Free Willy

I think that should be the theme of Father’s Day as that seems to be the real issue here. I am exhausted reading about how we should honor the Men in our lives. I have none and let’s keep it that way. Irony, I believe Willy as a Sperm whale, so maybe keep that Willy in your pants. Thanks. Sorry, not sorry.

This week I read the story about the woman who gave birth in a Waffle House equivalent toilet. It was called a Cryptic Birth and she had no idea that for the last 9 months she had a baby inside her. Despite her actually having had a child a few years ago, was in fact sexually active and yet not noticed her Period stopping, or being irregular, having any physical changes attributed to Pregnancy and clearly did not feel compelled to see a Physician at any point to ensure one’s health and well being was fine, while again clearly not having any kind of safe sex or using conception which in this day of age where we are fighting for Women to have bodily autonomy is of course odd. But then when I read she was from Missouri and was in Arkansas as this Golden Corral having Brunch, I went “Oh yeah entirely possible.” There is the South denial is a daily bath.

I of course was eviscerated for not believing and accepting this “truth” and assumed to be a Racist. Well regardless of the Woman’s color I would have been equally dismissive but that in fact that she was Black was again another example of how inadequate health care is for those of color. And the lack of sex education another. It is very confined and limited in the South with little to no info shared on how to prevent pregnancy, and despite the fact she was not a young woman, this was not the result of a sexual assault, it shows how little care goes to Women and the Infants they are caring. That again no pre-natal health care and giving birth in a toilet is news is in fact a disgrace and not something to rejoice. Why is that we simply cannot see the facts and truth and that is by far more an example of Racism and Misogyny than me saying “Really? You did not know you were pregnant? How is that possible?”

And with that I share an opinion piece that I read in the NYT a few weeks ago and it shares the same sentiments I have about my life. I love it the way it is (well not here in Jersey City that I do not like). I finally told my idiotic neighbor this yesterday, that I find most people boring and I loathe being in the company of others when my own suffices. I am a Narcissist nothing more. I don’t have time to worry about the sins or successes of others, it does not affect me and if it does I will address it at that time, in that moment. Funny how that works, and it works out well. I made my choices and I live with them just fine thank you. Say thank you and say you are sorry when you are wrong and all the rest is simply filler.

“I never feel alone realizing the fact that my life is my only life partner. Everything else is temporary.”

― Munia Khan

Men Fear Me, Society Shames Me, and I Love My Life

May 25, 2024 The New York Times

By Glynnis MacNicol

Ms. MacNicol is a writer, a podcast host and the author of the forthcoming memoir “I’m Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself.”

I was once told that the challenge of making successful feminist porn is that the thing women desire most is freedom.

If that’s the case, one might consider my life over the past few years to be extremely pornographic — even without all the actual sex that occurred. It definitely has the makings of a fantasy, if we allowed for fantasies starring single, childless women on the brink of turning 50.

It’s not just in enjoying my age that I’m defying expectations. It’s that I’ve exempted myself from the central things we’re told give a woman’s life meaning — partnership and parenting. I’ve discovered that despite all the warnings, I regret none of those choices.

Indeed, I am enjoying them immensely. Instead of my prospects diminishing, as nearly every message that gets sent my way promises they will — fewer relationships, less excitement, less sex, less visibility — I find them widening. The world is more available to me than it’s ever been.

Saying so should not be radical in 2024, and yet, somehow it feels that way. We live in a world whose power structures continue to benefit from women staying in place. In fact, we’re currently experiencing the latest backlash against the meager feminist gains of the past half-century. My story — and those of the other women in similar shoes — shows that there are other, fulfilling ways to live.

It is disconcerting to enjoy oneself so much when there is so much to assure you to expect the opposite, just as it is strange to feel so good against a backdrop of so much terribleness in the world. But with age (hopefully) comes clarity.

Fifty is a milestone. And the fact my 50th birthday lands on or around some other significant 50ths has brought some things into focus. Last year was the 50th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. This year is the 50th of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, which may be less well known but remains significant: It allowed women for the first time to have bank accounts and credit cards in their own name, not needing a male signature.

That my birth date landed between the passing of these two landmark laws makes it easier for me to see that the life I’m living is a result of women having authority over both their bodies and their finances. I represent a cohort of women who lead lives that do not require us to ask permission or seek approval. I have availed myself of all the choices available to me, and while the results come with their own set of risks, they have been enormously satisfying.

The timing of my birthday also helps me see the violent rollback of women’s rights happening right now as a response to the independence these legal rights afforded women. Forget about the horror of being alone and middle-aged — there is nothing more terrifying to a patriarchal society than a woman who is free. That she might be having a better time without permission or supervision is downright insufferable

My entry into middle age certainly had the makings of an unpleasant story.

Like many, I spent the early months of the pandemic by myself. It was the type of solitary confinement that popular science, and certain men with platforms, enjoy reminding us will be the terrible future that awaits a woman who remains single for too long. I went untouched by anyone. Unsmelled, too, which you might think is a strange thing to note, but it’s an even stranger thing to experience. Unseen except by the building exterminator and the remaining doormen of the Upper West Side who gave distant friendly greetings on my evening walks around Covid-empty New York.

Alone, unmarried, childless, past my so-called prime. A caricature, culture would have it, a fringe identity; a tragedy or a punchline, depending on your preference. At the very least a cautionary tale.

By August 2021, I was desperate — not for partnership but for connection. I bought a ticket to Paris, a place where I’d spent much of my free time before the pandemic and where I had a group of friends.

Paris, I reminded myself, prioritizes pleasure. I dived in. Cheese, wine, friendships, sex — and repeat.

At first it was shocking. I was ill prepared to get what I wanted, what it seemed I had summoned. There were moments when I wondered whether I should be ashamed. I had also never felt so free and so fully myself. I felt no shame or guilt, only the thrill that came with the knowledge I was exercising my freedom.

These days, generally speaking, there is little in cinema or literature, let alone the online world, to suggest that when you are a woman alone (forget about a middle-aged woman), things will go your way, as I have often experienced.

There have been better times. In the 1980s, sitcoms were stacked with starring women for whom men were a minor-character concern — “Designing Women,” “Murphy Brown,” “The Golden Girls” — all of which, if they premiered today (and that’s a big if), would feel radical. Later there was “Girlfriends.” Even “Sex and the City,” with its often regressive marriage plotting, remains surprisingly modern in its depictions of adult friendship and sexual mores. In each case, just as it looked as if these narratives might begin to fully take root in the real world, the women largely went back inside (or into body bags, in the case of many “Law & Order” plotlines). By the early aughts we were housewives again, real and imagined.

I suspect that a lot of this backlash is connected to the terror that men experienced at discovering that they are less necessary to women’s fulfillment than centuries of laws and stories have allowed them to believe. That terror is abundantly apparent today: From Harrison Butker’s commencement speech suggesting that women may find more fulfillment in marriage and children than in having a career, to the Supreme Court once again debating access to abortion to the push to roll back no-fault divorce laws: All are efforts to return women to a place where others can manage their access to … well, just about everything.

It’s in this light that my enjoyment begins to feel radical. Come fly with me. There’s no fear here.

Lonely Days Lonely Nights

The Bee Gees sang of this with regards to one’s lover but there are many ways in which lonely days extend into nights and beyond and that is through intimate, but not sexual, relationship; However, we find that having one with whom we are fucking is the reliable standard if not substitute for not having a close friend of any sex (and with that staying out of that fray) or one who is in fact just like you, which is again okay. Again, like likes like, basic principal of Math folks. We are all complex polynomials that are seeking a solution.

I hate Women. I do. I am a Woman and with that my friends in my life were largely Gay and if they were Women, they too were likely Gay aka Lesbian. The stereotypes, the Mean Girls and all of that I learned early on and I am not a forgiver and so as they continued to seek solace and intimacy from Men I moved to those who did not want to fuck me or fuck me over. Women today in my peer group, aka over 60, I am currently watching on the Golden Bachelor and with that I find them bonding over Grief, Illness/Disability and Grandchildren, three subjects of which I neither care nor wish to discuss.

And that may be why we are in epidemic of loneliness and yet Bowling Alone was written over 20 years ago based on an essay written in 1995. The premise being that community activities, organizations and clubs that catered to the Sexes and the Classes has evaporated and with that a sense of belonging. Think of Private Clubs one thinks only of the Rich and of course Mar-a-Lago comes right to mind. And with that I agree with Groucho Marx, “that any club that would have me as a member I would not belong.” And some of this is due to the barriers and bars in place that prevented many of certain Races, Religions and Sex to join. But who was stopping them from having their own clubs? And that is not an issue. I think we are obsessed with what defines exclusivity and diversity and we think that is a bad thing. Not always. Sometimes you just want to hang with those who share your interests and leave that door open to anyone who does. Ever go to the two biggest tours this year – Beyonce and Taylor Swift? Well look at the audience and remind yourself that the same goes for the boys club of Harry Styles who embraces all and anyone who can buy a ticket.

But with that we have the whole “masculinity” nonsense and even the women are ideals with gorgeous bodies, looks and the talent that carries them into this level of fame. I am not sure, much like the Golden Bachelor we could accept an Aunt Chippy to the mix as well she is not of “our kind” for whatever that is worth. But if you are Bowling, playing Softball or having a community potluck to raise money, I am sure she would fit right in.

The article below discusses why Boys when they become men are having problems finding same sex friendships. Yes it is about sex and emotion, two subject men have issues with. And again who raises most boys? Women. And the role of men fall into a very different place in the family dynamic. I watch Men take very backseat roles in that and yet they are there and I do not see them gather for coffee after drop off as I do with Women. Only one Man in my building do I see pick up his daughters and play with them daily in the courtyard, the pool or doing activities with, the others it seems like a duty or chore they must get through. One man lets his daughter run amok, she is a walking terror. And 946, I see him very rarely and it may explain given both parents why she is a walking terror in training. Apple and tree there.

I have ZERO friends and want ZERO friends. I have come of an age where sitting around discussing illness and losses is not fun. I rarely see anyone reading a book or a newspaper and yet I listen to conversations and hear nothing of news just idle gossip or talking aka complaining about others and their behavior. Yes we are back in 7th grade it appears. So talking about Sports or even food, family and the weather is better. We have failed in how we communicate. I read this article in the Washington Post about a 101 year old man who stays young and healthy by making friends. Maybe I should try it it. Fuck no, but it is an idea.

More than 1 in 7 men have no close friends. The way we socialize boys is to blame

By: Laura Newberry | Los Angeles Times |  Oct. 10, 2023

Why do men tend to have fewer close friendships?

In a lonely world that keeps getting lonelier, men, on average, are the loneliest.

Thirty years ago, a majority of men (55%) reported having at least six close friends. Today, that number has been cut in half, according to survey data. And 15% of men reported having no close friendships at all, a fivefold increase since 1990.

A lot has been written about why this might be the case. There are larger forces at play here that affect people of all genders, like social media, erosion of local community institutions, and the pandemic. But the reason why men feel more alone, on average, has a lot do with what’s expected of them.

In the West, men are socialized to be strong and impervious to difficult emotions. They’re told from a young age to “be a man” or “man up,” and that they should be able to handle stressful life events on their own, said Elwood Watson, professor of history, Black studies and gender and sexuality studies at East Tennessee State University.

If I haven’t made it clear enough at this point, this fear of vulnerability among men isn’t inherent. It’s taught. Psychologist Niobe Way interviewed boys about their friendships in each year of high school, and found that younger boys spoke passionately about their affection for and reliance on their male friends. Research also shows that boys are just as likely as girls to disclose personal feelings to their same-sex friends and they are just as talented at being able to sense their friends’ emotional states, according to Lisa Wade, a sociology professor at Tulane University.

But by the time boys are in their teens, they’re conditioned to prize achievement and competition and to devalue intimate friendships with other boys, experts told me. Boys learn to not turn to their friends to talk about certain things, because they don’t want to be seen as weak or gay (“No homo”).

“A lot of boys and men are lonely because they’re ashamed of what they think and feel. Their peer group has basically said to them, ‘We don’t want to hear it,’ or ‘you’re a downer, you’re a bummer. Why don’t you just get it together?’ And so guys have gone silent,” said Fred Rabinowitz, psychology department chair at the University of Redlands and the author of “Deepening Group Psychotherapy With Men: Stories and Insights for the Journey.” “That silence creates more self-doubt, more angst.”

Guys learn to process emotions on their own, or turn to a female friend, a romantic partner or a sister, said Kevin Roy, professor of family science at the University of Maryland. “Over time, you lose the skills to maintain those relationships. And when you do have male friends, there’s only a few topics you can talk about: sports, work, women. Sharing about grief and loss and hard stuff is very difficult to do.”

The highest suicide rates are seen among single men in their 40s and 50s, and experts suspect that this trend is caused in great part by loneliness and the social expectations that help create loneliness. Research has suggested that unmarried women tend to be less lonely than unmarried men, because men are more likely to turn to their partners (and not their friends) to get the bulk of their emotional needs met.

This setup places the burden on men’s partners to be everything to them — their best friend, lover and caretaker, all rolled into one. Laughably, this tendency has been coined “emotional gold-digging.” “A lot of women say they wish their husbands had closer friendships,” Watson said. “And then when there’s divorce, men find themselves truly alone, which can result in more depression, stress and anger.”

So what can we do?

When asked about what they want from their friendships, men are just as likely as women to say that they desire emotional support and closeness.

But how might men go about finding true companionship with other men in a culture that, by and large, doesn’t endorse it?

The obvious answer is that men will need to become more self-aware. “Take time to look at your own behavior, look at where you feel comfortable and don’t, and lean into some of those hard situations,” Rabinowitz said. “Maybe you go out with these guys and you watch football at a bar, and you don’t tell them anything much about yourself. What if next time you asked a question like, ‘How is everyone doing at home?’ We need to have more modeling of being open.”

Because of social conditioning, it may take a lot of trial and error before you’ll find other men who can reciprocate emotionally, Rabinowitz said. They’re out there, for sure — but you might have to swallow a big dose of rejection before finding them.

Roy has experienced this firsthand. “It’s hard to bring stuff to other men, to assume they’ll get what I’m saying if I open up to them. You just have to push through that,” he said. “I’m experimenting almost little by little, bringing things to close friends, saying, ‘This is what’s going on.’ There’s a relief when people say, ‘Oh God, me too.’”

Whenever there’s a social problem this pervasive, we have a tendency to put the entire onus on the individual rather than looking at what we, and what our political leaders, can do. But it takes both collective and individual action to create change.

In this case, we all need to evaluate how we perceive and interact with masculinity — and many of us will need to redefine it, experts told me. And we need to allow boys and young men to explore the full range of who they are, what they feel and what they want in life, even if that doesn’t line up with stereotypical ideas of masculinity.

“When we encourage men to bring their feelings to the table, it’s scary for everyone, not just them,” Roy said. “When men step up and say, ‘I’m feeling this, I’m a mess,’ no one knows how to react, including women. We want to see this change, but there’s such a stigma when men actually try to show up differently.”

Roy said he feels encouraged by the growing conversation about male friendship. But he’s concerned that some men are offering solutions without challenging the privilege and power held by white men in particular.

“Yes, we should encourage men to confront their loneliness and sadness, but the answer isn’t doing the traditional guy thing, go into a sauna and beating drums and forgiving our ‘father wound’ [a favorite topic of men’s rights activists, who believe men are systematically disadvantaged because of their gender]. I see a lot of suggestions like that, which just maintains male privilege — you’ve improved yourself, and that’s it,” he said. “The bigger issue is what we do as a community, and the laws and policies we enact. These are tough questions.”

Gen Z, on the whole, takes a much more expansive view on masculinity and mental health. Roy sees this in his own kids. But he also sees the Andrew Tates of the world. “It goes in both directions. This is going to be a very long haul,” Roy said. “Any big change will take generations.”

BABS: WHORE, GAY ICON, FEMINIST, DOLL

Of late the analysis of the Barbie Movie has overtaken the actual reviews of the film which were middling at best. Largely I suspect it was not the hard core hammer people expected about a Doll. It is what I agree with the one of many deep dives into the film, a placement product movie about what? A Doll from the largest advertiser in the Movie, and not even a subtle one as they were also the Production funders of the film – Mattel. And advertisement that made over 1 Billion dollars this past week, so it definitely succeeded. And with that I plan on going again. I loved every pink sweet minute. It was high comedy and yes a touch of Feminism thrown in for good measure. But in my “interpretation” it was about being a Girl and becoming a Woman and when you throw away your childish things do you throw away your dreams, your hopes and just become what everyone else is or where you always different just like everyone else? As for all the “diversity” of the world of Barbie and Ken they were not unique or different in their world view and of their beliefs. This was a world that largely day to day went unchanged and the one different was relegated to the name “Weird” Barbie and lived on a hill. The other outlier, Allan, was there with Pregnant Midge as a sort of reminder that you can be different but in turn also canceled off the production line at any time for whatever reason. And with that I can say Midge clearly was an unwed Mother and perhaps Allan the only Man in the crew of Kens who for what I saw in the film were very Gay and very Porn Star like sans the equipment needed to fill the role..in other words MY PERFECT MAN! So I guess Allan was the precursor to Jeffrey Epstein and that explains quite a bit right there.

I laughed when I read the article below as this week two more analysis arrived, Barbie as Therapy and Barbie as a Subversive film with a hidden message. I cannot wait til the next comic strip movie, Nancy and Sluggo and what that means for Domestic Violence and Sexism. Or how GI Joe contributed to the Military War Culture. And again the Kens were very very Gay so I am sure that is another analysis of how the film is recruiting children to the “lifestyle.” And can I just say that is one “lifestyle” I embrace!

With Barbie being a Doll and such the world in which she lived is conducive to two factors: Money and the one who is her Guardian/Owner/Manipulator aka Child who plays with her and either chooses the accessories sold for that same Doll or in turn creates their own world, aka “Weird” Barbie. Well I would take weird any day sans the dog shitting on the carpet which was canceled due to choking hazards. Really? The shitting balls no?

Aside from America Ferrera’s monologue that is a version of the many speeches, excuses, explanations, justifications, condemnations, rationalizations I have given over my last 64 years of living as a Woman on this planet, I did not see/hear a Feminist message. I did see a message about Conformity and Consumerism and the idea that when Barbie crossed over to the “real” world the reality of how one thinks they live and the way it truly is one message; the other that conformity makes life lived by the one who is playing with you.. as the “weird” Barbie advised Stereotypical Barbie to seek upon her journey in which to explain/understand/find why and what was happening to her. And with that she found out that her Guardian/Owner/Master was in fact not a child but an Adult with all that baggage and emotions that children do not have when they play with dolls. I also think many young girls don’t have their Barbies aspire to be Pulitzer Prize Winner or Supreme Court Justices. Disco parties and Cowgirls yes.

But with that I laughed my ass off from the movie. I did not care that the Board of Mattel is not all white men wearing the same suits or that the creator of Barbie was not a kindly Matron but in real life a ball buster, or that Barbie suddenly had a working Vagina upon her arrival but sure I am sure young girls do… or not. And just like in real life the men stole the show or at least the Ken’s and Allan’s did as who did not come out of that movie and discuss the blazing hot performance of Ryan Gosling as Ken – Beach! and Micheal Cera as the doorknob Allan. Wait until the right wing finds out that a Barbie was played by a Trans woman. QUELLE HORROEUR! says French Barbie.

Column: Is ‘Barbie’ the most overanalyzed movie in cinema history? Kenough, already, pundits!

By Robin Abcarian  Columnist  LA Times

If you thought the smash movie “Barbie” was merely a film about a plastic doll who comes to life, boy have you not been paying attention.

“Barbie” is so much more than the year’s blockbuster movie.

It is a Rorschach blot tickling the psyches of viewers, an onion whose multiple layers offer any number of conflicting interpretations, a “Rashomon”-like experience where every viewer comes away with a different idea of what they have just seen.

In addition to blowing past the billion-dollar mark in ticket sales, director Greta Gerwig’s “Barbie” has spawned a mini-industry of punditry, analysis and controversy, offering grist to almost every mainstream and specialty publication for endless takes on every possible angle.

I daresay that in its very brief life, “Barbie” has not just revitalized the color pink, it has already become the most overanalyzed movie in cinema history. “Citizen Kane” has nothing on this flick.

“Barbie,” inevitably, has sparked discussions about sex, gender and gender roles, relationships, aging, feminism and patriarchy.

The Washington Post explored Barbie’s “pornographic origin story.” The New Yorker proposed “Decoding Barbie’s Radical Pose” and also explained “Why Barbie Must Be Punished.”

In the Atlantic, a child psychiatrist opined on “What ‘Barbie’ Understands About Mother-Daughter Relationships.”

Famous feminists have weighed in.

Susan Faludi, author of 1991’s “Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women,” saw the film with Jessica Bennett of the New York Times and declared “Barbie” to be a movie about abortion, sort of. (Don’t forget, Barbie is an unmarried career woman with no children.)**AND FOR YEARS I BLAMED MY MOTHER.. WRONG BITCH APPARENTLY

I mean, it begins with little girls playing with dolls learning the origin story of Barbie — and the rejection of the idea that women can just be mothers,” Faludi told Bennett. “It ends with her going to the gynecologist.”

Author Mary Pipher, whose 1994 classic “Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls” helped inspire Gerwig, changed her mind about the negative messages little girls get from Barbie dolls after watching the movie with a Daily Beast reporter.

“When I wrote ‘Reviving Ophelia,’ the Barbie doll personified everything I didn’t like about the idea of a woman,” Pipher said. But, she added, “Barbie has changed. If children like to play with Barbie dolls, that’s just fine with me, especially now that there’s a diverse group.”

One sub-genre of “Barbie” analysis plumbs the complexities of Ryan Gosling’s very tortured Ken, who, before Gerwig got her hands on him, was always just Barbie’s handsome bland boyfriend. (Movie tagline: “She’s everything. He’s just Ken.”)

Time magazine declares that “ ‘Barbie’ is a movie about male fragility.”

The Wall Street Journal says, “It’s a Weird Time to Be Named Ken.” (If you ask me, it’s a pretty weird time to be named Barbie too.) I have seen enough puns on his name — “Kenaissance,” “Kenpathy,” “My Kendom for a horse” to want to scream “Kenough!”

Not everyone appreciates the attention lavished on Ken. “Enough About Ken,” writes Xochitl Gonzalez in the Atlantic. “Men are not, in fact, always the center of women’s thoughts.”

Given its various themes, “Barbie,” predictably, has become part of the culture wars.

Bill Maher criticized the movie for being “preachy” and “man-hating.” Elon Musk took issue with the number of times the word “patriarchy” was uttered. Ben Shapiro set Barbie dolls on fire and tossed them into a trash can. *IRONY THERE THAT MISOGYNY AND WHITE MEN GO HAND IN HAND

A spate of stories has tried to decipher the meaning of the Allan doll, a buddy of Ken’s played by Michael Cera, who is maybe gay, maybe binary or maybe the unsung or surprise hero of the movie.  *I THINK ALLAN IS CHILD MOLESTER AND TRAFFICKER..JEFFREY EPSTEIN AS A DOLL… FOLLOW THE CLUES.

And who knew the busty, long-legged blond would find herself embroiled in geopolitical drama?

Republicans — well, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz anyway — have claimed Barbie is pushing a Chinese communist agenda because a world map shown in the trailer includes what is known as the “nine-dash line,” which is used on Chinese maps to depict its territory in the South China Sea. Vietnam, which disputes China’s claims, has banned the movie entirely.

While some conservatives have complained that “Barbie” is unforgivably silent on the issues of faith and family, Christianity Today, in a piece called “Barbie and Ken Go East of Eden,” sees an opportunity to “reckon with the ‘fortunate fall.’’’ That happens when the pair leave plastic fantastic Barbie Land and end up at gritty Venice Beach, where they suddenly realize, as Eve/Barbie puts it, “I do not have a vagina and he does not have a penis. We have no genitals.”

All this, I suppose, is a way of saying that “Barbie” has something for everyone. As the movie’s logline so aptly puts it: “If you love Barbie, this movie is for you. If you hate Barbie, this movie is for you.”

Rather than read about it, you should probably just go see it.

Or, hell, go see it again.

Toxic Femininity

Much is made of Toxic Masculinity and the state of the American Working Male. And with that all in equity and fairness, we have the female equivalent. I have written a great deal about Women “Mommy” Bloggers who are largely post-feminists meaning they are largely Evangelical and prefer a Conservative point of view in both personal and political leanings. They seem on surface benign women who are active in the School and Community, much like Candy in not one but two series regarding the murder of her ‘friend’ Betty in HBO Love and Death and Hulu’s Candy. She was found not guilty and lived her life away from Texas and still in the South as a practicing Family Therapist. The irony and my point about how many Therapists are nuts themselves and their credentials questionable.

I can point to many of the famous and infamous ones that recovered from a Bad Marriage, wrote a book after hiking a trail, eating and praying or recovering from boozing, washing their faces and then becoming a Lesbian all in the matter of a hell of a jam packed year.

The crop of Mommy Bloggers that began with this woman, who just recently died, from what? Suicide. There is a pile of books and podcasts by similar women. There is almost a cult surrounding this type of individual who seems to have it all by telling everyone they don’t. The current rise of Tik Tok has allowed this new generation a chance to complain openly about the state of their lives and particularly Motherhood. I have said it in many posts about these angry lonely women and their misdrected abusive anger. Meet Karen.

And all of this on the heels of a lowering birth rate. But don’t worry Republicans will remove those obstacles by providing child care, tax credits, paid leave, better pay for child care providers, better pre and post natal care(the biggest risk and problem), affordable housing options or more “Mommunes”; flexible work schedules. And did I mention -all of that affordable? Uh, no. They will take away Women’s few opportunities for any control and bodily autonomy. Expect more meltdowns at Target over Mask, Gay Pride wear and books on sale.

I live in a largely over priced housing in Jersey City. It is like Brooklyn without the Brooklyn. It has faced a building boon thanks to the Mayor who pushed for all this “luxury” housing and see many women and their spouses with the baby carriages, the dogs and the proper leisure wear. They are a hot mess. One woman who now has to go back into the office has permanent resting bitch face as her spouse remains at home, with a Muslim Nanny taking care of their kids. This is not a place to raise kids, the schools are sheer garbage and with that the lack of play spaces, clean air and all that makes childhood a full experience does not exist. The crazy Karen below me in 946 with her windows lined with black paper and a husband who to say the least is nuts, abusive and dangerous (he is now the talk of the gym as he threatens and stomps around as if he is in charge of the facility) works at home sends her ill behaved child to day care and with that is clearly suffering Depression/Anxiety. They may give these like Skittles to Children but their Parents are on them as well, Its why those drugs are so successful.

But that be it self or professionally diagnosed it doesn’t matter as what it does do is lead to the behaviors and choices that also enable you to move on and up or down and out. I know I did many of them. Watch another documentary on fraud and seduction, Hillsong on Hulu. You can turn to the Bible or the Bottle and it doesn’t change the truth and no, not everyone makes it out alive. Ask Elizabeth Holmes today, another infamous Mom who enters prison today. One of her biggest fans, Ian Holmes and her employee, killed himself rather than face the truth and yet never has she explained any of that ever, not in trial not in the interview. What a beast and not in a good Belle way. All the fawning profiles and denials don’t change the truth that she is a fraud. And her trial literally drew many, with similar blonde coifs, for she is like many Women whom identify their struggles and pain with these Women. Yet it is like a laundromat of bad clothes where the lather, rinse, repeat cycle is stuck and the washers are overflowing with dirty laundry. Here is an idea, take your wash to the laundry and have them do it and then pack it away when done as I frankly don’t want to hear about it. And yes I can say this as I know it from personal experience. People pretend to care but you are just another car crash that leads to rubbernecking and then once it has been seen people move on, and do so quickly.

So while I am hard on the toxic men I want to point out they have the equivalent and they are manning the front lines on the Pro Life Movement, the Anti Gay/Trans Movement and the Book Bannings. Meet the Moms. The Grandmothers, the Sisters, the Daughters, the Aunts and all the rest of the coalition that are Toxic Women. And I met them in earnest of became aware of them when I moved to Nashville and I called their bizarre behavior the Conundrum Syndrome, where they would automatically contradict themselves as they expressed a point of view in direct opposition to another purported statement of belief all in the same conversation, then immediately try to Gaslight you when pointed out. It is passive aggressive at the height of what is masked as Southern Hospitality. And then I went back in the time traveling machine and realized it was in Seattle too, it was just the liberal version of it. It is everywhere and anywhere where belief is more important that a fact. Truths are hurtful and in turn it is actually more dangerous to ones mental health to be wishy washy, ambivalent or passive aggressive persona. Funny how that explains the issues we think of mental health and why so many are struggling. That truth hurts but not as much as bullshit does. This editorial I think explains it quite well.

The need for help is clear, be that mental or simply supportive as we are not able to function as independent human beings anymore. I am not sure we did it better in the past we just did it PRIVATELY, and we used the same drugs, alcohol and sex to assuage it. We entered rehab, we got divorced, we had fights but we did not feel the need to engage others, to act violently or abusively to others in which to mitigate our rage. We now cannot control ourselves, mind our own business and manage to figure any shit out without a Guru of some type, be that a Political candidate or figure in Religion or Pop Culture. We are so fucked and we are toxic, regardless of gender

Women who support Trump cite party, economy over sexual misconduct

By Colby Itkowitz The Washington Post May 28, 2023

NAZARETH, Pa. — When a New York jury found former president Donald Trump liable for sexual abuse earlier this month, it was the first time he had been held accountable for behavior that more than a dozen women have alleged over many decades. But would his supporters, particularly women, care?

Days after the verdict, more than a dozen women interviewed in this swing county in the all-important battleground state of Pennsylvania were overwhelmingly unmoved by the news. Some shrugged it off as men being men. Others dismissed it as part of a broader Democratic attempt to take down Trump. And a few found the verdict troubling but were willing to look the other way.

Former advice columnist E. Jean Carroll, who won a $5 million judgment in her civil case against Trump for sexual abuse and defamation, amended her claim last week, asking for additional damages after the former president mocked her on national television after the verdict. But the fresh allegations are unlikely to change the minds of women supporting Trump.

If the election were held today between Trump and President Biden, most of the women said they’d vote for Trump, citing a visceral dislike of Biden and economic woes as the reasons driving their vote.

Laurie Toth, 54, who works at an auto body shop, was among those unfazed by the allegations against Trump. Outside a Target parking lot here in a White, working class part of Northampton County, Toth said she thinks Trump is held to a higher standard than other politicians.

She said that former president Bill Clinton also engaged in sexual misconduct“and nobody made a big deal out of that.” In fact, Clinton was vilified by the right for his affair with 20-year-old White House intern, Monica Lewinsky, and was impeached for lying about it under oath. “I think all men do it, you know what I mean?” Toth said.

When asked about the sexual abuse verdict against Trump, Toth said she was skeptical and questioned the timing of the trial. “Why wait til now? I think people don’t want him to run for president, and the government is going to come up with some lies.”

Carroll came forward in 2019 with her allegation that Trump raped her in a department store dressing room decades earlier, motivated by the #MeToo movement to reveal the alleged trauma that she’d only ever shared with a few close friends.She later sued him for battery and defamation after he accused her of lying about the encounter. Carroll recently announced she was suing Trump again on fresh defamation charges after comments he made during a May 10 CNN town hall, calling her account a “fake story, made up story” and saying she was a “whack job.” Some in the town hall audience laughed and cheered, providing a window into how his supporters felt about the jury’s decision.

Melissa Deckman, CEO of Public Religion Research Institute, who studies the role gender plays in shaping public opinion, said the reaction by Trump’s women voters mirrors their response to the now-infamous Access Hollywood tape that showed him bragging about grabbing women’s genitals.

“Partisanship is a very strong drug in American politics, we’re willing to ignore or downplay [sexual misconduct] because electing someone from the other party is far worse,” Deckman said. “I do think that after 2016, after the Access Hollywood tape, where he was literally saying it was okay to sexually abuse women, if that didn’t move the needle, I don’t think the E. Jean Carroll verdict will.”

In December 2017, at the height of the #MeToo movement, a public poll by Quinnipiac University found 43 percent of GOP-registered women said they had been sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. The same poll showed 55 percent of Republican women approved of how Trump was handling issues of sexual harassment and assault and 60 percent of them did not think Congress should investigate sexual misconduct allegations against Trump.

A willingness to overlook Trump’s behavior is a dynamic the Republican former president has benefited from since the early days of his political career. As he famously said at a campaign rally in early 2016, “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”

While Trump hasn’t been accused of shooting anyone, he’s been immersed in numerous scandals. Since losing the 2020 election, Trump has falsely claimed the vote was stolen and sought to overturn the results, isaccused of inspiring an angry mob that led to a deadly insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, was indicted on 34 counts of falsifying business records in New York, and is under investigation for other potentially illegal actions like keeping classified documents and asking a Georgia election official to find the votes he needed to overturn the election results in the state.

Yet, his approval ratings among Republicans have remained high, and public polls suggest that, for now, Republican voters prefer him as their presidential nominee for 2024.

Northampton voters, who twice backed Barack Obama for president, chose Trump over Hillary Clinton in 2016, a victory that helped theformer reality television star win Pennsylvania. Four years later, voters here picked Biden by a little more than 1,000 votes, helping him secure the crucial swing state that ultimately delivered him the presidency. To hold the White House in 2024, Biden needs to win the populous swing counties in the sprawling Philadelphia media market, including Northampton,andespecially suburban women.

On a recent evening at a Northampton County Republican Women dinner for a training seminar on conservative activism, Mary Eckhardt, 81, gave the opening prayer. “Father God, we ask that you give us wisdom in whom we vote for. We ask that they be honorable people who honor their pledge to worship you.”

Sitting at a table with her husband and two other women, Eckhardt said she hoped Trump runs again, though she worried about him getting through a general election.

“I do like Trump, I like him a lot. I know he could win the primary,” she said. “But you know, he governed beautifully. He did. And our country was running marvelously.”

Across the table, Susan Cowell, quickly chimed in to name Trump as her preferred candidate.

Neither Eckhardt nor Cowell said they were bothered by the president’s behavior toward women. Cowell, who believes the 2020 election was stolen — even though no state found evidence of voter fraud in the 2020 election — called the Carroll verdict a “smokescreen” and pivoted to talking about Hunter Biden. Republicans have repeatedly tried to tie Hunter Biden’s business dealings to his father. The president’s younger son is under investigation by the Justice Department for tax- and gun-related violations, and a decision on whether to charge him is expected soon.

Even those who expressed disdain for Trump’s behavior said they would vote for him in a matchup against Biden.

Melissa Dennis, a 33-year-old mother of two who works as an emergency medical technician, said she was turned off by Trump’s ego and called his treatment of women “disgusting” and “trashy.” Dennis, a Republican, reflected on whether she’d support Trump again. (She supported libertarian candidate Gary Johnson in 2016 and Trump in 2020.)

If forced to choose between Trump and Biden, she quickly said, “definitely Trump,” but added that she doesn’t like either and hopes a third choice emerges. For her, it comes down to the economy.

“I think the reason why Trump failed as president was not because of what he was doing, because I truthfully think he did a lot of good for the country, financially specifically,” she said. “But just his ego I think put people off. But I think he did a lot of good for the country. I know, forinstance, my husband and I are both very hard workers. We work really hard and our money went further when Trump was president.”

The economy is, by some measures, performing better during the Biden administration than during Trump’s presidency. The economy added more jobs during Biden’s first two years in office than any president in U.S. history, and the unemployment rate is the lowest in decades.

But many voters still perceive it to be worse due to inflation, which rose markedly in the past two years. There are signs inflation has cooled in recent months, but prices are still rising higher than they normally do during a healthy economy, putting a lot of pressure on households and companies.

Arlene Pasternak, 54, who has a daughter and works in radiology, said she doesn’t like Trump’s personality and wouldn’t choose him as a friend. She referred to him as a “douche.” She also said if Trump did sexually assault writer Carroll then she hoped he’d be held accountable. But none of that factors into whether she believes he should be president.

“He’s an absolute idiot. I hate him as a person. I honestly do,” Pasternak said. “But I’m more concerned about the economy and you can barely afford to live right now. I went to college, I have a degree and I struggle all the time.

Motherhood Sucks

I have written extensively about Women and particularly Motherhood and the larger Mommy Blogger Scene that has risen like a flood and a tide that has become a cottage industry of its own. We have reformed Mothers, converted Mothers, Christian Mothers, Aged Mothers, Royal or “former” Royal Mothers, Hot Mothers, Grandmothers, Lesbian or once straight Mothers, and all of them versed well in what defines being a Working Mother. That is a redundancy in and of itself as all Mothers are. We revere the concept of Motherhood yet not all of us should be nor want to be. Ah yes that is the question.

And while every day when you are a Mother is Mother’s day there are many many Women who have elected to not be Mothers. We are obsessed with Mothers and we are sure that again in our faux Meritocracy that it is some type of intrinsic failure to be a mother. We have Women who go to great lengths to be Mothers and hire women when all else fails to be one for them. We are sure any Woman wants to be a Mother and if not why not? I got 99 reasons and do you really care or is this again somehow about you? I feel that is our society now, it is always about me, no you, no I mean I. As My Mother used to say, “What are you an Eye Specialist?” I’ll let that sink in.

I realized the other day why I am shitty at interpersonal relationships. I don’t care. I used to try and it was over the top, as I thought if I tried real hard to care I would. It doesn’t work that way. Not a day goes by thanking myself that I did not have a child. I do believe we see all relationships as a type of a Mirror and I have used that euphemism repeatedly when it comes to Children. They see themselves as a reflection of the Adult holding it. And that is a bag of mixed nuts right there. And we do that with our Adult ones trying to find a reasonable compliment to our own view of self. As mine changes frequently anyone in a partnership with me would have to be a shape shifter. I loathe the expression finding a Partner just like Mom or Dad, YIKES, paternal incest how charming. And with that I duplicated my Parents marriage to a perfect imitation where we were literally in a Marriage of one. I liked it, he did not. And with that I moved on and out and about and he is in what I believe his 15th year of Marriage with someone who I assume gets him in ways I had no interest. No regrets what.so.ever. I learned something, got something from it and with that I am happy to be alone. I would enjoy genuine friendship/companionship but I do not miss day to day routines and I especially do not miss Sex. I can handle that one on my own.

People do confuse Intimacy with Sexuality and I realize that again I liked them in their own lanes and now perhaps at this age it seems to make sense more and with that I tried to hard to co-join them like bad Siamese Twins. (I believe that term is of course outdated and will the language Police give me the new and approved one) It takes a lot to realize that the difference between the two and I often think that is why when Women have children all of that unconditional love, the endless obsession and desire about what that is is now directed to the child. And that in turn is as equally smothering, damaging and destructive, it just takes longer to see the results. Much is often made of those Couples that have distinct relationships outside of Parenthood and those are thought of as Outliers who are selfish, weird or eccentric. And there are many Women wish they had not; The irony that the most famous Authors of Children’s books hated or did not have kids. The Cat is not in that hat. This is what we do as adults, make adults ones and leave the child behind.

The word CHOICE is being heavily bandied about of late as it is regards to decisions that surround Pregnancy. The move to make any type of option outside of carrying a Child to term is being now decided by the States, the same States that think Drag Shows and Drag Queen Reading Hour is a some type a recruitment mission or a pedophile on patrol. They are sure that Trans Men and Women are a threat to Bathroom freedoms and sporting shenanigans. I recall the scandal of the Women of the East German Swim Team. “Gosh Grunhilda can really do the backstroke, check out those shoulders!” I still will go to my own death bed believing it is about fucking and dicks. I can see a (fill in the blank word) Man standing at the Urinal and the guy next to whips out a foot long or he sees the feet in the closed stall facing forward. And the other is that the hot chick next to him is in fact a Trans Woman with still a Penis. Fucking or Pissing are two essential dominant factors in men’s thought process and then sports. See that is the Trans obsession.

Women I assume have less interest in where that dick is. We get bored of sex early on. How many Dick pics can you see where you think, “Haven’t I seen this in a Museum and wasn’t it better?” And when you love sex as I once did, it takes one too many dicks after a time where you think “God please let’s end this now as I got shit to do.” It will be a cold day in hell when I shove a dick down my throat ever again. That gag reflex is restored thankfully.

So when not planning the career life that will be crashed by Men in some way shape or another; That the Aging Parent that you now have to care for like a child will occur or that at some point you will be required to drop one from your Uterus or hire someone else to do it for you in both cases. I do wonder is that due to biological problems? And in turn that may be a sign that you should not breed or for some other reason that has little to do with fertility that demands you become a Parent. And then it begins.

When I read this essay from the Sister of Frank Bruni, the former NY Times columnist, I thought it was actually true. Children are not your clones and with that it explains again much of the Mommy Industry. When you can’t have a career you pimp your children. It is like Mama June only not making your kid a stripper.

Success for my children meant finding their own paths, not retracing mine

By Adelle Kirk

Every year, without fail, about 20 of my best female friends from college and I reunite for a long weekend. It’s not always easy to pull off; we’re career women, wives, mothers, busily “having it all,” which means having almost no free time. But we relish traveling back across the decades together. We reminisce about the nights spent dancing to Liquid Pleasure, our favorite 1980s band. We laugh about the sleepless fog we lived through our senior spring as we tried to finish the thesis papers required to graduate.

Then, inevitably, the talk turns from our antics back in the day to our kids today. To the trials they put us through or the challenges of parenting that no one saw coming. Some of our kids have real limitations. Others are quietly defiant. Still others are outright rebellious. But a single common thread runs through our observations and complaints about them: Why can’t they be more like we were?

We’re no doubt seeing our pasts through rose-colored glasses when we ask that. We’re also measuring our kids with the yardsticks of the academic accolades that we accrued, the elite university where we got our cherished diplomas, the big jobs we snagged, the fairy-tale parents we expected to be. We want exactly — and I mean exactly — the same for them.

But is that concerned parenting or simple vanity? Are we trying to encourage and shape authentic individuals or create clones of ourselves?

The positive spin is that the path we’re best equipped to help them navigate is the one we took, so we’re simply giving them the surest set of directions we can. There’s truth in that and in our desires, heartfelt and understandable, to make certain that they and we continue to have the same bearings, enjoy the same interests, speak the same language. It’s a way of holding them close as long as possible. It’s a recipe for lifelong friendship.

Now that they are young adults, I look back at my two children’s youths, and I see, over and over, me frantically trying to determine who they’d be rather than letting them discover who they really were. I’d been on my high school swimming and basketball teams, so my son needed sports of his own, and I forced him to play football and lacrosse, though what he loved was watching, not participating in, both. As soon as I got an inkling that he was better with numbers than with words, I bought verbal SAT books for him every summer and spent endless hours playing editor on his high school papers. He had to find a route to well-rounded academic excellence.

With my daughter, it was much the same. I rotated her through one sport after another, intent that she also follow in my footsteps. Alas, she was more an artist than an athlete — but that was OK! I loved theater in high school and performed in countless plays throughout college. So I pushed and pushed in that direction, a backstage tiger mother with a mighty roar.

I now realize that I wasn’t simply and benignly motivating my children. I was probably giving them the constant feeling that they were disappointing me, that their natural interests, talents and drive were never enough. That’s by far my biggest regret as a parent — not that neither of them has my alma mater, not that neither of them was all-American in lacrosse, not that neither of them had a precocious turn on a Broadway stage. I worry that neither of them understood how little I really cared about that. And that’s because I didn’t understand it myself.

Somehow, they survived. The credit goes entirely to them. My son prospers at a top-notch public university, where his major and his side interests bear absolutely no relation to mine at his age. He’s happy. My daughter decided that college wasn’t for her — at least not now — and took a job in the restaurant industry in a city halfway across the country from our New Jersey home. I visited her there recently. I ate where she works and watched her in action. She moved with a confidence that wasn’t always there before. She moved with joy.

So what was the tug of war that I went through with them — and that so many of my friends go through with their children — all about? What was the point? The gift our children give us is their individuality, and they develop strength of character not by emulating or outdoing us but by finding their own ways once we finally let them. That destination may not be one we ever imagined. But in being a surprise, it can be a special delight.

I try to embrace different yardsticks for my children now: their contentment, their fulfillment. And I genuinely admire their decisions and their determination to live their lives on their own terms. Maybe I’m just mellowing in my advancing age, or maybe they’ve taught me something crucial about the tyranny of precise expectations and the liberty of sloughing those off. When I swap parenting stories with my college classmates during our next weekend together, I won’t lament what my children haven’t done or may never do or the degree to which they aren’t replicas of me. I’ll celebrate their originality. Or — imagine this — I won’t hold them up for inspection at all.

On a Personal Note

Over the years, Frank has used his newsletters and columns to write at length about our family, including his relationships with our two brothers — Mark and Harry — and me. So I thought I’d seize this opportunity to give you my perspective on his. It’s not so much a correction of the record as a refinement and an elaboration.

He says that we’re big eaters and loud talkers. True. I mean, we’re (half) Italian. It’s in the genes.

He says that we take pains to carve out time for trips together. Also true.

But I’m not sure he gives you a full and accurate sense of how he fits into the group. As the second-born boy, he wasn’t the natural leader of our pack; that role fell to Mark, the firstborn, who cast a long shadow for Frank to grow up in. Frank also didn’t fly somewhat under our parents’ radar, the way Harry, the youngest of my three older brothers, did. And he wasn’t the pampered baby of the family, a long-awaited daughter. I drew that lucky card.

So Frank became, well, the family’s narrator. Its chronicler. We often turned to him to describe what we were going through, to put it into words (and this was before he went ahead and did that for a living). I can still remember the puzzled expressions on Mark’s and Harry’s faces when Frank sometimes came out with a verb or an adjective they’d never heard of. He was sort of like an SAT prep guide on legs. And if I’m being honest, he could be a little lordly — that’s a Frank kind of word — about it.

While we’re on the subject of his foibles, I should give you my view of his caretaking of Regan, given how frequently he regales you with tales about her. It’s … obsessive. He agonizes if he has walked her less than five miles on a given day; he’s stupidly happy if he has gone over eight. My dogs always gyrate with excitement when Frank and Regan drop by, because he’ll take them along for one of these marathons or force me to bring them along.

Oh, and on those family trips? No one else suggests that cocktail hour begin quite as early in the afternoon as Frank does.

He’s the only sibling each of us calls regularly. I’m not sure why, but it works out that way. He and I talk almost daily, often at some early morning hour when the ring of my phone beats my alarm because Frank is already up and (you guessed it) out walking Regan.

He’s generous — to me, to my children, to his other nieces and nephews. He’s generous with his time, with his confidences, with his advice (which is pretty good), with his gossip (which is even better). Heck, he’s even generous with his newsletter space, giving it to me this week. I’m grateful. And I thank you, too, for indulging me.

Well and Being

I read the article below and went, “Well yeah.” I am calling the generation of children born during the pandemic, age 2 to 22 as the Pandemic Generation. The young people that had the last two years of college moved to remote, the graduating Seniors from High School whose work and school life stalled. They became primary caregivers to younger siblings being home schooled or went to full time work to suppor the family in those supposed “essential” gigs… in other words low paid service sector jobs with low pay and even lower mobility. And then all the children born in late 2019 until 2023 who will be entering school in the next two years; including those currently in school grades K-12, are going to be one massively fucked up generation. The exceptions will be those who have functional well educated and employed Parents, with excellent options for Education and in turn have role models, sensible family/care givers who are not engaged in Politics in an unhealthy way, and well established social contacts. That will be a VERY small minority. I see it in kids now, the inability to speak to anyone they don’t know, the way they communicate and how they seem confused by simple social norms. They are nasty, rude and utterly oblivious. If you do not believe me then become a Volunteer or sign up as a Substitute Teacher in your district, they are in high demand so it is a matter of paying for Fingerprints and that is the extent of your training and expertise needed. I don’t think a day goes by when in a school I don’t hate myself just a little bit as I genuinely hate the children, the fellow Teachers and the overall system in which we are all employed. How to be an Anti-Hater, coming to a book shelf near you soon.

I thought I was a good Actress spending most of life living and being a walking liar (just not pathological more about survival) and incredibly tough, but nope that skill set is being tested to the max. Since I decided in 2021 to live a life of no compromises this is testing that in ways beyond I planned. I am willing to make some compromises but to do so you need balance, perspective and the ability to have those interests outside of the ones that seem to dominate. So in other words having friends and hobby’s that allow you a break. I think the Pandemic made everyone’s hobby being online and that is a massive problem in and of itself. It is an echo chamber, it is a dumpster in which you dive in and maybe come up with a treasure or maybe get crushed. It is hollow and it is full of so much that you are overwhelmed with it all. It is a maze or the permanent Escape Room in which there is none.

If the kids are not alright be sure the Adults are not either. Again, Children are a reflection of the Adult holding the mirror, if there is none right there is a problem. Either/or Neither/nor it truly can affect what becomes a massive sense of self when you are the only one trying to devise the strategy of coping and living in a society that seems so out of control. I will say that I have lived through bad times but none quite like this. I can assign much of this to Politics and that was in flux since the 90s and well before the rise of the Internet and Cell Phones. Then we can say the invention of the IPhone or the hand personal computer. Once we had 24/7 access to endless information we became not smarter but dumber. When you have that much information coming at you the brain can only process so much. The rise of AI has shown how weird and fucked up we are as in fact WE created it. The same idiots that did this are now going into a whole new dimension, the final frontier and with that making us more insane. That convo with the AI bot the NY Times Journalist had said it all and it said, “Hey I am as nuts as you” I did appreciate John Oliver’s take on this week as he sees it as a door opening for new ideas. But if you read the article in The Atlantic about the “Eurkea Moment” and how most of American ingenuity has stalled now for decades it makes more sense. We seem to focus on the most idiotic of ventures, aka AI and not on real on the ground issues, such as housing, medical care and public education. We have failed in building Infrastructure that can sustain all the good new ideas about Green Energy. It takes decades to hook up alternative methods to the grid and the irony is that by the time one can the technology has to be replaced. We have billionaires spending billions to fly into space when they could be solving the water problems right here on Earth.

And with all this the Children are right there, listening and being afraid, being angry or just well being confused and lost, which by the way are normal ways one experiences adolescence. I don’t think sexual identity mattered much in my Generation as being accepted mattered. Gay Liberation, Women’s Liberation and Black Equality were hand in hand, uniquely their own and yet we all overlapped in the Venn Diagram of life. Now we unfortunately must all speak the same language, identify ourselves in the right words, believe the same and do the same or be ostracized aka “canceled,” Funny how the ones fighting for tolerance are equally as intolerant. And with that you have a push on mental health and functioning emotions being tested daily. We are cracking up and not in a fun way.

Mental health of young adults severely impacted by pandemic – study

Global survey by non-profit Sapien Labs also found family relationships were diminishing worldwide

Gloria Oladipo The UK Guardian Wed 1 Mar 2023

A new study has found that the pandemic has severely affected people’s mental health and relationships all over the world, particularly for young adults.

The third annual mental state of the world report (MSW) commissioned by Sapien Labs, a non-profit research organization, conducted a global survey to better understand the state of mental health.

The research compiled responses from over 400,000 participants across 64 countries, asking respondents about their family relationships, friendships and overall mental wellbeing.

The survey found that there has been little recovery in declining mental health during the pandemic, which the group measures by a score called “mental health quotient”. It had found that average score had declined by 33 points – on a 300-point scale – over the past two years and still showed no signs of recovery, remaining at the same level as 2021.

The survey also found that young adults were more likely to have mental health challenges compared with previous generations.

People aged 18 to 24 also had a lower “social self”, a metric that measures how an individual perceives themselves and the ability to maintain meaningful relationships. They were also three times more likely not to get along with family members, reporting higher rates of family instability and conflict.

Young adults were also more likely not to have close friends, compared with those 75 and older, reported the survey.

“This pattern, apparent even prior to the pandemic, represents a sharp reversal of patterns documented prior to 2010, indicating a dramatic decline in mental wellbeing with each younger generation rather than an increase in wellbeing as we age,” noted the study.

Family relationships are diminishing worldwide, according to the research, which could hurt a person’s mental health.

People with no close friendships and poor familial relationships are 10 times more likely to experience poor mental health, the research found.

Tara Thiagarajan, founder and chief scientist at Sapien Labs, said in a statement: “These data suggest that we have not fully appreciated the profoundly relational nature of the human psyche. As much as we may believe that we are each independent, our wellbeing is profoundly relational in nature.”

Tanzania, Panama, Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic and Venezuela are countries with the highest rankings of mental health, whereas Britain, Ireland, Australia, South Africa and Brazil all have lower mental health rankings.

Girl Talk

This week the CDC came out with a study that had SHOCKING results, young girls are deeply suffering from trauma. Wow that is up there with some of their more idiotic studies of late. This is not new, Girls aka Women or whatever new noun/adjective we have come up with have been troubled for years. But thanks to Social Media and 24/7 access to Cell Phones and endless screed of information it has gotten worse. They used to just prank phone call you, send you hate mail, literally in the mail, pass notes or ice you and not invite you to things. I was that “Girl”. Best thing that ever happened to me as the pack of Mean Girls I knew, NOT ONE ended up happy or sane. Well that was what I heard the few years after I graduated, I lost contact, moved on an out and I have never looked back. I don’t have a single thing left from those days. Who in the flying fuck sits around perusing their old yearbooks, reminiscing on the “good old” days gone by? I sure do not.

The movie and later the musical, Mean Girls portrayed these young “innocents” as predators. Not the type you are accustomed to when we think of this word, but in the same vein as stalking, planning and enacting an attack. This happened in a New Jersey town where a young girl was attacked brutally by school mates and the video of it put on TikTok where all violent bullshit seems to go down of late. She killed herself as a result of the “shame” and the schools reaction at the time was to say the least – disinterested. Yeah okay. This is what bullying is and does. It makes those who have been either victims or perpetrators of it immune to it. “Well I made it through, so toughen up.” Okay that did not make it right then it does not now. Again add to this the endless filming of all this bullshit, loading it on to the interwebs and then everyone anywhere all at once can see it and in turn laugh AT it and ultimately you or feel rage. Then the dogpiles begin and nothing changes except a girl is dead. I refer back to a neighbor who is moving to Chicago as she cannot stand the “Jersey” persona. I get it, I really do. I have, however, lived in Nashville, this I can handle. And yes I thought of suicide quite a bit after being in the schools here and my encounters and they were too reminiscent of Nashville and with that I have since reconciled it as it is here, there everywhere all at once. Seattle was no different, in fact it may be worse now. I did not last one week in San Francisco and went to retail so there you, one pink collar job for another. Nursing must be a real fun time which is why I often write about the Medical Industrial Complex but it is a subject in and of its own. But if anyone thinks I would go to Florida and walk in a school you would be nuts, there is ground zero for crazy shit and its coming to a town near you. So kids are bad now, just wait. And there is more coming.

There is the viral video of the girls at the Hot Dog Vendor stand in LA. They are of course idiots and likely drunk but hey “girls just want to have fun.” And there more sites, articles, blogs and information about girl on girl bullying than the Vendor has hot dogs. We have numerous stories about how Women have introduced other women and girls into violence. I think of Ghislaine Maxwell as one. But there is usually one woman as the “beard” to men. NXVIM. Or the Sarah Lawrence Cult that had a girls father systemically abuse and exploit fellow classmates. Now on HULU. I cannot think of a cult that did not have a Woman who was a strong presence. Other than Scientology, and that is a “religion” and we all know that is a whole different kind of cult. But there is the usually women right at the top, or heavily focused on women such as the Yoga and Fitness nutfuck ones. I love that Pyramid Schemes for women are MaryKay, Avon or Tupperware and Men almost all are money/investment ones. Gender equity there folks!

But what is distressing is that almost all Male Violence has some component of women involved, It starts often in the home with problems with one’s Mother. Sandy Hook or Uvalde come to mind. But there are those who are prompted by lack of dating, the “incel” bullshit or the breakup of a relationship, Domestic Violence and other family issues that lead to mass shootings or acts of violence and again directed to Women. I do think there is something to the Oedipal Complex. Hamlet anyone? So with that why are young girls such raging Bitches. Well again just ask Mommie Dearest. I am not sure Men are doing this level of damage alone and exclusively. Daddy’s Little Girl? I get a whole Ivanka/Donald vibe there and again that is all deeply Freudian. I do think it is ironic that her husband is a raging moron, thinks he is smarter than he is, the wealthy son of a corrupt Father who even went to jail for his duplicity. Wow there is something to that idea that Girls marry Men like their Fathers.

I have my own theories why Women are raging Bitches and that is of course the lack of equality when it comes to work, to choice and of course MEN. Let’s face it Men are fucking raging maniacs. (And yes this is a generalization but to be frank I have met FEW to NONE that were good folks but I know they exist) They are obsessed with sex, money, power and with that if it is not their dick they are flinging about they find the best surrogate a gun and do it with that. Bullets or Jizz we are all pissed on at some point. And the sheer level of gun violence these past two months puts as at over 40 shootings this year. This does not include the immense amount of violence, some with guns, some with Uhauls, Swords, pushing and slashing people and other means of doing harm. All of it by men. All of it.

But this is about the Girls and the way they do harm to themselves and in turn others. Do I blame Girls and Women for this? No and yes. Women are culpable in how they treat others and with that they are largely the primary care givers to ironically Boys and Men. And with that again here goes the misdirected anger. I do see how the Female Teachers and Instructional Assistants treat the SPED students when I am in those classrooms. Folks it is on average, just average. But on average I don’t think the Women Teachers and Admins I have encountered are fantastic human beings at all. Sadly few are all that and it explains the problems in schools. Boys smirk and Girls roll their eyes and that is the only Gender distinction I can note when I see disregard and dismissal by Students toward Adults. It is why I love SPED kids as they are all out there with emotions and I do believe that is the real problem, the raw display of it that makes Female Teachers uncomfortable. And had that 6 year old in Virginia had a Male Teacher or there were more Male’s present in that school that shooting might not have happened. He has true issues that needed a strong male influence, role model and perhaps his outbursts would be managed better or at least believed. Again that school had a Male Administrator who was fired, but the Female Assistant who handled all of the complaints, never did a thing. I wonder if this was again racial or gender related. This too is a major problem when it comes to these issues. Here is where the expression “color blind” needs to be put to use and with that I truly believe a Man would have been believed. Period.

Pink Collar jobs are the problem here and why again they are pushing boys back believing that they need school later. No they are just more confused and annoyed and need some male influence in which to identify and associate with. We need more Male Teachers in Elementary schools that are not just Music and PE but standard classroom Teachers, more Male Aids and in turn faces of all Colors and more languages. I do love Abbot Elementary and they have only one Straight Male Teacher who is also Black in a largely if not exclusively Black school. The White Teachers include one Woman and a Gay man. And is it shocking that the Gay White Male is the expert at Teaching Black History? No. I have been in those shoes as well, as have been in those same schools and they are not nearly as fun nor as interesting as Abbott and with that I have had and met many an Ava as an Admin, who is neither as funny or interesting either. I don’t think I will ever forget McKissack Middle School in Nashville and explaining to both Students and Staff the history of the McKissack name in history and their role in the current development of the African American Museum in DC. Wow that is when I realized how bad it was in Nashville. And that again was where I truly learned the concept of anti-racism and institutional racism. And when I realized I was not the problem but I was a part of it. I ignored much of it in Seattle as I attributed to our politics, our locality in the region, the Northwest is a bubble of idiocy and with that you get used to it. But the pandemic opened my eyes again to the division in public education, and it is not solely Race, it is Gender. I also knew few Teachers of any kind to be compassionate, intelligent Teachers nor Administrators. And with that you again realize being simply a part of it is not something you feel proud of. Or I did not.

Do I hate women? I am a Libra so that is a yes and no answer. I have no energy to try to connect, understand or actually care about women. The trauma and psychic damage done to women is not new nor will change. We don’t do change in America. We clutch pearls, offer thoughts and prayers and onto the next. Women are good leaders, bad leaders. Another woman leader, this one in Scotland resigned this week. This follows the female PM in New Zealand who two years ago was a hero. They both outlasted Britain’s PM who lasted what? Three weeks. She had her meeting with the Queen who died what? 48 Hours later. I guess another one bites the dust. We had a strong presence in the EU with Merkyl and now today the EU is in the midst of its greatest challenge since it was formed. I do wonder how Angela would have made of those Ukrainian ashes. What it does say is that Women are tough but they eventually get to their limits and know what they can or cannot accomplish. Or wait they are Marjorie Taylor Green shouting out nonsense during the State of the Union while her former bestie, Lauren Boebert who happily joined her in heckling last year, decided to have a more formal decorum. What.ever. This is the new Feminist. And a Woman and one of color as well declared her candidacy for Vice President. Well it was for President but it will not be long before Trump eviscerates her and she becomes the Republican version of Kamala Harris. And in turn Harris to will have to find a reason to resign as her role as VP coupled with Biden’s age will challenge the idea of her becoming a de facto President should he not outlive his term. Yes folks we cannot criticize or evaluate Harris for fear of being called Racist. Well I was more than familiar with Ms. Harris when she dated former SF Mayor Willie Brown, a notorious Womanizer. She then moved out of the City Attorney Office into the States Attorney General Office where she served with conflicts and onto the Senate where her attendance and voting record is there to examine. Voted quite liberally but poor in showing up. Staffing issues have followed her to the VP office. She had a horrid Presidential campaign and with that even after insulting Biden was selected. Her approval ratings are low and again given her well established public employment and history you can evaluate here with just that as evidence. Her Gender, her Race and her personal history aside has little to do with it. Hell I knew Gavin Newsom when he was married to Kimberly Guilfoyle and that marriage was encouraged by the Getty’s whom Gavin was close, leading to rumors that he was Gay. And when you meet Kimberly that is your first thought, “She must be a beard as she is one piece of work.” Yes folks Women are PEOPLE and people are fucked up, or not.

And why I don’t defend, support, excuse or even try to explain women anymore. We share a common piece of anatomy, a Vagina. And it appears that you can construct those now so I can share that with Women who used to be Men. I wish them luck with that. I am not sure no matter how much self hate I had would I willingly change my Gender to be a Woman and not only be knocked down a peg but several. Some things are just not worth it. Who you are on the outside is irrelevant, who you sleep with, what you wear, who you are dating, married to or what you do is irrelevant. It only matters to you. We have difficulty just being ourselves so we want to be someone else. I wished it was that simple. You be you as everyone else is taken Girls just want to rule the world. have fun or just be raging Cunts. Or they can be all of the above. It is called CHOICE. Ah the good ole days. Now were is my Yearbook?

A Charming Villain

I did the free write the other day with Gotham’s Writers and the prompts were “What the world needs now” and a “Charming Villain”; well I think as I took the prompt and tuned off. I had other things to do and it was a nice afternoon and I did not feel like writing at that point. What writer has not felt that same pull in another direction?

I had my draft of the other piece completed in the time allowed and was later planning to return to mash them together as I like to do. There is something that the world needs now is a Charming Villain. But that would be who? And why is it a male archetype that seems to fit that definition? Writers are almost always men when it comes to that description it seems. And without even thinking I can go down a barrel list of men, like Truman Capote, Norman Mailer, Arthur Miller, Ernest Hemingway among those who I feel fit a style and type of writer who was always cutting the edges not off of sammies, well Truman might, but were not afraid to write the truth and speak about the pain of being. Ah the pain of being. I just finished Dirtbag, Massachusetts, by Issac Fitzgerald. Less a memoir and more a compilation of essays about his aging in place. And he fits the type as I suspect in real life he would call himself a charming villain as he wrote about in insatiable need to be polite at all costs and when complimented on it he resisted responding, “Thanks it was beaten into me.”

He ends the book reflections on growing up poor and tossed between dueling parents in their own pursuit of pain that is a common theme among Memoirs. Let’s face it we can thank Mary Karr and The Liars Club for setting that as the precedent for how stories of one’s families must be told. The concept of Creative Nonfiction has been the trend for years, the personal essay another and Fitzgerald combines those techniques quite well in the book. It is exactly almost the same word count and depth that Mary did so well in her book years ago. That it is a White Male who is of course Catholic, from perhaps the state that most residents are often called Massholes doesn’t hurt and the poverty to privilege is not lost. I did love the detour to San Francisco, the Biker years and the sideline into pornography that led him back finally to the East Coast after reconnecting with family thanks to a climb to the top of Kilimanjaro. Seriously Lee Gutkind closed Creative Nonfiction when I have a book right here that is a perfect prototype of it. He alludes to drinking, drugs and even White Supremacy has a guest appearance. What Barbershops does he go to? A lot is packed into under 250 pages.

But how, exactly, is the truth in nonfiction determined? How much of what is being told should be true? And who is the final arbiter of truth . . . ? The line between fiction and nonfiction is often debated, but is there a single dividing point or an all-encompassing truth a writer is supposed to tell?—LEE GUTKIND

It is why I decided to switch to fiction. There is a market and with that a lot more work entailed than basically writing and editing my journals. From those stories there is the ability to exaggerate, merge characters. places and condense a story into the whole. We all have stories to tell but maybe our personal ones are not that interesting and yet we all feel and think they are. And yes there is always a mix of good and bad in all memoirs, and when I review the Facebook Author/Writers groups, they usually fall into three camps – Fantasy/Romance/Memoir. I have not actually seen anyone trying to write the next To Kill a Mockingbird, a writer who wrote one book and never picked up a pen again; 50 years later it is a story still worth reading. If I could write that I would. But I am not that writer. What kind of writer? Non fiction that much is clear, but in fact I am an opinion writer. I may have been a great Journalist as I like to dig into a story and find facts and know truths but there is a place there for objectivity and with that could I be so? And I realized yes that is exactly who I am, I see both sides and that is because I am a Libra and always seeking balance. So I can enjoy a book like Dirtbag but see through it as largely bullshit compressed into a story about a man who lived life. Had some bad times, some good times and even better ones but seriously at one point he seemed to pack a lot in a short period, was a Bartender/Bouncer at a Biker bar in San Francisco, then was working overseas for a religious organization in Thailand and then was into the porn arena. Somewhere in there became a Writer. All of this packed into 250 pages? Are you fucking kidding me? I am a dodger and drifter but I can actually point to times in my life where I was for years in one place at one time. And how the fuck do you just go climb Kilimanjaro with your sister and 70 y/o former alcoholic abusive dad; How much does that cost? And why? Were you a family who once loved to hike? It appears that his sister was raised by another woman not his Mother as daddy had a dick problem. And there is another half brother in there as well. All while again rabble rousing as a punk, then going to an elite boarding school. And this was before hitting 18. There is a lot packed into this missive. Why was it published? I suspect as a story of a White Man who may or may not have a drinking problem and been in porn? Unclear as to what the point or purpose is, as he is not a lush or recovered drunk, he is Irish and they like the booze, but otherwise I have no clue. Why it was a best seller? Well it had a lot of shit packed into it and it did have a good review or two. He writes well and is quite reflective; however, the last biography book I read by a White Man was Angela’s Ashes. Go figure. That was a bigger book. And it covered less time frame but that was then this is now. We like our stories shorter I guess. Did I mention that the Proud Boys are in this? Again word count matters folks and this may also be why as it costs less to produce. So the advice here is edit down but cram as much in as possible.

And then this weekend I read two articles regarding writers. The first was NY Times Magazine interview with Walter Mosley, a great Black author who is known primarily for The Devil in the Blue Dress. But he is a much more accomplished writer and has written in many genres. I would say his contemporary is Colson Whitehead who after writing The Underground Railroad was told to write more “like that” when he wanted to branch into other genres. This is what we do to writers, write the same book just different. I have written about the contretemps over American Dirt and that was cancel culture on overdrive. Writers want to write what the feel and hear in their head and the readers who find them will read them with their voices in their head and either like it or not and it may or may not decide if they will do so again. Will I read another book by Issac Fitzgerald? Probably as long as it is not a biography as he is a good writer and frankly an easy read. Mosley claims Americans are getting dumber. I agree. In that interview he makes comments about Saul Bellow and Phillip Roth that I loved and agreed. I feel that way about Joan Didion . Her essays and books were to me always curated “cool” and I not cool, could never identify nor aspire to. Sorry I cannot relate to any of it. And that is what we want to do as writers, find readers who connect even when we are not perfect and not cool. That is our audience and we are as diverse as they are.

The next article I read was about Literary Unions. The book, Lives of Wives, is being released, ironically on Valentines Day, about writers and the interesting successful women they married. The most fascinating story was the one about Roald Dahl who wrote the famous Matlida that continues to live on in film and musicals and film of the musical. Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, a book which is actually quite violent in both tone and nature which was the kind of books Dahl really wanted to write but was not as successful. The irony that the same figure who composed this was an Anti Semite, Misogynist and a Brute is not just irony but in this time of the world would be cancelled. Hypocrisy not lost again, look to Didion who was a conservative often believed to be a liberal. Again coolness masks a myriad of truths. The woman voted for Goldwater! And writers are supposed to be truthful, so read those essays again and see the criticism of those not like her. Which brings me to Dahl. That he, this prodigious writer of Children’s books, was in real life was an abusive boor is surprising as we have an image of those “type” of writers. But what the new book reveals is a truth that during his marriage to the great actress Patricia Neal he was abusive and mistreated her while recovering from a stroke. Now her autobiography praises him but again why would she not? There is always a dichotomy when it comes to telling the truth. It will always be multi sided and so hence the idea of creative non fiction. We can never know what truly happens between any couple in an intimate relationship and with that this book discusses many other marriages of Writers to Women who were famous in their own right and in turn abused or demoralized them; There is no mention of some of the more infamous characters of the day such as Arthur Miller with Marilyn Monroe or Claire Bloom who was married to Phillip Roth, another angry misogynist. Claire did not spare him in her Biography and in true Roth form he chose fiction to debase and degrade her. It is the standard writers room of pain and with that be it fiction or non, we color the story for our audience but also to save face and ultimately sell books. But the writers club room is full of many women, and men, who after years of failed romances and personal struggles killed themselves while leaving many of us searching their living works for clues. They include Virginia Woof, Hemingway, Sylvia Plath, Dorothy Parker, Charlotte Perkins Gilman among others. There are many writers rooms of one’s own covered in yellow wallpaper that is for sure.

As readers we will always disagree and have our own take on a work of a writer and what that work means to us. Die hards of Roth I recall last year were in arms when a new work was withdrawn due to the Author’s own issues regarding sexual abuse. My first thought, “It takes one to know one.” I do find fandom to be a disturbing element to all things as it seems to lead to abuse, violence and aggression. That one does not like something you do means NOTHING. Move on and let it go. I often equate this with Swifties whose irate hysteria over Ticketmaster led to Congressional hearings. Any concert goes has known for years about their fees and charges. Ask Eddie Vedder about that one.

I can always spot an angry white man. They are usually of means or not. They are white. They are Straight, they are Gay, they are Conservative, they are Liberal. They are Religious, they are Atheists. They are Professional or they are Blue Collar. They are angry, they are white. And with that they bring that into their relationships both personal and professional. That anger is tied to the past, to the present and to the future. They never had enough, never have enough, worry that it will be taken from them in the future. They are angry and they are never wrong. And when they disagree with you, you are WRONG. It is exhausting to hear that you are wrong and to be belittled for you being you.

If there is one theme I found in Dirtbag was that he when he was told he was wrong he made efforts to fix it, make it right and then once that was accomplished, he lost interest and he moved on. The bars he worked at, the porn studio, the weird religious group he joined, he wanted to make wrong things right. I identified with that same compulsion, as once I was told I was wrong, I never stayed long after I made my efforts to change the perception or I just simply left. Not sure if it was a compulsion to change any of it but when you come from dysfunction you always feel the need to fix things and for years I was as “fixer.” So I too found a connection to him and that is the mark of a good writer. I understood why he did not want children and why he cannot forgive his Parents. I have done neither. Forgiveness is an overrated concept and one he or anyone does not have to bestow. The reality is that concept comes from Religion and once free of religion it frees you of it. It does not excuse bad behavior and the need to apologize but as Issac discusses in his book he is “chronically polite” that it is a detriment. I get it. I really do. I model the respect and dignity that is how I wish to be treated and if ignored I move quickly on but for years I took it. I processed it and from the pandemic it is when I came up with my “no compromises” and since I have no need to carry on, I just simply move forward and onward. Perk of aging and finally realizing fixing things does no one any good.

Perhaps we all need to be a charming villain and give the world what it needs right now, less of you. Hold back the best of yourself and find out what fills your soul and your needs. Ask not for forgiveness but acceptance.

Be More White

I finally understand the concept of Assimilation, whereas I once thought it was to move to a new country or place and learn some of the laws, the holidays and other cultural designations, and in turn adapt and adjust to fit in and belong, yet still retain the core beliefs and history of ones own cultural history was enough. The concept of Melting Pot was that we all come from varying backgrounds and in that we merge to find a common identity of American with a slash whoever/whatever else, kinda like Waiter/Actor/Dance hyphenate that we often use to define careers. And with that we have both acknowledgement and respect of one’s differences and yet share some similarity. I could not be more wrong. We want everyone to be WHITE.

Now even with White America there are many differences, Religion, Politics, Class, Education, Regional idiosyncrasies, Work and Family and Sexual Identity and Gender. Those last two are blurred lines that still put those in the LGBQT community and women at the bottom of the mythical ladder of Meritocracy but not the real bottom as that is for the “others” but still down there. With that money or the color green enables anyone to jump the line and climb faster and enable them to be taken more seriously but they will always still be the “other.”

As the Supreme Court looks to eviscerate the concept of Affirmative Action, it was another mythical concept that many States have long circumvented with regards to Employment and Educational attainment and achievement. I am from Washington and they use their Liberal credentials to show that it is not needed if one is “race blind.” I am not sure I see that as valid as Race and Gender are the most visible of qualities and with that it enables the Sexist and Racist to simply do the work around and find other elements in which to discriminate. I grew up in Seattle and with that have ample anecdotes that validate that thinking, Group Think is a powerful tool in which to force conformity. But by acknowledging the checklist of attributes that the collective has is a way of doing the affirmative when it comes to action, actually enacting and following that is another.

When I started to really examine Colorism and its affects on race which began by looking at art in MOMA, I began to listen and see for more clues and relevance in the world in which I live. In the South I heard that references to Brown people quite a bit, and with that it came most from Black residents who saw the influx of Latin and Kurds to the region who were seen as usurpers in the community, taking up housing and jobs that were already in short supply for those who were there “first.” And with that White folks have forced or at least implied that the shade of one’s whiteness matters. And with that we have seen many ways faces of color embrace what it means to be “white-ish” Well folks I gots news for you – that is a waste of time and money as it is never white enough, even white people are segregated and isolated in the never ending hierarchy of what defines white “supremacy.”

The Caste System is the definitive method in which to classify and define roles. It is labeled the System of Meritocracy, where the mythical Horatio Alger informed those in need to jump class all you need to do is “work hard.” And with that the well worn boot straps are in full force. Religion reinforces this concept and with that the base core of Americans, believe that you can rise above. And there are those small cases that have proven it true – largely in Sports and Entertainment. The few other “self made” Men and some Women are few and far between. And again most can cite largely POC who fit that description. If you think Trump, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk (oh wait an Immigrant, Sergey Brin also an Immigrant and they all went to Stanford or Harvard or to some Ivy League institute, the great institutes of White Privilege. So for those who don’t manage to get past those bars, the ability to climb over decreases.

And with that the home grown businesses and industries that have developed are often out of necessity and in which to serve a growing culture of “others”. Take a look at Chobani and that is the exception to the rule and in Idaho no less. But on average White Natives who are less well off and less educated lack the understanding and need for Immigrants and how many built more businesses and grew community that extended beyond their own. True you can go to an Indian run store and the employees/owners have English as Second Language, many if not all speak English and do not discriminate if you choose to shop there. They get it, they really do. Try that in a Hasidic Community and the response is less so. The controversy over their schools in NYC is just a tip of the Iceberg when it comes to social isolation. Which that may largely also contribute to some of the angry Anti Semitic dialog given their clothing, their lack of English and segregation lends to the rage and confusion by those who don’t understand the distinction of both a Religion and Culture, centuries old. But is a fine line to walk to understand why and the history behind it. Or you can simply say live and let live, but White Americans don’t do as they say or do, they mind, they really do, your business and what you are doing with it, personally or professionally.

And that too is a large part of our current division in America – Religion. Just one examination of the Evangelical community and its own divisions is very telling. Fundamentalists exist within that cohort and the Dave Ramsey expose on his business practices regarding employees is another. That cohort veers on both Racism and Anti Semitic rhetoric using the Bible to cover much of it. Amazing that the Book of Myths is the sole book they read and in turn selectively interpret to meet their beliefs to suit their special kind of crazy and again White.

So with the idea of colorism as a means of dividing those who are not white, is another tool in which to hammer the belief that white is right and in turn force assimilation and absorption of “whiteness.” I find this all ironic that white people go out their way to turn their skin brown as being tan is thought of us as being more attractive if not of course richer as you can lounge at the pool or beach in which to acquire said tan. The rise of tanning salons and spray on tans that brought the lounge culture to the masses, skin cancer be dammed, is another way of modeling health and beauty. We go out of our way to ensure none of us are ever too white but our teeth and that too is another industry in which we spend exorbitant amounts in which to have a pearly white grin. Meanwhile basic dental care is largely over looked as the average American cannot afford it. This only again is a tool in which to segregate and discriminate as teeth are clearly visible and with that add another way White people judge. We are clever folks white people. It used to be by handbags and shoes that women used to signal class but the rise of clever fakes and the disposable culture in which we live, anyone can carry a Vuitton or Chanel bag, real or not is irrelevant its very existence in one’s hand gives the clue to those around that you have style/money/class. In other words – WHITE.

While some have expressed their fear of losing Whiteness as the cultural identity of America, by joining White Supremacists, others advocate conspiracy theories such as Q’Anon, or simply vote Republican as they fear “crime” or lessons that make a child ‘feel” bad; the extraneous “bogeyman” who is changing your child’s gender or in the predator in bathroom stall next to you; those who are of another Faith or from another Country that is Communist or Socialist or “dangerous” with drug cartels and human traffickers. FEAR is the most common and most basic of emotions in which crosses all lines, from class to race to gender, we are always afraid of something at some time.

I read this article in the New York Times about why people are voting the way they are and this issue of crime and safety comes up now the most. I know in NYC that was the reason behind the election of Adams who is proving to be both incompetent and ineffectual in ways that few who knew him were not surprised. His play into the boroughs where there are more people of color and in turn largely more affected by crime were and are his largest supporters, so I am not sure how they feel now as their areas of the city are being decimated with massive crime to the point it simply dominates the local news both broadcast and print that would remind one of the John Oliver’s show regarding this very issue and how it is often misleading and in turn over dramatized to the point of extreme; the Subways are such an example. When standing in a line to attend the Ballet a woman was so distracted by a man’s screaming she was concerned for her safety as everyone she knew had been mugged of late. Were they standing in a queue at 3 in the afternoon when it happened? For the record, I of course crossed the street, found the man standing in a parklet screaming into a phone. Okay crime adverted. Again the reality is that few are affected by the reality yet the perception is there hammered into your head like a maniac assaulting innocent tourists.

And when I read this from a nice white lady in the Midwest she reminds me of that New York Manhattanite, which of course appall that Karen she has a doppelganger:

Ms. Whittenberger, a self-employed crafter who sells handmade aprons, said she worries about shootings in nearby Milwaukee — “every night, another killing,” she said. But in her daily routines, she is also noting small changes, both close to home and far from Menomonee Falls, that suggest to her that American life is fraying.

When she shops at her local grocery store, Ms. Whittenberger said, she can smell marijuana on the clothes of fellow customers as she passes them in the aisles. And reports of thefts in California cities, which she sees reported on Fox News, drive her mad with fear and rage.

“Is any place in this country safe?” she said. “I don’t think so.”

She smells Marijuana on their clothes? What happened to social distancing. And how does she know what Marijuana smells like? That is so White!

But wait we got them here too. Also in that article: Tony Smith, who lives in Mount Kisco, a suburb north of New York City, said that he believed Ms. Hochul and Mr. Bragg were too lenient on criminals. He feels particularly uneasy on the New York City subway, which he sometimes rides to get to New York Mets home games in Queens. “I’m a big guy,” Mr. Smith said. “I can fend for myself. But you know what? I’m looking both ways now.”

Well I am a little woman and again most Subway violence began with a hostile encounter first. Try to keep to yourself, earbuds out and be passively aware of your surroundings. If you see something, don’t say ANYTHING, just get the fuck out of there.

The truth is that few American live in the areas of urban tension where crime is the highest, those are often the most economically disadvantaged and have had issues of gun violence for decades. So that is where White people get their fear, the idea that those poor, aka “Black,” are more violent and dangerous. No they are poor and we have done little but increase shakedowns and arrests of Black people versus actually engage and learn why and what can be done to reduce that. Meaning jobs that pay well and offering training for said jobs, affordable housing and health care and of course child care and better schools in which to provide the foundation for all that is better. When I read this editorial about the Asian myth of the scholar I did laugh as that to is another stereotyped founded in Racism, the Model Minority. And yet to push a kid into advanced programs with little more than being Asian again is a disservice to those who could also benefit from said push. And I was told repeatedly by both Black and White School Administrators that my high standards for education were Racist. I see now that meant every color but the whiter ones. I assume with the larger East Asian diaspora in America we could include them but just into the STEM careers. I have taught in districts across this country with large Asian and Pacific Islanders, Native Americans as well, one broom does not cover it. But we can placate and patronize those whom we ignore by acknowleding the taking of the lands of Natives prior to a bloated German production of Hamlet, which screams White and Privilege. Go Woke or Go Broke! Again with all the push to draw more faces of color to the forefront, we are forgetting the most significant group – the audience – still largely what? White.

And with comes the expectations of behavior and accommodation that describes White Audiences. Silence but when appropriate to clap, to laugh, not to loudly and to get up and mind physical body space in the periphery of the invisible hula hoop in which to rise or seat or stand. I did find this amusing and true when it comes to White People. And when you read numerous Black authored Blogs you read how this need to “code switch” in order to get along, be liked, be respected etc is a consistent theme. There is not a statement in this Blog I disagree with, White People do not listen and if they do they do with the background noise that is this somehow about them. If you do appreciate diversity you accept how someone presents themselves to you and allow their character to be revealed in which to ultimately decide how to proceed with this relationship or on what terms you must do so to make it successful. And that means listening. But when it comes right down to it, White People have no clue on how to befriend, work or understand others not like them, aka WHITE.

I tried to understand the Karen and her Cop Spouse the first time they complained and with that went on with my life feeling it was resolved. It was not. The Karen needs full compliance and with that it threatens their mindset. White people are all Karens. They want and expect conformity to their way of living. And when I read this in other Blog on Medium regarding White Karen’ s behaviors I understood immediately and was relieved:

Stop – minding other people’s business; threatening folks; talking when you should listen; screaming at the top of your lungs to get your way; being manipulative; bullying and bossing folks you ladies deem inferior; manipulating people by weaponizing your White tears; refusing to take responsibility for your actions; expecting Blacks and people of color to educate you when you ask and be nice while doing it; pretending to be an ally, lying on us when you’re busted; calling the police because you’re frail and you feel threatened — especially when you start shit, being disrespectful to the authority you expect others to obey, tone policing, concern trolling, wordsmithing, and anything else that annoys the fuck out of people you do.

That was what transpired in my hall that day. She was histrionic and a bully. She is like the same women in the Theater who get in lines and inform the other goers with her facts and when corrected immediately rages off or yells at you when corrected or to shush you, to avoid disruption in actuality she is the only one causing a disruption by yelling . The same with the restaurant staff, the Ramona Singers of the City that have to have their way and if not they will make anyone in their orbit pay for their displeasure. They are the same women who at 20 are sure every man wants to fuck her and with that when the try to they complain. I do believe that is what transpired with much of MeToo and now that is why it is no longer taken seriously. Actual women who were or are assaulted are now lumped into the same women who stood and watched Louis CK masturbate into plant. You could not walk out? Seriously I have no pity nor concern for you vs the women thrown down to the ground by Harvey Weinstein and raped. That is not the same as watching Charlie Rose walk by in a robe and it accidentally opens to see the hanging sword. Again walk out and say, “Mr. Rose you can finish dressing and I will be in the office when you are ready.” Why are words so hard for White People? White women use your words or just shut the fuck up. For those women who need to go on living you do us no favors

If I can have a day without an encounter with a white person that makes me question my sanity and my ability to communicate it is a good day. And yes folks I do have some encounters with POC that are horrific. Who are they? Educators. Almost all in Education behave that way it is profession of Karen’s.

Despite going to Broadway and seeing Take Me Out, it was largely an audience of Gays and Tourists and so it was uneventful. Let’s hope that happens today, like AA I take each day as it comes. White people have real problems, largely each other. Male or female they are all Karen’s deep in their hearts and that is what defines White Privilege – the ability to be an asshole all day, every day and not have to worry about it affecting ones work or life in any fashion as the world rolls over to accommodate and be “nice”. Yeah, fuck that. I could not be more White or am I?

Bully Bully

Anyone who watches a Real Housewife series knows that the word “Bully” gets used a great deal, particularly when around Lisa Rinna or Dorinda Medley or Bethenny Frankel or Ramona Singer, or fill in the blank. But aside from that we hear it most often applied to Children and the idea that it is a Bully Free Zone in a school. As I mentioned in my last post Cops 911, I attended a Chris Rock show and he discussed his daughters when they were children and when they were younger they were mean and kids are mean. Damon Wayans discussed the similar idea when it came to name calling and derivatives among peers and how that he may call his friend “Gimpy Steve” it was a term of endearment and that anyone outside their circle who did the same would find themselves an object of a beat down. That is friendship, loyalty and the complex nature of childhood friendships. But children turn into adults, eventually and with that the scars remain. And it may explain the the issue of cancel culture as it a restoration or matter of finally asserting control over those who did you harm. No it is not stopping the issue, it actually contributes to it and as it tide rises it crashes into all boats; it is the Hurricane Ida for many in public lives.

There is a point when someone says or does something that is not worth getting a beat down over. You do have to grow up and put away childish responses, but the reality is that you also have to develop a tougher outer skin and learn when it is worth fighting for or walking away for. My Mother used to say, “Don’t go to jail doing the world a favor.” With that I wrote about my neighbor “Karen” and her husband the Cop. I get that once being a financial analyst on Wall Street and having power and money is a drug, being married to a Cop, a profession largely looked down upon and derided of late cannot be easy. They also do not earn the money to live in this building paying over or close to 4K in rent which means she is the primary earner in their home. Now having a child and she is the terrible twos in a pandemic trapped you really do feel the walls closing in. And with that I want to say again I have written about the Motherhood “Myth” so it has to also be a challenge when perhaps the life you imagined and the life you had do not coincide. So with that you misdirect your anger and rage, in my case it is to me. And this is also something I have written about extensively how Women are just Bullies as they are truly unhappy with their lot in life. Excuse? Explanation? Justification? What I did witness on Saturday was a woman unhinged mentally and with that dangerous to herself and others. And she blamed me for it. Wrong again.

What has happened is that with adults you become a version of who you were as a child. But at times you often remind yourself of who you were, who you wish to be and with that you take on one of two faces: Victim or Victimizer. Either/or Neither/nor many of us want to either relieve or recapture what they lost. And with that many Adults become the Bully they loathed or if they were a Mean Girl, they are just a Mean Woman. And with that my Karen is like all the perpetual Karen’s in the history of the term – Angry, alone, afraid, never wrong, never right, never good enough, always the perfect child/wife/mother/worker/friend. We have a lot of stereotypes and archetypes when it comes to being a “Man” or a “Woman” and with that we have tried to cancel those who don’t say/do/act in the same way. Rather than us develop coping skills we lash out to those who refuse to play under the same rules we make up in our head. Or as I say, I am often expected to act and say the words from a script I have never seen nor written.

Bullies when the become adults regardless of gender are dangerous. My neighbor is just that. She may not act upon it but with that husband he may. And whoever is in their target range, be afraid, very afraid and I am.

So I wanted to reprint this definition of a bully and say that this applies to many in our work lives, our home lives or in our general vicinity. That is why we have what we have now, the rising tide of aggressive toxic personalities and the violence they impose. Mass shootings, suicides, assaults and aggressive behaviors such as car crashes and yes murder.

How do you spot a bully? Here are 14 ways you will immediately recognize them. If someone you know holds several or all of these traits, you need to change your interaction with them.

1. They take up your space

A bully is an uninvited guest, who physically, mentally or emotionally barges into your space. Sometimes their physical attributes, such as height or weight, will play a role in this. Other times, the way a person behaves or the things they say will create a sensation of claustrophobia.

In any case, if you feel like a person is dominating you and can’t quite put your finger on how or why, this characteristic of a bully will be familiar to you.

2. The speak down to you

Some bullies will speak with a domineering voice, using volume and harsh, manipulative words to minimise you. Other bullies will speak to you like a child, or will have a superior tone that leaves you feeling an inch tall.

3. They are always the ‘victim’

Aside from not taking criticism well, a bully will always position themselves as the ‘victim’. If you come to them with a problem, they flip it around and somehow make you the perpetrator. There is a sense that the world is ‘against them’, and they perceive any unpleasant interaction as an ‘attack’.

4. Their tone of voice

A bully is always on guard, and their walls are always up. Therefore, their tone of voice will reek of (sometimes fake) apathy, anger, disappointment or sarcasm. If someone says all the right things but their tone doesn’t match their words, you’ve potentially identified a bully.

5. They control your behaviour

A friend or partner who controls who you know, who you contact, how you dress and how you act is not a lover or a kindred spirit, they are a bully. You have the autonomy and the maturity to determine who you communicate with and how you do this. The moment someone cuts of access to freedom, you’re being bullied.

6. They manipulate you

Guilt is a bully’s tool of choice, and in most situations they will use this to have their way. Did something go wrong at home? They’ll say, or insinuate, that it’s your fault. Did they flip out and start swearing loudly; physically, verbally or emotionally abusing you?

Perhaps they took to the bottle again or lashed out on social media? A bully will say you were the trigger, ultimately making every situation about them and insisting you change.

7. They are two faced

Perhaps your friend acts one way towards other people, but speaks badly behind their backs. Or, they swing between anger and infatuation with you, using their ‘compassionate’ moments to make up for the hurt caused previously. Sometimes you think they have multiple personalities, and other times you’re sure this is all in your head. Trust me, it’s not.

8. They sap you of energy and time

When you leave a bully, you feel emotionally and physically drained. You’ll often question your own values and logic due to what they have said or done, and feel guilty for not spending more time with them. This doesn’t just happen physically, this can also occur over social media, through phone calls or text, or by email.

9. Your friends and family don’t like them

Next time your loved ones say, “That’s a strange one” or “Be careful of that person,” ask them why. It’s often easier for the people around us to spot a bully, especially when the bully is friend, relative or a partner.

10. They isolate you

A bully will restrict you from having other friends, from seeing certain people, or from interacting with others. They use their words and actions to turn you against your friends, family or colleagues, and manipulate what you do and say. In an attempt to make you an ‘exclusive team’ they actually socially and emotionally ostracise you.

11. They give you the cold shoulder

If a friend goes through periods of shutting you out, not responding to important text messages, emails or pretending not to hear your voice, they are bullying you. Like a child at school, the cold shoulder is used to make you feel inferior and inadequate.

12. You dread seeing them

If the thought of a person makes you sick to the stomach or you’re gripped by anxiety before, during or after interacting with them, this bully has a substantial hold over your life. Often out body will go into fight or flight mode before our brain, because we are weighed down by guilt and emotional manipulation. Listen to your body, it’s sending you an important message.

13. They threaten you

If someone threatens to physically harm you, sexually violate you, turn people against you, ruin your plans or possessions, or do any or all of these things to the people you love, you’re bully is near their peek. Get help immediately. If this involves children, remove them immediately.

14. You are afraid of them

It doesn’t matter how long you have known someone, who they are, or how much or little you interact with them—if you are afraid of a person, it’s a good indicator they may be bullying you. Do they make you feel weak, make you question your own worth, have you terrified of going home or driving to work? This is not normal. Get help immediately.