-19 or to seek treatment if they do get sick,” the CDC says.

The CDC is urging health-care providers to follow a standard protocol with all patients, and to “[i]dentify and address implicit bias that could hinder patient-provider interactions and communication.”

In her 16 years in medicine, internist Jen Tang has provided care for mid- to upper-class Princeton residents as well as residents of inner city Trenton, N.J. She has seen privatization of medicine adversely affect people of color who may be insured by government-run programs that medical organizations refuse to accept. Some doctors complain that the fees they are paid are too low.

And that can make referrals to specialists difficult.

“Often my hands are tied,” says Tang, who now works part time at a federally qualified health center in California. “I try to give my patients the same level of care that I gave my patients in Princeton, but a lot of my patients have the free Los Angeles County insurance, so to get your patient to see a specialist is difficult. You have to work harder as a clinician, and it takes extremely long.”

Tang has also encountered what medical experts say is another effect of long-term racism: skepticism about the health-care system.

“Some patients don’t trust doctors because they haven’t had access to quality health care,” she says. “They are also extremely vulnerable.”

American history is rife with examples of how medicine has used people of color badly. In Puerto Rico, women were sterilized in the name of population control. From the 1930s to the 1970s, one-third of Puerto Rican mothers of childbearing age were sterilized.

As a result of the Family Planning Services and Population Research Act of 1970, close to 25 percent of Native American women were also sterilized. California, Virginia and North Carolina performed the most sterilizations.

The Tuskegee experiments from 1932 to 1972, which were government-sanctioned, also ruined the lives of many black families. Men recruited for the syphilis study were not given informed consent, and they were not given adequate treatment, despite the study leading to the discovery that penicillin was effective.

Though modern discrimination isn’t as apparent, it is still insidious, Barlow says, citing myths that lead to inadequate treatment, such as one that black people don’t feel pain.

“We must decolonize science,” Barlow says, by which she means examining practices that developed out of bias but are accepted because they have always been done that way. “For example, race is a social construct and not clinically useful in knowing a patient, understanding a patient’s disease, or creating a treatment plan,” she says, but it still informs patient treatment.

She calls upon fellow researchers to question research, data collection, methodologies and interpretations.

Like Douroudian, she recommends self-advocacy for patients. This can mean asking as many questions as needed to get clarification, and if feasible, getting a second opinion. Bring a friend along to the doctor, and record conversations with your doctor for later reflection.

“I tell every woman this when doctors recommend a drug or procedure that you have reservations about: ‘Is this drug or procedure medically necessary?’ If they answer yes, then have them put it in your medical chart,” Barlow says. “If they say it is not necessary to do that, then be sure to get another doctor’s opinion on the recommendation. Black women have always had to look out for themselves, even in the most vulnerable medical situations such as giving birth.”

Medicine’s relationship with black people has advanced beyond keeping slaves healthy enough to perform their tasks. Barlow says, however, that more work needs to be done to regain trust, and uproot the bias that runs over 400 years deep.

“This medical industrial complex will only improve,” she says, “when it is dismantled and reimagined.”

Some Gen Z and millennial women said they viewed abortion rights as important but less urgent than other social justice causes. Others said racial disparities in reproductive health must be a focus.

Emma Goldman|| The New York Times

Like many young Americans, Brea Baker experienced her first moment of political outrage after the killing of a Black man. She was 18 when Trayvon Martin was shot. When she saw his photo on the news, she thought of her younger brother, and the boundary between her politics and her sense of survival collapsed.

In college she volunteered for the N.A.A.C.P. and as a national organizer for the Women’s March. But when conversations among campus activists turned to abortion access, she didn’t feel the same sense of personal rage.

“A lot of the language I heard was about protecting Roe v. Wade,” Ms. Baker, 26, said. “It felt grounded in the ’70s feminist movement. And it felt like, I can’t focus on abortion access if my people are dying. The narrative around abortion access wasn’t made for people from the hood.”

Ms. Baker has attended protests against police brutality in Atlanta in recent weeks, but the looming Supreme Court decision on reproductive health, June Medical Services v. Russo, felt more distant. As she learned more about the case and other legal threats to abortion access, she wished that advocates would talk about the issue in a way that felt urgent to members of Generation Z and young millennials like her.

Continue reading the main story

“It’s not that young people don’t care about abortion, it’s that they don’t think it applies to them,” she said. Language about “protecting Roe” feels “antiquated,” she added. “If I’m a high school student who got activated by March for Our Lives, I’m not hip to Supreme Court cases that happened before my time.”

Her question, as she kept her eyes on the court, was: “How can we reframe it so it feels like a young woman’s fight?”

On Monday the Supreme Court ruled on the case, striking down a Louisiana law that required abortion clinics to have admitting privileges at local hospitals, four years after deciding that an effectively identical Texas requirement was unconstitutional because it placed an “undue burden” on safe abortion access. The Guttmacher Institute had estimated that 15 states could potentially put similarly restrictive laws on the books if the Supreme Court upheld the Louisiana law.

The leaders of reproductive rights organizations celebrated their victory with caution. At least 16 cases that would restrict access to legal abortion remain in lower courts, and 25 abortion bans have been enacted in more than a dozen states in the last year.

“The fight is far from over,” said Alexis McGill Johnson, the president of Planned Parenthood. “Our vigilance continues, knowing the makeup of the court as well as the federal judiciary is not in our favor.

Interviews with more than a dozen young women who have taken to the streets for racial justice in recent weeks, though, reflected some ambivalence about their role in the movement for reproductive rights.

These young women recognized that while some American women can now gain easy access to abortion, millions more cannot; at least five states have only one abortion clinic.

But some, raised in a post-Roe world, do not feel the same urgency toward abortion as they do for other social justice causes; others want to ensure that the fight is broadly defined, with an emphasis on racial disparities in reproductive health.

Members of Gen Z and millennials are more progressive than older generations; they’ve also been politically active, whether organizing a global climate strike or mass marches against gun violence in schools.

While Gen Z women ranked abortion as very important to them in a 2019 survey from Ignite, a nonpartisan group focused on young women’s political education, mass shootings, climate change, education and racial inequality all edged it out. On the right, meanwhile, researchers say that opposition to abortion has become more central to young people’s political beliefs.

Melissa Deckman, a professor of political science at Washington College who studies young women’s political beliefs, said that Gen Z women predominantly believe in reproductive freedom but that some believe it is less pressing because they see it as a “given,” having grown up in a world of legalized abortion.

“Myself and other activists in my community are focused on issues that feel like immediate life or death, like the environment,” said Kaitlin Ahern, 19, who was raised in Scranton, Pa., in a community where air quality was low because of proximity to a landfill. “It’s easier to disassociate from abortion rights.”

Continue reading the main story

Fatimata Cham, 19, an ambassador for the anti-gun violence advocacy group Youth Over Guns, agreed that the fight for reproductive rights felt less personal. “For many activists, we have a calling, a realm of work we want to pursue because of our own personal experiences,” Ms. Cham said. “Growing up, abortion never came to mind as an issue I needed to work on.”

Some young women said that they considered reproductive rights an important factor in determining how they vote, but they struggled to see how their activism on the issue could have an effect.

When Ms. Baker helped coordinate local walkouts against gun violence, she sensed that young people no longer needed to wait for “permission” to demand change. With abortion advocacy, she said, organizers seem focused on waiting for decisions from the highest courts.

And even as those decisions move through the courts, the possibility of a future without legal abortion can feel implausible. “I know we have a lot to lose, but it’s hard to imagine us going backward,” said Alliyah Logan, 18, a recent high school graduate from the Bronx. “Is it possible to go that far back?”

Then she added: “Of course in this administration, anything is possible.”

For many women in the 1970s and ’80s, fighting for legal abortion was an essential aspect of being a feminist activist. A 1989 march for reproductive rights drew crowds larger than most protests since the Vietnam War, with more than half a million women rallying in Washington, D.C.

Today, young women who define themselves as progressive and politically active do not always consider the issue central to their identities, said Johanna Schoen, a professor of history at Rutgers and the author of “Abortion After Roe.”

Continue reading the main story

“Women in the ’70s understood very clearly that having control over reproduction is central to women’s ability to determine their own futures, to get the education they want, to have careers,” Dr. Schoen said. “As people got used to having access to abortion — and there’s a false sense that we’ve achieved a measure of equality — that radicalism women had in the early years got lost.”

Some millennial women who can easily and safely get abortions do not connect the experience to their political activism. Cynthia Gutierrez, 30, a community organizer in California, got a medication abortion in 2013. Because she did not struggle with medical access or insurance, the experience did not immediately propel her toward advocacy.

“I had no idea about the political landscape around it,” she said. “I had no idea that other people had challenges with access or finding a clinic or being able to afford an abortion.”

Around that time, Ms. Gutierrez began working at a criminal justice reform organization. “I wasn’t thinking, let me go to the next pro-choice rally,” she said. “The racial justice and criminal justice work I did felt more relevant because I had people in my life who had gone through the prison industrial complex, and I experienced discrimination.”

Other young women said they felt less drawn to reproductive rights messaging that is focused strictly on legal abortion access, and more drawn to messaging about racial and socioeconomic disparities in access to abortion, widely referred to as reproductive justice.

Deja Foxx, 20, a college student from Tucson, Ariz., became involved in reproductive justice advocacy when she confronted former Senator Jeff Flake, Republican of Arizona, at a town hall event over his push to defund Planned Parenthood.

But abortion access is not what initially drew her to the movement. She wanted to fight for coverage of contraceptives, as someone who was then homeless and uninsured, and for comprehensive sex education, since her high school’s curriculum did not mention the word consent.

Continue reading the main story

“There’s a need to protect the wins of the generation before us,” Ms. Foxx said. But she believes the conversations that engage members of her generation look different. “My story is about birth control access as a young person who didn’t have access to insurance,” she said.

The generational shift is evident at national gatherings for abortion providers. Ms. Schoen has attended the National Abortion Federation’s annual conference each year from 2003 to 2019. In recent years, she said, its attendees have grown more racially diverse and the agenda has shifted, from calls to keep abortion “safe, legal and rare” to an emphasis on racial equity in abortion access.

“The political questions and demands that the younger generation raises are very different,” she said. “There’s more of a focus on health inequalities and lack of access that Black and brown women have to abortion.”

Amid the coronavirus outbreak, even the most fundamental legal access to abortion seemed in question in some states. At least nine states took steps to temporarily ban abortions, deeming them elective or not medically necessary, although all the bans were challenged in court.

Research from the Kaiser Family Foundation found that the pandemic led to various new legal and logistical hurdles. In South Dakota, abortion providers have been unable to travel to their clinics from out of state. In Arkansas, women could receive abortions only with a negative Covid-19 swab within 72 hours of the procedure, and some have struggled to get tested.

Image

Alliyah Logan, a recent high school graduate, near her home in the Bronx. “I know we have a lot to lose, but it’s hard to imagine us going backward,” she said.
Credit…Hiroko Masuike/The New York Times

But in spite of the threats, for some young women the calls to action feel sharpest when they go beyond defending rights they were raised with.

Advertisement

Continue reading the main story

“Right now, in a lot of social justice movements we’re seeing language about the future,” said Molly Brodsky, 25. “I hear ‘protect Roe v. Wade,’ and it feels like there needs to be another clause about the future we’re going to build. What other changes do we need? We can’t be complacent with past wins.”

  • Change? I have none

    When asked for spare change or a dollar what is your normal response?  Most people don’t carry cash and right now there is an actual shortage of change due to the pandemic and closing of businesses that deal with coins to put into circulation, so as we come out of lockdown we soon will be back to those pesky pennies clogging our wallets.  Or not, given that most of the idiots that define America are sure Covid is contagious by touching stuff.  Sorta, kinda, not really.

    As we are on the precipice of immense change and the desire to secure equality and parity for a long marginalized group in America, we have to again acknowledge all the disenfranchised, those who may not share one skin color but share the oppression and suppression of rights via those empowered to actually make change and in turn enforce it without billy clubs, tasers, or guns.  And those are the many many white faces that dominate our State legislature, the Municipal offices, our Federal one and more importantly our corporate boardrooms.

    Let’s us look back to the Occupy movement about how many CEO’s making 200 to 400 times the income then their average employee.  Let us look back at the Women’s movement who demands equal wages, a bill established via the Lilly Ledbetter fair pay act and where are we now? Then we have the Women’s March for Our lives. Or were are we with regards to the ERA being reopened for passage as and issues surrounding women’s reproductive rights?  Quietly right now while Tennessee is struggling with immense budget issues, civil rights issues they are passing another attempt to stop a woman’s right to choose with a fetal heartbeat bill. This is a state through varying other micro-agressions in the form of  laws to stop voting, to prevent LGBQT rights and of course the rights for Immigrants. While this week gave two Supreme Court rules in favor of those there is nothing secure in any for either as States do their best through single laws quietly passed, some under the concept of religious freedom and that act that enables this bullshit to go on.  Want to marry in Tennessee as a Gay Couple? Good luck you will need a licensed Minister or Public figure to do so? Adopt or Foster? See a Therapist? All under the guise of religious freedom that is denied to many who are not good hetero normal couples? Good luck in finding health care for those of color and seeking counsel to get birth control let alone medication to treat an ongoing condition if you are poor and of color, not.going.to happen.

    I lived in Tennessee for three years this was the extent of the engagement regarding Juneteenth and note where of all places it occurred.  I never understood any of it with hundreds of absurd markers designating racial, sexual oppression as if that was sufficient and yet they were blatantly ignnored if not strange as fuck.  That is what are cheaper versions of statutes.  Yes look folks we give a shit.  Again I never met any individual who was Black and did not live in public housing, and that was their legacy. What the flying fuck? And all of them with a strong Police presence, especially during the summer as that is when violence was at its peak.  Again irony that the draw of the 4th has been canceled in Nashville as that had to be the most horrific time to be there next to CMA fest.   The sheer level of white trash drawn to the city and the level of booze coupled with ignorance left many who worked there in dread.    Funny there was more crime on the tourist strip then anywhere else but the media buried those.  One way to allow to prove how Black lives mattered was by focusing on the violence that plagued their communities, labeling it a problem and therefore enabled if not excused police violence.  More bullshit. 

    So march away folks as you have work to do.  I am not sure where we are going except we have a new holiday, having horrific statues torn down, and some minor reforms. But it is doubtful any will be replaced with Black faces, of Women, of those Latino or Gay or Asian or any other group that were significant in the building of America. Oh yeah and the one’s we took it from.  And you can change behavior but can you actually change beliefs and minds. That one takes a busload of time. Literally a busload.  The Million Man March had a purpose, does anyone remember it? Did anything change as a result of it?  Messages get lost like those in the bottle and they float out to sea and come ashore and tossed aside after being read as some sort of note on ancient history.

    And the strongest method other than holidays, statues and listening (god I don’t want to actually HEAR anything more about that subject ever) is finding economic parity. From that comes a standard of living that helps families build community, make headway into economic growth, attend schools and fund higher education and have options to socialize and integrate in natural organic ways that enable everyone to meet all kinds of people in their “natural habitat.” When you force people together you get just that, forcing people together under some belief it is doing good, you know like Busing. See how that worked out.

    Another is examining how such wonderful stupid ideas, such as Opportunity Zones, really work. They are supposedly about jobs but not really.  Having also lived in one I can assure you bars and AirBnb’s, and storage units and some bullshit business office complex is not how you build a neighborhood, you in fact are doing just the opposite.  The Hudson Yards in NYC is another example of bullshit on top of bullshit. Yes its’ the rich that matter, clearly.

    Funding businesses owned by minorities, you know like Bakers who will bake cakes for Gay marriages is way better way to crush those who won’t, talk about Capitalism and free market.  And in turn build those industries and jobs that employ those who don’t look like Jeff Bezos.  They in turn can establish unions and an other employment based collectives to act upon the whole and make work a functional and productive for all by encouraging and in turn examining what are their hiring practices are and more importantly their work environments are that encourage inclusivity, training, job safety and of course equality.  In other words it will also stop sexual harassment too, remember the other hashtag, MeToo?  Gosh can we have some other issues included in this movement about “inclusiveness?”

    Change, it can do you good. But this is always been about white male privilege and exclusivity and they are not going to give it up without a large collective of individuals willing to put up a long drawn out battle with clear objectives and goals in which to mark and meet them.   Spare the change and make the time you will need it.

    Change Ain’t Easy

    If you have not watched John Oliver he has not once but twice done shows on the subject that has plagued our country for decades with regards to Police misconduct. (They are below)  What is also being ignored but a part of the problem is the trifecta of our Criminal Justice system – Prosecutorial Misconduct and Judicial bias.

    The reality is that the entire system of criminal justice is a piece of shit and is utterly untenable as it stands today.  Again I can use only my personal experience to remind people of what I first hand saw, experienced and it reduced me to be broken beyond my wildest imagination.  I had to hide money, I had to move across country, I had to change my name. My own Attorney’s ripped me off blind, they did little to advocate for me from getting a subpoena to access cell phone records, to wanting me to take a lie detector (useless and inadmissible and I was to pay for it), to failing to bring up the Supreme Court ruling on blood draws without a warrant, which the Judge, who was Black but utterly incompetent regardless, conducted his courtroom with endless sidebars and seeming confusion as to the law on the issue, deteriminng that the ruling was irrelevant in my case.  Then there was the Prosecutor who inferred I was a whore and made it all up as I was ashamed for being a whore, drank myself into a stupor then crashed my car to kill myself. This woman called in sick numerous times, took a vacation during the endless motions filed  used to be a sex crime Prosecutor. Not MeToo, I guess.   I used to love her long black pointed fingernails, stiletto heels and other slut wear, takes one to know one right, Jennifer Miller?   I love that she now defends the same people she used to Prosecute. That is another massive issue the turn and burn and revolving door, they are all hypocrites.

     The we have laws written by Legislators who are lobbied and in turn paid to write them and while they are overkill and utterly destructive it makes it impossible for Juries to actually make any deliberations other than to determine guilt.

    Washington State now requires anyone arrested (not convicted — arrested) for drunken driving to install an “ignition interlock” device, which forces the driver to blow into a breath test tube before starting the car, and at regular intervals while driving. A second law mandates that juries hear all drunken driving cases. It then instructs juries to consider the evidence “in a light most favorable to the prosecution,” absurd evidentiary standard at odds with everything the American criminal justice system is supposed to stand for.

     Then Jury composition which many who elect that option find out that Voir Dire means rule out the faces of minorities and anyone who is your peer.    The folks I saw as this went on for over three years were a panoply of people, largely white as Seattle is largely a white city; however there were faces of color, largely represented by overworked Public Defenders and that was the primary difference. They were unlikely to get bail, they pleaded as did actually most everyone down to a reduced charge, for if you go to trial they up the charges and in my case they did as well.  And that is the same with both civil and criminal courts, Seattle is no exception. Even this is a Google review on the Seattle courts.

    Here’s a real thing that happened: I had a case against the city, and when challenged, the city prosecutor very blatantly lied about the law in order to win. The judge didn’t read any of the documents I brought in backing up my position. Needless to say, they ruled against me. I filed a damage claim to be reimbursed for my trouble, and those guys lied too, claiming they couldn’t find any evidence of my allegations. I sent them the evidence directly and they simply ignored it, leaving me on the hook for several hundred dollars worth of fraudulent charges. I couldn’t get anyone to do anything about it. 


    I get that there are a lot of hard-working honest people in here, and many of them really are doing their best. But the system as a whole is fundamentally broken, and nobody cares. They have no problem lying in court just to squeeze you for a few extra bucks. I contacted an attorney about this and was told it was more or less normal and my chances of winning an appeal were next to nothing. These people are criminals in a very literal sense and it is embarrassing that this is the best our city is willing to do.

     So  after a trial that was cut short by the incompetent Judge who seemed to think that this was all a waste of time, I was convicted of a more significant charge and higher punishments and fines to further denigrate and degrade.  My costs were over 13K for charges and fees, thankfully that was on thing my Lawyer did do was to get those waived.  Again without a Lawyer you would pay and he had already taken most of mine and perhaps knew was a fuckwit he was to do that much, as his courtroom performance was passed onto a drunk, suicidal lunatic.  However, there are other incendiary charges, such as  the Interlock (I had no car so that was not an issue), a class for $150, which consisted of all white people, young old, women and men and all just incredulous about it all. Then add the home monitoring device versus ($50)  spending any time in jail. And give the fates they fucked up on that and rather than 30 days it was 3.  Whoops! At least one thing worked out, most often it does not. And you wonder why I ran, ran so far away.  I could not risk being a target in the future and for the record they do as it is more money.   And yes I knew those people who hurt me were still out there and they may come back to finish the job.. from Shar who drugged and shoved booze down my throat to whomever Harborview passed me onto when they released me. Again I have no idea as I was head injured and had bad amnesia so whomever they allowed to take me out of the hospital had their own agenda as well,  it was fortunate that I came out when I did, in one of the three Doctor’s office this same persons took me too, and NOT one single one took the woman’s name, checked to see if she had legal rights to attend to me or my care. Again another systemic fuck up.  So between the medical and justice systems I was fucked beyond belief.  And no I will not take a lie detector to prove I am telling the truth nor will I get in a “my story is worse than yours” contest as I win. 

    But that was not the first time at the goat rodeo, as in Berkley, California in the late 90s, I was walking my dog to the store when  Black homeless man accused me of having my dog attack him. While I was in the store, the Police had my dog who was waiting outside and I came out to find them and her where I was “arrested;” theyy were going to call animal control but I asked as I literally lived down the street we could take my dog, drop her, call my husband and then a take me to the station to process the complaint.  The story as I was told was a Black man, apparently homeless, said as I walked had my dog attack him randomly.  There were no witnesses despite it a busy street and he had some type of visible wound and was going to a hospital to have the wounds repaired.  I never saw such man, or had I, must of ignored him and he followed me, in turn saw the dog and used that as opportunity for some type of misguided revenge.  The Cops could not tell me more as they were investigating the complaint.  They drove me home and there they issued me a citation and did not take me to the station and frankly I realize it was clear that I had done nothing, even the Checkers in the store were horrified as two came out to see what was wrong,  but the Police had to follow though. And again this is about proving a point, being right and being in Berkeley showing that all lives matter, What.the.fuck.ever.  Again perhaps it was because I was white, a woman, and really afraid and my dog adorable we were released without having to be processed in the station; However,  I still had to hire an Attorney, go to court, and of course the man did not show up, (nor do I think the Cops did either)  and  the charge was dropped.  That cost at the time a few hundred dollars but the fear was not lost.  My marriage failed shortly after that as I seemed to have nothing but luck when it came to Police or anything to do with men.
    When I moved to Oakland, walking home on a Sunday evening the Police stopped me a block from my home and asked for my ID. I asked why as I was just coming home from work at Macy’s and was racing to get home to walk my dog and get ready to watch of all things, The Wire.  They said they were just checking the area and making sure it was “safe.” Really? Okay then.  I did not produce my ID and I went home, walked my dog and was not relieved in the least.  A few weeks later they and the SWAT team broke into a home nearby and shot a man in the head and his girlfriend and dog escaped through a window.

    When I moved to California I got the first inking of this.  Driving across the country alone with my dog again in Arizona led to posturing and threats to kill her and take my car as it was odd that the registration was expired, my tabs, my address on my license was Texas and I was moving to California. All of that said, “Hey she is up to something.”  They threatened to take my car under the civil seizure laws that are still in place across this country and all over a speeding violation.  This went on with the woman cop until the male cop stepped in, issued me a citation with not just speeding, but other charges that would require me to  go to court (I cannot recall specifically what those were).  I was moving to Berkeley and when I got there I paid the citation for speeding and said I had not committed any other infraction and that I would not be able to come to Arizona for said charges. Funny I never heard a word again so maybe there is justice or just at that time who gives a fuck.  I am not sure but I can assure you that I have never set foot in Arizona again to test that. But it could have gone a completely different direction and that has happened to many who travel America’s highways. 

    This is Policing in America. Busting down doors in the pre dawn hours, a no knock warrant, the shooting residents who are sleeping or confused, this was Breoanna Taylor who did nothing but the Police had the wrong address. Not the first time nor the last. They shoot dogs, take cars, cash and other personal items when they “think” they were earned from criminal activity under the blanket law of Civil Asset Forfeiture, which in turn it takes money, time and massive effort to have them returned, even when no crime was committed.  

    Then lastly the three times in Nashville, one time in my home as some sort of “wellness check” after my outburst in the Dentist office over billing, which after time I realized with Vanderbilt that is the norm not the exception.  Then the two times at the Public Schools with the last one with me hitting the ground throwing my purse and crawling to get my Id sitting there to prove I was an employee.  The Nashville Police had just killed a black man running right in front of a school,  so perhaps I was overreacting,  but frankly who the fuck knows in that right wing cesspool.  I carry a lot of scars over Seattle and to this day watching all this hysteria over Policing I want to say, yes I know and guess what they do it to anyone just they do it more to those faces of color just because its easier.  I am not getting into a contest with anyone over who had it worse, I have simply been lucky, managed to have resources and be resourceful to circumvent worse.

    That is why, they are not racist as much as they are highly charged to bring harm. And Prosecutors enable it via misconduct, Judges ignore it,  experts without any actual credibility and skill set testify with utter impunity as well, laws are written in such a way to absolve in the same way they are to punitive punish (think that there is the concept innocent until proven guilty, think again) , then you have the victims rights advocates (think MADD) who stand aside the elected Politicians who are in deference to them for financial support, as well as the Police Union and Lobbying system that holds them accountable over their members. So if you think taking to the street will change that you are wrong, this is a long game. Good luck.

    Protesters hope this is a moment of reckoning for American policing. Experts say not so fast.

    The Washington Post
    Kimberly Kindy and
    Michael Brice-Saddler
    June 7, 2020

    Glimmers of hope have emerged for Americans demanding action on police violence and systemic racism in the aftermath of the death of George Floyd, the black man who gasped for air beneath the knee of a white Minneapolis police officer last month.

    All four officers involved have been fired and charged in his death, a far more rapid show of accountability than has followed similar killings of unarmed black people. Massive, diverse crowds have filled streets nationwide, sometimes with politicians and law enforcement officials marching and kneeling alongside. Legislation banning chokeholds and other forms of force have been passed by local governments. And on Monday, congressional Democrats plan to roll out a sweeping package of police reforms on Capitol Hill.

    But there are signs that Floyd’s killing might not be the watershed moment that civil rights advocates are hoping for, some experts say.

    The extraordinary facts of the May 25 incident — the gradual loss of consciousness of a handcuffed man who cried out for his deceased mother with his final breaths — distinguishes it from the more common and more ambiguous fatal police encounters that lead to debate over whether use of force was justified. And the politics of police reform that have squashed previous efforts still loom: powerful unions, legal immunity for police and intractable implicit biases.

    “We have 400 years of history of policing that tell me things tend not to change,” said Lorenzo Boyd, director of the Center for Advanced Policing at the University of New Haven. “It’s a breaking point right now, just like Trayvon Martin was a breaking point, just like Michael Brown was a breaking point. But the question is: Where do we go from here?”

    It’s a familiar question for Gwen Carr, who watched her son take his final breaths on video as a New York police officer held him in a chokehold and he pleaded, “I can’t breathe.

    Thousands of Americans filled the streets for Eric Garner in 2014 — mostly black men and women — with bull horns and protest signs in dozens of cities.

    But their pleas for comprehensive police reforms took hold in only a smattering of the country’s more than 18,000 police departments. Dozens of agencies adopted training on de-escalating tense encounters. Sixteen states passed stricter requirements for use of deadly force.

    Not a single piece of federal legislation passed on Capitol Hill.

    So when Carr reached out last week to the family of 46-year-old Floyd, who uttered the same words as her son while officers held him down, she offered encouragement — and a warning.

    “I told them, ‘Don’t think it’s going to be a slam dunk,’ ” Carr said. “They had video of my son, too; the world also saw him murdered. It should have been a slam dunk then — it’s been anything but.”

    Changing perspectives

    There are some signs that this time is different. For one thing, public perception of police bias has started to shift. Last week, a poll by Monmouth University found that 57 percent of Americans now say police in difficult situations are more likely to use excessive force against black people. That’s a substantial jump from the 34 percent of registered voters who said the same when asked a similar question after the fatal police shooting of Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge in 2016.

    Civil rights leaders and allied lawmakers point to substantial differences in protest crowds this time around: Their historic size, even during a pandemic. The faces, now as likely to be white and brown as they are to be black. After Garner’s death, there were about 50 demonstrations, compared with more than 450 so far this time around, based on media coverage and police records.

    “I don’t think they used to think there was an attack on black lives. Not until it was recorded and people were seeing it, I don’t think they believed it,” said Lezley Mc­Spadden, mother of Michael Brown, who was killed by a Ferguson, Mo., police officer in 2014. “What is happening now is not new to those of us who live in these oppressed areas and communities that are devalued. But it’s new for people who don’t live in those areas. It’s changing people’s perspective.”

    Even some Republican lawmakers have broken from strict law-and-order stances to express support for protesters. Last week, Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) said, “I think people are understanding that those protests make sense.” And Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.), chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and a staunch Trump ally, allowed that “there’s a problem here, and we have to get to the bottom of it.”

    The growing assortment of voices represents an important shift, said Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.). He is among the sponsors of the Justice in Policing Act, expected to roll out Monday. The massive package targets racial profiling, bans chokeholds and no-knock warrants, and makes it easier to prosecute and sue for police misconduct.

    “No change in America that is worth it has been easy. But the demands are now coming from increasingly diverse coalitions,” Booker said. “I feel we are in a moment now.”

    ‘The deeper problem’

    Reform advocates have won other victories. Last week, the Minneapolis City Council unanimously passed a ban on chokeholds and neck restraints. And the council in New York is poised to pass a law this month that would make using a chokehold in an arrest a misdemeanor.

    Without systemic change, however, some experts say these piecemeal policies would do little to curb the use of excessive force and racial inequities in policing. And the effectiveness of policy changes is blunted by police union contracts that protect officers from discipline and firing for wayward behavior.

    “There are so many terms and conditions in the collective bargaining agreements that insulate police from accountability and transparency,” said Jody Armour, a law professor at the University of Southern California. “Can we know who the bad police are? Are there public records? A lot of times, that is squelched in collective bargaining.”

    Even changes to training can have little effect. A growing number of police departments are providing cadets with de-escalation and anti-bias training, but once they are assigned to a field training officer — a veteran on the force — the training can fall by the wayside, according to police training experts.

    One of the rookie officers who helped hold Floyd down questioned whether they should roll the gasping man over, but then-officer Derek Chauvin dismissed the suggestion and insisted on “staying put” with his knee on Floyd’s neck, according to court records.

    “Seasoned officers will push away from what they learned in the academy and go to what works for them in the street,” Boyd said. “And officers will often say, ‘We have to police people differently because force is all they understand.’”

    Those views appear to disproportionately impact black communities, at least in the most extreme cases. A Washington Post database that tracks fatal police shootings found that about 1,000 people have been killed by police gunfire every year since 2015. So far this year, 463 people have been fatally shot. While the vast majority are white men armed with weapons, black men are killed at a rate that far outstrips their numbers in the overall population.

    Other forms of police violence, from chokeholds to beatings in custody, also tend to fall heavily on African Americans, Armour said.

    “When you give police discretion to enforce any law, it seems to get disproportionately enforced against black folk. Whether it’s curfew, social distancing,” said Armour, noting that Floyd was accused of using a counterfeit $20 bill.

    “Would you have put your knee on a white guy’s neck like that? Would you have a little more recognition of humanity, and when he’s screaming out, ‘I can’t breathe,’ would that have raised more concern?” he said. “That’s the deeper problem.”

    The vast majority of such cases are not caught on video and therefore often go unnoticed, Boyd said. For example, Breonna Taylor, the 26-year-old emergency room technician who was shot at least eight times inside her home by Louisville police in March, is often left out of the discussion of systemic injustice — in part because no one was there to record Taylor getting shot by officers serving a drug warrant, said Andra Gillespie, director of the James Weldon Johnson Institute at Emory University. All three remain on administrative leave, but no charges have been filed, according to the Courier Journal.

    “Video is certainly aiding in getting justice for these individual people,” Gillespie said. “Breonna Taylor hasn’t gotten comparable attention because there is no video. That’s also because she’s a woman, and we forget the black women are subject to disproportional police violence as well.”

    Even killings captured on video rarely lead to prosecution of police officers. Sterling had a handgun in his pocket when he was tackled by police outside a Baton Rouge convenience store, and police said he was reaching for it when officers shot him six times. The DOJ and Louisiana attorney general decided not to file criminal charges against the officers involved. Attorneys for the officer who put Garner, 43, in a chokehold argued that he probably died because he was obese and had resisted arrest. Daniel Pantaleo lost his job after a disciplinary hearing four years later, but the Justice Department declined to bring criminal charges.

    Floyd’s killing has received near-universal condemnation because it lacks the contradictory evidence that allows skeptics to deny that race was a factor in police behavior, said Armour, author of “Negrophobia and Reasonable Racism: The Hidden Costs of Being Black in America.”

    “It’s almost like you have a case that’s so cry-out-loud bad that people who aren’t necessarily that sympathetic to black equality are able to come out and now make a big display,” Armour said. “It’s not that often you run into these knockdown, no-question videos.”

    Setting a different tone

    That raises the question of whether the nation is experiencing a real turning point or simply responding to a particularly egregious offense, some experts say.

    There have been many questionable displays of solidarity: When the Washington Redskins joined the #BlackoutTuesday protest by posting a black square on Twitter, critics noted the perceived hypocrisy from an organization whose team name is a slur for Native Americans. And as New York Police Commissioner Dermot Shea celebrated images of officers embracing peaceful protesters, video surfaced Wednesday that showed his officers beating a cyclist with batons in the street.

    “We’ve seen officers kneeling in the same departments that are brutalizing journalists and protesters,” said Philip Atiba Goff, director of the Center for Policing Equity research center. “You can’t say justice for George Floyd, that you condemn the actions, while you condone the actions in your own house.”

    Charles H. Ramsey, a former chief in the District and Philadelphia and co-chair of President Barack Obama’s Task Force on 21st Century Policing, said perhaps the biggest obstacle to nationwide change is the unwieldy way in which police departments are organized. With every city, town, state and county fielding its own force, he said, it’s hard to standardize training and policies.

    “Regionalizing them would be a solid first step,” Ramsey said. “But then you get into the politics. Every county and every mayor; they want their own police force, they want their own chief.”

    For that reason, a coalition of nearly 400 disparate organizations is focusing on securing federal reforms. Last week, the group — including the NAACP, the Center for Reproductive Rights and the American Music Therapy Association — sent a joint letter to congressional leaders calling for legislation to combat police violence.

    “With so many police departments, it is important that there is federal action,” said Vanita Gupta, a former head of the U.S. Department of Justice’s Civil Rights Division and CEO of the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights.

    Although past efforts at policing reforms stalled in Congress, Booker expressed optimism, noting that civil rights legislation has always traveled a bumpy road. Bills were introduced and stagnated for years before the Civil Rights Act passed in 1964 and the Voting Rights Act passed in 1965, he said.

    Police reform advocates are skeptical. Ramsey noted that the playbook for reform that he created as chair of Obama’s policing commission sat on a shelf, unused, for five years. Meanwhile, the FBI still hasn’t followed through on a pledge to aggressively track the nation’s fatal police shootings.

    “It’s been five years since they promised to fix that database,” Ramsey said. “Come on. That’s enough time.”

    And this from 2016

    In Praise Of

    It is tough being a girl as the song goes and it is no less tough being a woman. We have come nowhere baby in the 21st Century than from the 20th and we see it with the standard forbearance of gender roles in the family and assignment of work, the wage and pay scale structure and when women have children they are often professional held back by choice or not.  Women are the primary caregivers in homes with aging parents, women dominate the pink collar professions still while being the largest educated group in history and women are demeaned, debased and derided by other women as we heard Harvey Weinstein’s  Defense Attorney, Donna Rotunno, remind the Jury during her closing arguments and later in the podcast, The Daily,  how women allow themselves to be raped . She of course has never allowed this as she could kick them in the nuts with her Choos that she wears to court as the Jury likes it nice. Shit is this for real?  She was briefly a Prosecutor that focused on Domestic Violence and felony crimes which may explain her bitchiness or that she is just a raging cunt, go figure; However,  it is a perfect fit for her to become a defense attorney for rapists.   I have met her Doppelgänger in Seattle, Jennifer Miller, a City of Seattle Prosecutor.  She called me a whore in court as I tried to come to terms with how I crashed my car, was found in a coma, with a blood alcohol count that should have killed me, released from a hospital still in throw of a Traumatic Brain Injury as they too felt I was just a “drunken whore,” lost a week of my life, all after a date drugged me.  She now is a defense attorney for the same type of crimes.. irony or cunt you decide?  The blood test was in the hands of the city and she was instrumental in never allowing it to be retested for the presence of date rape drugs and her conduct, demeanor and clothing remind me much of this Rotunno woman.  Meanwhile, my Attorneys, Ted Vosk (now suicidal on Facebook) and Kevin Trombold (the equivalent of a public defender who you pay) provided a defense that lacked substance and grit but trenchant laziness which led me to never find answers or seek resolution of what happened to me the night of February 8, 2012.  I feel that those three did more damage than the car and the date ever did.   Shar is likely raping and harming other women or not, I don’t care, I care about my survival and that is what has kept me going and running now for the last seven years. I finally quit running.

    No one is more familiar with slut shaming and victim blaming than I and I paid for the privilege, several thousands of dollars which like my vadge I closed the checkbook when I realized that  you cannot fight a system that has no vested interest or desire to find the truth, they have only the one interest in moving you in and out and collecting fees, fines and other costs associated with Prosecution with the ultimate price tag attached – jail.  I was lucky I avoided the last one.

    So this week begins the Jury deliberation for Weinstein I bet by Wednesday they come back with not guilty as despite the Prosecutors closing remarks the trial was noted by its lack of verve and frankly this was the first sign things were not good when it was over in two weeks, even the Pharma Bro had a longer trial.  Then over the Lincoln Holiday on Wednesday a quiet announcement that this same Prosecutor was retiring after this trials conclusion.  Maybe she should have been like Charlie with his Angels and just phoned it in.

    Women who have stood up to sexual harassment, to inequality on the job or in their family face repercussions that never go away.  New York Magazine did a follow up and found that for many it was in fact worse.  The New York Times which has been ground breaking on much of these issues has also done follow ups and unless you have a cushion you fall hard. I will always have those bruises.

    Running and hiding is exhausting but what did not kill me did not make me stronger I was already strong or I would not have survived these last seven years and that cycle ended as all seven year cycles do in October.  I moved and am not done raging, far from it.  I am a difficult woman and I war it proudly.  There is nothing wrong with being who you are and more importantly accepting that.

    Fighting the tyranny of ‘niceness’: why we need difficult women


    Today’s thumbs-up, thumbs-down approach to feminism is boring and reductive. It is time to embrace complexity

    Sat 15 Feb 2020 The Guardian
    By Helen Lewis

    Difficult. It’s a word that rests on a knife-edge: when applied to a woman, it can be admiring, fearful, insulting and dismissive, all at once. In 2016, it was used of Theresa May (she was “a bloody difficult woman,” Ken Clarke said, when she ran for Tory leader). A year later, it gave the US author Roxane Gay the title for her short story collection. The late Elizabeth Wurtzel took “in praise of difficult women” as the strapline for her feminist manifesto in 1998. The book’s main title was, simply, Bitch.

    The word is particularly pointed since it recurs so often when women talk about the consequences of challenging sexism. The TV presenter Helen Skelton once described being groped on air by an interviewee while pregnant. She did not complain, she said, because “that’s just the culture that television breeds. No one wants to be difficult.” The actor Jennifer Lawrence told the Hollywood Reporter that she had once stood up to a rude director. The reaction to the incident left her worried that she would be punished by the industry. “Yeah,” chipped in fellow actor Emma Stone: “You were ‘difficult’.”

    All this is edging towards the same idea, an idea that is imprinted on us from birth: that women are called unreasonable, selfish and unfeminine when they stand up for themselves. “I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is,” wrote Rebecca West in 1913. “I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat, or a prostitute.”

    So what does it mean to be a difficult woman? I’m not talking about being rude, thoughtless, obnoxious or a diva. First of all, difficult means complicated. A thumbs-up, thumbs-down approach to historical figures is boring and reductive. Most of us are more than one thing; no one is pure; everyone is “problematic”. Look back at early feminists and you will find women with views that are unpalatable to their modern sisters. You will find women with views that were unpalatable to their contemporaries. They were awkward and wrong-headed and obstinate and sometimes downright odd – and that helped them to defy the expectations placed on them. “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself,” wrote George Bernard Shaw in 1903. “Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” (Or, as I always catch myself adding, the unreasonable woman.) A history of feminism should not try to sand off the sharp corners of the movement’s pioneers – or write them out of the story entirely, if their sins are deemed too great. It must allow them to be just as flawed – just as human – as men. Women are people, and people are more interesting than cliches. We don’t have to be perfect to deserve equal rights

    The idea of role models is not necessarily a bad one, but the way they are used in feminism can dilute a radical political movement into feelgood inspiration porn. Holding up a few exceptions is no substitute for questioning the rules themselves, and in our rush to champion historical women, we are distorting the past. Take the wildly successful children’s book Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls, which has sold more than a million copies. It tells 100 “empowering, moving and inspirational” stories, promising that “these are true fairytales for heroines who definitely don’t need rescuing”. Its entry for the fashion designer Coco Chanel mentions that she wanted to start a business, and a “wealthy friend of hers lent her enough money to make her dream come true”. It does not mention that Chanel was the lover of a Nazi officer and very probably a spy for Hitler’s Germany. In the 1930s, she tried to remove that “wealthy friend” from the company under racist laws that forbade Jews to own businesses. In the name of inspiring little girls living in a male-dominated world, the book doesn’t so much airbrush Chanel’s story as sandblast it. Do you find her wartime collaboration with the Nazis “empowering”? I don’t, although admittedly she does sound like a woman who “didn’t need rescuing”. The real Coco Chanel was clever, prejudiced, talented, cynical – and interesting. The pale version of her boiled down to a feminist saint is not.

    I can excuse that approach in a children’s book, but it’s alarming to see the same urge in adults. We cannot celebrate women’s history by stripping politics – and therefore conflict – from the narrative. Unfurl the bunting, and don’t ask too many questions! It creates a story of feminism where all the opponents are either cartoon baddies or mysteriously absent, where no hard compromises have to be made and internal disagreements are kicked under the carpet. The One True Way is obvious, and all Good People follow it. Feminists are on the right side of history, and we just have to wait for the world to catch up.

    Life does not work like that. It would be much easier if feminist triumphs relied on defeating a few bogeymen, but grotesque sexists such as Donald Trump only have power because otherwise decent people voted for them. There were women who opposed female suffrage; women are the biggest consumers of magazines and websites that point out other women’s physical flaws; there is no gender gap among supporters of abortion rights. People are complicated, and making progress is complicated too. If modern feminism feels toothless, it is because it has retreated into two modes: empty celebration or shadow-boxing with outright bastards. Neither deals with difficulty, and so neither can make a difference.

    Women’s history should not be a shallow hunt for heroines. Too often, I see feminists castigating each other for admiring the Pankhursts (autocrats), Andrea Dworkin (too aggressive), Jane Austen (too middle-class), Margaret Atwood (worried about due process in claims of sexual harassment) and Germaine Greer (where do I start?). I recently read a piece about how I was “problematic” for having expressed sympathy for the supreme court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. My crime was to say that his confirmation hearings had been turned into a media circus – and that even those accused of sexual assault deserved better. The criticism reflects a desperate desire to pretend that thorny issues are straightforward. No more flawed humans struggling inside vast, complicated systems: there are good guys and bad guys, and it’s easy to tell them apart. We must restore the complexity to feminist pioneers. Their legacies might be contested, they might have made terrible strategic choices and they might have not have lived according to the ideals they preached. But they mattered. Their difficulty is part of the story.

    Then there’s the second meaning of “difficult”. Any demand for greater rights faces opponents, and any advance creates a backlash. Changing the world is always difficult. At Dublin Castle in May 2018, waiting for the results of the Irish referendum on abortion law, I saw a banner that read: “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” Those words come from a speech by Frederick Douglass, who campaigned for the end of the slave trade in the US. He wanted to make clear that “power concedes nothing without a demand”. In other words, campaigners have to be disruptive. They cannot take no for an answer. “Those who profess to favour freedom and yet deprecate agitation are men who want crops without ploughing up the ground,” said Douglass. “They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters.” Changing the world won’t make people like you. It will cause you pain. It will be difficult. It will feel like a struggle. You must accept the size of the mountain ahead of you, and start climbing it anyway.

    Then there is the difficulty of womanhood itself. In a world built for men, women will always struggle to fit in. We are what Simone de Beauvoir called “the second sex”. Our bodies are different from the standard (male) human. Our sexual desires have traditionally been depicted as fluid, hard to read, unpredictable. Our life experiences are mysterious and unknowable; our minds are Freud’s “dark continent”. We are imagined to be on the wrong side of a world divided in two. Men are serious, women are silly. Men are rational, women are emotional. Men are strong, women are weak. Men are steadfast, women are fickle. Men are objective, women are subjective. Men are humanity, women are a subset of it. Men want sex and women grant or withhold it. Women are looked at; men do the looking. When we are victims, it is hard to believe us. “At the heart of the struggle of feminism to give rape, date rape, marital rape, domestic violence and workplace sexual harassment legal standing as crimes has been the necessity of making women credible and audible,” wrote Rebecca Solnit in Men Explain Things to Me. “Billions of women must be out there on this six-billion-person planet being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever.”

    My favourite definition of feminism comes from the Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A feminist, she said, is someone who believes in “the social, economic and political equality of the sexes”. That sounds straightforward, but feminism is endlessly difficult. The last 10 years have been praised for “changing the culture”, but led only to a few concrete victories. The #MeToo movement turned into a conversation about borderline cases and has not led to any substantial legal reforms. Abortion rights came under threat in eastern Europe and the southern United States. Gang-rape cases convulsed India and Spain. Free universal childcare was as much a dream as it had been in the 1970s. And the backlash has been brutal. Across the world, from Vladimir Putin in Russia to Narendra Modi in India to Jair Bolsonaro in Brazil, populists and nationalists are pushing a return to traditional gender roles, while the US president boasted of grabbing women “by the pussy”.

    Today’s feminist movement might be louder than previous generations, but is also more fractured, making it harder to achieve progress on any individual issue. “Cancel culture” ensures that any feminist icon’s reputation feels fragile and provisional. We barely anoint a new heroine before we tear her down again. “Sisterhood is powerful,” the activist Ti-Grace Atkinson once said. “It kills. Mostly sisters.” Feminism often feels mired in petty arguments, with younger women casually denigrating the achievements of their predecessors. “Cancel the second wave,” read one headline. When I talked at an event about the fights for equal pay and domestic-violence shelters, one twentysomething woman casually replied: “Yeah, but all that stuff is sorted.”

    Feminism will always be difficult because it tries to represent half of humanity: 3.5 billion people (and counting) drawn from every race, class, country and religion. It is revolutionary, challenging the most fundamental structures of our society. It is deeply personal, illuminating our most intimate experiences and personal relationships. It rejects the division between the public and private spheres. It gets everywhere, from boardrooms to bedrooms. It leaves no part of our lives untouched. It is both theory and practice.

    And there is another problem, unique to feminism. It is a movement run by women, for women. And what do we expect from women? Perfection. Selflessness. Care. Girls are instructed to be “ladylike” to keep them quiet and docile. Motherhood is championed as a journey of endless self-sacrifice. Random men tell us to “cheer up” in the street, because God forbid our own emotions should impinge on anyone else’s day. If we raise our voices, we are “shrill”. Our ambition is suspicious. Our anger is portrayed as unnatural, horrifying, disfiguring: who needs to listen to the “nag”, the “hysteric” or the “angry black woman”?
    Advertisement

    All this is extremely unhelpful if you want to go out and cause trouble – the kind of trouble that leads to legal and cultural change. We pick apart feminism to see its failings, as if to reassure ourselves that women aren’t getting above their station. We describe women who challenge authority or seek power as unladylike, talkative, insistent, self-obsessed. We accuse them of “putting themselves forward”. The critic Emily Nussbaum nailed the problem: “When you’re put on a pedestal, the whole world gets to upskirt you.”

    For that reason, feminism has a particular duty to fight “the tyranny of niceness” – which is, and has always been, one of the most potent forces holding women back. Feminism is not a self-help movement, dedicated to making everyone feel better about their lives. It is a radical demand to overturn the status quo. It sometimes has to cause upset. “I cannot personally think of any widespread injustice that has been remedied by plodding worthily down the middle of the road, smiling and smiling,” wrote Jill Tweedie in 1971. “If you are sure of the justice of your cause it must be better to have people thinking of it with initial anger than not thinking at all.

    In the early 20th century, the contraception pioneer Marie Stopes showed thousands of women how to enjoy sex – and how to stop risking their lives through endless pregnancies. She was also a domineering, self-mythologising eugenicist. The suffragettes helped to secure the vote for women, but the cost was bombings, arson, criminal damage and, in one case, throwing a hatchet at the prime minister. Today, we would call them terrorists. Jayaben Desai – who led the strikes at Grunwick in the 1970s, and showed Britain that “working class” was not synonymous with white and male – ultimately failed, and her protest contributed to the Thatcherite backlash against trade unions. The woman who founded the first domestic violence refuge in Britain, Erin Pizzey, is now a men’s rights activist who says feminism is destroying the family. Selma James preached the gospel of universal basic income: only she called it “wages for housework” and wanted it to go to women, so she was ignored. Caroline Norton, who fought so hard to reform Britain’s child custody laws, relied on her own middle-class respectability to make her arguments.

    All of these women belong in the history of feminism, not in spite of their flaws, but because we are all flawed. We have to resist the modern impulse to pick one of two settings: airbrush or discard.

    In the past decade, the internet – and particularly social media – has prompted a flowering of feminist activism. The Everyday Sexism project website, #MeToo and the Caitlin Moran-inspired publishing boom awakened a new generation to the idea that, no, sexism hadn’t been solved by their mothers and grandmothers. Their anger, their creativity and the power of their voices renewed feminism, creating its fourth wave.
    illustration of woman in jeans and boots stepping off the classical pedestal
    Underneath all the energy, though, a split could be observed. Some young activists saw the older generation as conservatives, wedded to fixed ideas of what men and women could be, whereas they felt gender was much more fluid and playful. Their mothers were equally bemused. They had tried to smash beauty standards and restrictive ideas about the nuclear family. They struggled to understand why their daughters were so desperate to have a big wedding, wear high heels, pore over Facetuned selfies. Feminism can, and must, contain all these contradictions, the differing priorities of difficult women. But one thing should unite us: we should still try to turn our outrage into political power. The fourth wave was beautifully noisy and attention-grabbing, but now we need concrete victories that will last in a way hashtag campaigns cannot. The #MeToo movement is a dead end without structural change, such as ensuring full and free access to employment tribunals.

    The fifth wave, if there is to be one, should look again at the seven demands of the first Women’s Liberation Movement conference, in Oxford 50 years ago this month. Equal pay. Equal educational and job opportunities. Free contraception and abortion on demand. Free 24-hour childcare. Legal and financial independence for all women. The right to a self-defined sexuality. Freedom from intimidation and violence. These are a reminder of how long the struggle has been – Northern Ireland only gained abortion rights last year – and how much there is left to do. Women are legally entitled to be paid the same as men, but as Samira Ahmed’s case against the BBC showed, laws are worthless if they are not enforced. Single parents (who are overwhelmingly female) still face a high risk of poverty. Lesbians are still attacked for saying “no” to the Great Almighty Penis. Social media and smartphones have created new expressions of misogyny, such as “revenge porn”, which rely on the same old mechanisms of intimidation and shame.

    You might notice that I haven’t said much about some of the hardy perennials of feminist commentary: leg-shaving, bra-burning, pube-waxing. It’s not because I don’t care about them or haven’t thought about them. I don’t wear high heels (can’t walk in them, and object to the principle of a shoe that makes your feet less comfortable). I didn’t take my husband’s surname. I don’t watch pornography. I’m 100% pro‑bra as I have a cup size that requires serious cantilevering. I shave my legs because my socialised disgust with female body hair runs so deep that I couldn’t concentrate on anything else if I had furry calves. But all of these are ultimately personal decisions, rather than collective actions. And since we live in a deeply individualist society, debates over women’s choices on these topics will never struggle to get airtime. My most hated headline format – “Can you be a feminist and … ” – will never, ever die. In this climate, the most radical thing we can do is resist treating everything as a personal choice, and resist turning feminism into a referendum on those choices. Let’s swim against the tide by talking instead about what we can do together.

    Change requires us to put aside our egos, and our differences, and focus on our shared goals. The suffragettes saw themselves as an army. Jayaben Desai did not go on strike alone. Erin Pizzey and her “battered wives” made sure the government could not ignore them, by staging a sit-in at Downing Street. Feminism will never be free of infighting, of personality clashes and contests over priorities. It will never be perfect, or nice. But no wonder sexists and reactionaries are scared of it, because – by God, can it get things done

    The Testosterone Zone

    The last few days I have been trying to understand and somehow explain the failure of men as I endlessly hear or read another story about a man and his failure to control his most basest of urges which seem to be to fight or to fuck.

    Even the most innocuous of men seem to have a switch in their head that seems to turn on or off when it comes to either behavior and that also may be why those men seem to struggle more with sexual identity, personal intimate relationships and in turn their own place in a larger social role.  Those are the men who at 60 suddenly divorce, have literally an identity crisis and find themselves adrift. What used to end up with a man buying a Porche or quitting his job to live on a boat has become so much more.   I think of Bruce Jenner and now Billy Dee Williams who has decided to become fluid in his identity.  Do I care about either man? No but the need for attention is the part I don’t understand.  You know who you are early on and at times that challenge to fit that square peg into a round hole is not easy and I should know and mine is not about sexual identity but just being a woman of independence of means and that is not just about finances but about work, relationships and what I believe and do in response to my beliefs about myself.

    After what happened to me in 2012 I was not sure what my life would be like without a fuck buddy and I found out its fine.  I cannot be Gay as I was not born that way and no it is not a choice and I choose to be me.   So for someone who enjoys men and in small doses but would like a constant companion on whom to rely I realize that men say that but they do not mean that.  They cannot get enough sex to ever satisfy them and they cannot accept a woman who either agrees nor is willing to not agree.  With men it is no either/or it is neither/nor.  A woman is a whore or a mother and one fucks at will and one just fucks to have children and once that is accomplished their role is asexual and to serve.  Gee where did that one come from? Oh yeah the book of myths.

    This weekend I watched three comedy specials with their own take on parenting, relationships and becoming an adult in society as it related to their own experiences and history – Wanda Sykes, Seth Myers and Sebastian Maniscalco.  There are many outstanding ones with similar themes on Netflx right now, many I have seen and some I have not but it is worth ones time to just sit and laugh at the world that seems all out of control and all ironically because of men who stand on two sides of the same argument.  The NATO conference demonstrated that in ways that reminded me of the high school cafeteria with the cool kids laughing at the nerd who later plans his revenge.  And we have seen of late of that pans out usually with guns and ammo not Hookers and blow; the later a way preferable way to give the big finger to the assholes.

    But what stood out was Wanda Sykes observations about aging as a woman.  And there I realized that for me I have become invisible, I am to be ignored and when being paid attention to I am done so in a patronizing and condescending manner.  We are seeing this now also pan out with the “OK Boomer” response by Millennials who seem to think our world view is a waste of their precious time away from social media which put us here in the first place.  So okay then!  But her one observation was salient with the lack of Estrogen which is a calming hormone we are becoming men. It explains my anger and my rage of late and why I upset everyone with my directness as that is not how women are dammit!  More subservience and reticence please bitch!

    I don’t do social media anymore and I loved Twitter in the early days and now I simply glance at it an pimp my blog.  I have a fake Facebook account and email with it and when they get shut down in the occasional sweeps I just come up with another one.  Really Google and other tech firms give no flying fucks about any issues of privacy, fraud or interference in democracy. The more data the better to make money with.   If they cared they would have fixed it like they claim they are fixing the world and making it better, like Theranos only with less bullshit and fraud.   And that was a woman behind that so hey we broke the glass ceiling there!

    And that brings me to the sharing economy and the varying startups that have come from them.  Let’s see the woman oriented ones are fashion and domestic based – Pinterest, Etsy, Rent the Runway and so forth. The male ones are Uber, Lyft, AirBnb, TaskRabbit, Grinder and other dating apps that are sexual in nature.  Just Facebook with swiping versus liking which is what the face place was about when it started, a way to rate women by nerds who could not get laid. They chose the internet and getting rich over taking up arms.  Good choice.

    So this week brought the report by Uber about the number of sexual assaults and other criminal complaints on both drivers and passengers.  I am sure Lyft is the same (and it is)as who hasn’t gotten into one of the vehicles to find the signage of both in the car.  I never do any of those services at night and never will without a male companion as frankly they are not the best in the best of times but the few I have had here in Jersey speak very little English and those who do I start up a convo right away and keep talking and we all know how men hate women who talk a lot.  Irony I am rated 5 star! I tip.  That said I have also had amazing conversations with men in those vehicles that lasted long after the ride did and I am better for it.   I actually do know how to converse and when you are willing to find someone to do the same we are all better for it.

    And for the record most abuse, violence and societal problems begin on social media and end in a pile of shit.  So much for the social part but ass kicking, murder, suicide, rape (or making it live on and on and on)and gun violence sure that  is pretty social.

    So as I try to understand what the fuck is going on and why I feel so afraid, disconnected and in turn just sad, I read the following articles all about the failings of men when it comes to women and sex:

    Woman killed after date
    Woman killed for ignoring catcalls
    Traffic Stop leads to Rape     or Dead Tell No Tales
    Rape as Porn Video
    Cruise Ships and Rape
    How about a Plane  or Another airline perhaps
    Caregiver or Taker

    I just listed the ones of late these do not include further allegations about Priests, Harvey Weinstein or the other Stein – as in Jeffrey. The fallback to Prince Andrew is enough about that subject for awhile. We have numerous stories of rape and assault all over the globe, just doing a search on the New York Times gave me these articles.  It is a global problem that affects both men and women. Google Hyderbad.  And yes men are also raped by men that are not just Priests. The New York Times did an outstanding investigation of male rape in the Military and of late the boys in Afghanistan. 

    My point?  That men have real problems that all the hash tags, marches and collective sighing will not change. We have had legislation for years to prevent sexual abuse including harassment and clearly it failed in the same way the Cops failed to protect people from harm as they seem to be the ones most causing it.   And when it comes to sexual assault they do shit all nothing as the Atlantic found in their article about how many rapes fail to get investigated at any level.  And watch the Netflix series about ProPublica’s investigation into a serial rapist – Unbelievable.  You may need a comedy show after that.

    Anger, rage, displacement, confusion, sexual identity, sexual frustration, drugs, alcohol, abandonment, isolation, depression, anxiety, poverty, family abuse, sexual abuse, religion and societal pressures are all reasons why we do what we do, why we make bad decisions but nothing women do seems to rise to the level of violence and destruction that men do.  And why? It’s the testosterone baby!   That is some shit man that is killing men.  Fuck Viagra, find a way to control that and maybe we have solved some of the problems.  Just some of them.  I am not sure if it is all nature at this point as we have nurtured this for centuries and some things regarding male domination and abuse seem beyond resolution.  We are all losers for this.  Time is up? For what?  It appears as if that time has passed.  Ok, Boomer.

    Gone to Hell

    Literally as that is what it feels like at the present, that we are in Hell not even purgatory but full on blazing Hell.  The irony was that the greatest surf guitarist, Dick Dale, passed this week and he is playing the soundtrack upon arrival, fast, furious and with speed we are in it deep and there may be no way out.

    The last week brought another illustration of the great anger of the great white male only this time he was not American but Australian. At least we are keeping it in the “A” letters; However, he fit the American profile to meet another letter, the perfect T.  He was white, just age 28 as that sweet spot is between ages 24-28. Unemployed, with no family or ties to the community he was living in.  He was angry and wrote the standard manifesto blaming all non-white, non-Christian people for the worlds problems.  While he cited Trump hew was conflicted about the rest of the Trump sphere of global relationships which at one point made me realize he was so not American as that required some insight and awareness.  That then was immediately retracted when in Court flashed his ‘gang’ sign of white supremacy.  Why then did I suddenly think of the great song, America, from West Side Story when I watched this?  That is so not about white people.  But then again diversity rules or not as a show about Latino Americans starring the fantastic star of that musical was just canceled on Netflix.  Coming to a binge near you, The Best of Enemies, doing for the KKK what Green Book did for white people too!

    *** for the record I liked Green Book as it introduced me to the music of Don Shirley who on the piano was as fierce as Dick Dale. And I loved the male stars they are great actors and that they gave dignity to what is a very undignified time let’s just leave it at that****

    We have now more hate and loathing as Trump is attacking the dead John McCain which again shows that integrity and dignity and traits which he does not possess.  I was no fan of McCain and I loathe his daughter but I don’t feel compelled to share that with the world with each passing brain fart.  Even Sarah Palin managed to keep her mouth shut and was largely invisible during the time of public mourning. So follow that lead who woulda thunk it?  Perhaps Mr. Kellyanne Conaway is right that the President has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, his diagnosis seems more on target than any of the other Physicians who have declared Trump both healthy and cognitively capable.

    Then as we role along not as merrily more fallback from the movement that is not just MeToo but now YouToo with  the resignation of an executive from Warner Brothers due to his “relationship” with a young aspiring Actress.  While it seemed consensual it was of course a man in a higher position and in turn a younger woman who allowed this with the promise of enabling access to professional work.  And to think Robert Kraft was shamed for his hiring an Asian prostitute to give him a hand job.  True she was exploited and trafficked but hey he had needs and asking her about her immigration status was probably extra.   A man has needs and only so much time. Ask apparently Brett Ratner, Kerry Packer, Kevin Tsujihara as they passed that girl around like dirty sock and cost as much.

    And when desperate times call for desperate measures people behave and do shit that at times seems unfathomable and in fact often is.  I can only say I have said too much, tried to hard, fucked the wrong man and failed to rely on my instincts when the shit hits the fan.  And no age is not a better teacher it just means your older not necessarily wiser.  Emotions rule in a crisis but when grown men in a position of power exploit young women with promises of “something more” they should check themselves at the door and head to an Oriental Spa for a hand job and then cum down, whoops I mean calm down before acting on those impulses.  Well there are always another way to shoot a load. I think that says all I need to on that subject.

    Meanwhile in Shitsville, I laughed as the outrage over incentives to Amazon lasted a hot minute here in ‘it’ city.  Despite the reality that the types of jobs, the salaries and where the prospective employees were coming from (inside the region vs transfers) was of course skirted and pleated with no definitive answers but donations to varying schools and organizations and some political lobbying on behalf of the LGBQT community regarding the continuing bills written to oppress Gay rights was made.  If anyone thinks this Legislature is going to spend some time thinking they are less aware than the NZ Terrorist, they are full tilt boogie with the Plumber in charge.  Ain’t no stopping us now!

    Yesterday at Vanderbilt which once again seems to provide with entertainment coupled with concern,  as a woman is suing them for removing the wrong kidney. Funny a year ago I was insistent that I leave the hospital with the two kidneys I came in with seems now to be quite prescient.  But there as I planned for my implants, dental not breast, I was chatting with the X-Ray Tech about the lack of transportation options including sidewalks and crosswalks (she was impressed that I did not own a car and ride buses throughout the city, I failed to tell her I was in a rental car that day) and another tech raced in going, “There she goes again, I can hear her.” And to that I wanted to say, “Why the fuck do you care about our conversation it was hardly done to enrage or cause issue as I was simply responding to what she asked me how I managed driving in and I told her I didn’t.  And that is why I simply responded that I was talking about transit, just a fact and observation along with experience and I left it at that and she in turn realized the entertainment portion was over.   I realized after she left I told the woman that I also work in the schools and they are equally as horrible and despite all the proclamations about Amazon and money and wages there is little give back to the community and nowhere does it prove it when in fact it is Vanderbilt that is the largest employer in both education and medical care and in turn the biggest draw to the city and little is done to address the needs of its workers. She concurred as Vanderbilt does not pay its staff the wages that are akin to the white collar ones promised by Amzon, et al. . And Vanderbilt has a largely diverse staff of varying levels of education and skills set who are least likely to demand wages or collectively organize given the way the school and hospital are split entities.   But again I point to the story about Dr. Eugene Gu about how “liberal” Nashville is.   I was also clear that the politics and climate here (not just the weather as that too will be a major issue)  will also have an affect on who comes and who stays.  I am not the only one who thinks that but I don’t go into denial as the article in the Tennessean seems to promote. The reality is that for every act the City passes the State does its best to circumvent it.  Nashville is not progressive nor inclusive in any way.

    I read this article in the New York Times about Women Economists and how they are incredibly marginalized and face high levels of sexual abuse in the field but one comment stood out by Lisa D. Cook: ” I’m just going to keep on being nice and one day people will believe me. I’m going to keep on being smart, and one day people will believe me. I’m going to keep on sending out these papers, and one day people will believe me.”

    That is how I feel living here that one day people will believe me.  Even in the most innocuous of situations, like yesterday, I was shocked how the tech stormed in laughing as if I was a source of entertainment to be placed there for amusement. I don’t think she meant it that way but that is what it is like to live here, to state an opinion heavily derived from fact and be so marginalized that you question all your beliefs, your thoughts and your character.   Nashville is a fuckhole.  And the people who live here  are fucking douchebags who can go to hell.












    How to Play Ball

    I have said that in the case of many of these #MeToo allegations, that they either need to be heard out in court, determined if a crime was committed and in turn prosecuted or at least charged and in turn all evidence and information placed in public record.

    A good example is that 2008 R. Kelly was charged and ultimately acquitted of charges stemming from sexual abuse and it appears that the court system functioned as it does and he was and still is a black man so this seems to prove that with power, money, excellent Attorneys that a Jury will ultimately make the decision they feel the evidence supports or does not.   But then for over a decade it seemed to not provide Mr. Kelly with a wake up call instead seemed to give him a hall pass to further denigrate and abuse women and girls.  In this time frame undoubtedly colleagues and associates crossed his path, were aware of the history and perhaps even the present and did or said nothing to stop him. At one point no one felt compelled as a friend to even say, “Hey knock off the girl shit at least Robert as this is not good for you or anyone.”   It is clear that you must direct your concerns to the player not the played to get anyone famous to pay attention but hey you do what you can.

    This goes the same for Michael Jackson who was also cleared of charges and in a civil case as well and since that time two of the victims have come forward admitting they lied. There were years of problems and warnings with Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Kevin Spacey, fill in the blank as it appears that all of this was not a secret among friends or family.    Drug use the same and to say that the individual was private and they could not does not recall that two weeks before Prince’s plane landed for all the world to know and he was given naloxone to stop a drug overdose. The same with Kurt Cobain who had escaped from rehab only days before .   Are there no Adults in the room at all who can say STOP?! And more importantly talk to each other to stay on message? And yes there were in all the cases and still nothing was done and I have to ask why anyone gave Cobain a gun or continued to work with Weinstein given the whispers.  But then again I don’t understand fame or money. 

    Another famous individual has emerged from his rock and while it is unclear to what exactly transpired during his years at Pixar it was enough for him to leave and go where I have no idea. But John Lasseter is back working for millions of dollars.  Did he go the the Vatican to seek penance?  That was a bad idea.  Or is there some fake rehab facility that a man goes to on a nice island, say Mustique; I hear in the 60s it was swinging.  There they get their shit together over cocktails, emphasis on the cock part.   That place must be packed like a cool dorm or prison without the cells or maybe with them as who knows what shit goes down on these places.  Oh god did I say go down?  Next patient, Robert Kraft, who comes in and asks for a massage, no happy ending please.

    Again I am not sure what to say about men who are 70 plus years old, billionaires and need to go to some odd Asian themed strip mall for a “massage.”  You mean you can’t find a woman willing to come to you or a discrete secondary location for some kink? Seriously that is the real problem that you have to know that these are not well managed or organized sex brothels like Amsterdam or even the Bunny Ranch (although that pushes the boundary but it is legal) and that sordid place anyone in their right mind would not set foot in there for numerous reasons so why dude why?

    When I want to get high I go to states where it is legal and then I get high, really really high and call it my pot vacation.  I have a good time and I pay cash and keep it legal and go home having had a great time.  If I can do it so can anyone.   The same for gambling or well whatever one does on vacation you respect the boundaries and laws of the location but that is what it is there for.   So I have to say the thrill is the abuse, the control and the crossing the lines.  Great I watched season one of Westworld and said this is abuse and misogyny and why am I watching this?  And I stopped.

    Sometimes you can stop and sometimes you need someone to give you that Come to Jesus talk and it is clear for men that no one is willing to do that.  And the richer the better.  And yes it crosses racial lines and age so to say black women are more disposable is disgracing women and children – period. No color lines there when you are raping, drugging or abusing anyone. Sorry the race card is tossed, played and promptly thrown from the deck.  It is about money and fame which has no color line.

    When I read Emma Thompson’s letter today about her withdrawing from a project due to the company’s willing to hire John Lasseter,  I applauded her intellectual reasoning and in turn explanation. I agree, you can work with any one of these men and you can choose how to set the boundaries and expectations and in turn you can elect to not and let people know why.  That is what defines free will.  But Ms. Thompson is also famous and rich and it enables her to do so, the crew and others she mentions are not as privileged. Again privilege is not just owned by white people it is owned by those in positions where they have the money, the fame and/or power in which to move seamlessly in life with little recourse.  Well until you go into a sex parlor that was under a sting operation then maybe not.  Or file fake Police charges and in turn in a city that has Police very defensively about race relations so maybe not that either. Or rape one woman to many.  That too.

    This is a larger problem that is about men, their issues regarding sex and their relationships with women.  Watching the Ted Bundy documentary on Netflix reminded me of the time we were enthralled with his story as if a man who is white, attractive and with so much “potential” (whatever that means he failed Law school and had no real career but okay) could rape and murder women and finally it was a young girl that finally stopped this maniac in his tracks.  Gosh how many did he kill that we believe – 18?  At the same time the Green River Killer in the same area was killing Prostitutes and that took decades to solve but then they were largely prostitutes.  The same with the serial killer in California that was finally solved what 30 years later?  How many women? How many?

    This is just one of the many letters that need to be written but more importantly read.

    Emma Thompson releases blunt letter about why she won’t work with ex-Pixar chief John Lasseter

    By Michael Cavna
    The Washington Post
    February 26 2019

    Last week, the news became public that Emma Thompson was departing a film project at Skydance Animation because the studio had hired John Lasseter. Now Thompson is publicly posing questions about why she believes Lasseter’s presence there is problematic — and why she won’t work with him on the animated movie “Luck.”

    In her letter last month to Skydance, which was published Tuesday in the Los Angeles Times, Thompson wrote: “It feels very odd to me that you and your company would consider hiring someone with Mr. Lasseter’s pattern of misconduct given the present climate in which people with the kind of power that you have can reasonably be expected to step up to the plate.”

    Lasseter, the former creative chief of Pixar and Disney Animation, began leading Skydance last month, immediately after retiring from Disney/Pixar in the wake of a sexual harassment scandal in which employees accused him of inappropriate contact.

    He has admitted to professional “missteps” in his behavior without specifically acknowledging the allegations.

    Last month, Skydance Media chief executive David Ellison referred to Lasseter’s past actions as “mistakes” and told workers that Lasseter had promised to “comport himself” professionally. In hiring Lasseter, Ellison called the Pixar co-founder and “Toy Story” director “a singular creative and executive talent whose impact on the animation industry cannot be overstated.”

    In her letter, Thompson, who worked with Lasseter seven years ago on the Pixar film “Brave,” writes: “If a man has been touching women inappropriately for decades, why would a woman want to work for him if the only reason he’s not touching them inappropriately now is that it says in his contract that he must behave ‘professionally’?”

    Thompson expressed regret for stepping away from working with “Luck” director Alessandro Carloni, who has worked on such blockbuster animated franchises as “Kung Fu Panda” and “How to Train Your Dragon.”

    A representative for Thompson told The Washington Post on Tuesday that the Oscar-winning actress-writer hopes her letter can have a ripple effect, stirring further conversation within Hollywood in the #MeToo climate.

    Melissa Silverstein, founder of the website WomenAndHollywood.com, which promotes gender equality and inclusivity in the entertainment industry, told The Post that she “can’t convey the gravity” of Thompson’s letter and its potential impact.

    “What she has done is put a line in the sand,” said Silverstein, who called the letter a “rallying cry.”‘

    Thompson, she adds, is using the privilege of her power not only to leave “Luck” but also to pose “the questions we need to be asking” about such issues as workplace safety, career protection and freedom from harassment.

    Skydance declined to comment on Thompson’s letter.

    The announcement of Lasseter’s hiring led to a long town hall meeting between concerned Skydance employees and Lasseter, who reportedly fielded tough questions. Following the backlash to Lasseter’s hiring, Skydance Animation production head Holly Edwards was promoted to president.

    Thompson’s departure and letter are the most visible indications that Skydance may face ramifications over the hire.

    Here is Thompson’s letter to Skydance in full:

    As you know, I have pulled out of the production of “Luck” — to be directed by the very wonderful Alessandro Carloni. It feels very odd to me that you and your company would consider hiring someone with Mr. Lasseter’s pattern of misconduct given the present climate in which people with the kind of power that you have can reasonably be expected to step up to the plate.

    I realise that the situation — involving as it does many human beings — is complicated. However these are the questions I would like to ask:

    If a man has been touching women inappropriately for decades, why would a woman want to work for him if the only reason he’s not touching them inappropriately now is that it says in his contract that he must behave “professionally”?

    If a man has made women at his companies feel undervalued and disrespected for decades, why should the women at his new company think that any respect he shows them is anything other than an act that he’s required to perform by his coach, his therapist and his employment agreement? The message seems to be, “I am learning to feel respect for women so please be patient while I work on it. It’s not easy.” 

    Much has been said about giving John Lasseter a “second chance.” But he is presumably being paid millions of dollars to receive that second chance. How much money are the employees at Skydance being paid to GIVE him that second chance?

    If John Lasseter started his own company, then every employee would have been given the opportunity to choose whether or not to give him a second chance. But any Skydance employees who don’t want to give him a second chance have to stay and be uncomfortable or lose their jobs. Shouldn’t it be John Lasseter who has to lose HIS job if the employees don’t want to give him a second chance?

    Skydance has revealed that no women received settlements from Pixar or Disney as a result of being harassed by John Lasseter. But given all the abuse that’s been heaped on women who have come forward to make accusations against powerful men, do we really think that no settlements means that there was no harassment or no hostile work environment? Are we supposed to feel comforted that women who feel that their careers were derailed by working for Lasseter DIDN’T receive money?

    I hope these queries make the level of my discomfort understandable. I regret having to step away because I love Alessandro so much and think he is an incredibly creative director. But I can only do what feels right during these difficult times of transition and collective consciousness raising.

    I am well aware that centuries of entitlement to women’s bodies whether they like it or not is not going to change overnight. Or in a year. But I am also aware that if people who have spoken out — like me — do not take this sort of a stand then things are very unlikely to change at anything like the pace required to protect my daughter’s generation.

    Yours most sincerely,

    Emma Thompson

    Not Me

    This weekend marks the Oscars and the 71 year old Glenn Close seems to have a lock on her more youthful counterparts and if one has not see The Wife one should as it is a fascinating look at marriage and being a woman who comes of age in time of change for women but not of women. The other film The Favourite seems to be the cause du jour about women in power but they only prove what we have already come to believe, that women are all secretly Lesbians, manipulative and catty with other women they view as threats.  I hated it not all of it but a lot of it.  The film that I felt best captured being a woman of a certain age in a certain time was Can You Ever Forgive Me.  I felt that while I was very much alive in that time Lee Israel was not someone on my radar and not one on many people’s radars.  She seem very interested in the stories of women told by women and perhaps that is why her career faltered.  The story continual emphasizes her age, 51 at that time in the early 90s, and her inability to connect to a more mainstream society and play a role that writers must and women certainly must in which to be a success. Literally her partner-in-crime, a Gay misfit who seems homeless and equally criminal in behavior shows that those on the fringe are those who often most pay the price for their sins unless they are stories that can be told on the screen long after they are gone and then we can forgive them.  Some of Bohemian Rhapsody addresses that but for some it was not enough but frankly it was about the band, Queen, and not the Queen of a Singer who led them forward to fame and fortune.  That is another movie for another time to be told.

    Stories that are told are told in that time, with that frame of reference and perspective of the narrator and in turn the listeners are often participants, the background to the foreground of who is telling the story.   And we know that when there are many eyewitnesses a story will be told from all those eyes and all of those eyes are telling their “truth” be that as what they recall, what they saw and their ability to tell the story in a way that makes them heard.

    This weekend as the Jussie Smollett story played out there was a lot of outrage and of course frustration not for Jussie but for the shame that his story enabled others to connect and of course disconnect as the truth was told.  We still have not heard the story from the primary narrator and maybe in a few years he too will ask for forgiveness and share his truth. 

    I was listening to Bill Maher on his show and his comment regarding this was prescient that we demand we believe any victim but that is not always the truth.  We must, however, listen to each victim and enable the truth be told over time and be patient to hear all the stories of the narrators so to make a conclusion on the truth.  I had my story of 2012 and no one believed me at the time and I have never gone back to any of them to ask them if they do now given what we are hearing repeatedly on the news about sexual power, dynamics, rape and assault.  And no they are not the same and should not be treated in the same way.  Some are crimes and some are just bad acts that veer on criminal but are not crimes.  We have if one thing over-lawed ourselves with laws after laws that in the long run do not serve the intent they were written and we have seen that with some sexual activity especially with regards to listing on sexual preadator lists and arrests.  The 19 year old boy who sexts his 16 y/o girlfriend needs a talking too and that come to Jesus moment with the families but no not an arrest and not certainly being listed on a sexual predator list for life.    This goes the same for the owner of the Patriots, Robert Kraft.   Bad form, bad judgment and frankly bizarre but the man sought sexual gratification and perhaps committed some crime but the owners of the spa and their management and treatment of these women are the real criminals.  Again perspective and a sense of understanding which takes time. 

    I have said repeatedly that sexual encounters are less about consent but more about conversation and frankly we don’t have those “talks” with anyone we are about to get busy with and that is why I suspect many sexual encounters are just not good, not satisfying and lead to aggression, confusion and pain.  I have been the “victim” of many said encounters and the night of 2012 I never knew what could have happened to me but I often say that the car accident stopped that from happening and may have in some backward way saved my life.   He was not the first man I had sex with in my life that was largely one sited and utterly empty, he was, however,  the last.  There were two other times since where I had idiotic,  frustrated and pathetic sexual encounters largely to see if I could possibly engage in that way with men and they taught me the reality is that no I cannot.  For me to learn how to do that would require too much time, energy and money to really change something that no longer mattered to me.  I miss companionship and I would love a friendship free of the sexual obligations that a male-female one demands so for now I stick to myself and find that sex is just orgasm and you can DIY that.

    The weekend brought more attention to the #MeToo movement as the President of all of eight months suddenly resigned for “personal” reasons. Those reasons were that her son is now having one of those moments too. 

    The emergence and return of many of the perpetrators of the horrific stories of bad behavior and sexual misconduct are back to work or at least trying to and to that I say go ahead you have to make a living and here is a very short leash in which to do it.  To those working with these individuals well Que Sera Sera or Caveat Empteor and hell at least you know this one is nuts so you can work around it.   Again do we want everyone labeled and relegated to a trailer park somewhere and on a list to isolate and in turn demonize without the possibility of redemption.

    This weekend saw the Church attempt to do that and those who were victimized seem to have little hope but to any future possible victims, aka members of the Church, you do know so you can just do whatever you need to to change your behavior and relationship to the Church. Attend services, volunteer but limit your contact and watch them for the signs and symptoms of what defines a predator and in turn LISTEN to all the narrators and their stories to understand and find the truth that is the basis of Christianity after all.

    As for R. Kelly this was 20 years in the making. Twenty years he preyed on young women and was tried and acquitted for it so without treatment or without admitting guilt people enabled him and turned their back on what was clearly damaging and sick behavior.  Those who tried to bring attention the issue were castigated and marginalized and dismissed literally from their jobs so  again this proves when no one listens no one hears regardless of the storyteller.

    And no not everyone supports this movement nor believes it either and those are women, women of a certain age who came of time in a certain age.  I do think that many women, myself included, thought they were dating a powerful man with equal interest and desire and no that is not true in the least but the belief of that is what prevents the rage and sadness to face that truth.  For men having many women in their lives it was defines them it is how they have them that defines what type of relationship it is.  And for many women that truth is also linked to an obligation, a duty and responsibility and we are all guilty of not having our best interests aligned with our partners when we engage in a relationship.  As my Mother used to say, “It’s easy to marry a rich man as a poor one” and true economic security is a high factor in finding a match but it is not always the best nor only reason in which to do so.

    I watched CBS Sunday Morning and the profile was on Angie Dickinson who was a woman of my era and her feisty performances were always one that to me showed a sharp woman who of course was clearly feminine.   She was married to Burt Bacharach and he was truly one of our favorites in our home during those years.   She admitted he did not love her and was not good to her and left it at that.  She does not support the MeToo movement and is right when she said, “An open robe is not a rape.”  I suspect Ms. Dickinson saw many an open robe and in turn what you chose to do with that is your business and yours alone.  Sarah Silverman has come out to support Louis CK and to admit that he masturbated in her presence many times and she allowed it.  Again one woman’s abuse is another woman’s ignorance.  That is sex in reality, one man or woman’s pain is another pleasure.  Hello kink!

    Then I read this article about Dolly Parton who had been profiled the week before on CBS with the upcoming Grammy’s.  I don’t like her but love her songwriting.  The last year her Publicist was mentioned as a MeToo problem with the gay community in Nashville, he has since also re-emerged with a new company.  Dolly has definitely rejected any sense of the concept of Feminism while taking full advantage of being a female run industry of her own making.  He song publishing rights are quite significant and this girl from Pigeon Hollow is not an idiot despite the pretense and that is what it is a pretense.  I am bored with it in the same way I would find Minnie Pearl a bore today.  There is a similar character on the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and she too did not want the rubes to know how she really lived and behaved as it would hurt her financial interests but at some point does it matter?  I mean really do you watch every Kevin Spacey movie going: Wow that guy fucked a lot of teenagers we need to burn these movies.  Or hey can we just watch it and not think about what a fucking asshole he is.  Same goes with Ryan Adams,  I never listened to anything but 1989 and I promptly dumped it as it just did not interest me anymore and frankly what more excuse do I need. That said I never listened to R. Kelly and now have no reason. But folks the Finding Neverland documentary comes out on HBO in two weeks and that despite knowing all of this does make me once again wonder about why no one stopped/helped Michael Jackson and me not listening to him now does little to change that as he is very dead largely due to drugs he used to control pain. Pain I think less about the body and more about the mind.

    I respect those who admit their failings, find their truth and try to reconcile what they have done and more importantly not done to change their behavior and in turn repair those relationships that they damaged.   I can never forgive the two Lawyers who failed to help me, Ted Vosk and Kevin Trombold, did more damage to me than my date the night of 2/8/12 ever did.  I don’t forgive him nor need to as he has never asked nor admitted to me that he drugged me that night and poured alcohol down my throat to do what?  I don’t know and never will but I know he was there as the witness with his eyes saw a man walk up to my car, open the passenger side and reach in and go, “She is still breathing” and walk off into the night.  The description matched and later when I read of rapes in the same area with similar descriptions and similar car he drove at the time I thought he had graduated on to bigger and better.   Again I have nothing to forgive as one believed me nor heard me at the time and I have no reason to today to change that if someone chose me to be the listener.

    We choose our behavior and more importantly we choose how to respond to others.  Free will and all that.   I have my will and my ways and I believe in first do no harm. Funny Doctors have that as their oath and yet they seem to fail to do that all the time. So who do you believe?

    Setting Boundaries

    I have never met children quite like the children in Nashville. The Adults, however are no picnic and they are the reason the children and schools are so dysfunctional.

    When I learned about Enmeshment Theory it made sense as poverty and generational systemic racism and classicism with the extra special touch of Jesus it has enabled families to operate at a higher level of dysfunction than I am accustomed to.  There is the strong Martyr Complex and in turn the resignation that it has always been this way.

    Americans are freaking out over Immigrants and they too have difficulty assimilating into the “American Way” which means speaking English, integrated into society by becoming Christian, White and Conservative.  That will not happen but then what happens is that are the beards, the front people for the same group that exploit and use them to defend their insanely xenophobic rationale and racist policies.   Trust me when I see those faces of color disparage each other I think how sad that you have more in common that different but hey just act white and base all hate on skin color and we are good to go!

    The South prefers its divisions to be of class and race – two races – no more as they really don’t have time to get into all the others as this Civil War is running over a 100 years now and we need to get it right so adding other brown shades only mucks it up so just go away!  Or go North as that worked the last time… oh wait.

    The endless hysteria over all things here never end.  A young high school kid was targeted and killed in his car and the fraternal order of some society that mentor youth are demanding the NAACP, Black Lives Matter and the Urban League to come to protest his death. They may have a point as another face of color just 14 committed suicide last week.  Well that my friends is Survival of the Fittest and this is the home of the Scopes Trial so go figure.  Black Lives Matter regardless of how they are taken.

    I think we in the North tried hard to resolve the differences and we failed but we wore shirts, had pins, bracelets and actually tried.  Again we failed so don’t look to me to resolve these issues as they never will be.   We can stop shooting black men in the street and incarcerating them for a joint but until they are properly educated and enabled to access the same jobs their white counterparts have then nope.  But then make way for Africans, Asians, Latinos, Women, LGBQT and those of Middle Eastern descent it makes it crowded out here to find parity.   So no, not going to happen.

    So as we all struggle to find our place we have to set boundaries, set clear lines and expectations that enable people to know the rules and thereby follow if not play by them.  Maybe that is why Sports are so popular in the South it is the one truly level playing field.

    But the children here seem utterly clueless, the lack of empathy and compassion have been fully eradicated and that is somewhat due  from modern life but much of it is learned and taught via modeling.  They exhibit little of that here and again that explains the state of the schools.  But  we all come from some shit and that is the reality we have now established, my pain is bigger than your pain so fuck you.   It is why when I meet many of the Arabic speaking population here I have little to say or even to connect to.  It used to be the African diaspora in Seattle as many American black people had such challenges they refused to be called African American.  Schools had hard times teaching the kids simple toiletry rules and the Girls that I met from Africa were so without boundaries and self discipline I assumed it was the confusion of how to integrate the two cultures to fit somewhere in between.   I finally gave up and rarely if ever engaged with them as they now remind me so much of Southern girls, the bating, the unkindness and the rudeness that I finally realized it is sexual issue and the lack of education and expectation for women here much like Muslim countries that explain it.  Women’ have such intense boundaries they take it out on other women and the men have no sense of their place or role here so that may explain the whole terrorism thing.  Again like their white counterpart you seize on that which makes you feel powerful.   Guns usually work.  But cars, swords, bombs are all seemingly a part of this manhood that is less about issues and more about the self that led to it.

    I also want to mention that this may explain the confusion about sex and sexuality as many men seem to think porn is the source of education and information about how to treat women. And that many men placed into early adulthood with single moms even have less boundaries and more confusion as their male role models are largely sporting figures (note the NFL of late) or some type of Priest or Boy Scout dude.  Wow there is a pair to draw two on. 

    I spent the day the other day in a Pre K classroom.  This was not by my choosing as I was to do ELL (English Language Learners) in an elementary school.  I have done it before and I enjoy it as it is a smaller group, easy to manage and kind of fun.   But the Pre K teacher who is quitting in two weeks took another sick day.  My aide was an Egyptian woman whose qualifications consist of having the job.  I did not like her nor dislike her as I had no connections and by the end of the day I was exhausted, angry and furious that this woman is teaching a vulnerable group and should not be.  As she will be when the Teacher leaves.  And if this woman is stupid enough to believe that all the classroom tools and other means to assist will be remaining behind when she goes she clearly does not know Teachers.  The reality is that Teachers buy most if not all of it so I suspect what will be left will be a rude awakening.  And when the aide asked me if I wanted a long term sub job I was furious and said I want nothing to do with this and I am on medical leave in January so no.   I finally excused myself to return to the classroom I started it, left a brief note and walked out a whopping 15 minutes before end of day. They are obsessed with that here that you are stay regardless as if an hour or so makes that much when classes are done.  I refuse to do any duties as I am not paid and not recognized as a Teacher so fuck you.  Dock that 11 dollars.

    I have been working on finding positive to counter the negative so my new plan is to read one article in the New York Times then read a positive one.  Not easy but you try.

    But today ask yourself if you can set a boundary with your family, your co-workers, the people whom you encounter and in turn more importantly with Children.   There is a confusion about this and when the rich do it it is “Helicopter Parenting.”  When the poor do it is Enmeshment.  Neither are good, healthy nor ways to raise functional children. It may explain Millennial’s as they seem perpetually hung up on remaining Children.  Note the scooter phase of late.

    I found this essay and I think it hits all the right nails and they should be placed in one’s head frankly.

    Moms with no boundaries will raise kids with no respect

    Apr 24, 2011 The Southern Illinoisan

    A journalist recently began an interview with me with this question: “What is the biggest problem in American parenting today? Is it sex, drugs, alcohol, cell phones, the Internet, what?”

    I answered, “Those are problems, but the biggest problem in American parenting today is the lack of a physical or emotional boundary between parent and child, and especially mother and child.”

    A physical boundary between people is essential to respect. To use a crass, but illustrative, example: Some men may like it that certain women establish no boundaries in male-female relationships, but those men have absolutely no respect for those women.

    I’m a member of the last generation of American children to grow up with mothers who clearly defined to us when we could and could not be in their “space.” Furthermore, their inviolate space expanded and contracted with their moods. One day, you could play in the house; the next day, your mom banished you to the outdoors until suppertime. Back in those days, it was clear to the child that “mother” was a part-time job. Furthermore, the mother, not the child, determined when she punched the clock.

    From all that I hear, I’m also a member of the last generation of American children to truly respect their mothers. We obeyed them. We gave them wide berth. We did not demand things of them. We did not take them for granted.

    And we never, ever yelled at them, called them names or hit them. I am painfully aware that most of today’s moms are being disrespected in one or more of those ways by their kids – and on a regular basis. Furthermore, when this disrespect occurs, lots of moms ask themselves, “What did I do wrong?”

    This is dangerous stuff, when children, especially male children, can disrespect the most important female in their lives and said female acts powerless and even deserving. If this isn’t corrected, it’s going to come back to haunt us all.

    Before a mother can freely establish a physical boundary between herself and her child, however, she must establish an emotional boundary. This is the crux of the matter. For all too many of today’s moms, their children’s distress is their distress, their children’s problems are their problems, their children’s failures are their failures, their children’s successes are their successes, and so on. This is very destructive to both mother and child. It is a perfect model of co-dependency, and as such it results in a tremendous amount of enabling _ of solving problems for children that they are capable of solving for themselves. And if they don’t solve all of their problems, so be it. Have you? Are you nonetheless okay?

    The lack of emotional boundary also causes a mother to experience the raising of children as the most stressful, anxiety-ridden, physically and emotionally exhausting thing she’s ever done. Parenting has become bad for the mental health of women not because of some feature that is inherent to the process, but because women aren’t taking good care of themselves.

    When a mother complains to me, as many do, that her children won’t leave her alone, she is hoping I can give her some clever, behavior-modification-based method she can “perform” on them that will cause them to stop constantly intruding on her. What I tell her is that her children are not the problem. She is. Therefore, she holds the solution in her very hands. It’s learning to use the word no.

    JOHN ROSEMOND is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known authority on parenting issues.

    Blood on the Rocks

    I am not sure what that metaphor is about right now.  I feel very much at sea confused about America, the work I do and the place I live.  Being adrift is not a good way to right oneself if a storm comes and in sailing one seeks shore and avoids rocks lest they crash. Then there is being hit in the head with a stone and having your skull caved in and there are days when I feel that way as well.

    With the current hysteria of white people going nuts over finding black people doing things and having fits over Latino people speaking Spanish, I was thinking about dressing a bunch of black men in outfits found in Saudi Arabia and then have the walk along speaking Spanish which really ought to send the masses into hysteria.  Finally the dream that terrorists are in the caravan and have arrived to commit heinous acts upon innocent Americans busy cell phoning their encounters with black people at Starbucks, the park, on the street, at the pool, in the laundromat or anywhere and everywhere black people go which is everywhere and anywhere white people go.   And that includes places where Spanish is spoken as well as many other languages you will hear when you are in public.  That is why it is called being in public.

    Today begins the funeral processions for Pittsburgh.  The endless other victims of Kentucky, yesterday in North Carolina, in Tennessee, in anywhere and everywhere in America are either in the hospital recovering, home permanently damaged or are being prepped for burial.  Lather, rinse, repeat when it comes to gun violence.

    Then we have the sexual sagas that I am frankly exhausted from.  The New York Times did a summary highlight of the men and what happened since #MeToo and over 200 men lost their jobs with over one half of those being replaced by women.  Well okay then but I am not sure if this is a placate thing or a genuine resolution to do better? Time will tell.   But this week Hillary mentioned she would have liked to been President.  Forewarning? Foreshadowing? Forward thinking? Or just a rhetorical thought spoken out loud.  I will be frank that she needs to be better than Trump and accept loss in a way he seems to challenge himself about winning.  Move on.  It is not easy but try.

    I read today two horrific articles in Mother Jones.  First about Core Civics private prisons and their role in Immigrant Detention. It is rooted in slave economics and in Washington State sued  another private prison company a few years ago, largely thanks to Mother Jones that again exposed the issues of using Immigrants to do large portion of work for both the private and public sector and how they  are treated like human garbage. So when you think of the South turn that compass north.  The Seattle Times also exposed how prisons exploited their inmates and their are repeated stories across the country about riots and neglect and abuse of inmates.  So much for giving them skills and opportunities to readjust and rejoin society.

    But is any of this ever changing?  Well I saw this with regards to Black Americans, to Women and to those who are a member of the Gay community and now I am seeing it all being reversed, all in my lifetime and I am not yet 60!

    Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a 13 year old girl who is in 8th grade. She wants to be called by a gender neutral name and with a male pronoun but when you see her she is very much a girl.  She is confused about her sexuality and is “dating” a girl but the issue about bi-sexuality is clearly something that she also identifies with and is upset that friends do not like her saying that as it eliminates trans people from her dating world.  Jesusfuckingchrist how many labels and identities can a 13 year old CHILD endure?  She has been admitted to a hospital for anxiety and attends therapy both group and singular, I have no idea if she is on meds but I suspect her progressive family has her on a regime given the history.  She is charming, funny, smart and just confused.  Who isn’t at her age and who isn’t period?  I felt for her as she is the first and likely only child in Nashville I will ever engage with on that level and it is clear she is truly needing a role model and mentor on whom nothing more than a chance to be one’s self is needed.   I asked her if there were any member of her group that she liked and could get to know outside of group.  She asked me what I meant by the word “liked” meant.  I knew she meant sexually or romantically and there we are today that the word like has even sexual connotation.  I see why kids are confused.

    I am back at the same school proctoring ACT tests.  Well I was ignoring them and leaving it to the full time staff as in order to proctor said tests there must be waivers signed and a registered list of who is doing it for the ACT people just in case questions/exams stolen what.have.you.  So I perched on the bleachers in the gym and from minute one I knew and watched two boys definitely cheat.  They were wearing hoodies to cover their faces, they were looking around constantly and doing their best to be distracting without attracting attention.  They raised then lowered their hands and as  I watched them for two hours I was sure they were cheating.  I finally called another Proctor over and said; “Those boys over there may need help one has raised his hands a couple of times but changed his mind but I think it is worth asking.”   He did and the boys dismissed him.  After the break at the 2 plus mark, the Administrator arrived took the boys, their tests and other girl behind them (also well covered with a hoodie) out of the gym.   After a few minutes she came and asked me if I had noticed something.  Here is where I want to point out that all of the players in this scene are black other than myself.  So while I knew for quite some time I had to figure out how to play this out to avoid the ubiquitous card being tossed.   She asked me what I noticed. I told her that the sun was moving across the room and these boys were turning their head and at times I thought raising their hands, at first I was not sure if it was to ask a question or to block light.  As I knew there were two vacant seats on my side of the gym they could move too and was ready to assist if that was the case so I asked the other Proctor (a black man I purposely picked a black man from the group) to see if there was a problem. He came away without incident but I said I watched the boys and the hand game was beginning until they realized it was I watching them so they did not look up again and I in turn quit watching them as well.  She asked me what they were wearing and here is where again I had to lie.  The infamous hoodie.  I said I don’t really notice kids much as they all look the same, sweatshirts, sneakers, I only notice if a kid is wearing color and I know that the boys were however sitting next to a girl in a bright pink shirt and that I did notice.  I looked over her shoulder and checked and yes I was right.   The three kids did not return and I am not surprised I have been with kids too long and you can just tell.  But today in today’s climate with me being white, they black and wearing hoodies they could have pulled out an iPad and started copying answers.   This is where we are.

    The ugliness in America does seem to fall along race and gender and that is the influence of the Church. I cannot deny that for almost all of the confusion and rage and justification of it comes from the houses in which one worships.  The freak Mike Pence who refuses to cross the street without his wife is just such an example of how these intensely over religious individuals feel that it is Jesus that will solve the issues and I am not sure what they are praying for – forgiveness or justification?   Even Pence who denied that Trump’s rhetoric has contributed to this insanity managed to find the Jesus Rabbi to evoke prayer for Saturday’s victims. Really?  He can’t even manage to co-exist with conventional Jews which may explain why anti Semitism is all the rage right now, emphasis on rage.

    And in the same Mother Jones was an essay by a young woman who is struggling with her own recollections of a sexual encounter gone wrong and in some tragic way rationalize it. But that in the Evangelical community she was ultimately responsible for the boy’s failure to respect her boundaries and wishes.  And while this falls under the bullshit concept of  the Purity Culture is it any different in the secular world?  I do recall the pledges and rings and I also recall the million man march so there you go.  They fall into the bin of culture that will undoubtedly be joined with Occupy Wall Street, Black Lives Matter and Me Too eventually as a moment.  Sort of like crazy versions of right to life and their never ending metamorphoses.  They never really go away they just rebrand themselves as a new kind of crazy

    As I work in Education I recall the sex ed bullshit and the sudden switch back and by then the horse had left the barn and for a couple of years teaching it I realized that Toto we are not in Kansas anymore.  And here living in Tennessee abstinence is still very much a part of the curriculum and there are many more byzantine laws about sex and assault (I thought the entire time yesterday what fucking laws I was breaking during my convo with the kid)  but many states realized this is not helping stop teen pregnancies but actually contributing to them. Yes this is how we roll, we don’t want women to have sex, or have access to birth control or have any option if that fails but then we also don’t want them to have medical care pre or post pregnancy, maternity leave, affordable child care and of course an education to stop this from becoming a pattern. But sure just say NO.  Wait is that about drugs or sex?

     A couple of weeks ago I heard on NPR a woman who wrote a memoir on the subject of the purity bullshit and again the trauma that happens with sexual assault is only added by the endless shaming and blaming.  Yes the handmaids have a tale for you.

    What I did learn or at least confirm my worst fears or beliefs is that religion really fucks you up and hence their obsession with fucking. They are the ones who need you to come and come hard to Church to fund their tax exempt institutions that have enabled them to be exempt not only from taxes apparently but from laws such as molesting children.

    What I thought was the most salient comment was that the same belief about passivity and submission that is written in the below piece about how it affects women and their belief and attitude about saying no or confronting someone about their behavior  is one undoubtedly shared by the Catholic Priests as they looked to cover up their sins.

     Irony that these same rapists and molesters tended to other’s confessions to seek absolution.  Look Homeward and Inward there Angel!

    So as the election focuses on Evangelical women and their seeming oblivion or acceptance of Donald Trump then these books and articles by women who have left the flock and now facing truths should provide you with insight into why even women “educated” are Republican.  The role of religion, how one is educated (secular vs not) and the States they grew up in with their attitude towards religion as a significant role in the State House and not just the Church House is critical.  Women are not stupid they are willing participants in the abuse of women in the same way Serena is with regards to Offred who is raped in order to conceive.  America, the great!

    Blood on the rocks means you are still fertile and that in turn makes you valuable in America.  When you are old and female you are not valuable you are disposable and this is where we are when it comes to being a woman.  Care giver from birth to death.  Just whose is the difference.